sunnydaysahead123 Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 do you think its a deeper seeded relationship problem when you think of others when you are having sex with your significant other? i've thought of women i might like to have sex with i know mostly. the sex is always good though between me and my partner so I'm not sure what this means???
morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 i've thought of women i might like to have sex with i know mostly. the sex is always good though between me and my partner so I'm not sure what this means??? to me it sounds like you are using her as a human sex toy (idk how to explain but they make fake vaginas). i would buy the sex toy and leave her be. unless you can stop.
Author sunnydaysahead123 Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 theres much more to our relationship than just sex. was just curious about the sex part specifically. i mean is it wrong or signify a problem?
sagetalk Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 do you think its a deeper seeded relationship problem when you think of others when you are having sex with your significant other? i've thought of women i might like to have sex with i know mostly. the sex is always good though between me and my partner so I'm not sure what this means??? Are you thinking of girls you've slept with or just girls that you like. I once had a married man tell me that he regretting sleeping with women other than his wife (before he meet her). He said no matter how hard you try, the thoughts of being intimate with them fill your mind at the worst times. He said it even happened when he was intimate with his wife. He said it made him feel awful but there was nothing he could do. That was a long time ago, but I'll never forget that. This guy was very faithful to his wife and loved her very much, but he couldn't shake those memories.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I think if you are thinking about other people when you're having sex with someone, you're not having very good sex.
morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Are you thinking of girls you've slept with or just girls that you like. I once had a married man tell me that he regretting sleeping with women other than his wife (before he meet her). He said no matter how hard you try, the thoughts of being intimate with them fill your mind at the worst times. He said it even happened when he was intimate with his wife. He said it made him feel awful but there was nothing he could do. That was a long time ago, but I'll never forget that. This guy was very faithful to his wife and loved her very much, but he couldn't shake those memories. this can be so and in his case he didnt want to think. but in this dudes case he wanted to think it so i think it is wrong. but for that guy that you mentioned who doesnt want to but does and doesnt like it. is something different and understandable. but if you want to think it i think its wrong.
aerogurl87 Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Yeah OP that sounds pretty bad. The only thing I've had close to this is watching the History Channel while my ex boyfriend and I were going at it. I was thinking, "oh this show is so awesome" before it clicked in my head that I needed to focus on the task at hand. That to me was a pretty good indicator that something was indeed wrong and needed to be looked at in our relationship. Do some soul searching and figure out where these thoughts stem from, and then deal with those issues, because it doesn't sound very healthy to me.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Yeah OP that sounds pretty bad. The only thing I've had close to this is watching the History Channel while my ex boyfriend and I were going at it. I was thinking, "oh this show is so awesome" before it clicked in my head that I needed to focus on the task at hand. That to me was a pretty good indicator that something was indeed wrong and needed to be looked at in our relationship. Do some soul searching and figure out where these thoughts stem from, and then deal with those issues, because it doesn't sound very healthy to me. OMG... the History Channel? That is offensive. I think i could live with E or MTV or something like that. Being less stimulating than the History Channel is... pathetic.
harmfulsweetz Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Aerogurl, I know what ya mean! I watched the news channel once with my ex, I felt like telling him all that was going wrong with the world...I never normally watch the news as it is boring, but for some reason it was far more interesting than the other task at hand. I do think there's a serious issue at hand here, because if you can think of others whilst having sex with your partner, generally it's because of a)sex is boring b)you are understimulated by the person you are with. You need to really ask yourself why are you doing this? I have done this before, and I sharp realized it was because of b). I just wasn't into him anymore. If I need to get off to another man's image in my head, whilst I'm with someone else, then there's something amiss.
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I read an article in Cosmo or some other crap magazine (alright alright come on, I work at a salon, I was slow that day and left my book at home). The article was written by a guy and he explained that most (not just some, but most) men fantasize about other women (mostly previous gfs/lovers) during sex with their partner. Since the magazine is garbage I didn't take the article too seriously, but I have wondered if there was a grain of truth to the it. I consider myself a pretty secure person, but I admit I would feel pretty hurt if I found out my boyfriend was routinely thinking about other women during sex.
Sivok Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I read an article in Cosmo or some other crap magazine (alright alright come on, I work at a salon, I was slow that day and left my book at home). The article was written by a guy and he explained that most (not just some, but most) men fantasize about other women (mostly previous gfs/lovers) during sex with their partner. Since the magazine is garbage I didn't take the article too seriously, but I have wondered if there was a grain of truth to the it. I consider myself a pretty secure person, but I admit I would feel pretty hurt if I found out my boyfriend was routinely thinking about other women during sex.That's interesting. I'm usually too caught up in the moment/person to imagine myself sleeping with another girl... Especially a past fling. I mean, I guess if I was bedding Shamu, I'd try imagining her as Flipper instead.. But I probably wouldn't put myself in that situation anyway. And wow, that was a bad analogy. I don't **** dolphins, I swear
make me believe Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I once had a married man tell me that he regretting sleeping with women other than his wife (before he meet her). He said no matter how hard you try, the thoughts of being intimate with them fill your mind at the worst times. He said it even happened when he was intimate with his wife. He said it made him feel awful but there was nothing he could do. That was a long time ago, but I'll never forget that. This guy was very faithful to his wife and loved her very much, but he couldn't shake those memories. That doesn't sound normal to me. I think that guy had some issues because I've never had someone else randomly pop into my mind when I was having sex with a boyfriend. If you're thinking about someone else, it's because you're choosing to. Or, if something happens to remind you of a past partner, you can simply push the thought out of your head and not lie there dwelling on it and reminiscing while your current partner is making love to you.. OP, I think this is a problem, especially because you are thinking about women who you know that you want to have sex with. That's sooo disrespectful to your girlfriend. I would feel like sh*t if my boyfriend was fantasizing about other girls that he secretly wants to bang while we were having sex.
guy.lepage Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Two answers to this. Women who choose to have sex with you and be in a relationship with you do so because they have feelings for you. As such, they probably wouldn't want you to think about other women while you're having sex (there are exceptions of course). Perhaps at some point in your relationship you'll find out you share some fantasies for role playing and others, but you need to really know the person well before you even approach these topics. As for yourself, I see nothing wrong in adding a bit of spice to your sex life. As long as you respect your partner and are honest to her, as long as you are honest to yourself, you can think about anything if you'd like.
MyNameIsJane Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 do you think its a deeper seeded relationship problem when you think of others when you are having sex with your significant other? i've thought of women i might like to have sex with i know mostly. the sex is always good though between me and my partner so I'm not sure what this means??? It's normal... well to a degree. According to many men's magazines, talk shows, etc. Which can't always be trusted.... but it IS normal if it is an every once in awhile thing - we are humans and we fantasize. But if you are doing it often... it is not good. Even though many people say it is horrible ... they probably don't realize how many people do it. Again... every once in awhile - human. All the time.... and you may need to reevaluate the reasons behind it. Either way.... don't tell your partner. I may feel it's normal, but if my bf ever told me that he was picturing another woman during sex... I'd pretty much never want to sleep with him again
pandagirl Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I know my married friend (a woman) admitted she did this to me with her husband. Not all the time, but just sometimes she pretended she was having sex with an ex-boyfriend. She's been with him for about six years and they have a really happy relationship, but she said: "I feel guilty when I do it, but at the same time, it makes things more exciting from time to time." I don't really see anything wrong with it. It's like a fantasy that you act on once in a while.
aerogurl87 Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 OMG... the History Channel? That is offensive. I think i could live with E or MTV or something like that. Being less stimulating than the History Channel is... pathetic. Lol, it was "Life After People" you know that show about what would happen if all humans died on Earth, how life would be afterward. Anyway, it was pretty interesting, more interesting than the sex I was having. Which is kinda sad I guess, but hey it was also the first of many turning points that led me to figure out that our relationship wasn't working.
Author sunnydaysahead123 Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 wow, i guess i hit an interesting topic here. it doesn't happen ALL the time, but it has happened i'd say every other time and the weird thing is its mostly when I want to climax. i don't know, maybe its the thought of spicing it up or doing it w/ someone else that just puts me over the edge. I mean if it allows me to feel like I'm getting variety w/out actually acting on it, maybe its OK... or is this just weirdo and since we've only been dating 2 years will get worse
paleblue Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 You are either getting bored being with her, or not as attracted to her anymore in that way.
morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 you seem bored and i would break up with you if you were my bf. i would hate to know that my bf was thinking of a girl or an ex (i hate his ex anyways) so this to me would be VERY VERY HURTFUL
Shakz Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Well, whenever I have sex (with an actual person) I try to think about baseball statistics but it usually doesn't work. I'm just not good enough at math to figure an ERA before time runs out.
alyssatranswarrior Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I think honesty should be more important than thinking about the partner you are with EVERY time during a years-long relationship. Maybe some couples can handle once-a-month "love making" where they devote so much in one session. But to me as a person who expresses almost daily sexual drive - its going to be impossible not to do EVERY fantasy with that person while thinking only about that person for years on end. My longtime girlfriend is aware of my occassional need for fantasy of other females. She knows this because I was honest from the start. Luckily it doesnt offend her in any way because she likes my sexuality and shares it somewhat enough to experiment with that kind of thing too and we get to roleplay and tease etc. But what you are doing without her consent IS tantumount to cheating because she doesn't know its happening. Just like cheating only more scheming really because theres no way you'll get caught unless you moan the wrong name.
make me believe Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Geez dude...every other time is a lot!! Seriously, I would be crushed if I found out that every other time we had sex my boyfriend was thinking of someone else. Judging from this and your other thread, I think you just need to break up with your girlfriend. You are uncertain about your future, you think about other women when you're having sex with her, and you are even concerned about her hair color. Just let the poor girl go so she can find somebody who truly loves HER.
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