kiss_andmakeup Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 The fact that you've been with this guy for 3 years and you're still so insecure about your body in front of him is worrying. Chances are, if he's been with you for three years and has sex with you regularly, he finds you pretty darn attractive. As women we are our own harshest critics. We obsess over dimples, bulges, and jiggle that men either don't notice or don't care about. I remember the very first time I rode my boyfriend backward as you're describing, I did have a moment of insecurity run through my head (i.e. "what if he thinks my butt is ugly?" "what if my thighs look flabby?). But all insecurities were dashed when I saw how incredibly turned on he got by that position. Now we do it all the time! I agree with the posters who said that if you don't work to correct these issues, you could be looking at relationship troubles. Look, in my view, doing things like reverse cowgirl and 69 is no where near "freak" territory. I'm not saying you should do something that makes you uncomfortable, but you should recognize that your body issues may eventually be the downfall of this relationship.
make me believe Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 i enjoy it and it is great but i will find myself for a split second thinking what do i look like. for example: we did 69 and i was enjoying it but then i looked at him and his eyes were open and i thought is he looking at my butt hole but then i let it go and just kept going and it was the best 69 we have ever done (prolly cause i let it go) 69 IS an awkward thing to get used to! I mean, how can it not be when your ass is RIGHT IN HIS FACE? The thing is, though, if his eyes are open, it's because he's enjoying the view!! IME most guys love to 69, they love having all of you right there in front of them. One time my BF and I did 69 with him on top (we were drunk and just kinda ended up that way, lol) and his ass was in my face but I didn't care! It just gave me something to do with my fingers The next morning he apologized and said that was probably gross for me, but it really wasn't. I mean, certainly not any grosser than when my ass is in his face, you know? I think that it's great you want to work on this issue. I still have insecurities during sex too, but when they pop up I just try not to let myself give into them. Literally do not allow yourself to entertain the insecure thoughts! If your boyfriend didn't like your body and didn't like having sex with you, he wouldn't be with you.
Crazy Magnet Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I'll never understand why some women don't like doing it when the light is on. If you are that insecure and think that the guy is going to judge you negatively, why are you having sex with him in the first place? I personally wouldn't want to have sex with a women to whom I wasn't very attracted so seeing a woman naked would not turn me off. I, like most men, am visual and like to see what is happening. Sometimes the light sucks because it blinds you. Try laying on your back with 3 75w bulbs glaring in your face. My boyfriend thought I didn't like to have sex with the lights on, but the reality was the lights were so bright I couldn't open my eyes and I was seeing those annoying little spots everywhere. We bought lamps and now we are both happy. He gets lights and I don't have to try to use his head to block out the light! lol
Author morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 The fact that you've been with this guy for 3 years and you're still so insecure about your body in front of him is worrying. I agree with the posters who said that if you don't work to correct these issues, you could be looking at relationship troubles. Look, in my view, doing things like reverse cowgirl and 69 is no where near "freak" territory. I'm not saying you should do something that makes you uncomfortable, but you should recognize that your body issues may eventually be the downfall of this relationship. the part is stupid. i could be with him FOREVER and still feel insecure. if i hate my body i hate my body and wouldnt want ANY to see it. that doesnt mean i dont love him or anything like that its just that i dont want to be judge by my body cause i judge it myself. and i think the relationship getting rocking thing is pathetic. i know that cowgirl and 69 isnt freaky im just saying i dont want him to see my butthole thats all. but the other position he may want to try im scared to try because of the fact it would make my body look weird. we have already talked and my body issues isnt effecting our sex he says our sex is amazing. and he would never break it off cause of that. i want to surprise him though and do something he doesnt expect to mix it up a bit cause we dont want to be doing the same thing is all. even though the same thing is AWESOME. and we cant really be that diverse in our sex because we live at home with my parents to get on our feet some day. and when we do SNEAK sex it has to be fast and the clothes HAVE to stay on IN CASE someone comes home.
hopesndreams Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 My boyfriend of 3 years always wants to do weird things in bed. He loves it when I rode him backwards (i did in the dark). He wants to do alot of things that will make my body look weird. I hate doing it with the light on. Im self cautious about my body so I like the lights off. I dont like to be loud either cause i get embarrassed. He wants to do 69. But he will be able to see my butt hole. I guess my main problems with sex are: I hate my body. I dont want to see anything jiggle. I hate when boobs jiggle but im guessing he likes it cause hes a guy (but he loves it) I dont want to make a weird noise and he makes fun (he said he likes hearing me moan) I DONT WANT HIM TO SEE MY BUTT HOLE!! (i just dont like butt holes) I feel like i am not adventurous enough for him. How do I break the ice? You may need to break things off with your boyfriend. If you are not 100% completely comfortable and can't give yourself over completely, with trust, to him, he could very well be the wrong fella for ya.
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 the part is stupid. Stupid? Really? This coming from someone who is afraid to let her boyfriend of three years see her butthole? I actually think I presented my opinion in a rather intelligent and unabbrasive manner, and by posting on a public forum you should acknowledge that that is what you are going to get: opinions. and i think the relationship getting rocking thing is pathetic. First of all, not sure where I said anything about your "relationship getting rocking." Not even sure what that means actually. Second of all, how is it pathetic? I expressed a widely held view: that a sexually inhibited woman is a turn-off to most men, and that down the road, it could possibly cause problems. And yes, not wanting your sexual partner to see your butthole is inhibited. I would venture a guess that it eliminates about 50% of possible sexual positions (and about 90% of the fun ones). I don't believe I wrote anything that qualifies as "stupid" or "pathetic," in fact in my post I was genuinely offering what I felt to be good advice.
Eeyore79 Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 i do know a girl who does anal and then blows the guy --- :sick::sick: talk about unhygenic VOMIT I do that I don't see why it's a big deal; it's MY ass... but I am sexually uninhibited.
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 I do that I don't see why it's a big deal; it's MY ass... but I am sexually uninhibited. E. coli? Hello?????
stellaluna Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 I want to be with a girl that is confident with her body. If I am with a girl for more than a year, I hope that our life in the bedroom would get better, otherwise it becomes stale. Some of the sexiest women I have been with weren't always the ones with the perfect bodies- they were the ones that were completely uninhibited and confident about their bodies. A little jiggle is fine- a lot is not (for me)- but an extra 15-20 pounds is okay if the woman can own it. I'd get bored with a woman if she wasn't into trying new things. It's what us guys complain about on the golf course- that our wives or girlfriends now either don't want to do it anymore, or they don't want to make an effort to keep things exciting. I dated a really hot chick recently, beautiful, sexy, great body- and she only wanted to have missionary sex with the lights out. She constantly complained about being fat, and she had no confidence. Huge turn off. I stopped seeing her.
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 You don't need to be a freak in the sheets!!! Unless you're getting paid for it.
stellaluna Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Can you even understand how you could blow your guy away if you just had a glass of wine and just went to town with the lights on and just tried something new? Life is too short to be a prude.
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Prude is a really strong term. Perhaps she's prudish because she isn't comfortable with her man? Some women can swing off the chandeliers with whoever/whenever and others, well can't. Who is to say which is better? All depends on what you want from you gf.
ADF Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Prude is a really strong term. Perhaps she's prudish because she isn't comfortable with her man? Some women can swing off the chandeliers with whoever/whenever and others, well can't. Who is to say which is better? All depends on what you want from you gf. Someone who is horrified at the thought of her BF seeing her anus is a PRUDE. As another poster pointed out, wanting to hide that means excluding 50% of all sex positions and 90% of the really fun ones. Plus, she made it clear her porblem is discomfort with her BODY, not with her man. If she doesn't get over this hatred of her own body, she's going to end up driving every guy away.
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Someone who is horrified at the thought of her BF seeing her anus is a PRUDE. As another poster pointed out, wanting to hide that means excluding 50% of all sex positions and 90% of the really fun ones. Plus, she made it clear her porblem is discomfort with her BODY, not with her man. If she doesn't get over this hatred of her own body, she's going to end up driving every guy away. I don't think she hates her body!!!! That is what I am driving at. She isn't comfortable with him for a reason. As in, she isn't in love with him.
ADF Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 I don't think she hates her body!!!! That is what I am driving at. She isn't comfortable with him for a reason. As in, she isn't in love with him. She clearly is disgusted by her own body. She says so over and over. Did you read through the thread? She gives NO indication this particular guy is the problem. NONE. On the contrary, she seems to really like him.
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 She clearly is disgusted by her own body. She says so over and over. Did you read through the thread? She gives NO indication this particular guy is the problem. NONE. On the contrary, she seems to really like him. Liking isn't enough to get freaky in the sheets. Not for some anyway.
ADF Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Liking isn't enough to get freaky in the sheets. Not for some anyway. Ugh. Look, you're trying to lay the blame for this on him, trying to make it sound like he's the problem. If she'd said that, you'd have a point. But she DIDN'T. She made it clear the problem was her dislike of her own body. Let's not forget, these two have been together 3 years--3 YEARS!!! And she cringes at the thought he might see her anus? AFTER 3 YEARS?? That's prudish by anyone's standards! And frankly, after 3 years, if my GF still didn't "like" me enough to get freaky in bed with me--I'd want to know how long it was going to @#$% take, for Christ's sake. I mean, how many hoops does this poor guy have to jump through for her?
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 Maybe he is the problem, for her. He could be a great, wonderful guy BUT she just isn't into him. Why o why did it take her 3 years and why o why did he put up with it for 3 years, who the h*ll knows. How old are these 2 anyway? Read something about them still living with parents???
Author morganmedina Posted June 26, 2010 Author Posted June 26, 2010 we are 20 and 23. we live with my parents because we cant afford a house cause we have a child AND i am IN LOVE WITH HIM!!!! yea i dont want him to see my butthole BUT I STILL DO EVERYTHING that may possibly give a site to it!!!!!!!!!! I AM OPEN TO TRYING THINGS in which i have talked to him if he wanted to try anything new and he said NO. he said our sex is AWESOME!! and i asked if he was getting bored. and he said no what we have tried: doggy reverse cowgirl reverse with my leaning back mission me on top frontwards me on top with him sitting up on a couch me on the couch and hes on his knees. shower sex me leaning over the couch on my knees and hes on his. 69 laying down and with me on top. ALLS I SAID IS THAT I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH MY BODY. NEVER SAID I DONT WANT TO TRY. I WAS JUST SAYING THAT WHEN IM IN SEX I SOMETIMES THINK WHAT DOES MY BODY LOOK LIKE. BUT THEN I KICK IT ASIDE AND KEEP GOING. ALLS I WANT IS TO NOT HAVE THAT THOUGHT OF MY BODY AT ALL OUR SEX IS AMAZING I JUST WANT TO KICK THE THOUGHT OF MY BODY ASIDE. and I AM INTO HIM ALOT. NOT JUST LIKING HIM IM LOVEING HIM!!! SO READ THIS SINCE NO ONES READ EVERYTHING IT SEEMS: I DO TRY DIFFERENT THINGS and havent EVER said NO!!!
hopesndreams Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 we are 20 and 23. we live with my parents because we cant afford a house cause we have a child AND i am IN LOVE WITH HIM!!!! yea i dont want him to see my butthole BUT I STILL DO EVERYTHING that may possibly give a site to it!!!!!!!!!! I AM OPEN TO TRYING THINGS in which i have talked to him if he wanted to try anything new and he said NO. he said our sex is AWESOME!! and i asked if he was getting bored. and he said no what we have tried: doggy reverse cowgirl reverse with my leaning back mission me on top frontwards me on top with him sitting up on a couch me on the couch and hes on his knees. shower sex me leaning over the couch on my knees and hes on his. 69 laying down and with me on top. ALLS I SAID IS THAT I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH MY BODY. NEVER SAID I DONT WANT TO TRY. I WAS JUST SAYING THAT WHEN IM IN SEX I SOMETIMES THINK WHAT DOES MY BODY LOOK LIKE. BUT THEN I KICK IT ASIDE AND KEEP GOING. ALLS I WANT IS TO NOT HAVE THAT THOUGHT OF MY BODY AT ALL OUR SEX IS AMAZING I JUST WANT TO KICK THE THOUGHT OF MY BODY ASIDE. and I AM INTO HIM ALOT. NOT JUST LIKING HIM IM LOVEING HIM!!! SO READ THIS SINCE NO ONES READ EVERYTHING IT SEEMS: I DO TRY DIFFERENT THINGS and havent EVER said NO!!! You're being very hostile. Maybe you have Body Dysmorphic Disorder.
Bogo123 Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 3 freaking years???? Im sorry but seek professional help. Seriously.
kiss_andmakeup Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 You're being very hostile. Maybe you have Body Dysmorphic Disorder. Agree. Some responses have been snippy but the majority have been constructive and helpful. You shouldn't ask for help or for peoples' opinions and then be so rude when you get them. Also agree about the BDD. Maybe see a therapist.
VelveteenBunny Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 To the anal comments: I consider myself sexually adventurous, but women shouldn't be expected to have anal. Men aren't expected to let women penetrate their anus, and many would refuse, but they have an anus just as we do. Anal tissue is easier to tear, there are more health issues (though if people desire it, I am not against it), and it can be uncomfortable and even very painful for some people, and not everyone enjoys it much. Out of three of my close female friends, one likes it, the other two don't, and all three said it is extremely painful, though the one who likes it thinks the pain subsides while having sex, I guess. As for me, the first time, it didn't hurt (we did a lot of foreplay beforehand), but I bled, found it uncomfortable (like I needed to use the bathroom the entire time), and not as good as vaginal sex. The second time, maybe I was sore from the first or didn't have enough foreplay, but barely pressing on it was painful enough that we didn't proceed. It is not for me, but if my lover really liked it, I'd try. However, if I had the pain my friends did, I would REFUSE. And since most women don't orgasm from anal, and more orgasm from oral than vaginal, even, I'd say for most of the females, at least, anal is not the new oral. Anal is extremely painful for some people, even if they do it multiple times, and any guy who would dump you for not suffering through it (and yes, I know some folks love it and it doesn't hurt them), esp. if he's not willing to let you shove a strap on up HIS butt, is better off out of your life.
bananalaffytaffy Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 we are 20 and 23. we live with my parents because we cant afford a house cause we have a child AND i am IN LOVE WITH HIM!!!! yea i dont want him to see my butthole BUT I STILL DO EVERYTHING that may possibly give a site to it!!!!!!!!!! I AM OPEN TO TRYING THINGS in which i have talked to him if he wanted to try anything new and he said NO. he said our sex is AWESOME!! and i asked if he was getting bored. and he said no what we have tried: doggy reverse cowgirl reverse with my leaning back mission me on top frontwards me on top with him sitting up on a couch me on the couch and hes on his knees. shower sex me leaning over the couch on my knees and hes on his. 69 laying down and with me on top. ALLS I SAID IS THAT I AM UNCOMFORTABLE WITH MY BODY. NEVER SAID I DONT WANT TO TRY. I WAS JUST SAYING THAT WHEN IM IN SEX I SOMETIMES THINK WHAT DOES MY BODY LOOK LIKE. BUT THEN I KICK IT ASIDE AND KEEP GOING. ALLS I WANT IS TO NOT HAVE THAT THOUGHT OF MY BODY AT ALL OUR SEX IS AMAZING I JUST WANT TO KICK THE THOUGHT OF MY BODY ASIDE. and I AM INTO HIM ALOT. NOT JUST LIKING HIM IM LOVEING HIM!!! SO READ THIS SINCE NO ONES READ EVERYTHING IT SEEMS: I DO TRY DIFFERENT THINGS and havent EVER said NO!!!Jeebus. I just read your other thread about being on welfare, yet wanting your BF to buy you a 5 thousand dollar engagement ring and pay for a ten thousand dollar wedding. All while you don't have a job, have a baby, and live with your parents. I'd say your priorities are WAY out of whack. Worry about getting off welfare (both government and your parent's) and THEN worry about having sex! (And possibly making another baby to put on the government dole.) You do realize that's what made that baby you have right?
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