vanek26 Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 So I've labored through the past year after ending a multi-year relationship and have had no luck whatsoever with women. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong, but I would continuously meet someone, fall into the flirty stage, and then they'd abruptly lose interest for no real reason and completely cut off communication with me. And I wasn't being needy or desperate or annoying or any of those things. It was incredibly frustrating. Girl after girl. I'd meet some online, some through friends, and some on my own. But they all had that same result. Immediate and complete termination without any reason. So try to forgive me for being too optimistic about my current situation. I met a girl through work a few weeks ago. She's my age (20) and is very similar to me. We feed off of each other's sarcasm and personality. There was immediate chemistry between us. We went out to the clubs and drank and danced together. It's not something I would normally do but I swallowed my fear and had a great time. she started kissing me on the spot and it lasted back to her house that night. She offered sex but I declined, opting to 'earn' it when she was sober and not score a cheap drunk hook up. Well, I did get my chance as we have now had sex many, many times. It's really incredible how attracted we are to each other. And it's not just physical, either. We're on each other's minds a lot, doing the cute little things, blah blah. I've finally got that "chemical high." And I would think that in the near future, asking her to be my girlfriend would be very reasonable. But, there has to be a catch, doesn't there? According to facebook, she's "in a relationship" with some guy. According to her, they dated for 4+ years and he's a psycho when it comes to her. He proposed to her and shows up at her house when she isn't home. To make matters worse, her family loves the guy. According to her, she's 100% over him and wants nothing to do with him. But the two of them planned a vacation in Florida a while ago to which she's already invested over a grand into. So, in her words, I had to 'lay low' until that vacation happens... so yeah, suddenly it doesnt seem so promising. I can understand her position, but who's to say i'm not just a rush of excitement for her that will wear off eventually? We've been getting more serious recently and she says she officially broke it off with the guy, much to the disdain of her parents, but theyre still going to 'play it by ear' about the vacation. In the meantime, unless it's a group thing, she doesnt really invite me to her house. everything is done with me. It's as if she wants to hide me from her family. And there are rumors about us at work which are alarming her too. But she's adamant that she wants to date me and be with me. What do I do? I could try forcing the issue but that could make me seem annoying and drive her away. Alternatively, I could continue playing it cool at risk of getting played by her and having my heart broken. your thoughts?
callalilly Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Are you sure she's broken up with him? I mean, if he's as psycho as she says, he would probably be intruding more in her day-to-day life than you've witnessed (e.g., incessant phone calls--I assume they are long distance, right?). I would suggest that you tell her you'd like to stop seeing her until she is ready to "go public" with you. I'm afraid she's just stringing you along.
seekandfind Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I would say going on the vacation is kind of a deal-breaker... If you really wanna date this girl seriously and not be her fun play-thing. If she really is over him she wouldn't want to go on the vacation anyways. Kind of a rough situation, I hope it works out man =)
Author vanek26 Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 Yeah it's a tough situation. My friends keep telling me that I'm getting the pussy, so I really shouldn't mind getting 'played' even if that is the case. My theory on it is to not even really worry about the other guy. If I do my thing, play my cards right, and say the right things, I'll make it so she's begging to date me. The problem is if I'm aggressive about it, "cancel the vacation, date me now, or lose me forever," I risk blowing things up. So it's a fine line.
Jilly Bean Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Hon, she's cheating on her long-term bf with you. She's keeping you as a dirty little secret - doesn't want her family, or co-workers to know. Why would you want to "win" a girl who is not only lying to you, but cheating on someone else, and deceiving you both? Aim a little higher, babe.
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