FREE---The Decision

[livingame]

* HELP ME GET FREE: THE STORY *

 

Any input is greatly appreciated, no matter what you say

 

 

 

It will take a couple minutes to read this--Its a bit confusing

In a nutshell:

- Me: no free time and probably shouldnt be in a RS for that exact reason.

- Her: needs lots of attention...constant texting, wants to see me everyday, very passionate woman, very sexual.

 

I've been seeing Erica since Nov-09. Half of our RS was branded "Offical". The other half was not official, but we treated our RS exactly the same: exclusive, lots of communication, sex...blah, blah. I have my own place, she lives in an apartment with roommate.

 

I moved to Denver for Med School in Sept-09. I knew nobody before moving. I met Erica 2 months into moving here; really, she was the only person I had to hang with outside school, aside from boring med school book-heads.

Background:

*(Me-Age 26)

I'm handsome & never really had a problem attracting girls, but I'm as humble as they come. I moved to Los Angeles from small town Minnesota when I was 18, alone. I made myself there, literally, into an wonderful man. Got into a RS @ 19, lived w/girl for 2 years, broke up. During the breakup, I saw a therapist(psychoanalysis) 1-2 times a week for almost 2 years, so I have some knowledge of my inner workings(as much as i could have at my age). From L.A, moved to San Fran where I finished Bach.Degree, then moved to Denver.

 

*(Her- Age 20)

- Very, very cute with a great, fun, positive personality.

- Lived in suburban Denver entire life.

- Her sex life is a bit unique: 17 guys she's slept with---lost virginity in the middle of age 18. Impressive amount of partners in a short amount of time..IMO.

- Cheated on every "so called" BF/or was cheated on by BF.

- Masculine tendecies...ex: 90% of the time she approached guys at parties/clubs first. She burps frequently, likes guy stuff, sports, etc.

- Few friends...possibly related with kind of being a hoochie in the past? IDK.

- Her family is very cold--she's the opposite. She works at Macy's--currently attending a dental assistant school.

 

 

She's been madly in love with me since the beginning...cannot get enough of me. I was the first guy to give her an orgasm during sex- first guy she's had that wasnt from Colorado, many more firsts...obviously. I dont know how I got involved with her to where I let it get to this point, but to make it short, aside from the rambling already...we've had a rollercoaster of a rship. Lots of arguing, very minimal social stuff(dinners out, culture, movies, etc) due to my hectic schedule. We've had "half way I'm done with you breakups " a couple times in our rship. Both times she's hooked up with another guy immediately. I havent hooked up with anyone...its my credo.

You must know:

- She is somewhat brutally honest...told me how many ppl she slept with after knowing me for a week, but has lied many times about guys she's dated during our RS hiatus, hookup with, on and on.

- She is very persistant. I've eliminated communication several times and she claws her way back like nothing can stop her: its very attractive.

- This is my first real RS in 4 years. The passion with this girl is intense.

- The arguing and jelousy is almost addicting, simply because I never know what she's going to do...very unpredictable, NEVER a dull moment.

 

HELP ME:

We've recently taken a 1 week break. We were going through rough times, again, and I went to Minnesota to visit family. I return, we talk on the phone, argue again, and stop talking for another week. Last night, we talk...she tells me she's on a dating website and has been on 3 dates in the last week, has been in 2 guys bed's(but no sex, just making out?) I dont believe it, but she swears to be telling the truth. At the same time she's saying this, she's crying saying how much she loves me, wants to marry me, be together forever, blah blah bull**** blah. Trust me, I realize that she has issues...and so do I.

 

 

When this girl is somewhat out of my life(during the brief breakups), I feel a sense of relief. When we get back in touch, saying we love each other, ...I get wrapped up into it again. I check her facebook for the new guys she's always adding as friends, I ask her if she's hooked up with any guys, etc. Her response to this has always been pure anger, whereas she will constantly grill me about what i've been up to. There is no balance in the relationship.

 

The Choice:

If anyone can put what I've written together, and understand it, you are an intellectual genius, because I'm the one going through this bull**** and I dont even understand it. What should I do? I love this girl. She's like nobody I've ever met, and I've met a lot of women, believe me. 1 part of me trusts her, the other doesnt at all. The relationship is doomed...this I know, but I hang on. Why...well, who the hell knows. I'm a solid individual, but when it comes to this, I'm a disaster. It worth the time to even continue another minute with this little girl. Its 8:45 a.m thurs morning. I will either break it off completely tonight, or hang on for another **** show down the road. Today has to be the day. Thanks for reading this, if anyone did. -MARK W

p

[StarrySkyBlue]

Do you really like this girl for who she is or are you just addicted to the drama? There's nothing wrong for being addicted to drama -- because it does make for an interesting (but probably not healthy) relationship.

 

I think you need to ask yourself what you really want. Do you want this girl to be committed to you and have a loving relationship or do you love how she spices up your life?

 

From your post, I can feel how exhilarating you find this relationship and for some reason I feel you're right for each other. Just enjoy the ride

[123BeachFan]

The very things you adore about this woman also repulse you. I don't see where there's any real love going on here. Certainly lust and passion, but you two don't have a solid foundation for a secure, trusting, committed relationship.

[ktya]

OP, you seem to be madly in love with this girl and she seems to be quite the hot sexual and promiscious creature who loves sex and doesnt have a hard time getting it. You have moved away and you're going to eat yourself alive with this whole long distance relationship thing. Even if she tells you that she's going to be faithful to you, you know one bad phone conversation where you say something you regret due to your anxiety she's going to sleep with someone else, and the prophecy will be self fulfilled and bam off she will be with another guy lickedy split.

 

Given your ages and your relationship history I think you need to re-evaluate whether you should stay committed to this young woman. She's only 20. I had a girlfriend I was 7 years apart from, and after 8 years of being committed to me she just wanted to bounce at 25 and sample all there was to sample. Sounds like your girl is ahead of the curve, which can be good and bad.

 

If you are going to stay committed to her, I think the only way you'll be able to survive is to make an open arrangment where you're both allowed to sleep with other people. Not so much for your benefit so you can, but so that you dont have to worry about whether or not she does because it's then written in the cards that its allowed to happen. I know that sounds really wack and unorthodox but seriously, the girl sounds like she can blink her eyes and snap her fingers and find a willing man and isnt afraid to do it. That's not a bad thing, provided you arent sitting on your thumbs constantly afraid she's going to do it.

 

Maybe she'll find the man of her dreams, maybe you'll find the woman of your dreams, whether you try to hold it together or try my unorthodox suggestion or break it off or not.

 

The crux of your dilemma has nothing to do with her past, history, sexuality, or anything else. She obviously has an interest in you, if she's indicated she wants to stay together with you when you're far away. Your dilemma is that you are well aware of how sexual she is and how easy she can get action and how quickly she will do it. So you're either going to have to let her go, or let that anxiety about that happening go.

 

If you try to stick with her with the mindset that you have right now, you're going to turn into the clingy whiny wimpy annoying dude on the other end of the phone always worried about where she's been or what she's doing or who she's been seeing, afraid to speak your mind for fear she'll get mad, which will make you unattractive anyway.

 

If you drop on her that you're both allowed to sleep with other people, maybe she will, maybe you will, but if she really is genuinely interested in you, she'll be eager to call you on a regular basis to try to keep you interested in her - and you get to let go of the fear that it might happen because you've explicitly allowed it. You're a good looking charming guy as you have indicated (i dont know i'm going based on what you said) so you're probably not going to have much troubles keeping yourself occupied if you feel the need.

 

Of course the third option is to break it off with her and go find someone closer to you.

 

Up to you. Just remember, this pang of concern that is eating you up inside has to go, whether it's route 2 or 3 is completely up to you. Face it, if you're going to be gone for over 6 months, a girl like this is going to end up getting laid. Chances are, if you are how you describe yourself, you're going to get laid too, universities aren't exactly monasteries. You can either figure you love this girl enough to keep it relaxed with her so you dont have to peak about her every move or let her go.

You will choose the right path depending on your own values.

[alphamale]

--currently attending a dental assistant school...

she must be good looking if shes going to be a dental assistant

[Ilovecake]

My opinion is that she is trying to gain control in the relationship by trying to make you jealous. This is why she gives you all the unsolicited info about her conquests. Men are extremely territorial so losing someone that ‘belongs to you’ sends you into a panic but I don’t think you truly want to be with her. You sound like you might be quite addicted to the excitement of the drama roller coaster. This is probably where you two concentrate most of your passion on instead of building a healthy relationship. You have to decide whether this girl makes you happy more times than unhappy or if you’re miserable most of the time. If you feel stressed and miserable you need to break up with her. She’s not going to change so you really have to be happy with who she is right now not the potential of who you think she should become.

[robaday]

Hi had the same thing,

 

ex model, stunning, intelligent sex was absolutely unreal-I have never experienced passion and chemistry like it. Everything was great apart from the clingy behavior.

 

I tried to reason with her for more space, I got nagged. I broke up with her 4 times, she turned up on my doorstep next day wearing revealing clothes.

 

In the end I became depressed, I realized that I could not give her what she wanted-the prince charming who could fill up her every need. Regularly waking up to more abuse on my phone, LOADS of gaslighting.

 

But it was addictive as hell. break-up, make-up sex, but I had to be on my best game and in the end I was so smothered I just gave up.

 

I can't say I feel any better without her though-the wonderful independence I craved has not quite lived up to expectations

[livingame]

I cant thank all of you enough for the replies. They're were all very helpful actually. Here's the update....quite messed up.

We met up at her place, talked and sort of rekindled the passion. I wanted her, she wanted me. Big issue with me is that once I see her, I want her because she's so adorable. Same thing happens with her...probably more intense for her than me.

 

Over the course of the last 2-3 days I've asked her what she's done on her dates. ***I am very watchful of things like this, especially with her because she's basically a kid and has had unprotected sex numerous times, but is clean(I had her tested). She is very naive.***

 

So, yesterday she's on the way to the airport to pick up her GF's. She stops by my house. We hook up immediately. I throw her on the bed and before we have sex, while on top of her dick out butt naked, I look in her eyes, ask if she's had sex with anyone recently. She sternly denies it. The sex was short because she had to leave. I didnt get off, either did she, plus she was on her period. She leaves, all is ok. Later that night, I ask her again for some reason, if she had sex with anyone else on the website. WELL.....

 

She finally admits to seeing a guy 4 nights in a row. Claims they had sex twice, she gave him head one night....was apparently drunk both times they had sex. I ask if he wore a condom, she says yes. I ask 2 more basic questions and she cant answer them, saying "I was drunk and dont remember". Well how do you know he wore a condom, bitch. I dont get angry during this...if I do she shuts down. I played calm, got as truthful a story as i could get, then cut off communication with her. This girl messed with my health in a huge way. She is the very reason millions of hip/hop-rock-classic rock, etc songs are made about some damn girl that drives a man insane. BTW...we had sex on her period....I didnt wear a condom. Yeah I know, stupid....4 of my friends have already gotten on my ass for that ****.

 

I do not want to see her again, ever. But today and last night have been absolutely unbearable. I'm so pissed, sad, every emotion runs through me. I've cried like a little baby for hours. I literally have one other girl to hang with...I call her the "Guzzler" so unless i want the guzzler, shes meaningless conversation wise.. What the hell is going on with me? Rationally, I would run from her(which I did) but I care, and I'm crying, and all I can think about is her giving this guy head...him banging her. I'm torturing myself. Honestly, I am going through hell. I know I will recover, obviously, but I dont care because now is just horrible. Thats all I have to say. Bitch.

[livingame]

You said it right man...I awoke many times to a cell phone full of crazy messages. But for real...since the RS ended for good 2 weeks ago...the independence I craved, just like you said, hasnt made my life anymore enjoyable. I mean, I'm just chillin...very relaxing, obviously. But she had fire I've never seen b4 in a woman.

 

I go out to starbucks, a bar or wherever and I see girls checking me, wanted me to talk to them. I could have them if I wanted, but I dont really have the desire, cus my ex girl just had something unlike anyone i've been with.

 

The RS was unhealthy, and I had to get out cus I had to take care of myself. I'm very healthy in all other aspects of my life. Idk..its messed up. I dont know where to go from here..guess i'll just give myself time. Do u have any advice...how did you deal?

 

Hi had the same thing,

 

ex model, stunning, intelligent sex was absolutely unreal-I have never experienced passion and chemistry like it. Everything was great apart from the clingy behavior.

 

I tried to reason with her for more space, I got nagged. I broke up with her 4 times, she turned up on my doorstep next day wearing revealing clothes.

 

In the end I became depressed, I realized that I could not give her what she wanted-the prince charming who could fill up her every need. Regularly waking up to more abuse on my phone, LOADS of gaslighting.

 

But it was addictive as hell. break-up, make-up sex, but I had to be on my best game and in the end I was so smothered I just gave up.

 

I can't say I feel any better without her though-the wonderful independence I craved has not quite lived up to expectations

[ALombard]

Hey livingame.

 

You want to know how to deal? You're doing it, your life seems in order. Just stay away from your ex. I've been where you are and once the whole process of breaking up, still having sex and hanging, then getting back together only to start the process over again a few weeks later happens it's hard to get out of. Especially because you soon realize that you crave the turmoil. My ex did the same exact thing your ex is doing, ie; we'd break up still have sex but she would see other guys. After a while I found out that I craved the ups and downs and that her being here one minutes and gone the next actually made me want her more.

 

As far as where do you go from here? Well you already crashed pretty hard so only place to go now is up my friend.

 

Just stay away from the b*tch and you'll be good.

[Posh Polly]

This girl will never ever be faithful. That should be enough to make you run! she will likely end up will a gaggle of kids with multiple fathers. Think down the road when her looks are gone. Now what's the attraction?