Shiner Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Hiya, First timer here, but I have been reading alot of threads on the subject. The subject is fairly self explanatory and doing my best with NC as per the other threads I've read, but I'm still confused as ever about it... Bit of a back story, me and my gf had been going out for a year and a half, about 3 months ago she broke it off and I was absolutely devastated. At that point I didn't go NC, but neither did I initiate any contact, but I did have constant phone calls and text messages from her, especially when she had been on nights out at 2 in the morning! I was getting invites to hang out all the time, which I did and it was cool, I think we only went for one day in our break up where we didn't see each other. But, I also got on with my life as, despite the contact, we were still apart, my friends and family were extremely supportive. In that time I also worked on myself, things which I'm still working on now, which is great. My closest friends had a flat become free in their house and said it was mine if I wanted it, which I jumped at the chance. They kept me from paying the deposit on the flat until the last minute as they said they were positive that my ex would want me back as soon as I gained some independence. Which turned out to be the case, but not before I had taken on the flat! Anyway, we got back together and everything was great, better than before, even better than when we first got together. After a week she expected me to move back in, to which I said no. Even though I'd been staying at her flat all the time (for which I offered to, and did, pay half the rent/bills), I felt like it would be too fast and put all the pressure back on us again. This didn't go down well, but things calmed down and she started looking at taking on a new flat with a friend of hers. That turned into asking me to come in on a house share with them, alot of pressure was put on me and eventually I caved. But I was still apprehensive as my gf had always been very dependant on me, everything revolved around me and she didn't really have anything else in her life that would take up her time and make her happy/content. She told me things would be different and that she'd find interests for her, but also that we'd find interests for the both of us. The whole flat share evolved into just me and her taking on a cottage, on the day of signing the lease I asked her if things would really change, to which she wouldn't really give an answer to, just that I would have to take a 'leap of faith'. This made me feel quite uneasy about the whole thing and I backed out at the last minute. This was devastating, she was livid, especially as she had handed in her notice a month ago and now had a week to leave her flat. This was all on my birthday as well (double whammy!), she seemed to calm down in the evening, I went round and she was distraught, told me she was moving into her dad's house and passed on a threatening message from her father. I was overwhelmed by the whole thing, the next day I got a message telling me "we both know it's over", I went to my flat and went NC for a week. Eventually, I went round, helped pack the flat up with her and we got back together. With her staying at her dad's, he understandably doesn't want me staying over with his younger daughter there. Both daughters have to live by the same rules under the same roof, I totally understand that. Problem is, my friends don't want my gf round my flat, they say it would upset the whole house if there were problems. So now we're living apart, not able to stay over at each others gaffs. Having the time apart like this made me realise how much I love her and care about her, in the past I've never had the opportunity to miss her and now I really do. I told her this, but she says she doesn't trust me not to do the same thing again. So, I went ahead and sorted out a holiday for the both of us, some time alone, no hassle from life at home. The holiday was great, and we got on well (atleast I thought so), we both agreed we had got on well, despite a couple of silly arguments. Even at the airport on the way home we were having a laugh and fun. Then we dropped her off at her house and kissed goodbye, it was like a switch had gone off, something was up. I left it, exchanged texts a few times, I tried calling her during my lunch and she didn't answer, which she never does, she always answers. She text me asking if I wanted to go with her to a music festival for the weekend, which I said yes to. That afternoon I arranged to have some flowers sent to her work the next day, just to do something nice, put a note in it saying I loved her. That evening she phoned to discuss travel arrangements... sorted that out. I asked if she wanted to do anything tomorrow evening, she said she was busy, meeting a mutual friend of ours. Was a little disheartened, before I could suggest another night she said she was busy all week, which I thought was really off. She said she had to go to bed. She sent a msg later saying that I could come along the next day to meet our friend, I didn't reply to that message specifically, but I asked why she was acting off with me. She said she didn't think she was, and then said I was off with her on holiday and that I was being over sensitive. I dropped it, but I'm not stupid, something was up but she wasn't willing to talk about it. The next day I got a phone call from her just as I was finishing work saying that our friend had cancelled on her, he could only make it to the pub for one drink and she asked if I wanted to come along and get something to eat together after he had left. So I went along, they were chatting, I'd already arranged to meet up with our friend the day after anyway. He left, we had dinner, which was all fine, she thanked me for the flowers, I said I hadn't seen them as I only told them what colours to use (her favourites). She said she'd take a photo and said it to me, that's nice and everything, but her house is literally next door to where we were. I asked why I couldn't just come up, she said ok, but she wanted an early night and when I come round she ends up going to bed late. I went round, and needed to force the issue of her being off, so I pinched her bum on the way to her room, which didn't go down well. She told me that she didn't feel like touching or kissing and that she didn't understand why, but 'maybe it was because we didn't get on well on holiday'. She says she wants space... okay, so we watched some tv together before I left, didn't try and kiss her goodbye or anything, just left. I don't try and contact her at all, but I get a msg the next day asking if I can meet her in town to get a tent for the festival. I said I was too busy (which was true) and told her to go by herself and I'd get what I needed in my lunch hour the next day. Then she said that she could meet me the next day instead (today) and that it would be good to choose together. So I crumbled and said I'd see if I could move my lunch to meet her. The whole thing is weirding me out, if she wants space, okay fair enough. If that means break up, okay, I can't force her to do anything as much as I love her. I'll just do what I did the first time we broke up, get on with my life and let her sort out what she wants out of hers. It's just confusing as... I met up with our friend last night and I mentioned what was going on and he was as confused as me, she had said to him at the pub (before I showed up) that we were getting on a lot better now. I don't get it, along with the whole festival and choosing a tent together thing, it's a conundrum!
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