How do you know when something is a good potential from far away? Not sure how to ...

[KismetGirl]

....react? this is a fairly "non political" rant so I feel safe writing this without judgmental reprieve...lol

 

So my life/love life has always been...erm...tumultuous to say the least, i suppose, as anyone who "knows" me on here can attest to...

 

And following a terrible affair with an MM that ended like, a bit over a year ago, I really had difficulty with the dating thing. I have a couple guys I sorta liked here and there, but they all fizzled pretty quickly for me. I made excuses like "oh Im so busy I just don't have time to date", but truth be told if you really like someone, you always find time....so I can only logically ascertain I did not really like any of these recent guys more than an aesthetic or passing thing at best. Even a recent physician I dated, I was quite excited at first, and for a day I might have be4en dissapointed when we broke things off, but I wasn't SAD about it per say, just dissapointed and got over it, and I think it was just a distraction in the long run and I got bored quickly and made excuses to keep it broken off. In fact, he called me again last weekend to hang out and a couple months ago I might have said ok out of boredom and frustrating loneliness on occasion, but now I just say...nah.

 

BUT, so....I had come to the decision that maybe I just needed a really, really long term break from men. Or at the least just stop caring and if it happened.....it happened.

 

But then I start talking to this dude on facebook, right. Let's just say we have something significant in our lives in common, and for that reason we were in the same "interest group" on facebook or whatnot. He lives across the country from me, so when I thought I was going to go out there for vacation, I had emailed him to say hello and ask if he wanted to have a friendly drink. He and I have alot of simliarities, we're the same age, same same same....so, ya know, he seemed friendly and I thought it would be nice to know someone else in that area. Honestly, I had no other intentions and from looking at his photos I actually thought he had a girlfriend anyway, but even when I saw he was single I didn't think anything about it. I will admit I thought he was kinda cute, but I wasn't intending on anything more than a platonic encounter if I went out there.

 

I never ended up going out there, but, we did end up continuing the conversations by email. At first I was resistant to saying much, just friendly banter, but he was so sweet and funny I opened up a bit.

 

Eventually we go from facebook, to regular email, to IM conversation, to exchanging phone numbers. Over the last couple weeks, we've spoken nearly every day via some means. I must have used up half my text allotment for the month on my mobile plan just on him, for real, and then there has been the 1-3 hour telephone conversations in the evening too. It's obvious there is a mutual attraction so far, as the flirting has, without my intentions, gotten for more intense. On saturday night we were both out with friends, both kinda drunk, he called me, and there were some very non-platonic flirtations thrown about that I won't get into but suffice to say if we had been physically near each other there would have been lots of...temptation.

 

I really have been trying not to give a sh*t because of my rampant terrible luck in this arena, but he is intriguing me more and more and I feel like a giddy school girl with a crush. Seriously. The last week my friends and co-workers keep asking me why I look so chipper all of a sudden. when I speak to him or get a text message, I start noticing that I'm sitting there with a silly grin on my face. I did terrible on a recent exam due to stressful situations abounding, and within five minutes he, someone who barely knows me, made me forget that an hour ago upon finding out my score I wanted to crawl into a hole and cry about it. He had me laughing and encouraging me to be confident that that one score didn't matter and I'd get through everything eventually. I mean, i wanted to hug him through the phone.

 

I guess I don't know how to react. I don't want to "let" myself like someone who I haven't even met yet, and then be terribly dissappointed if it doesn't work out. I have a bad habit of getting ahead of myself when I quite like someone, which is why I try to be distant with him, but he's so freaking cute and sweet i can't seem to keep up the distant behaviour.

 

He is actually coming to my neck of the woods in 2-3 months to visit some friends and has mentioned that maybe we should meet up. We've discussed that it's probably good that we can't meet up right now for many reasons, one of which is that he's recently out of a relationship himself (he broke up with her), and he said to me he'd rather not be tempted into having a rebound with me right now, so he kind of likes that he can talk to me for a while first without the physical temptation and I am inclined to agree...but I really don't want to mess this up.

 

He seems really amazing, i don't know. I may end up rightly hating him in person I suppose, but if he's anything like he's been in the 3 hour long phone conversations we've had I doubt it. He's also planning on moving to this area in the next couple of years, which is fine with me as that's when I'll be more done with school anyway. I guess I just don't want to scare him away before then. I feel like when I start to like someone sometimes I get too...I don't know...intense? Maybe I'm just paranoid. He said some pretty....um....intense things to me over the weekend but I find myself feeling like I'm going to scare him away if I saw simliar things back to him for some reason.

 

Last night I went out and sent him a few messages, which he happily responded to in kind, but as soon as he didn't respond to one I got paranoid that I said something wrong. I freaking hate being that way....but I think my bad experiences in relationships lately have made me somewhat more paranoid than I might have been a couple years ago.

 

I'm nto sure I really have a question so much as I am ranting, but anyone who cares to, feel free to tell me to calm the hell down. I'm thinking I might just be a bit more aloof again and not send him any messages until he sends me something first....but I don't want him to think I'm not interested at all either.

 

Dating should be easier. I give fabulous advice to people all day long and then I'm incapable of giving that same advice to myself. Bollocks.

 

It's way too early right now and I feel like I could have been more concise with why I am frustrated and nervous about this situation but hopefully someone got the gist...if not I'll try to write with mroe clarity after I've woken up more.