Adi123 Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Hi, i am from the UK and just over a year and a half ago i spent alot of time on here, trying to see if i could ever be happy again. Well i have made it about six months ago it happend. Me and my girlfriends story is very long, but in short we were together 5 years hit a bad patch, other people were involved, etc etc. Anyone who is new to being cheated on if you really love your partner just forget the first four months, you will feel sad, happy, sad and angry, you will talk alot ask yourself if you still want to be with this person and all that. I was scared for a long time, i thought could this pain last forever, and when i posted on here i would here dump the bitch, once a cheater allways a cheater, some comments help but how do you dump someone you love and you no they just made a mistake. I wanted someone to say hi Adrian, i no this has happend to you but this is what you do to feel better, and in one year on this day things will be cool again. Do you no i am 6ft tall stocky i was in the army at a young age saw conflict. At my own nans furnral i never cryed, i allways thought i was hard, but for 12 months i cryed like a baby, sometimes once a week other times twice a day it broke me i felt ashamed to even call myself a man. I tryed counciling, the gym, even hypnosis, some times i would feel ok but quickley i would fall again. All i can say now is every situation is diffrent if in your heart you still love your partner, and you no they are sorry, you have got a good chance. I think everyone has a right to a second chance and i think people who just say dump them have never been in love, Time does heal and they say you never forget you dont but you except it in time, but always think about this even when you have spent your life with someone, you have still spent your life alone.
morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 so you were together for 5 years and then it happened? me and my boyfriend were only dating for a couple of months (summer time) when i cheated on him. only kisses tho nothing big. BUT it did hurt me that i hurt him. what i didnt know is that he was still talking to his ex. he cheated mentally. we forgave each other and continued to date. then the next summer came around and we both cheated again! it went much further for me and he only kissed that time. we forgave each other after a 3 month break of being single but still faithful if that makes sense. we got back together and all the way up to the next summer we fought and fought about it. that summer i got pregnant with his child. everything took a turn. i dont want to say that the child helped us but it kinda did. we are still together and the child is 2 months old and we are now entering the 2nd summer of being faithful. we both felt horrible about doing this to each other for sure. but i think that people deserve second chances. BUT keep in mind that it can happen again. in our case it did. BUT it wont again. i believe what draws people to cheating is just being in a bad relationship or state of the relationship and you look for other people to console you. that is what happened in both our cases. every time it would get really bad (yelling and physical) we would cheat. what im saying is second chances are expectable. but watch out for those rough spots in the relationship. was the relationship bad at the time of the cheating? if so. give another chance. if not. then i say let it go. if your relationship was fine then she shouldnt have cheated and really must not have been committed to you. we loved each other very much and realized it was us just being weak. or relationship is stronger than ever now. he forgave and forgot. i sometimes am scared but deep down i know not to think that and i know he loves me. now granted that it would happen again. I WOULD NOT GO BACK. there is too much baggage for us. =]
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 i believe what draws people to cheating is just being in a bad relationship or state of the relationship and you look for other people to console you. that is what happened in both our cases. every time it would get really bad (yelling and physical) we would cheat. Totally disagree! I've been in relationships that were much worse than that.... and somehow found a way to not cheat. Bottom line is this. If your a selfish toolbox, or so freakin insecure you need constant validation from someone... you will cheat.
morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 im not saying its the number 1 reason but it can be a reason. i agree with your insecure comment. that is what happened too.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 im not saying its the number 1 reason but it can be a reason. i agree with your insecure comment. that is what happened too. I should have mentioned that I did cheat one time, and I know what caused it is my choice to try to make a relationship work that clearly wasn't. Square peg, round hole issue. Had I any self respect or courtesy for others I would have ended the relationship much earlier. We all make our mistakes and we can grow and learn from them. However, most people don't.
morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 know what caused it is my choice to try to make a relationship work that clearly wasn't. so doesnt that mean the relationship was bad/not working and you cheated in result?
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 so doesnt that mean the relationship was bad/not working and you cheated in result? No, the cheating was 100% me. I could have walked away, but I was a selfish jerk at that point in my life. You should know this already. The relationship doesn't make you cheat it's not possible. That is just a rationalization so you don't have face the blame yourself. When you cheated... it was because you chose to cheat. At that point in time you were just that kind of person.
morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 i guess its different for me. my relationship was bad and it made me want to be with other people. i take blame for even thinking of others instead of trying to work it out. i agree it was the kind of person at that point. but i also think that it was being a bad person because i was thinking of myself and not the other to try to make it work.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 i guess its different for me. my relationship was bad and it made me want to be with other people. i take blame for even thinking of others instead of trying to work it out. i agree it was the kind of person at that point. but i also think that it was being a bad person because i was thinking of myself and not the other to try to make it work. We are all know that it isn't right to cheat. It's only fair to yourself and everyone else that we finish the relationship we are in before beginning a new one. When you don't... it's such a terrible and dishonest thing to do it destroys your self esteem.
morganmedina Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 i wasnt in a relationship when i started with him
Author Adi123 Posted June 26, 2010 Author Posted June 26, 2010 I agree there needs to be a point were you can clearley see things were bad, in my case she broke up with me after a big row then moved out, we got back together after a week but it all fall apart over the next 3 weeks. My friends have been married for 1o years, his wife has been cheating he found out last week., he could not belive it and had no idea, i think in this case it is harder to recover. But his wife told me how bad he has treated over the past 2 years, who is to blame really him or her? I think every one is cappible of cheating given the right circustances.
karnak Posted June 26, 2010 Posted June 26, 2010 But his wife told me how bad he has treated over the past 2 years, who is to blame really him or her? I think every one is cappible of cheating given the right circustances. WRONG! Some people really never cheat. The fact that you're being abused or mistreated doesn't give you the right to inflict hurt upon others. If you're unhappy...leave (many do). Otherwise there would be no police. Everyone could do justice with their own hands. You get the point.
Author Adi123 Posted June 27, 2010 Author Posted June 27, 2010 I am not saying cheating is right ever, but there is a diffrence if you have allways given 100% then your partner cheats, surrley it is harder to forgive. Stealing is never right, but what if your family is starving and you steal a loaf of bread. I hate this hole black and white thing, if you look at the animal kingdom it is natrual for animals to have diffrent mates, if you wanted a new home, car or anything else in life you look around first test drive a car view a home, and it is simmilar to mates. And once you have been cheated on and got over it it does make you feel more secure, if i find out my girlfriend cheated again, i no i have given one chance, and i no i could never go thought it with her again so it is then alot easier to let go.
bentnotbroken Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I agree there needs to be a point were you can clearley see things were bad, in my case she broke up with me after a big row then moved out, we got back together after a week but it all fall apart over the next 3 weeks. My friends have been married for 1o years, his wife has been cheating he found out last week., he could not belive it and had no idea, i think in this case it is harder to recover. But his wife told me how bad he has treated over the past 2 years, who is to blame really him or her? I think every one is cappible of cheating given the right circustances. I am capable of a lot of things, cheating isn't one of them. I view my body as part of the body of Christ and doing something disgusting with it isn't in my realm of thinking.
bentnotbroken Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I am not saying cheating is right ever, but there is a diffrence if you have allways given 100% then your partner cheats, surrley it is harder to forgive. Stealing is never right, but what if your family is starving and you steal a loaf of bread. I hate this hole black and white thing, if you look at the animal kingdom it is natrual for animals to have diffrent mates, if you wanted a new home, car or anything else in life you look around first test drive a car view a home, and it is simmilar to mates. And once you have been cheated on and got over it it does make you feel more secure, if i find out my girlfriend cheated again, i no i have given one chance, and i no i could never go thought it with her again so it is then alot easier to let go. Living your life in the gray maybe just fine for you. But for some of us, life is black and white by choice. I am not now nor have I ever been an animal. I don't think that way, I don't behave that way and I don't equate living my life with a particular standard to buying a material possession. Integrity,dignity and self respect can't be purchased.
spriggig Posted June 27, 2010 Posted June 27, 2010 I am not saying cheating is right ever... Just stop right there. The cheater ALWAYS has the option to leave without cheating.
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