broken12 Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 When I look at some of the relationships that others are in, I'm happy for what I have. It sounds like I'm settling but I know I'm not. Can you relate? Absolutely. It never ceases to amaze me that after D-day I have had numerous people feel free to tell me that they could never stay with someone who did that to them, but a lot of the time, I am thinking, "well I could never stay with someone with whom I bicker all day" or "I could never stay with someone who works 7am - 10pm and plays golf the entire weekend". But I don't say it. I think there's an awful lot of relationships that settle. Somehow it's more socially acceptable if it's bickering or golf but not so if it's because of an affair. I wouldn't choose it, but I wouldn't choose bickering or golf either!
OFGnomore Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Yes, more men than women cheat. And women, whether they cheat or not, are done with the marriage before they leave. Of the subset of people who cheat, most men haven't completely disconnected from the marriage where as most women already have. That's why many more cheating men reconcile than cheating women. The BS, be it a man or a woman, usually wants to reconcile, at least for a while after D-Day but the cheating women will have none of it while the cheating men are willing to try. We'll have to agree to disagree this one. I think men are much more capable of sticking around in a disconnected M than women are. As long as the kids are taken care of they crave structure more than an emotional connection. And in the midst of an affair I think both genders are pretty disconnected from their spouses. I'd worry about someone who can "honestly" say I felt connected to my spouse AND I was screwing around. I mean that would be pretty pathological and anti social in my book.
spriggig Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 We'll have to agree to disagree this one. Yeah, unless we come up with some silly studies to throw at each other. It really doesn't matter. Have a good night.
MizFit Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 We'll have to agree to disagree this one. I think men are much more capable of sticking around in a disconnected M than women are. As long as the kids are taken care of they crave structure more than an emotional connection. And in the midst of an affair I think both genders are pretty disconnected from their spouses. I'd worry about someone who can "honestly" say I felt connected to my spouse AND I was screwing around. I mean that would be pretty pathological and anti social in my book. I know this is a bit of a t/j and apologies. I think men can selectively disconnect...maybe compartmentalizing on steroids. I think they can unplug themselves from the connection to W and family when with OW and vice versa. I don't think it's just a matter of compartmentalizing...I think it is a temporary, absolute disconnect. When the situation changes from W to OW or back again so changes the connection. I think this is where men and women differ...women, as a rule, are connected-period.
OFGnomore Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 I know this is a bit of a t/j and apologies. I think men can selectively disconnect...maybe compartmentalizing on steroids. I think they can unplug themselves from the connection to W and family when with OW and vice versa. I don't think it's just a matter of compartmentalizing...I think it is a temporary, absolute disconnect. When the situation changes from W to OW or back again so changes the connection. I think this is where men and women differ...women, as a rule, are connected-period. Okay, just so I understand, a WH can have sex with his OW in his marital bed because he can compartmentalize? With such a talent, how can you ever know that reconciliation is true with such a man? I"d say it'd be damn impossible. The older I get the more I hold onto my core values of personal responsibility for my actions good and bad. And expect the same of people I get close to male or female. As you can tell, I think it's more horse**** excuse making for bad behavior IMO.
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