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Need some ears to listen, no other way to title it...

ahashakeheartbreak

By ahashakeheartbreak
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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ahashakeheartbreak Member

ahashakeheartbreak

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Hello everyone. This is my first post here, hoping this will help me. Maybe I can help others too. I'll try to keep it short and sweet, I'm a writer so I tend to ramble...haha.

 

Well, I'm an 18 year old female, just graduated highschool. Last year, in 11th grade and at 17, I got my first boyfriend ever in late April/early May. He adored me, blah blah. Flash to end of summer, he got weird, kind of mean, and later told me he things we are better off as friends. Two weeks later. We are back together. For nine months. I had my first kiss, lost my virginity to him, all in a matter of months. We also were in love (real love, I promise...I'm a very mature 18 year old...).

Anyway. His band (which is/was his everything), breaks up in Jan. His brother (very close to), moves away. He starts to act...different. Again. in March he breaks up with me, saying "He loves me to death, cares about me, but he can't give me what I need, and he can't make someone else happen when he can't make himself happy, and that I like him more than he does me" (which was not the case a couple months ago, it was reversed). Week later, we get back together. Week later, he breaks up with me again. IN A TEXT. This time, he says he does not love me or like me at all anymore, and that he does not want a relationship.

 

Obv...I am devasted. It's been three going on four months and I still am. He said he wanted to be friends, and I've tried to do that. He is an extremely depressed person right now, and in a time of great transition. He doesn't go anywhere, talk to anyone, or miss anyone, not even, he told me, his family. We still hang out, and everytime we end up doing everything except sex (which would happen, but condoms are never around, and why am I putting this in here? haha)

 

We are both moving to the same city, and he was supposed to go a month ago, and I go in August, but he hasn't moved yet. I've tried asking him what made him not like me anymore...he cannot answer the question and always gets defensive (ohhh, you boys do tend to that! ;) ) I've tried to suggest maybe the reason he is so upset is because he lost me (heehee, big mistake.) He said no, it was because he isn't playing music anymore. He is starting to again, however. He told me that "That's where I am right now, I don't like you anymore." And to quit expecting us to get back together. IT HURTS...plus, top all that off with me being worried about him and his depression. However...you'll notice this same sort of stuff went on last summer.

 

So...here I am. And I do not know what to do. I guess I need some others' persepectives. Honestly, I think he is just a confused, hot and cold kind of person. I don't know. I want him back but I know he will never come back.

 

And honestly...we got along great, great chemistry, and still have it, make each other laugh, a lot in common, he are both loners and moody and put up and understand each other. So I'm thinking...what's the dang problem? lol. Then I get false hope because of his baggage...I think, well, maybe it's just a moody phase, maybe once his music is back, maybe once he's not depressed anymore, maybe, maybe, maybe. Ahh....I need you guys! haha.

Edited by ahashakeheartbreak
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ahashakeheartbreak Member

ahashakeheartbreak

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He is 18, 19 in October.

 

EDIT: He gave me a claddagh ring for christmas...wouldn't let me give it back when we broke up. why? Is he just immature? Ugh...from any of you that I'm sure are wiser than I, can you tell me what to expect in the future from this guy? So I can be prepared emotionally. I am trying to do NC. Two words: IT'S DIFFICULT. lol. i'm trying to stop blaming myself. times like these I wish I had a big sister for advice haha. but I'm sure someone somewhere has had a bf like this before.

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ahashakeheartbreak Member

ahashakeheartbreak

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Did I do okay? Haha, it's my first post and no one is replying so...I hope it made sense and all. :) I know I seem happy, but it's truly hurting me very much, in a lot of emotional pain still. I wish I could be better for him, I tried my hardest, and if he ever had a problem with me he knows I would do everything to try and fix it...I was his first girlfriend who didn't break up with him first or cheat on him, and this is what I got. I know I am a good girl and I may have messed up sometimes...but that's ok right? Like, bad moods are bound to happen...I always said sorry...:( It was usually family problems if I was in a bad mood...I'm thinking too much...

 

He would tell me things like when we are both up in a the city we could go out to dinner together and stuff. That just strikes me as odd for "friends". last saw him two weeks ago, and I didn't talk to him for a week, until I sent a text just saying "Hey! How are you?" Because I really do care to know, as I would with all my friends. He never replied, he does this all the time. When I see or talk to him, he always says "I'll see you." but will never tell me when. When he wants to hang out, he expects to just call me when he wants and expect me to go. That's my fault I realize now, and next time he does this I am not going to reply, because I am worth more than that.

 

I just need some perspective on what's going thru this guys head. Is it my fault he "quit liking me"?

Edited by ahashakeheartbreak
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ahashakeheartbreak Member

ahashakeheartbreak

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Thank you so much, I'm reading it thru right now, and it's the best way to go. Whatever happens from it, happens, and at least I'll be moving forward instead of staying in the same spot. (: I really appreciate everyone on this site, and I'lll for sure keep you guys updated when I need help on those days that are a little more rough to not text him.

 

I still don't understand he's thinking, and I've been trying to for months, there's just no way, so if I stop that I think I'll be pretty golden.

whatadeer26 Established Member

whatadeer26

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I know it is hard, but I think not contacting him is your best response. Don't make yourself so readily available. It seems like he is using you. You are very young and have a long life ahead of you. You seem to be very smart, so just buckle down and concentrate on your future. I know it probably seemed like he was the one, but trust me if it was meant to be it was meant to be. Time apart may help your situation. I miss my ex very much, but I think NC is the best way for me to go about my situation. It will certainly help you heal your heart and allow yourself to recover.

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ahashakeheartbreak Member

ahashakeheartbreak

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Thanks so much :) You have no idea how it helps to talk to people on here. I'm going to college away from here in August, and I know that will help me a lot. Just my luck, I saw his truck parked on the square by my house today, right when I was feeling better, and it made all these feelings rush back. I dont know why. But I'm proud of myself because I didn't text him, at least.

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ahashakeheartbreak Member

ahashakeheartbreak

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I'm feeling much better today. I've realized that I do not need that in my life anyway, he now lives with a 27 year old alcoholic, and he has problems with drinking himself, so obv that will make it worse. I'm not a stupid or submissive person at all, but I can see how my care for him has clouded my judgement and feelings. And his anger problem may be there to mask everything else, like a by product of whatever else is going on in his brain.

 

I can't believe that his current situation is better than me, in his mind. I always end up with the loonies lol. He was never angry or depressed when he was with me, as he told me I was the only person who could take that out of him. DAMN. I'm glad to be away from that in some ways. In other ways, I feel badly bc by nature I am a very caring person.

GrayClouds Established Member

GrayClouds

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I'm feeling much better today. I've realized that I do not need that in my life anyway, he now lives with a 27 year old alcoholic, and he has problems with drinking himself, so obv that will make it worse. I'm not a stupid or submissive person at all, but I can see how my care for him has clouded my judgement and feelings. And his anger problem may be there to mask everything else, like a by product of whatever else is going on in his brain.

 

I can't believe that his current situation is better than me, in his mind. I always end up with the loonies lol. He was never angry or depressed when he was with me, as he told me I was the only person who could take that out of him. DAMN. I'm glad to be away from that in some ways. In other ways, I feel badly bc by nature I am a very caring person.

 

Glad your doing better. It may be time to re-read that link again. Try to get yourself thinking less about him and more about you. It not easy but by working at it, it does get easier.

 

I suspect if he has been around alcohol issue growing up, it may take some time for him to work through his issues. It is something only he can do and will not be great for a long term relationship until he does. You will not be able to fix his problems. Try to just be thankful that he gave you a good first love experience.

 

That and now taking this time to really get to know and improving yourself, find what makes you happy, and learn to enjoy being alone it can help you stop attracting the loonies, as you say, and give you the power to wait for a good one. Specially important when you go to Uni. For there will be many loonies looking to take advantage of some who has not embraced their own worth.

 

This break-up, be it hard, is life telling you it is time to.

whatadeer26 Established Member

whatadeer26

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That is great. Keep it up. I know it is hard because I treated my ex like a Queen and she turns around and dumps me without an explaination, even the common courtesy of doing it over the phone or in person. She refused to talk to me face to face the day she broke up with me. She is a facebook girl so she constantly updates her status or messages people hurtful things I know are aimed at me.

 

I try telling myself how immature that is for someone who is 25, but I feel like I can't do anything better than her. We never fought and two days before she broke up with me she told me that she loved me and didn't know what she would do without me. I am so confused all I want to do is talk, but I don't want to break NC.

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ahashakeheartbreak Member

ahashakeheartbreak

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Thanks everyone. (: Yeah, it's really hard when it's one day this, next day this, blah blah blah. And as you can tell from my first couple posts, very drama filled, and confusing, and not much sense to be made, which is so boring and dull to me, but perhaps that comes with the age group I am in. Our situtations have a couple similarities, it seems, whatadeer. Just gotta deal with what I am dealt, and move on, which I am ready to do!!! :D :D And I'll read the link again.

(By the way, 25? My...I guess people still don't know what they want five years from being thirty.)

 

I just have this looming feeling he is going to come crawling back later, when I'm wayyy beyond this. Wish I could shake that feeling, because it's about all that's left in my mind of him that bugs me, but I can't. And it's not like a happy thing to think about, it's weird. He's just that type. I guess if that happens I'll just deal with that as it comes.

Edited by ahashakeheartbreak
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