boltsfan17 Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 This is my first post. I stumbled across this great site and I hope to get some opinions regarding my situation. To sum it up, my ex and I dated for 2 years. It was a long distance relationship. It's about a 4 1/4 hour drive apart. We saw each other at least 2-3 weekends per month. The last 6 months or so, she became unhappy in the relationship. I now realize it was because I became comfortable and the relationship became boring to her. I guess I was taking everything for granted. I know I wasn't putting into the relationship what I should have, basically not romancing her enough and not taking her out to do nice things for couples during weekend visits. I wasn't purposely doing that. Looking back on everything, I have realized all the mistakes I've made that led to her unhappiness. We had an argument and I cancelled my visit down there, then she broke up with me. Days prior, she was telling my friend she used to work with that she wanted to marry me. We had talked about that on many occasions, talked about starting a family, she had planned on moving to my location, and even went looking at rings. Of course I started to beg for another chance. We had broken up a few times, but it only lasted a few days. I wrongly assumed she would take me back again if I begged. I let her be for a week, then continued to beg, let her be for a few days, begged again, and she finally told me that I was pushing her away and that I wasn't handling the situation properly. She was pretty upset. She told me there was nothing I can say or do to and that she was done. She told me to leave her be.When she gets upset, she can be pretty mean. She does have a feisty attitude. Basically, it's been close to a month now since the relationship ended, but I never did the no contact rule. I was driving her away by calling, e-mailing, and texting for another chance. This is the first relationship where I actually want her back so badly to make up for my mistakes and be the man I should have. I didn't know anything else other then to beg, but now I realize I was screwing up my chances at the possibility of getting her back. I've started NC to let her be and cool off. I'm going to wait about 3 weeks or so and see if she contacts me. If not, what is the best thing to do? I was thinking about sending flowers to her with a brief note saying something like I hope she is doing well and see if I get a response. I also was thinking about sending an e-mail to see if she would consider giving the relationship another chance. Are any of those good or bad ideas? It's a long distance relationship, so i just can't call and ask if she'd like to go get coffee or something. It's been hard because we both wanted to get married and have a family, but due to my mistakes, she started to fall out of love with me. We're both in our early 30's.
Stephie Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 K here is the deal the NC thing its not a game it doesn't bring them back. Yes begging pushes them fruther away but after a breakup it feels like the only thing to do. NC is to help you trust me but in your case you live far so its not like you can run into her or stop by her house... This is what I do because I was and still am in your case. I begged for months he always was nice about it and responded but that is because he truly is a nice guy and we still love one another, he just doesn't love me the way I love him. After 2 months of begging I stopped all contact. After a week or so I sent a nice short email saying just wanted to say hey and see how the new job was. He replied it was short but he replied. Then another week I asked something else short and sweet. Then so on until one night I got drunk sent him a text and said we can be friends that my heart was closed now. He sent 2 texts back that night. I even got a phone call 3 nights later short and sweet but he called. So my point, don't beg, don't send flowers, don't email her talking about the past anymore and how it should have been. Live in the present say hey after a week, then another week send her a message about something funny ya'll shared together that you saw that day that reminded you of her. Its hard trust me but short and sweet and nothing about the past. Everyone is different though so remember that as well.
Author boltsfan17 Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 K here is the deal the NC thing its not a game it doesn't bring them back. Yes begging pushes them fruther away but after a breakup it feels like the only thing to do. NC is to help you trust me but in your case you live far so its not like you can run into her or stop by her house... This is what I do because I was and still am in your case. I begged for months he always was nice about it and responded but that is because he truly is a nice guy and we still love one another, he just doesn't love me the way I love him. After 2 months of begging I stopped all contact. After a week or so I sent a nice short email saying just wanted to say hey and see how the new job was. He replied it was short but he replied. Then another week I asked something else short and sweet. Then so on until one night I got drunk sent him a text and said we can be friends that my heart was closed now. He sent 2 texts back that night. I even got a phone call 3 nights later short and sweet but he called. So my point, don't beg, don't send flowers, don't email her talking about the past anymore and how it should have been. Live in the present say hey after a week, then another week send her a message about something funny ya'll shared together that you saw that day that reminded you of her. Its hard trust me but short and sweet and nothing about the past. Everyone is different though so remember that as well. Thank you for the advice. A week ago, I did send her flowers, then actually went down to where she lived. I showed up with a picnic basket and lunch to see if I could take her to the park to talk. She wouldn't come to the door or even take my calls or responded to any texts. She is very stubborn sometimes and it's tough to break through her wall. I'm done begging since I realized that didn't get me anywhere this time around as before. I'm going to wait a few weeks, and then send her a short and sweet message as you say. At any point, should I bring up if she's considered giving the relationship another chance or just see how she responds to short messages and go from there? At some point, I feel it's best just to give up trying to get her back and continue moving on with my life. I don't want to sit here and wait for months. I don't think becoming friends is something I'd want to do.
StarrySkyBlue Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 No, don't mention anything about getting back together. If you need some sort of 'closure', send a note to say something about how you're sorry that you didn't try hard enough in the relationship, say that you're glad to have met her and have enjoyed the relationship when it lasted, then wish her a happy life. The end. DO NOT say anything about a second chance. Then go NC completely and try to move on. That's all you can do. If she still has feelings for you, she will contact you.
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