A_ron Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Me and my ex dated for 7 months and 4 of those months we lived together. She's a good girl see alot of potential in her. The first few months were great. The next 2 were a little rocky because of arguments over the amount of pot she was smoking and her anger issues. She quit for a month when we first started dating and then she went back too it but it has gotton bad the passed couple of months. She started becoming less intimate with me during the last month. She was distant and angry. I started drifting away from her. I started seeing more girls attractive which was bad cuz then i gave out my number to this one girl and she gave me her number. well i felt guilty so i told her about of course she flipped. A few days later she goes and sees an old friend up north that she's never had more than a friend connection with who has cleaned up his act and she cheats on me. She feels bad so we break up. She has feelings for me and him and the only way she can decide if the feelings are true in her eyes is if she sees him again. But at the moment her cars junked cuz its pretty much totaled, she dont want me driving her up there. Im tired of waiting for the answer, im so impatient because the anticipation is unbearable. She says she can change the biggest question is if i get back with her am i setting myself up to get hurt again. I still have deep feelings for this girl. It's like i want her to go see him so i can know the answer but i dont want her too cuz im afraid of getting crushed. The fear of truly losing her bites.
Melrapuo Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 (edited) Take this from someone who has been in your position before, except my relationship with my ex was ~2 years. Disappear. Run. DO NOT put yourself through this. Being the nice guy in this situation, and acting ok with her dating the other guy, will only tear you apart. This is what I did with my ex, and I regretted the hell out of that decision. If you stick around, she'll think its ok to just date the other dude. Screw how she thinks she can figure this out right now. You wanna know the best way to see how she really feels about you? Stop all contact with her, no matter how pissed off or upset she gets. Your feelings are involved too, not just hers. Make a decision for yourself, and don't let her decide for you. You'll only end up in more pain. This way you can at least keep your dignity. This isn't NC in the sense of getting her back though. This is NC in the sense of making your own decision and standing your own ground. She WILL ask you why you're doing this, and she WILL feed you bread crumbs to try and make you stick around while she goes off with this other guy. You've become plan B to her. You're no longer the top guy in her life. So you gotta make yourself #1 and move on. Will she come back? No idea. This isn't something to manipulate her. If she doesn't immediately realize that she made a mistake and wants to be with you, then you have your real answer. Actions speak much louder than words. And if she isn't ringing your phone off the hook, or banging on your door asking you back, then she isn't the girl for you. (And keep in mind, if the words "I made a mistake", "I want you back", "Lets start over" don't come out of her mouth, then she doesn't want to fix things. You have to realize that, at this point, it IS over. I know how hard that is to accept, but you have to start realizing this.) I know this stuff sounds pretty harsh and straight forward, but believe me. If I had enough knowledge two years ago to realize that all the things I did and said to my ex were nothing compared to just moving on, I would've been a lot better off. Heed this advice - drop the girl immediately. Life is way too short to wait around for other people's decisions when its your decisions that steer the course of your own life. Edited June 24, 2010 by Melrapuo
Woggle Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Take yourself out of the equation and make her decision easier.
tiwani Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 (edited) I have to agree with Melrapuo fully on this one. Actually what Melrapuo said just helped me so TY! I just went through basically this same situation a couple weeks ago(without the pot or digit person). The best thing that helped me was to just prepare for the worst(which is easier said than done, i know. you still get your hopes up). That ended up paying off for me because he chose her(again), leaving me to deal with all the pain alone(again). It'll still hurt like crazy, but atleast you'll be ready for it. Hope this helped, and made sense lol Edited June 24, 2010 by tiwani
heavensmesenger Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Melrapuo your bang on, I couldn't have said it better.
Treasa Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Melrapuo's advice is so spot-on accurate I have absolutely nothing to add to it, and I'm usually a pretty verbose person.
DustySaltus Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Take this from someone who has been in your position before, except my relationship with my ex was ~2 years. Disappear. Run. DO NOT put yourself through this. Being the nice guy in this situation, and acting ok with her dating the other guy, will only tear you apart. This is what I did with my ex, and I regretted the hell out of that decision. If you stick around, she'll think its ok to just date the other dude. Screw how she thinks she can figure this out right now. You wanna know the best way to see how she really feels about you? Stop all contact with her, no matter how pissed off or upset she gets. Your feelings are involved too, not just hers. Make a decision for yourself, and don't let her decide for you. You'll only end up in more pain. This way you can at least keep your dignity. This isn't NC in the sense of getting her back though. This is NC in the sense of making your own decision and standing your own ground. She WILL ask you why you're doing this, and she WILL feed you bread crumbs to try and make you stick around while she goes off with this other guy. You've become plan B to her. You're no longer the top guy in her life. So you gotta make yourself #1 and move on. Will she come back? No idea. This isn't something to manipulate her. If she doesn't immediately realize that she made a mistake and wants to be with you, then you have your real answer. Actions speak much louder than words. And if she isn't ringing your phone off the hook, or banging on your door asking you back, then she isn't the girl for you. (And keep in mind, if the words "I made a mistake", "I want you back", "Lets start over" don't come out of her mouth, then she doesn't want to fix things. You have to realize that, at this point, it IS over. I know how hard that is to accept, but you have to start realizing this.) I know this stuff sounds pretty harsh and straight forward, but believe me. If I had enough knowledge two years ago to realize that all the things I did and said to my ex were nothing compared to just moving on, I would've been a lot better off. Heed this advice - drop the girl immediately. Life is way too short to wait around for other people's decisions when its your decisions that steer the course of your own life. +1,000 It's not about her, it's about you. 2nd place is always the first to lose.
spyyder Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 (edited) Only try to work things out IF the person your getting back is worth it. After lots of work I got back with my gf after she gave me a chance, and I only tried so hard because she was one of those 'it' girls that was perfect and was worth fighting for. Im sorry, but your girl isn't perfect, in fact she's just downright horrible! It's totally understandable to give out your number when your starting to hate being with your girlfriend. Your just someone that still wants to be in a relationship, but just wants to replace who your having it with because your gf was so horrible and not right for you. I know the feeling because I've done it before. HOWEVER her revenge was to cheat on you! WTF are you kidding me! Thats at least a 100 times worse (no exaggeration). I'd say you'd have to give your number out to at least 100 women, for her to justify cheating on you. She should have thought & asked why you did it, and then realized that it was because she was being so horrible you wanted to replace her. She's trying to trick you into thinking that she can only make a decision if she sees this guy. I can guarantee you that if she sees that its ok with you, she'll take advantage of you and probably end up seeing both of you at the same time for as long as possible. She recently started seeing this guy when she shouldn't have, and now she's telling you that she wants to see this guy some more to decide if she should be with you...REEEEALLY?!?!! Here is my closest experience to your problem, as strange as it may seem: When I was going out with my ex, we had many showers together. One day she actually peed (urinated!) on me. It was an accident so I said it was ok. The next time we took a shower she did it again, but this time it was deliberate as she smiled and did it as a joke. I didn't get angry as I assumed it was just a joke based on the accident last time. The next time we had a shower she did it again and she soon developed a habit. I got sick and tired so I just stopped having showers with her - I ended our showers, it was the only way. My point is, if women see that your ok with them doing something bad, they will take advantage of it. My ex saw thought that I was ok with her peeing in the shower with me, so she tried to take advantage. Your girl sees that she can get away with seeing him while in a relationship with you, so she will continue to see him until you put an end, which is when you break up. I'm sorry but your relationship is already over. The only way you can put an end to her seeing other guys or cheating on you is to break up. I'd say she's a real bitch, slut, etc but you already know that. Your just upset, which is clouding your judgement. You already know she's bad for you, which is why you attempted to get with someone else in the past BUT because your a good person you felt guilty about it. Don't feed bad, guilty, or anything. She's bad for you, and it will get worse. Edited June 25, 2010 by spyyder
D-Lish Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 She has feelings for me and him and the only way she can decide if the feelings are true in her eyes is if she sees him again. But at the moment her cars junked cuz its pretty much totaled, she dont want me driving her up there. You'd actually consider driving her up to see the other guy she cheated on you with, so she can have a romp in the sac with him and figure out how she feels???
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