Casual Girlfriend

[Torres]

Hi all,

New to the forums.

 

I feel a little bad posting this but I'm just gonna ask since its not something I really want to ask my firneds or family.

 

I am seeing a wonderful girl. Very pretty, intelligent, great fun, down to earth, very loving. She ticks most of my boxes in what I'd love as a girlfriend. Having dated a number of other girls in the past I thought it'd be hard to find a girl who's as close a match as she is to what I love in a girl.

 

One thing I notice about her sometimes is she is very casual. She's a jeans and t-shirt sort of girl. Now she looks great most of the time and I love being out with her.

 

It's just sometimes at the weekend or whatever if we go for a nice meal or go for drinks or go out on the town she's still very casual. I love dressing up a bit, especially after a long week of work, getting out my favourite closthes and making myself feel good. As I said she's a gorgeous girl but sometimes I'd love if she dressed up a little more or wore a nice dress.

She does occasionally but not very often. When we are out I see other girls who are all dressed up for the weekend. I keep thinking, wow, she's SO much more beautiful than most of the girls around us, imagine how unbelievable she'd look in a dress or something a bit more dressy.

 

As I said, I feel bad asking this. She is so nice and so beautiful. I don't mean all the time but there are just sometimes when I love dressing up and going nice places after a long week and sometimes when it's more apporpriate to dress up than wear what you would during the week and I kinda wish she would sometimes.

 

I guess there's no way to suggest it without seeming mean or hurting her feelings. Even though she's wonderful I sometimes wish I had a girlfriend who liked doing the dressy thing too sometimes. It's not like I want to break up with her over something so silly, I don't even know where I'd find a girl so wonderful again, but its one tin thing that bothers me. Sometimes I hesitate as to where to take her out. Sometimes my friends like to go out to dressy clubs and dinners and stuff in the city but I don't think she's into something like that as she doesnt often dress up with everyone else.

 

Is that really mean? I know it is. Like it's such a stupid thing that I'd feel unbelievably bad as to say I'd prefer another girl who'd dress up a bit more as she is so wonderful in every other way. It's just that, I'm wondering, In time, I like to do things or go places where she doesn't seem to like to fit in. Will that bother more over time? I feel very mean as I write this but this is kinda why I wanted to ask anonymously. There's no way to suggest to her to dress up and come out somewhere nice with us is there without hurting her feelings?

 

What do people think? I know I'm sounding mean so no need to tell me that. Was just asking advice.

 

Thanks.

[Cracker Jack]

What? Dude, you don't sound mean in wishing "she would get dressed" more often. It's only a suggestion.

 

You could suggest it to her in a subtle way, but honestly, it shouldn't be the "be all the end all" of things, either. She might actually take the idea into consideration if you ask her about it. The situation isn't that drastic, so don't worry about it.

[sagetalk]

Buy her a nice dress, and say I'd like to see you in it. Problem solved .

[kalikula]

You could offer to take her shopping and buy her something sexy for her to wear out sometime. Or just mention that you wanna see her wear something sexy and you like how feminine dresses look. Just say it nicely!

[ADF]

What I think is that unless she does something incredibly inappropriate--e.g. goes to a wedding wearing a Grateful Dead t-shirt--you ought to just let this go.

 

You say you like dressing up. She obviously doesn't. There is really no way for a grown man to tell a grown woman she needs to dress differently without coming accross as controlling. Unless, as I said before, it is pretty extreme.

 

Just suck up her lack of fashion sense and appreciate all her other great qualities.

[Ruby Slippers]

What I think is that unless she does something incredibly inappropriate--e.g. goes to a wedding wearing a Grateful Dead t-shirt--you ought to just let this go.

 

You say you like dressing up. She obviously doesn't. There is really no way for a grown man to tell a grown woman she needs to dress differently without coming accross as controlling. Unless, as I said before, it is pretty extreme.

 

Just suck up her lack of fashion sense and appreciate all her other great qualities.

Agreed. She's being herself. Do you know how FEW people are doing that in this world? Most people are playing roles to try to win the approval of people with smoke and mirrors. Your girl is self-assured and in touch with herself enough not to put on airs. You have found a very rare gem. Enjoy her.

[Maggotface]

I think it's most important that she's comfortable. I'm the same way, hardly ever get dressed up. It's fun every once in a while but it's uncomfortable at least to me. She might not feel like herself showing off more skin or wearing tight fitting clothes.

 

Do it in a way that compliments her, tell her she has great legs and should show them off more. Something along those lines.

[bac]

First, you should ask her what she thinks about the matter in general.

Does she like shopping? Does she like clothes? In other words, you find out her values on clothes. When you know her opinion about fashion and style, you can figure out what can hurt her feelings and if there is any point to say anything. In general, you should match her values about clothes and style, if you do not want to hurt her feelings. And, If she hates style and beautiful outfits, nobody can change her.

[harmfulsweetz]

There are few women who are comfortable enough to go out on a night out, in casual attire. I applaud her for that. I love dressing up personally, but there have been so many times on nights out I wished I'd worn my jeans and t-shirt, with flat shoes. Mainly because wearing a dress + heels=cold and uncomfortable. I'd love to be the woman in the jeans and T.

[FindingE]

While being herself is great, and she should be able to do that - shouldn't you also be able to do that? You enjoy dressing up and going out (with good reason, it is fun, I love to do that too) so she should be willing to do that FOR you every once in awhile. There are many men who are as your girl is, hate the dressing up thing, hate wearing a tie, etc. But you know what - sometimes, when their girl wants to get dressed up and go out, they do it, for her. This is no different.

 

I second the suggestion to buy her a nice dress (make sure you get the size right and make sure it is nothing too low cut, short, tight from the waist down or hard to wear - my suggestion would be a halter dress in a stretchy fabric cut a few inches above the knee with a swingy skirt - she may also need some shoes - shoes are very personal - get her a gift card to a DSW or something) and make some special plans - a really nice restaurant or club for a saturday night date, and ask he if she'll wear it for you and tell her what you have planned. It's only controlling if you do this, she says emphatically no, and you INSIST she do it anyway.

 

Just keep the tags on it and the receipt so if she says absolutely no, you can return it. It will be a suggestion still, but gives her the immediate opportunity to agree to do it for you. Once a quarter or so, anyone should be willing to step out of their comfort zone a bit to make their partner happy for something like this.

 

I also wonder, have you ever asked her anything about this? Asked her why? Is she just not comfortable doing it? Or does she not have the clothes, or maybe the confidence to do it? There may be underlying reasons why she is averse to wearing dressier clothes. Getting her to talk about them might help her overcome what that issue might be.

[jamal]

This is not such a biggie if you have a healthy and honest relationship. Simply tell her that she would look so gorgeous when dressed up and also remind her that such n such an occasion calls for a more dressy look. Take her shopping so that you can show her the type of swagger you are looking for. A lot of women would love to wear clothes their man will love or find sexy. So if you can help her in this regard she would really thank you.

 

I had the opposite problem. When I met my wife her whole closet was full of work clothes. Mostly business casual. As a result she would be so overdressed when going for some casual dining at a local steakhouse or Denny's. I had to teach her how to wear casual clothing. Started shopping for jeans with her. She did not even own a single pair of sneakers. Was always in heels and pumps. I had to introduce her to flat soled casual shoes like sketchers and pumas.

 

Though you are not supposed to change someone, tweaking some superficial stuff like fashion should not be a major crime. Besides, with a lot of couples there is usually one partner who is the trendy and fashion conscious one. It is this partner's responsibility to bring the other partner up to speed even if it means shopping for that person. I have an uncle who can not be bothered to even buy clothes for himself. If he had his way he would wear work issued merchandise everyday. My aunt has taken it upon herself to just go out and buy him clothes (in his absence).

[BubbleFreak]

I don't know if this will work for your girlfriend, but it did for me.

 

It was Winter and I had no idea my bf had a thing for a certain style of long socks. One day he just bought me a pair of socks that he really liked and asked if I'd wear them. I thought they were pretty cool and agreed.

 

Turns out I liked them too and got some more similar socks for the rest of the season.

 

Moral of the story, just buy her something you think would look good on her and ask her if she will wear it. If not, doesn't matter.

[Diezel]

Some of the responses in this thread are just... *sigh*

 

Look, the first thing you need to understand is that EVERY woman likes to feel sexy to THEIR MAN.

 

I don't care what they say and who says it, but EVERY woman likes to feel like they are attractive to their partner and that they want to appeal to them. If you're girlfriend NEVER feels like this towards you EVER, then it might be time to move on.

 

BUT, we're not just going to throw away a great relationship based on lack of dressing up, correct?

 

I've been through your troubles. I've had this happen to me as recently as this year. I've turned a shy little caterpillar into a sexy butterfly. It's as simply as walking by the stores and saying: Wow, something like this would look so sexy on YOU.

 

Comments like that will get her thought process going.

If you say to her: Hey, let's go to the mall and see if we can get you sexier...

 

In her mind, it sounds like this: I don't like the way you dress.

 

You have to approach this as a bomb disposal unit would approach a lone briefcase in the middle of the airport.

 

 

I simply started stating things like:

 

- You have sexy shoulders, you should show them off more often.

- That shirt would look amazing on you, it matches your eyes so well.

- Look at that dress, I'd hardly be able to keep my hands off of you if you we went out for dinner and you'd be wearing that.

 

 

In all of those situations, it draws attention to the clothes, but it centers the attention on HER. At no point are you telling her that you don't like that she dresses casual, you are just simply stating that those clothes would look good on HER, not that she'd look good in those clothes... and trust me, there IS a difference.

 

Remember, you're not CHANGING her, you're just getting her to open up. And maybe that's just the slight nudge she needs. I know I'm a much happier boyfriend now for it.

[make me believe]

I simply started stating things like:

 

- You have sexy shoulders, you should show them off more often.

- That shirt would look amazing on you, it matches your eyes so well.

- Look at that dress, I'd hardly be able to keep my hands off of you if you we went out for dinner and you'd be wearing that.

 

This is a great way to go about it. In a healthy relationship, both partners want to look good & attractive for the other. There are things that I wear juts because I know my boyfriend likes them, and he does the same for me. Unfortunately this isn't always the case... a lot of people will get comfy in the relationship and stop caring about things like that, but luckily that doesn't seem to be the situation here.

 

Torres, if you want to go somewhere more dressy, suggest it to your girlfriend and just be like, "Hey my friends are going to ___ this weekend. I thought it would be kinda fun to get all gussied up and join them! What do you think? I'll probably wear ____ and you could wear a cute dress or something. I think it would be fun, and I bet you'd look so hot all dressed up!"

[make me believe]

Oh, and when she does get dressed up for you, provide her with LOTS of positive feedback. Hopefully it will stick in her mind and she'll want to do it more often. I know that whenever my boyfriend gushes over some random top/skirt/whatever that I'm wearing, I make a mental note to wear it & similar items more often because he likes them so much!

[Chocolat]

I think I am a bit like your gf and my bf sounds a bit like you. When he first wanted me to dress up more, he would just tell me, "Please wear a dress and show off your legs when we go to xx Sunday night" or whatever. The first time he did this, he then spent the night telling me how gorgeous I was , which just made me happy to do so again.

[Mimolicious]

Diezel is on the money. Some of these replies... Jeez!

 

I didn't know that a woman stops being who she is because she throws on a dress, heels and some lipgloss. It's called being feminine and some occasions will require it. Can't show up at a formal wedding with a beach dress, just because you are a "casual kinda gal". This is etiquette.

 

If she is so casual, perhaps try out with a semi-casual outting first. Buy her something attractive (not trashy) and flirty (not slutty) and see how receptive she is. If she gets all worked up and offended then you may have a problem, if she is all game, make sure you make her feel the same way she looks. Compliment her on her physical attributes.

 

If she is attractive to begin with, she can look stunning with very little. Sexy is a state of mind but with a little perking up it radiates confidence and appeal. Who doesn't find that hot and attractive?

 

Besides, the 'casual' ones when they dress up they make your jaw drop!

I am sure she would love it when you are all over her! Good luck!

[Ruby Slippers]

I simply started stating things like:

 

- You have sexy shoulders, you should show them off more often.

Yeah, this is the only way to go about it. My last bf said something like this to me once. I had recently lost about 10 pounds, so my jeans were a little baggy. He was walking up the steps behind me one day and said, "Honey, we need to get you some new jeans. Your azz is too hot for these baggy jeans." He made his point without being rude about it. And it kinda turned me on.

[Woggle]

She is who she is. Either take it or leave but don't try to change her because she will resent it later on. I think can think of much worse things in a woman than dressing casual.