bittersweet memories Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 You may be on to something here;) I used to NEVER text because it was too impersonal. Now I find texting to be less distracting than phone conversations because you have more time to really think about your response. I've been told by friends and some strangers that I exude sex appeal, without me even saying a word. There is "something" sexy about my aura and presence. Most times, the text messages begin with a "Hi sexy. How are you today?" And then they go on to ask what I'm wearing and so forth. This has been true my entire life, even when I was a child. And that was sad because I didn't understand sex then. For instance, when my uncle tried to molest me, my mother caught him and stopped it before it happened. His excuse: he told her that "I seduced him." For the love of God, I was only 4 years old when that happened. I didn't even know what sex was. How could I have seduced him????? So it seems I'm a victim somehow of my apparent sexiness. But I don't always dress sexy. I definately don't act sexy. I'm actually a nerd if you consider my acedemic accomplishments and career accolades. Since when did being a nerd become sexy? If I knew what causes this reaction from people, I would definately make it stop. I'm sure you are sexy..but most guys that I have come across, come off like that. Seems like every guy has the same hand book. Its Sad! They all use the same lines..sexting...naughty pictures..and want one thing. What's up with that? We are going to kiss many frogs before we find our prince charming.. He's out there somewhere!
Serenitynow Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 What should I do? Absolutely hilarious ! In other words, all the guys that are interest in you want you for sex, so now you finally give in to a guy just for sex, but now your conscious is trying to overrule your vajayjay. What should you do ? How do you fix it ? Did it ever occur to you maybe you should find a guy that likes you for you, instead of just wanting whats between your legs ? I'm no genius, but I bet that would solve your issues. Still amazes me that these are adults writing these .
bittersweet memories Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 The sexual abuse at a young age has resulted in low self-esteem and blurry borders. If you don't have a romantic relationship with someone, starting a text with "Hi sexy" is not done. It would only be acceptable from someone who is your boyfriend or husband. If someone who is not my boyfriend or husband would text me "Hi sexy" I would forbid him to call me that way. It is clear that you are very dependent on what others think of you. You are afraid that they find you not openminded enough if you don't want to send sexy pictures. This is so wrong. Sending sexy pictures has nothing to do with being openminded or not. And nobody has to tell you that you should be openminded. If you are not, it is also OK. You have to know that there are perpetrators out there = bad people who get a kick from a situation where they can force people to cross their boundaries. The guy you describe is not a good guy. Not because he wants casual sex as such but because of the way he is playing you. A healthy person wants his contacts to be equal and wants the other to do things because she wants to do them. Having sex with this guy does not make you an openminded, liberated woman, it makes you a sl!t because you are not doing this out of lust and passion, you are doing this because you have no selfesteem. Oh PLEASE!! How old are you? This is 2010...nothing wrong calling someone sexy! hahahaha..
Serenitynow Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 LOL look at all the women blaming the guy like its HIS fault plans feel through. You women totally make me laugh. You are acting like he was a wolf in sheeps clothing and oh the poor girl, she didnt know his intentions. SHE is an ADULT ! SHE sent naughty pictures to him SHE made plans to meet him for sex IT NOT HIS fault that she got cold feet SHE is the one that changed her mind You are just looking to blame the guy to cover her tracks It makes no difference if you turn it around and the women was looking for sex only and the guy was hoping for more. They BOTH knew what was expected. Its NOT a FEMALE vs MALE issue here. The OP needs to grow up and learn how to WAIT for a decent man to come along. She threw the bait out there, saw it was a shark on the line, and then figured she could talk her way out of the situation. Stop baiting for sharks and wait for something better .
bittersweet memories Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 We were supposed to meet tonight at his hotel. He and I spoke two days ago. I told him I want a relationship. He wants an FWB. Of course, his idea of FWB is basically everything I'd get in a relationship except love and commitment. So we canceled our plans for tonight. My gut instinct says that even if I had agreed to be his FWB, he would still put more emphasis on the benefit and we would never truly be friends! Apparently, not being his FWB means that we can't even be friends. Why else would he have canceled our plans AFTER he realized I wanted more than sex? He could have still come to the city and we could have had dinner or drinks. Now, we have nothing. You are jumping the gun..why did you tell him you want a relationship before even going out on a first date? You should of just went with the flow..it's your first date, have fun! You probably scared him off sounding so eager for a relationship.
bittersweet memories Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 No, don't ever make that clear unless don't feel up to it at the end of the date, but were undecided when the date began. Rather cancel the whole thing in advance. Once sex is expected, and not only hoped for, you likely cannot go back to innocent dating without it being a deal breaker. Personally it would be a deal breaker. Why? Because I find it controlling. A compatible woman bases her decision on her emotions at the very moment of seduction. An incompatible woman follows a time-table of how she thinks & wants things to develop in order to 100 % exclude the risk of him walking away. I agree with the bold..i say go with the flow..go on a date, meal, drinks, maybe a kiss. If you are not feeling it in the end of the date say No.
harmfulsweetz Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 It's good to be honest and listen to one's feelings.Agree. It's also true that not sleeping with a man won't make him want a relationship either. The outcome is already written in the stars, be there sex or no sex. The decision to be intimate is an emotional one for the lady. But since emotions are not under our control, we cannot in advance know how we will feel at some time in the future: it will depend on our emotional response to the events leading up to that point. Any self professed predictions of what emotions one will have further on is thus taken lightly by this writer. Personally it's a deal breaker for me if the woman already in advance has decided against the possibility of sex at the end of the night. Apparently she wouldn't even contemplate the possiblity of a great mental connection and strong physical attraction. I would conclude that the woman is fear-centered: fear of abandonment, fear of being hurt. Her desire to avoid any chance of pain lead her to be controlling. Which I gather will invariably will spill over into other areas of the ensuing relationship, should the man still have the misfortune of seeing Ms. Controlling again.Coming out and saying that no sex will happen would obviously turn me off, but it would also put me off regardless if I wanted a relationship before or not. Picking a public place is fine, that conveys some level of discomfort. Picking a private hotel conveys a decent level of comfort. Picking a private place and then later on try to change into a public place will likely be perceived as teasing and will auto-destruct any budding romance. Game over. Next time and next guy, don't agree to hotel if you're not up to intimacy. I see your point, and I do agree. A relationship wouldn't happen regardless if they met for sex or for dinner, the guy does not want that. Personally, I do see nothing wrong with two people who have strong physical attraction sleeping together on the first date-however, I know I wouldn't feel comfortable going to meet him purely for sex and nothing else. I think it may be a woman-thing, you know? I think men think nothing of doing this, whereas women, think everything of it. I think it's good and smart to be aware of how far you are prepared to go, in order to preserve your own self-worth (I'm a fine one to talk lol) so as not to succumb to something you will later regret. That's not a bad thing to know your boundaries and set them straight off. But totally agree with the whole venues set the tone. If you are to meet at the hotel, there's really only going to be one thing happening. Sex. Public place equates to date normally. In the future, I believe OP should steer clear of guys who invite her to the hotel as a venue for a 'date', especially if she wants an R. SerenityNow, I do agree. It's not wrong of him at all to want what he wants, that's cool. So long as the two people involved have a mutual understanding and agreement and are happy in the circumstance, it's all good in the hood. If you want a relationship, sexting a guy isn't the way to get it. It's not the guy's fault at all, just merely a difference between the things they want.
harmfulsweetz Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 I agree with the bold..i say go with the flow..go on a date, meal, drinks, maybe a kiss. If you are not feeling it in the end of the date say No. To be fair to the OP, he wanted to meet in the hotel he was staying at, purely for sex and nothing more. He made it very clear what he wanted, and she, rightly so, made it clear what she wanted, the two desires clashed.
Trimmer Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 This is what I am afraid of. I just wish I hadn't had that terrible experience witht those other guys about the pictures. Then I might not have sent the pictures. I feel soooooo bad about this. And a little stupid too. Here's my take: that wasn't a terrible experience! It was an important indicator to you of what those guys were looking for, and by denying them, you DIDN'T lose a couple of good opportunities, you screened out a couple of people who weren't heading in the direction you want to go. See what I mean? A guy who is the type you are looking for isn't going to ask for "naughty" pictures, and CERTAINLY isn't going to blow you off if you say no. Therefore, if these guys blew you off, then they did you a favor by taking themselves out of your consideration.
Serenitynow Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 (edited) I do not agree with giving this guy a chance. You already know he is the type of guy that will jump into bed with no ties I feel he will still be on the hunt just waiting to score with you and cast you aside as soon as he does. But of course, thats the kinda guy that females are attracted to. The problem is, you dont realize till after the fact. But before you knew he was a sex only guy, you were attracted to him. The guys that ARE NOT sex only guys are the ones you dismiss. Its the same thing as a person that stuffs their face with a big ice cream sundae. They KNOW its gonna cause them to gain weight, but the brain LOVES the endorphin rush it gets when you eat it. Women LOVE how the players act, but dont want the repercussions after wards. . Edited July 5, 2010 by Serenitynow
stellaluna Posted July 5, 2010 Posted July 5, 2010 You most likely blew any chance of a long term relationship the moment you started responding to dirty-talk. The naked pics told him you are just a party girl. Guys will push a boundary until told to stop. He kept pushin' because you haven't ever said stop. But once you start with naked pics, it's not a boundary you can reinforce again. I push too, hey I am a guy. I admit sometimes i am disappointed when a girl accepts.
nevertoolate Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 So we canceled our plans for tonight. Good for you Butterflying. It may have hurt to go through that, some of these comments to your post may hurt, but it's less pain than if you would have gone through with even just one night with him and ended up rejected for what you're looking for. My advice based on making lots of bad decisions myself in this area is to go slow at first. Even if you want to sleep with the guy on the first date, if you find that you're truly interested in a relationship with a guy and he with you after getting to know eachother, the anticipation of getting together will be a thrill ride in itself. Good luck to you!
BentSpine Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 My advice based on making lots of bad decisions myself in this area is to go slow at first. Even if you want to sleep with the guy on the first date, if you find that you're truly interested in a relationship with a guy and he with you after getting to know eachother, the anticipation of getting together will be a thrill ride in itself.Only for the woman who doesn't consider that there are two people involved. Again the woman in this case acts out of fear and desperately needs to control the situation. I would next such a controlling woman. If it works for you, me advicing against would be a waste of time. We all do what works for us.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 The only way you can back out of this is to just cancel out on him because basically you'd already set things up for a FWB situation. Never underestimate your ability to find true love. The thing is along the way, you'll come across 9 out of 10 men who are not relationship material. If you really want someone to respect you, respect yourself first. Take this as a lesson that if you don't want to " sextext", don't. Going against your preferences and what you feel is right is never wise. EDIT- never mind, I just read you cancelled your date. Good for you. Just don't let this guy set you back from finding a good man.
xpaperxcutx Posted July 6, 2010 Posted July 6, 2010 My gut instinct says that even if I had agreed to be his FWB, he would still put more emphasis on the benefit and we would never truly be friends! Apparently, not being his FWB means that we can't even be friends. Why else would he have canceled our plans AFTER he realized I wanted more than sex? He could have still come to the city and we could have had dinner or drinks. Now, we have nothing. A true friend would never act that. I think the urban dictionary should change FWBs to something else that more definitive because it's an overstatement to think people who just f--- each other for the sake of f---ing are true friends or are friends to begin with. Really, you lost nothing by cancelling with him. You avoided getting hurt and getting used in the process ( because honestly, most of the time, the girl hardly benefits).
WalkInThePark Posted July 17, 2010 Posted July 17, 2010 I agree with the others that if 3 men have asked this same thing of you, this is a reason to really examine how you come across. I think her avatar already shows how she comes across/wants to come across.
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