EricaH329 Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 I've been seeing this guy recently, and there are a few things that have stood out to me about his behavior. I'm not entirely sure whether or not to just chalk it up to him being nervous, or if I should keep an eye out for this type of repetitive behavior. First thing I noticed, is he tends to contradict himself. He has told me a few times that he likes to take things slow, and yet he has already slept with me (on the fifth date) and is asking me to meet his parents already. Along those same lines, him and I have had conversations about how many long term relationships he has been in, and how many people he has slept with and over time i've noticed inconsistencies with his original statements. Another thing i've noticed (which could entirely be because he is nervous), is that when we are out in public, he tends to repeat what I say. For example, him and I went to the movies last night. The lady selling the tickets to us asked him a question, and he looked at me (as if waiting for an answer). I said, "Not this time." and he looked at the cashier and responded the same way. I then went on to say, "Maybe another time!" and he again repeated the same thing. When walking up to the guy who was taking the tickets, he asked us how we were doing. I said, "Great, thanks! How are you?" And the guy i'm seeing replied the same exact way, immediately after I said it. I found this very, very odd... but i'm guessing that's just because he is nervous? He has done this a few times before, also. I know these things are small in comparison to things that really matter, but i'm afraid they could possibly turn into a much bigger issue down the line (i.e. lying because he thinks it's something I want to hear, constantly looking to me for approval, etc.). What would you think if someone you were seeing was doing these things? Would you brush it off? Or keep an eye out for this type of continuous behavior?
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 I've been seeing this guy recently, and there are a few things that have stood out to me about his behavior. I'm not entirely sure whether or not to just chalk it up to him being nervous, or if I should keep an eye out for this type of repetitive behavior. First thing I noticed, is he tends to contradict himself. He has told me a few times that he likes to take things slow, and yet he has already slept with me (on the fifth date) and is asking me to meet his parents already. Along those same lines, him and I have had conversations about how many long term relationships he has been in, and how many people he has slept with and over time i've noticed inconsistencies with his original statements. To some guys the 5th date is slow, or perhaps it's faster than he is used to, but he is having a hard time controlling himself with you... ect. Regarding other inconsistencies... my guess is that your being too black/white with what he tells you. I honestly don't know the specifics so I can't say either way. The big thing is pay attention to how well he keeps his word, and see if he lies about stuff. Another thing i've noticed (which could entirely be because he is nervous), is that when we are out in public, he tends to repeat what I say. For example, him and I went to the movies last night. The lady selling the tickets to us asked him a question, and he looked at me (as if waiting for an answer). I said, "Not this time." and he looked at the cashier and responded the same way. I then went on to say, "Maybe another time!" and he again repeated the same thing. When walking up to the guy who was taking the tickets, he asked us how we were doing. I said, "Great, thanks! How are you?" And the guy i'm seeing replied the same exact way, immediately after I said it. I found this very, very odd... but i'm guessing that's just because he is nervous? He has done this a few times before, also. That sounds like he is repeating what you say so that the other person can hear you. Not a big deal. He also may just be nervous and/or think slowly. Unless it really irritates you, don't bring it up and see if it goes away. If it doesn't and it still is bothersome... talk to him about it.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 To some guys the 5th date is slow, or perhaps it's faster than he is used to, but he is having a hard time controlling himself with you... ect. That's true, I didn't think of it like that. Maybe our definitions of what 'slow' is are different. Regarding other inconsistencies... my guess is that your being too black/white with what he tells you. I honestly don't know the specifics so I can't say either way. The things he tells me are facts. "I've been in two serious relationships. One lasted a year, the other two years." A few days later, a conversation comes up in which he refers to his 'longest' relationship of one year. Also, he's only slept with two people, one is the girl he lost his virginity to (who he claims he wasn't in a relationship with) and the other was the girl from the year long relationship. What happened to the two year long relationship? That sounds like he is repeating what you say so that the other person can hear you. Not a big deal. He also may just be nervous and/or think slowly. Unless it really irritates you, don't bring it up and see if it goes away. If it doesn't and it still is bothersome... talk to him about it. Oh, i'm not planning on bringing it up to him. I'm going to wait to see if this is something he is always going to do. I don't talk quietly, I speak loud enough so the person I am talking to can hear me. Constantly repeating someone is a slightly frustrating characteristic for a person to have. I'm hoping it's only because he is nervous, and it'll go away soon.
USMCHokie Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 First thing I noticed, is he tends to contradict himself. He has told me a few times that he likes to take things slow, and yet he has already slept with me (on the fifth date) and is asking me to meet his parents already. Well, the sex thing has been discussed in your other thread, so there's no need to go into that, but the thing with his parents is understandable, especially at his age (he's younger than you, right...?) where he may still feel a strong connection with his parents. Perhaps they are still part of his daily life and so you'd end up meeting them sooner than later. Hell, I met the ex's parents after like the third or fourth date just because she was still living at home at the time, so sometimes it's just a matter of circumstance. I wouldn't really be too concerned about it. The things he tells me are facts. "I've been in two serious relationships. One lasted a year, the other two years." A few days later, a conversation comes up in which he refers to his 'longest' relationship of one year. Also, he's only slept with two people, one is the girl he lost his virginity to (who he claims he wasn't in a relationship with) and the other was the girl from the year long relationship. What happened to the two year long relationship? I have a feeling that the two year long relationship never existed. When the topic of past relationships comes up, it seems like it's always favorable to be in longer relationships, as it shows the other person that you're capable of a long term serious relationship and makes you appear more mature. This exact thing actually came up in a first date I had a few weeks ago where she said her past relationships were 2 and 5 years long...and then came me saying that my longest, and only, was 6 months...I will admit I was a little "ashamed"... I'm willing to bet that he made the two year relationship up...but that is merely speculation... Oh, i'm not planning on bringing it up to him. I'm going to wait to see if this is something he is always going to do. I don't talk quietly, I speak loud enough so the person I am talking to can hear me. Constantly repeating someone is a slightly frustrating characteristic for a person to have. I'm hoping it's only because he is nervous, and it'll go away soon. I have hung out with you many times before, and I know that you are loud, assertive, and take charge when necessary. I have a feeling that this guy wants to feel like the "man" of the couple, and when you are being your assertive self in public to other people, he feels that he needs to be assertive too and show that he can be just as sociable as you. So he'll often repeat what you say because it's either really the only thing to say or he can't think of anything of his own to say. It's not nerves. It's him trying not to be led around by the girl. It's a pride issue...combined with a little bit of timidness in public...your movie example makes this pretty clear...
seekandfind Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Does he act nervous? Is he socially awkward at all? After being on this many dates he should be over the initial nervousness by now. I personally really value honesty, and if I witnessed such an obvious contradiction of an earlier statement. I would most likely bring it up. He should have a reasonable explanation, and if he doesn't at least now you know the true nature of the situation.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 That's true, I didn't think of it like that. Maybe our definitions of what 'slow' is are different. I also decide what's slow based on who I'm dating. The more "experienced" I perceive the woman to be... the less I'm willing to wait around. The things he tells me are facts. "I've been in two serious relationships. One lasted a year, the other two years." A few days later, a conversation comes up in which he refers to his 'longest' relationship of one year. Also, he's only slept with two people, one is the girl he lost his virginity to (who he claims he wasn't in a relationship with) and the other was the girl from the year long relationship. What happened to the two year long relationship? When you hear contradictions like that, you should ask him for clarification in a non-accusatory way. That gives him a chance to explain, or even just apologize for being mistaken. There are a bunch of different ways he could be telling you the truth and still contradicting himself. For example, maybe the girl he first slept with is the same girl he mentioned from the 2 year relationship... and it was not a standard type relationship. Or... maybe the woman he was with for 2 years never got physical with him... ect. Unless you ask him... you just won't know. Plus, unless he is a dbag, he should be happy that you ask him for clarification. I'm much more attracted to a woman who asks me what I mean, than some crazy who just considers me to be a liar... but dates me anyway. That just sounds desperate. Oh, i'm not planning on bringing it up to him. I'm going to wait to see if this is something he is always going to do. I don't talk quietly, I speak loud enough so the person I am talking to can hear me. Constantly repeating someone is a slightly frustrating characteristic for a person to have. I'm hoping it's only because he is nervous, and it'll go away soon. If it happens again... bring it up! In a joking way of course. Laugh tell him your good at choosing your words and that your copy-writing them. If he wants to use them it's a quarter each time.... or whatever you can do to let him know you notice... but it's not a big deal.
Mary3 Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Contradictory statements usually means : He is lying. I also believe that he never had a 2 year relationship. He is mimicking you to impress you in some way, the same as he is by telling you he had a 2 yr relationship he never had. He might be a virgin or very inexperienced and believes that you would not like him if he said " I have had no sex or just sex with one girl " Period.
Author EricaH329 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 Well, the sex thing has been discussed in your other thread, so there's no need to go into that, but the thing with his parents is understandable, especially at his age (he's younger than you, right...?) where he may still feel a strong connection with his parents. Perhaps they are still part of his daily life and so you'd end up meeting them sooner than later. I was thinking the same thing. He seems to be pretty close with his family, and I just considered this situation to be along the same lines as meeting a really good friend of his. However, what I was mostly wondering about, is the fact the he said he likes to take things 'slow', and then bring up these issues as if they aren't a part taking things 'slow'. I'm not holding them against him, or i'm not trying to at least, i'm just wondering what his definition of 'slow' is. Not something i'm worried about though. I have a feeling that the two year long relationship never existed. I also believe that he never had a 2 year relationship. I agree with the both of you. He probably mentioned it because he thought I would take him more seriously that way. Although, that's not the case. Which just brings me to my next point, that he is going out of his way to impress me. Saying things that aren't true so that i'll like him (this is just one example of that). Probably something I should keep an eye out for. I have hung out with you many times before, and I know that you are loud, assertive, and take charge when necessary. I have a feeling that this guy wants to feel like the "man" of the couple, and when you are being your assertive self in public to other people, he feels that he needs to be assertive too and show that he can be just as sociable as you. So he'll often repeat what you say because it's either really the only thing to say or he can't think of anything of his own to say. It's not nerves. It's him trying not to be led around by the girl. It's a pride issue...combined with a little bit of timidness in public...your movie example makes this pretty clear... You bring up a good point. I do become assertive when i'm out in public (usually with friends). But when i'm on a date, I try to allow the man to be more assertive. I like it when a guy can be more assertive than I am (without being over the top, of course). I've noticed quite a bit that he will look to me (before responding) for the answers. That's when I step up and become assertive. I do believe he isn't as comfortable in public situations as I am (he has admitted to me that he isn't a very social person), so after i've allowed him to speak up, and he doesn't, is when I step in. I sort of feel bad for him, he's an awesome guy with a great personality, he's just too shy to show it to everyone. I'm thinking that's why he allows me to speak first, and then repeats what i've said. Still, though, it can become a bit annoying. I don't mind at all helping him with opening up in public, if that's what he wants, but just not in this way. Does he act nervous? Is he socially awkward at all? After being on this many dates he should be over the initial nervousness by now. I personally really value honesty, and if I witnessed such an obvious contradiction of an earlier statement. I would most likely bring it up. He should have a reasonable explanation, and if he doesn't at least now you know the true nature of the situation. When you hear contradictions like that, you should ask him for clarification in a non-accusatory way. That gives him a chance to explain, or even just apologize for being mistaken. He is a socially awkward person. I have a feeling he might still be nervous because he's grown to really like me. I don't think he really knows how to react in this type of situation. As for me speaking up about his contradictions, they aren't something that I would necessarily choose to point out. As for the 2 year relationship thing, it's obvious that he said it because he was ashamed, and it would be even more awkward for me to bring up that sort of thing and have him actually admit to that. Now, if I were to notice a more serious situation that he would have lied about, then I most certainly would have brought it up. If it happens again... bring it up! In a joking way of course. Laugh tell him your good at choosing your words and that your copy-writing them. If he wants to use them it's a quarter each time.... or whatever you can do to let him know you notice... but it's not a big deal. That's a good idea! I'm a little nervous about trying that so soon, though. If he is really self conscious about that sort of thing, i'd hate to make a joke about it. I think i'm going to wait a little while and see if it continues to happen. If it does, then I think I might just ask him about it. If it's something I can help him with, i'd be more than happy to help him. He might be a virgin or very inexperienced and believes that you would not like him if he said " I have had no sex or just sex with one girl " Period. I hope to goodness he wasn't a virgin. I do believe that he has had sex before, and if he hasn't, then I don't know where he got his moves from But I do understand what you are saying. After having a few conversations about it, i've made it clear that I don't have a problem with his sexual history (or lack thereof).
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