billyburg7 Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Please help After a month and a half of no contact, my ex-girlfriend, out of the blue asked me to have dinner with some of our friends. I agreed and we had a great time. Like old times. She then asked me to coffee afterward. She all but admitted that she missed me and saw me everywhere, but, at the same time, still felt guilty for even seeing me. I told her I still had feelings for her as well. We left and I felt very unfinished about everything. I emailed her a week later saying I wanted to see her again and hash things out even more. A few days later, she asked if we could meet Thursday. I said yes. She then said "Thursday was a no-go." I suggested the weekend, and she responds that she doesn't want to see or speak to me and to stop trying to contact her. She initiated contact than pulled the plug. I love this girl and want to be with her, but I don't know what's going on with her. Please help.
Treasa Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 She wanted to make sure you were still there on the strings she pulled, like a puppet.
Ann Karenina Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 ... I am in a similuar situation. My ex-boyfriend is also sending wierd mixed messages and I cannot understand him at all. From a girls perspective I can only guess that she is very unsure about her feelings and might want to persue her independance. What were the reasons for your break-up? Maybe she is just very confused... I cannot understand why people are behaving like that though... One should not play with other people's feelings and sending mixed messages is the worst. It makes one hope and then all of a sudden your hopes are crashed... Break-ups suck...
Author billyburg7 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 The circumstances of the break-up are very confusing to me.... but I'll try to explain. Her grandfather got sick very rapidly and eventually passed away. I was there for through the entire illness and listened to her and tried to help as best I could. Two days after he passed away, my roommates had friends over and I invited a close friend too. She was at work and she called me after around 10pm as she usually does. She told me she was feeling ok all things considering. That some family friends came into to restaurant and made her feel a little better. Eventually, she asked if I need to go because there were people over. I said yes, but I could tell she was still upset and asked if she was ok. I asked multiple times if she was really ok and she said she was fine every time, but I knew she wasn't. Eventually I got frustrated because she wasn't telling what's going on and my friends started pressuring me to come back to the party. I told her I had to go, because I couldn't fight with her with my friends in the next room and i needed to be there as a host. She eventually got very upset and hung up on me. I tried to call her back to fix things that night and she didn't answer. I eventually gave up until the next day and she broke up with me because she felt I wasn't sensitive to her needs or her family. hope that makes sense. thank you for your help. I really appreciate it.
JacquesA.LeFrancais Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 The circumstances of the break-up are very confusing to me.... but I'll try to explain. Her grandfather got sick very rapidly and eventually passed away. I was there for through the entire illness and listened to her and tried to help as best I could. Two days after he passed away, my roommates had friends over and I invited a close friend too. She was at work and she called me after around 10pm as she usually does. She told me she was feeling ok all things considering. That some family friends came into to restaurant and made her feel a little better. Eventually, she asked if I need to go because there were people over. I said yes, but I could tell she was still upset and asked if she was ok. I asked multiple times if she was really ok and she said she was fine every time, but I knew she wasn't. Eventually I got frustrated because she wasn't telling what's going on and my friends started pressuring me to come back to the party. I told her I had to go, because I couldn't fight with her with my friends in the next room and i needed to be there as a host. She eventually got very upset and hung up on me. I tried to call her back to fix things that night and she didn't answer. I eventually gave up until the next day and she broke up with me because she felt I wasn't sensitive to her needs or her family. hope that makes sense. thank you for your help. I really appreciate it. True that loss does make people behave...differently. We all have bad days. And we all have times of stress. I firmly believe however that during the hardest times that when you need someone to lean on your S/O should be the first. Now some might say sometimes people need space, one must be adult enough to say "I need time to cope with my loss, I love you and I will call you, our relationship is fine, i am just coping" That is also normal. Not to seem paranoid but something smells fishy here...really fishy...
Author billyburg7 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 I was with her every step of the way. But this one night, because of circumstance, I couldn't be there for her completely and I'm paying for it. I DO definitely care about her family and cared about her grandfather. I feel completely guilty about that night and wish she had been more open about what she was going through. As I said, this was a few months ago and she got in contact with me because she ran into a friend of mine and took it as a sign we should open communication. A week later, she has since closed it. I'm very confused. Probably as confused as she is. What do you think?
OndaChin Posted June 28, 2010 Posted June 28, 2010 Experience has taught me that "Confusion" is based on doubts! If I was you- I'd separate myself from her and "ignore" all her contacts. She's attempting to test your "boundaries". See what she can get away with. Very dangerous thing for you emotionally- i.e. puppet, back-up plan, stable bit*h. Please set personal boundaries and hold your self-respect! Tell her that you dont like games. If she plays another one- break off contact and move on. Its tough- but youll be happier! I gaurantee that~
jeremy_s Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Going through almost the same exact problems. but mine had an emotional break down. she broke up with me because she had problems and i guess i wasn't helping her but things is i went to every psyciatrist meeting with her doctors with her but she just got mad at me one day and said we can't be together anymore. but then shortly after that she said " you know i wanna be with you" then later that SAME day said we can't talk anymore. and she doesnt know if she wants to be with me..it truely is very very confusing cause i do have this big feeling in my body that I have NOOOO idea what is going to happen i can't ever get a straight answer from her right now. but really you just gotta live your life have fun dont call her, if it was ment to be and she loves you she will do what is needed to do and call you sometime but yeah playing games will never work out. you cant say yes to every time she wants to hangout. you have to do things that you want to do this is your time away from everything as well. just have fun dont make it seem like your depressed to her cause girls really do not like seeing you have fun while they think you should be sad or whatever i still dont understand why girls do or think things.. best thing i did was talk to a girl that doesnt know her and fill her in on how she is and the girl pretty much told me how girls are when they say 1 thing that there is something else. for example a break''" could mean they want to date other people. could mean they just want you out of their life the easy way of saying things. or just really need a break and other reasons but thats just an example.. my gf right now is very confused on what she wants she says she wants one thing but i know she doesnt know.girls just have this prince image about the perfect person painted into their mind i mean yeah you can get someone with a good career good lifestyle but still you may not be happy what so ever. so what im trying to say is there is slim to nothing you can do other then do the best for yourself you can right now..not saying go out and f**k every girl just kick it be single do what YOU wanna do.i hope all turns out well for you , which it always does just time being is hard.
ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 Hey! I'll try to give you a little advice on how I see it...I know it's hard to believe for people (like you and I) who are NOT like this, but...some people are completely LOST. They have no idea what they want, or how to get it if they do. They are good at talking themselves out of things, and into things, and are often impressionable with others' opinions. They are always second guessing, and just confused about their life and life in general. Including, as you know, relationships. In my experience it's best to stay away from these people because they need to find themselves first. They will have you on a constant pull away and tug back trying to decide what they want to do with you. To me, it's the easiest thing in the world, because I know what I want and I'm not confused about it or not sure, so it was hard to get use to the idea of this, but after being with someone like this, I've learned. (Hot and cold and all sorts of in between is a simple way of putting all this I guess haha.)
usagi Posted June 29, 2010 Posted June 29, 2010 ...some people are completely LOST. They have no idea what they want, or how to get it if they do. They are good at talking themselves out of things, and into things, and are often impressionable with others' opinions. They are always second guessing, and just confused about their life and life in general. Including, as you know, relationships. Couldn't agree more. Focus on you and not on trying to help her 'make up her mind' or 'come to her senses'; that is an undeterminable outcome.
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