smk Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 well before i start i should warn you that this is going to be a pretty long one and i am sorry about it... i have alot to say and would really appreciate any tips, pointers anything right now... i am driving myself nuts... anyways i will start off by telling you a little about me - i am a 26 yr old male and am indian (you will soon find out why i am being specific). I have had a pretty messed up family life and had decided a very long time ago that i would never get into a relationship. basically from a very young age i grew up with mostly nannies and became very independant. additionally my folks both cheated and that in turn made me have a really bad outlook on relationships. my now ex gf is 29 and of meditteranean origin, she had a normal home life (with the exception of a controlling dad who always made her feel she could always do better in life) however he is a loving father. she had her first relationship at 17 that lasted for 5 yrs and she thought she would get married to him anyways he cheated on her and they broke, after which she had a few more long relationships that always ended badly. she then went through a phase where she basically went a little mad and partied and slept around, after which she calmed down... she had 1 relationship in the last 2 yrs before me. now the story begins, we have known each other for almost 3 yrs now, met through a mutual friend but never really made an effort with each other. out of the blue 7 months ago she phones me up and we got talking, met a couple of times and really got on well. one thing led to another and we started dating a few months later. we both realised that our feelings were strong and the relationship moved pretty quickly, to the point where we discussed moving in, marriage, kids, grandkids, the whole lot. eventually she asked me to move in, we both thought that it was quick but it felt so right (she said this first)... all the while there were lots of little things that she would say that sounded off but i would let them slide and didnt really take much notice. things such as she told me on several occasions that if she does start to act strange and distant with me then i should tell her that she is being that way, and that i should remind her that it was her who asked me to move in and not the other way around. additionally she never really made much of an effort to meet my friends or family, her excuse was always that because our relationship was still so new she wanted to get to know me before she met everyonel. this is after being exclusive for almost 3 months and seeing each other pretty much everyday and spending countless hours on the phone. a few other little things also happened that i wont get into too much detail right now. fast forward to the weekend before i am moving in - i go to see her on saturday afternoon, she sends me a text asking me to wait for her at the shopping centre near her house as opposed to going to get her from home as she is running a little late. i didnt think much of it and waited. 15 mins turned into an hour and everytime i phoned she would not answer the phone. anyways i walked to her house and was pretty ticked off for being kept waiting with no telephone call nothing. anyways she apologises and i sort of just leave it - i did sulk for like 30 mins cos she gave me no explanation. anyways she gave me her phone to hold and the worse side of did something i was not proud off - i checked her last received calls - and she had spent 45 mins on the phone to some guy she dated a few yrs ago (a guy she said after 6 months of dating could not acknowledge her as his gf and dumped her via email and asked her to have no hard feelings). i didnt bring it up cos i thought that maybe she was asking him to bugger off or something. anways the rest of that day she turned the tables on me and set that i was stressing her out and because i was upset she got turned off and was not in the mood to be affectionate, etc... i left it at that... the next day everything was fine, and then a couple of days later we had an argument of something small - she would keep on picking on little things and turn it into something huge (again i am keeping the details limited or this will turn into a full blown novel)...that night she said some pretty horrible things to me such as she didnt even know why she was with me and she was only with me until the next came around. i was very hurt by this, but then she turned it around and said that the only reason she said this was to provoke a reaction from me and to see if i really cared. she made alot of promises to me that night - saying she loved me, she would never hurt me and she had neevr felt this way about anyone else in this world etc... all was well until a few days later when out of the blue she sent me an email saying she needed some time apart to sort her head out (mind you this is 2 days before i am supposed to be moving in) - she then said that i should not tell anyone about this especially my family - she also said that she would call me on either sunday or monday to talk about the moving in - all the while i was supposed to move in on saturday. naturally i had to tell my family that we had put the move on hold, i didnt say anything about her wanting a break. she calls me later that night and asked if i told my family and i was honest with her and said that i did tell them that i may not be moving in till later... she flipped out and said that i had betrayed her trust etc.. and went off on one... telling me all sorts of things such as she was glad that she saw my true colours and that i lied to her and betrayed her etc... i apologised and she then calmed down etc... i did move in as planned on saturday and the weekend was great. on wednesday (the 4th day after i have moved in) she calls me up says that she will be home late as she has had a stressfull day and wanted some time on her own. i said ok - anyways she comes home completely ignores me and goes straight up to bed - i asked if she was ok and she said to me that she wanted some peace and quiet. i left it at that. 20 mins later same ex bf phones and she picks up and spends 20 mins on the phone to him laughing and joking (he asked her to have his kid to which she said she couldnt but never once told him she had a bf and was living with him)... i ignored this and again let it slide... the next few days were quite awkward but i just went with the flow. sunday evening she was very strange towards me - very cold and distant - again i left it and didnt push her much... on monday night she tells me that her dad (who lives in a different) country has been stressing her out because he is not happy that she is with someone who is not the same skin colour and race and that she was going to take our relationship slowly. oh btw forgot to say that on monday she texted me again saying she needed to be on her own and would be home late - came home at 9:30pm. she explained the whole dad situation and i said maybe if he met me it would be diff.. tuesday was the same she was very cold, very distant, and again said she needed to be on her own and again came home late that evening - i again ignored it. same way she was very cold and distant with me and again i let it slide... btw on tuesday i asked that since we had been planning a trip to the museum or a picnic for while maybe that coming weekend we could do that and she said that it sounded great. anyways tuesday nite ex bf phones up and she speaks to him while in bed with me and makes plans to have lunch with him on sunday - after she finished i said to her that we had plans for sunday she claimed that she had forgotten that she had already made plans to see him (she keep on reiterating that they are only friends). anyways wednesday the poop really hit the fan - all day she said she would be coming straight home that day after work and i had planned to cook her fav meal - i phone her as i leave work and she says to me that she is going to going out again that night - i got pretty ticked off and asked what time she was coming home to which she replied that she would be coming home to sleep - cut a long story short i got peed of met a couple of friends had a few drinks... i come home about 10:00 she is still not home - i am sitting outside having a cig and i see her round the alley on the calling someone. she claims it was her bro. i checked her phone and it was the ex again. anways wednesday night she makes me sleep in the guest room - thursday morning she cliams that her father has given her an ultimatum, and that if she chooses to be with me then he will never spk to her - and she is having a really hard time deciding what she wants to do etc... cut a long story short she broke up with me the next day - saying she could not do that to her family etc.... i tried alot to make her see a different point of view but it was all a waste. i left the house a few days later with my pride and dignity still intact however she would still like us to be friends. i was very low and said yeah i guess... anways we both agreed that for the first few months NC would be the best way to go - she then starts phoning me up 2 days later and has been phoning me every day since and me like an idiot have been answering... this was my first proper relationship and it was the first time i let someone 100% into my mind, heart and soul and i truly love this girl. i doubt that she physically cheated but may have done emotionally - i just find it so hard to beleive that she initiated most things both said and done between us and all of a sudden one day she became cold and distant and then has the audacity to say that i have too many negative emotions.... i guess i just needed some sort of outlet and would really appreciate anyones thoughts on this crappy situation.... PS sorry for the long (probably boring post)
Thorgs Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Man, I'm sorry about this! It sounds like she gave you the run-around for a while. Be happy that you don't have to worry about what she's doing anymore because you were probably always wondering when she started covering things up. Remember, someone once told me, "we are the champions"!
AlwaysConflicted Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 yeah, who was that guy who said we were champions? SMK! They're all the same. "Oh I love you so much" and then BAM, it's over. It's like a clock winding down to the breakup only you can't see it ticking. It sounds like she was having doubts and her father's incessant racism only fueled her doubts more. It's frustrating. Women are a mystery, one that I'm sick of trying to solve.
Thorgs Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 If it makes you feel any better SMK...I'm deep in a ditch right now. I looked at her FB and although it's private, I noticed she added a few new friends (which I didn't look up) but I can only imagine it's new people she's hanging out with I ****ing hate my life right now...I want to contact her so badly
Author smk Posted July 23, 2010 Author Posted July 23, 2010 Man, I'm sorry about this! It sounds like she gave you the run-around for a while. Be happy that you don't have to worry about what she's doing anymore because you were probably always wondering when she started covering things up. Remember, someone once told me, "we are the champions"! The support that I have gotten here really helps more than I can thank people for – so thank you guys… Yeah she did – there were always signs but I chose to ignore them (time and again proving that love is blind)… Yeah I know I no longer have to worry what she is doing, is she ok, but you know what I still do – I cant help but think about all of that… it sucks… As I said before I rarely choose to follow my own advice and I really should….LOL… If it makes you feel any better SMK...I'm deep in a ditch right now. I looked at her FB and although it's private, I noticed she added a few new friends (which I didn't look up) but I can only imagine it's new people she's hanging out with :(I ****ing hate my life right now...I want to contact her so badly Don’t do FB – it’s the worst thing ever – I have refrained for a few days now – I think I last went on about 4 days ago and saw some pics of her out with her friends (some guy she told me she couldn’t stand had put up pics of her – yet everytime I tried to take a pic she would hide her face) and that completely wrecked and then I realised it wasn’t worth it… my advice is refrain from FB for a while – its probably the best thing you could do… Why do you hate your life thorgs – you have to repeat this to yourself – no matter what we determine our happiness – we cant let one woman/person ruin us – we are bigger and better than them… think of it this way – she lost out on the greatest thing in her life, and a few yrs down the road when you are a stronger person and have moved on and are happy with your life she is the one who will be looking back and thinking why did I let him go – he loved me and accepted me unconditionally yet I let him go… and if she doesn’t then hey its her loss – we are destined for greater things… but you need to believe that… I know its hard – I, we all of us here are going through the same things and as much as it sucks we have to learn something from it – look at this way imagine you would have eventually married her, and had kids, and bought a house, and she did this 5/10/15/20 years down the road – you my friend dodged a bullet… that’s what my manager at work told me… Be positive and stay strong – what doesn’t kill us only makes us stronger…. yeah, who was that guy who said we were champions? SMK! They're all the same. "Oh I love you so much" and then BAM, it's over. It's like a clock winding down to the breakup only you can't see it ticking. It sounds like she was having doubts and her father's incessant racism only fueled her doubts more. It's frustrating. Women are a mystery, one that I'm sick of trying to solve. Yes I know we are the CHAMPIONS and no one can ever take that away from us… What the F*** is wrong with them… I don’t think people realise that words have the power to do more damage than physical actions… we get hit, we get a bruise over time the bruise goes away, but spoken words last a lifetime… She was the first person I said “I love you” to and I meant it from the bottom of my heart and felt it with hair part of my body and being, and all I wanted was her to feel the same… I put emphasis on words not actions… how can you love someone one minute and leave em the next… I know I am here thinking she doesn’t love me, etc.. maybe she does but doesn’t have the courage to stand up to her dad, I guess that’s something only she can answer… maybe she is going through the same things I am and dealing with them in her own way… but I now know that I need to focus on healing myself first… the first step to healing is accepting and I am starting slowly to accepting things… I don’t regret the experience though and never will…
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