bluz73 Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Why after 8 months can someone that cut you out of your life still have a hold on your heart and daily life? Here I am an attractive 37 yr old blonde with a nice body great sense of humor and kind heart, still turning down dates? this idiot broke me inside and made me so humiliated. Now he is enjoying his life being someone totally different then he was with me, partying, socializing, facebooking, concerts, traveling...having a great life, and I am barely getting out of bed still. Why am I afraid still, when is this going to pass? I met him 8 years ago when I moved to this town and im flooded with memories and reminders and it dont phase him one bit. Will leaving this town that do the trick ??
Woggle Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 You can't run away from this. I am sorry if this sounds cold but if you ever want to move on with your life you need to get over this.
Author bluz73 Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 You can't run away from this. I am sorry if this sounds cold but if you ever want to move on with your life you need to get over this. I know but I have tried everything from thinking bad thoughts of him trying to hate him, no contact but somehow the thoughts of him treating me like I meant nothing hurts deeply...I never had a break up before I am 37 and havent dated much cause I was married, so I never thought about what this would feel like being rejected. I think I may go to counseling cause this is sucking the life out of me
skydiveaddict Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 It's just part of the healing process. Moving away wont help. you will be ok
Ilovecake Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 moving won't help because wherever you go you'll take those memories with you. You need to make a conscious effort to do stuff that doesn't involve him. Do new stuff that you never did with him and create new memories. When I broke up with my ex I took it extremely hard and could barely get out of bed for months and all I could think was how can he be having such a wonderful life while I'm falling apart. When I realized that this is not being done to me that I'm actually the cause of how I'm feeling I made myself do little things, even though I could hardly walk or breathe. But every time I did something good for myself or had small accomplishment I felt a little better and stronger. Since I really had no desire to leave the house and socialize I went on eBay and bought a super cheap sewing machine and made Halloween decorations and just gave them away to people. Now I have a great memory of making skull pillows and that memory replaced one I had of him. You have to want to get better to do it. This is not being done to you, you are 100% making every single choice as to what you feel and think. It is completely up to you to rise above this, you just have to want to. You can’t wait for time to heal you, you can’t wait for him to make you feel better, you can’t just wallow and hope it gets better. Stepping outside of your comfort zone is a lot more work than self pity but the payoff is much richer. If you feel completely incapable and out of control threapy is a wonderful tool to help you get back to the living.
heavensmesenger Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Unfortunately it'll only pass when you let it. Ex's can be cold hearted people. I think it's an ego boost on their part knowing that they have this hold over you. If it helps you I imagine my ex as being dead. She's changed into a lying manipulative cheating woman and is not the same person I fell in love with, my ex is dead, replaced with some body snatching thing right out of the movies. You ex sounds like he's not the person you fell in love with too. Use that to your advantage. Remember all the bad things he did to you, write them down and pin it to your fridge. You need to drag yourself out of bed, get into a routine and try to keep your mind busy. I annoy my friends when I'm struggling or I go to the gym or I even come on here and try to help other people like me. If you want to move town I say go for it but it has to be for the right reasons. Recreate a brand new you, new hair, new clothes, new body and show him that it was a mistake to get rid of you. It's not going to be easy I'm on day 6 NC and i'm so tempted to ring her just to say "hi". For that reason I changed her name on my phone so i'm not tempted. You can do it but only if you let yourself. There is nothing wrong in holding you head up high knowing you loved him with all your heart because nobody will be better for him then you and eventually he will see that. By that time I pray you have enough strength to tell him to leave you alone.
teanoranges Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 I moved out of my ex's city (but we are talking about a big city) and though I don't regret it, I don't really think it was the best idea. It showed a lot of weakness on my part, considering I didn't really have to see him if I didn't want to.. but I was alone and needed more comfort... (I went home to my family) I spent about 8 months at home and amazing things happened. I formed much MUCH better relationships with my family. I soon started falling into who I was before the relationship and discovering me. I moved back to the city about 2 months ago because I had figured out it was the place for me, for now. Its great to be back and things really fell into place. I was sooo worried about a place and a job, but got them so quickly (and almost simply). I don't really think of my ex.. and although I did see him in passing the other day, I don't talk to him and haven't tried to reconnect because I know I don't need to. Basically, I knew if I left it would help. but there were a lot of other factors in there. It all comes down to what your heart tells you. The world points you in the direction you need to go... its just letting go and listening that gets tricky.
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