lonelygurl Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Does anyone have any suggestions on books to read on how to deal with I guess complicated grief. I can’t afford a therapist and I am so sick with grief still. My X left me a year and a half ago now and I am still stuck with missing him constantly. I can’t stop thinking about him all the time or fantasizing that he will come back like he did the first time. But in reality he won’t. I recently found out who he is living with and can’t believe how after seven years being together it is like I never existed in his life. They were together just after we split and knowing his past she was probably in the picture before he left. He always had someone waiting in the wings. When I was at the hospital they said it could take up to two years to heal, but at the rate I’m going I don’t see that happening. Why am I still so stuck and hung up on him? Please don’t suggest I get a new man. I have no desire and am working on other mental health issues that don’t leave room for dating.
skydiveaddict Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 You need new people and activities in your life. anything to distract you. Believe me I know exactly how you feel. Hang close to your friends. Lean on them for support. This pain will eventually pass. Believe me , I know how much it sucks. I'm right there too.
Perhaps Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Does anyone have any suggestions on books to read on how to deal with I guess complicated grief. I can’t afford a therapist and I am so sick with grief still. My X left me a year and a half ago now and I am still stuck with missing him constantly. I can’t stop thinking about him all the time or fantasizing that he will come back like he did the first time. But in reality he won’t. I recently found out who he is living with and can’t believe how after seven years being together it is like I never existed in his life. They were together just after we split and knowing his past she was probably in the picture before he left. He always had someone waiting in the wings. When I was at the hospital they said it could take up to two years to heal, but at the rate I’m going I don’t see that happening. Why am I still so stuck and hung up on him? Please don’t suggest I get a new man. I have no desire and am working on other mental health issues that don’t leave room for dating. *virtual hug* I know how it is... it's really tough. But you have to believe that it will get better - you have to have an aim; a goal to achieve. The first thing you should do is set some goals for yourself - like joining some type of club, or doing something you've always wanted to. Physical activity is always good because it helps you relieve stress. Most importantly, talk about whatever you feel - with family/friends/LS. Talking about it and letting it out feels a lot better than holding it all in, thinking no one will understand. The more you talk about it, the lighter you'll eventually start to feel -- it's kinda like weeping - it'll reduce the depth of the pain BTW, your location says ON; did you feel the earthquake today?
Author lonelygurl Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 You need new people and activities in your life. anything to distract you. Believe me I know exactly how you feel. Hang close to your friends. Lean on them for support. This pain will eventually pass. Believe me , I know how much it sucks. I'm right there too. I'm doing my best to distract myself but it isn't an easy feat. I'm sorry you are right there too.
Author lonelygurl Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 *virtual hug* I know how it is... it's really tough. But you have to believe that it will get better - you have to have an aim; a goal to achieve. The first thing you should do is set some goals for yourself - like joining some type of club, or doing something you've always wanted to. Physical activity is always good because it helps you relieve stress. Most importantly, talk about whatever you feel - with family/friends/LS. Talking about it and letting it out feels a lot better than holding it all in, thinking no one will understand. The more you talk about it, the lighter you'll eventually start to feel -- it's kinda like weeping - it'll reduce the depth of the pain BTW, your location says ON; did you feel the earthquake today? Thank you for the hug! Right back at you. I have been more active lately. It has been hard with my depression and anxiety. I don't have any support system or someone to talk to on a regular basis, so could be part of why I'm stuck. Thank you for the suggestions. And yes we felt the earthquake. It is kind of scary how far earthquakes travel.
GrayClouds Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Does anyone have any suggestions on books to read on how to deal with I guess complicated grief. One of the best book out there to help moving on is: Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson. The other suggestion is to make sure your getting exercise everyday, even if you do not feel like it; walk, run, lift weights, swim and/or anything else that will make you sweat. Just make sure you push your self hard, tire yourself out, and then do it all again the next day. It will help settle a varieties of crazy. good luck.
Treasa Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 I agree completely with the getting out and getting exercise. I know you said you can't afford therapy. Can you afford martial arts? That's done so much for me in the past, and has thankfully come back around again recently as an outlet for me. But even if you can't do that, walking, running, lifting weights, anything of the kind would help you.
Author lonelygurl Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 One of the best book out there to help moving on is: Journey from Abandonment to Healing by Susan Anderson. The other suggestion is to make sure your getting exercise everyday, even if you do not feel like it; walk, run, lift weights, swim and/or anything else that will make you sweat. Just make sure you push your self hard, tire yourself out, and then do it all again the next day. It will help settle a varieties of crazy. good luck. Thank you for telling me about the book. I actually found it tonight. I had bought it a year ago and completely forgot about it. I plan on starting it tonight. I am becoming more active than I was. I do my best to tire myself out, but I may have fibromyalgia so sometimes when I work out hard I crash with pain and exhaustion for days. I'm keeping at it though. Thank you.
Author lonelygurl Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 I agree completely with the getting out and getting exercise. I know you said you can't afford therapy. Can you afford martial arts? That's done so much for me in the past, and has thankfully come back around again recently as an outlet for me. But even if you can't do that, walking, running, lifting weights, anything of the kind would help you. No I can't afford anything to be honest. I am currently on disability for severe depression and severe anxiety and barely have enough to feed me and my kids. I have been working out and it helps for a bit. Thanks.
heavensmesenger Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Lonelygurl my heart goes out to you I'm in the early stages of grief myself (4th day NC), take shelter here if you have to everybody on this forum is here for you, never be afraid to ask for help.
Author lonelygurl Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 Lonelygurl my heart goes out to you I'm in the early stages of grief myself (4th day NC), take shelter here if you have to everybody on this forum is here for you, never be afraid to ask for help. I'm sorry we are all going through this grief. It amazes me how so many of us are hurting for so long and many of our X's just move on like nothing ever happened. It is nice to come here and know I'm not alone. I was on here all the time the first few months of my break up, but then started spending more time in a depression website. But I need the support of people here going through the same difficulties with their break up.
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