whatadeer26 Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 I am so confused about my situation. Here is the background and I really appreciate anyone’s input. Two weeks ago my girlfriend’s father left her Mom, she has been devastated. I tried being there for her but after this happened she began spacing herself from me. Last week she finally broke up with me, saying she needed space and she can’t deal with me right now. I have been heart broken because you would think this situation would bring us closer. I wanted nothing but to be with her. I haven’t eaten or slept much since. She is the one who said she needs time to think. I am the shy nice guy type. Well anyway I tried not to bother her, stopped messaging her and what not. Last Saturday she messaged texted me while I was down the shore saying “what are you just going to go MIA?” I tried explaining to her that I was just giving her space and I want to be there for her. After a short fight she did a complete 180 and began texting me like we were together. We continued all night and all of father’s day until her mom stressed her out and she then turn right back around and stopped answering me again. I am so confused I don’t know what to doHas anyone encountered a situation like this and have advice? I am so heart broken.
ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 When you have family problems or other emotional things going on, it makes you act differently. She eiher likes you or, or she's needing someone to talk to, you being a good option because you were so close to her once. What you told her was very good...you just need to make it clear, that you care about her a lot, and that you always want to be there to talk to her and help her, but that she needs to decide for herself what she needs...does she want space? Or does she want you? And that texting her like that is hurting you as well, because it gives you false hope since you still want her back. Honestly, sounds like if you gave her a big speech about how you want to be there for her always, you'd have her back haha. My opinion from my experiences though. I hope I could help some.
Author whatadeer26 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 I have tried to talk. She either blows me off or talks to me when she needs something. She only called me once since we broke and that was on Sunday when she needed directions to a restaurant. She treats me like a friend who annoys her rather than her boyfriend/ ex. I try to tell myself it is her way of dealing, but why push someone who could be your break from everything. After our talk she only answers the texts she wants and when she does respond it's 1 word answers. She won't answer any calls or speak to me face to face. The night before she broke up with me I was at her house because I could sense somehting was wrong and she told me she was fine. She wouldn't even tell me face to face.
ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 You need to cut her out of your life. Plain and simple. It's hurting you to be there for her sporadicly and only when she wants. She uses you when she needs you. Maybe in time and with healing from her family issues she will come around. Time is the answer for it all, time and NC. haha.
Author whatadeer26 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 Thank you. I am the kind of person who like to draw conclusions. It's really hard for me right now. I was nothing but great to her. My mom told me to let her go. Once she goes out with a few guy who treat her like crap she will realize how good she had it an come back. The hardest part for me has been not looking at her Facebook page. But, NC has really helped me relax and stop thinking about her every second. Thank you again for your input. It is very relaxing talking to someone else who is or has gone through something similar
AlwaysConflicted Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 This situation is incredibly unfair to you. On the flip side, her parents breaking up is unfair to her. You can't win. Your best course of action is to do what you did. Tell her how much you care for her and that you will be there to support her. If, she's treating you like sh*t then you should stand up for yourself. You said you're a shy guy so she's probably walking all over you. Is there any way you can meet up with her? Then you can have a conversation face to face about how she feels and how you feel. I don't know much about your girlfriends personality, but right now she is focusing on only herself in this time of crisis. It's odd that she would shut you out to deal with this issue. If the roles were reversed, wouldn't you want your girlfriend to be by your side? Think about that one for a few minutes. This is a tough situation, but there's going to be a million more just like this. I'm not a shy guy, but I am sensitive. If my parents got divorced, I would want my girlfriend by my side comforting me. Everyone handles things differently and that's fine, but you clearly don't like how you feel. The thing about NC in a situation like this is that she may look back on it and say "he didn't stand by my side" even though we all know you tried to, but were pushed away. I'm familiar with this personality "type". That's why I think you need this face to face talk so she can see the sympathy in your eyes. If she won't meet because she's "annoyed" with you then I guess just go NC and let the chips fall where they may. Sounds like she broke up with you because her life is in disarray and she wants to focus on healing herself right now with no distractions. As I said, UNFAIR. I feel your pain and we're all here for you.
ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Exactly. Try to meet and talk, but if not, NC is the way to go. the fact you are so understanding is really amazing, and if she doesn't see that now, I'm sure eventually she will. Good luck.
Author whatadeer26 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 Thank you both from your advise. She has stopped talking to me and the only way I see me being able to talk to her is by just showing up to her house. Time away from her has been killing me inside. I was thinking about giving her this weekend and not call or texting her. She messaged me last Saturday so I'm thinking if she doesn't go out she will wonder what I am doing this weekend and message me again. I agree that I should go talk to her face to face, but unless I just show up I don't see that happening just yet. She has been so Hot and Cold toward me that my head keeps spinning.
AlwaysConflicted Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 What did she say in her message last weekend?
Author whatadeer26 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 "what are you just going to go MIA" She is the jealous type. I have had thoughts she was doing it because I was out with my friends "trying" to have fun. But when we messaged each other on Sunday i wasn't so pessimistic. She got home from father's day and she told me her Mom was bothering her about her dad and she said "I am just so over everything" and it switch back off. She messaged me a few times when i wrote to her then on Monday we talked about Kickboxing, but it was nothing about me everything was about her. then Tuesday she got defensive with my responses and I said enough.
DenverBachelor Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 "I am just so over everything" It sounds like she's pissed off at her dad and probably hates all men right now. Her mom is probably going on and on about her father, too. The bottom line is that she is treating you like complete **** and you don't deserve it. Go NC and enjoy your life. Let her stew in her own **** for awhile. Hey, it isn't your fault that you tried to be there for her but she tossed you aside. Have respect for yourself and tell her to stop contacting you. Tell her you're "moving on." That should infuriate her.
Author whatadeer26 Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 I am so confused because I always want to look at her Facebook wall and see what she wrote and who she has contacted. I see things on her wall that I know are directed toward me and it makes me so mad and feel like crap.
ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 You'll just have to quit looking, or delete her as a friend on fb. It's hard but...out of sight, out of mind. Better to not know and be happier than look and feel badly. If the temptation is not there, then you will not be as tempted to look. Because honestly, what is looking going to do for you? Nothing except make you feel upset. And trust me, you can jump to the worst conclusions from one simple fb status, all from assumption... it's human nature, but it's not going to help you any.
Author whatadeer26 Posted June 29, 2010 Author Posted June 29, 2010 I removed her as a facebook friend and she texted me asking " hwy did you delete me as a facebook friend?" i told her that i couldn't stop looking at her page and when I did it upset me a lot. to which she replied "I needed to grow up." Was I childish for doing so? It upset me that she didn't even care what I said to her. I had asked her Sunday if I could talk to her for 5 minutes to tell her how I felt about our break. She responded that she couldn't and we could set something up. Which she never gave me a answer to when I asked when. I can't help but think she is being a B****! Am I wrong? My Dad told me that if she has problems and baggage like this now, imagine what it will be like later. I keep wanting to make excuses for her because of her horrible family situation right now.
ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 No, you are in no way in the wrong, whatadeer. She is the one being childish...you did what you have to do to heal yourself, not because you don't like her...you just have to focus on you, like she did when she broke up with you. She doesn't want to talk about the break-up right now. It's too soon. And yes, family problems can affect a relationship...first hand, I know this. I'm sorry. I think she needs time, and that you should do NC. Just know that you were SO not in the wrong for deleting her as a FB friend, ok? It caused you pain, she should understand that.
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