Jump to content
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

Posted

my girlfriend of 1 yr 1 month has just broke up with me saying she hasn't ever had time to be single and go do what she wants to do like go out with friends i know she isnt going out and hooking up with guys she just has never had the chance to experience the single like cause all of her ex boyfriends have been controlling and i havent been letting her go out with her friends which i deeply regret now i don't know why i got mad it just triggered something but now i am more then happy to let her go out but the break up already happened. Its been 3 days and ive heard from her yesterday in the after noon she calls me saying" you know i want to be with you" and i was like im with my friends and im trying to hold back from crying but lets talk about this later tonight. so she calls me later last night says she is not gonna call me anymore and that she needs me and her to grow up and handle our issues but mine are not as bad as hers from what i can see. She told one of her good friends that she doesn't want to loose me but she can't be with me right now. I am just going through the worst days off my life cause i felt perfect with her, and i felt like we were going to move out and be together forever but at this point i dont understand girls.. there is probably things that i missed on this thred but i am so scatter brained. I am 21 yrs old and she is 23.another thing after she said she can't talk to me anymore she adds me on facebook today.but please help i have no good friends to give me any help.

Posted

Did you state that she kept you on Facebook? You definitely need to defriend her or at least block her from yours. It would be endless torture knowing what she is doing.

 

Take this time to not try to proverbial and ill advised "We can still be friends" business because as the dumpee, you can't. You don't want to be friends...you want to be back together. So any contact with your ex will be heart wrenching and confusing.

 

Give yourself a break. Grieve the relationship and allow her to live her life as she is wanting. Don't become the psycho ex and bother her with endless questions and tirades about why you two ended. It will only put even greater distance between you two. Be the bigger person by leaving her alone and healing. If she comes around again, you may have better wisdom to handle whatever it is she is wanting from you.

Posted

You definitely cant handle knowing what shes doing like the previous poster said, so remove her from friends on facebook or hide her, im going through this right now too and i kept stalking her facebook which only made me hurt more. Dont let her play with your feelings, if she wants you back she will say so in the most direct way possible.

  • Author
Posted

im not talking to her or trying to contact her but i feel like it would be rude to block her and i wouldnt want to distance it anymore if she caught the wrong idea off of the block on facebook. should i tell her why i am blocking her or just do it? and she might call me tonight which i am really waiting for should i answer or let it go to voicemail? i am having such a hard time that i just ate food which i havent had any good portional meals for 3 days and now i feel sick just from thinking of her cause im depressed and not very hungry but knew i had to eat something. but she just added me on facebook i delete mine when we were together but i just want to know what is going to happen since in the same day she told me she really loves me which she tells me everytime we talk and then later that night she told me she can't call me anymore .. but i dont know cause i talked to one of my friends which is a girl and she said she has said that and its because my ex doesnt want to take me down with her cause of all of her issues but i try to go out and have fun but i am so depressed i feel like sleeping all day but then i cant sleep at night. i dont know what to do!

  • Author
Posted

another update i was on her page not stalking but just cause she is posting videos and on her facebook thing it says" still dont know if this is the right choose' meaning to me cause she told her friend that. to me i dont feel like im in real life or i have some feeling like that i can only describe as an out of life feeling.

Posted

Hey man, I understand your situation - mine's similar in some ways, except her and I are older, 35 & 38 (me), and she just began a new job in a new city in which I'm supposed to be moving there in April to be with her. At present, as of yesterday, she wants us to let off the relationship, yet still communicate - her new job is very stressful right now, and because of our relationship problems, all stemming from miscommunication which is so hard to swallow at present because our relationship is/was deep; i wasn't giving her that extreme deepness that she was expecting, even though i was going through a hard time in that moment. So now, she wants to back off for self-preservation, due to that uncertainty I was giving her during that moment in my life, yet because our problems only stem from miscommunication I have so much hope that it will work out ultimately, but to maintain my self respect I have to face that there's that chance she'll never come back, so who knows?

 

My point's that, as much as you love that girl, don't ever try to control her, or any other female. When I was 21 I wasn't involved seriously with any girl, so I can only imagine how u feel right now bc it hurts, man. But one thing, let them do what they need to do, man, whether it be with school, work, family, etc., and even with going out with her friends. You said that you know she's not hooking up with anyone, so let that thought go. It's hard to say because people do get burned, like a lot, & I personally wasn't in a serious relationship when I was 23 either, but there are women that don't cheat - there I said it. Anyway, all guys/people in general have insecurities, & it can be hard for us to work through them, but it's a must that we do - after we do, at least for me personally, it was easier for me to trust myself and others more. Just don't crowd your girl like that - you said all ex's were controlling, so definitely dont be that way, and try to recognize why you have those controlling feelings, then try to work through them. She told her friend she doesn't want to lose you, so that's a plus - just relax, take some breaths, and don't crowd her at allllllllllll. Try not to contact her at alllllllllllllll right now and focus that energy you're putting into her into your passions aside from your relationship. The woman I'm crazy about has been in really bad previous relationships, and I thought ours was different because we would have small arguments, yet afterward go have the time of our lives. Basically, even though we were having fun, with the way I was/wasn't acting, due to my lack of emotion at a certain point in our relationship, even though I was going through tough times, I gave her that uncertainty, in which my she's such a selfless person that it wore on her and now she has to take a step back. What is the only thing i can do? Take a step back as well to let her work through everything in her head. She knows exactly how I feel about her, with me either really opening up about how I was into our relationship 110% then, to 150% now, and she's not heartless, even though I know that we feel as if they can just turn the switch on or off at will as to whether they want to remain in a relationship. It's all on a case-by-case basis though, really, in my opinion. I've only been in 4 ideal, committed relationships in my life, so what do I know, I'm here for support as well. I've been in a long-distance relationship for 5 years, and our connection's been strong other than our miscommunications, in which I think miscommunication can be worked through over time in an honest, open dialog, depending on the situation, but my gfriend wants me to let go right now because of that.

 

With all that longwindedness said, let her go do what she has to do, don't contact her right now, and try to stay strong as anything, even though i know it's easier said that done. I've had to seek opinions and advice from my circle of friends, as well as an aunt, which really helps, so if you can, try to empower yourself with that support right now, & try to relax. I get real panicky when I think about it extremely hard, it grips me out of nowhere, but i have to fight it off, either by thinking about the good times/positivity in general, simply because I believe negativity invites negativity and positivity invites positivity, so that's how I cope.

 

Also, depending on you guys' circle of friends, try not to browbeat her friends/you guys' mutual friends for info either, which i know is hard too, but depending on the person, this could possibly make her angry also. Your best move is not to move, try to NOT freak out, as bad as it feels. Don't fuel the fire - don't add anymore doubt/uncertainty that she may already have. Like a friend of mine told me, which is neither here nor there, when you date the girl, depending on the girl, you're not just dating her, you're dating her and all her previous relationships .... so who knows. Take care, and thank you for sharing - I wish you 2 all the best.

Posted

What I did was just "hide" her from my facebook since I couldnt for the life of me figure out how to delete her :p. This means her status updates wont pop on your page. Then you just need willpower to not look at hers, and thats all up to you.

 

You need to let her figure out her stuff on her own, don't contact her or anything. Its hard as hell jeremy, but its necessary for you to start healing.

 

As for eating, what I did was I ate very slowly. What took 3 minutes to consume in the past took 10-15 minutes. But I felt less sick doing that and didn't throw up or anything.

 

Also surround yourself with support, whether it be friends or family. They are good distractions especially if they get you laughing.

  • Author
Posted

thankyou HURTINGALOT i just recieved a call from her saying that she just wants to find out why she cant seem to be happy with me cause of her previous abusive relationships cause i have been very nice ,loving, caring, and no way lifting a hand to her but im not like that in anyway.but i cant stand the feeling of her being with someone else and i think she can't either but i have got in contact with one of her friends that is trying to talk to her but never telling her we are talking cause her friend is trying to help us out cause she can't stand "seeing something so perfect go to waste". but yeah i only gave it 100% but now im like 150% but i wish i could have done that alot sooner.... but she just called saying that we can be friends and see where that goes but i still feel a little on the negative side since girls have the switch that one min they want me and the next they don't care its confusing and very emotionally twisting. but as for friends she was my only close one none of my "friends" ever call me ask me about my day and things like that so thats hard im usally just stuck inside my house not wanting to do anything except sleep right now but i am usally very active with the beach and skateboarding alot but at this time depression makes me feel sick and weak

  • Author
Posted

but we talked on the phone i told her how hard it is that one min she wants me then later that night she doesn't want to talk to me and how its hard with her on my facebook and then she said she would delete me.. is that because she doesnt care for me or is she helping me?

×
×
  • Create New...