shadow2213 Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 So this is the first time I've ever posted here, I have lurked around from time to time but I feel like I need to tell my story. I had been in a relationship for 5 months with someone I felt it could really work. Now at the start of the relationship everything was going great we really never fought and could sit around for hours just talking. About a month and a half ago a friend of hers went through a messy breakup and she was there for her helping her get over the pain and being a friend by taking her out and keeping her distracted. Around that time I also noticed a change in her behavior she started to spend more time with her friends and limiting the time with me. I never really thought much of it I figured her friend needed her I've been there with past relationships. But there was a change she didn't kiss me as much as she used to she started talking a lot less. I noticed she was going out with her friends on a daily basis they would go out to different bars and stay out late almost every night. When I did see my girlfriend she looked tired and when I tried to bring it up to her she snapped on me told me she didn't want to hear it which led to an argument that led us to take a break for a week so she could relax. Now during that week we went with no contact I figured I would let her calm down and talk to me when she wanted to. When she did she seemed like herself we went out and decided to talk she told me she hated who she had become and needs to relax and avoid her friends for a while. After that things went back to normal or so they seemed. A few days later it was her birthday I had made plans to take her out the night before but she cancelled saying her folks wanted to take her out since she would be celebrating with me and her friends the next day. The next day was great we went out had a blast and I took her home. I got home and popped up my FB account and noticed all the birthday wishes. One seemed to stick out just the way he seemed to call her momma kinda seemed odd to me. So I clicked on his account and there I noticed a photo of him and my girlfriend in his car in the middle of the night with his shirt off. I tried to remain calm until I saw the title of the photo which was "my emmy". Furious I called her and asked her to explain at first she didn't understand why he posted that photo and why he named it that then she said she would call me back in 5 min. Well the 5 min. turned to 5 days of her ignoring my calls my texts and any way of getting through to her. I contacted her friends and they told me they were trying to get her to speak to me she just wouldnt and would not say why. Finally I got her friend to talk to me and tell me what she knows all she said was she was being nice because when she did speak to you it's going to be the talk. 2 days later she finally spoke to me told me about the guy. Apparently they had met at the bar nothing was going on they were just hanging out she wanted to see where this was going to go. Just like that she was telling me about this guy like I wasn't dating her and like I should be happy she met a good guy. She even told me the night I was going to take her out for her birthday she went out with him to a steak dinner. I was hurt and just went off calling her an immature brat that doesn't care about anyone else but herself. She just remained quiet didn't speak during the talk at all just told me she lost that feeling for me. Then in order to end the call she said her mom had been calling her because lunch was made and she had to go I asked her if that's how she wanted to end it she said yes and then hung up. Right now I feel like crap she tossed me out like garbage and didn't even care. I know I need to avoid her and just forget about her but as horrible as she was I cant make myself be angry at her. Every time I try and get angry I seem to remember a good memory from our time together and then just become sad. Its been a few days since this happened and I know I need time to get over her I just don't know what I can do to make that time pass. There's parts of me that really miss her I just miss talking to her like I used to being there and knowing everything about her. She told me no one really understood her like I did and that I was the only one she could see a future with. I have been using the site to try and cope but right now I just felt I needed to share my story with anyone that would listen. Thanks in advance.
Ronni_W Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Hey shadow. I'm sorry that you're going through this. It is a difficult time, and sometimes we make it even more difficult for ourselves is by using our minds to keep us thinking about the past, which just ends up keeping us stuck there. So, you might want to engage your brain in different things (than just "memory retrieval and review"). Try anything to which you can give your full attention, focus and concentration, and hopefully it's also something productive: write out a list of your values, strengths, talents, dreams and goals, draw/paint, play or learn to play guitar, read interesting books/articles, learn a new language or how to salsa dance, teach some kids to play tennis or whatever you're good at, learn to cook or build a website. Something challenging that'll keep your mind otherwise occupied. When nothing else works and the memories just won't leave your mind, change what you're thinking by singing ('Happy Birthday' will do), or counting to 412 in 17s, or affirming something positive. It's fine if you're not feeling angry. They say that anger is just a defense mechanism to mask feelings of sadness, anyway. Yes, anger is also held to be one of the 5 steps of grieving...but if you can skip that step and still heal/recover, then it's perfectly fine. Hugs and best of luck.
StarrySkyBlue Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Hi. I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through right now. You're right about her, though. She's a selfish, immature brat who doesn't know a good guy when she sees one. She doesn't deserve you! To heal, I agree with Ronni that you should just start getting busy. Do anything that will keep your mind or body engaged. Sometimes you won't feel like doing these things and might want to just stay at home, sleep, watch tv and be numb, but you really have to force yourself to go out. Trust me, you'll feel better afterward
JacquesA.LeFrancais Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I am very sorry dude. Sounds like you were tossed aside. Welcome and look for a friend to lean on for sure. We are all here to help
Binster Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Sorry pal, go to the gym lot if your tired you dont think as much, and sleep better. Worked for me.
Author shadow2213 Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 Thanks everybody for the advice I've decided to join the gym today to keep myself distracted. Of course I blocked her from facebook but I was a little too late when I opened my account she had posted a photo of her with the new guy on the wall. It really hurt to see that especially since it has been less than a week since she left me.
GrayClouds Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Thanks everybody for the advice I've decided to join the gym today to keep myself distracted. Of course I blocked her from facebook but I was a little too late when I opened my account she had posted a photo of her with the new guy on the wall. It really hurt to see that especially since it has been less than a week since she left me. You doing the things you should. Keep no contact, keeping hitting the gym, hang out with people who care. It gets easier.
hopesndreams Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 NC is the way to go. she lost that feeling for me
Author shadow2213 Posted June 26, 2010 Author Posted June 26, 2010 I know I shouldn't have but her friend called and we spoke she wanted to check up on me. She asked how I was doing I told her fine it just hurt she did it this way. She then told me my ex doesn't like to hurt people that's why she couldn't tell me it was over when she originally felt it. That she was too nice and that this was the better way, needless to say this led to a giant argument with her as to what the word nice actually meant. She told me it's over my ex moved on already I should have as well. Now it has only been a week today since we broke up and as much as I would love to have the ability to move on like my ex did I don't. I guess no contact will also include any mutual friends I made through her as well.
GrayClouds Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 She then told me my ex doesn't like to hurt people that's why she couldn't tell me it was over when she originally felt it. That she was too nice and that this was the better way, needless to say this led to a giant argument with her as to what the word nice actually meant. BS, you were going to be hurt regardless. She not "nice", she was just a coward. Your right NC means NC, direct or indirect.
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