SarahRose Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 RED FLAG! Have you ever noticed that when most guys talk about "taking it slow," they NEVER mean sex? Sex, they want right away. What they want to "take slow" is the relationship/commitment part. You are clearly relationship-minded. A person like you should NEVER have sex with a man BEFORE you establish that you and he are in a relationship. It sounds to me like this guy is now trying to walk a tightrope. He wants a FWB, not a GF. But if he says so outright, he knows his prospects of getting more sex from you will vanish. So, he's being deliberately vague as a delaying tactic. Exactly! Couldn't have said it better.
Author Bgirl Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 So where to start. @New Jersey44 - I see where you are comign from, what I meant to say is that I dont want to ask ' hold my hand' instead 'why dont you show more affection coz I feel liek this" I think that asking someone to do it takes away the natural expression and flow of things. But Im not feeling good about it, so I had to bring up the topic anyways and I did it last night. He called me while he as playing Xbox and he wasnt really paying attention ( not the first time that he does it), and I chatted with him for about 5 minutes and said call me when you are done playing becuase I dont think that you can concentrate on the game and talk to me at the same time. He called me 2 hours later almost at 12:00 am when he was done playing. So the conversation went from there and I was as straight forward as I could, very calmly I explained that I wanted to chat with him about us seeing each other. I said that I do like him and I like to spend time with him but I feel him distant and that there is a lack of affection. I specifically mentioned that I felt that he only approached me when he wants to have sex and that I dont just want to be a piece of ass to him. I said that I dont feel good and at the moment I dont see things going anywhere. HE SAID - oh well its only been 3 weeks and I am naturally that invested into anything, I dont put much thought into things and if something was to ever happen between us it will just happen, its only been 3 weeks and right now we are only having fun and being casual nothing else. Then he said that he does try to be intimate with me and it it seems like its all sexual its beucase its still the very beginning and he has alot of sexual energy going on and we arejust exploring that side, that if something else was to happen that will come with time. He called me negative for bringing such a topic up this early on and said that ALOT has to happen for him to seriously date someone and that me bringing up this topic is something that he didnt like. He said he is not emotionally invetsed in me yet, which I agreed to, becuase I am not either and repeated that all I want if I go out with someone is to feel more enthusiasm and affection Ei a hug coming form that person. He said that if I decide to not be with him, he is ok with it because he doesnt put a lot of thought into anything. So I said ok thats my answer there. And he said oh ok im fine then goodnight.
stace79 Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 So where to start. @New Jersey44 - I see where you are comign from, what I meant to say is that I dont want to ask ' hold my hand' instead 'why dont you show more affection coz I feel liek this" I think that asking someone to do it takes away the natural expression and flow of things. But Im not feeling good about it, so I had to bring up the topic anyways and I did it last night. He called me while he as playing Xbox and he wasnt really paying attention ( not the first time that he does it), and I chatted with him for about 5 minutes and said call me when you are done playing becuase I dont think that you can concentrate on the game and talk to me at the same time. He called me 2 hours later almost at 12:00 am when he was done playing. So the conversation went from there and I was as straight forward as I could, very calmly I explained that I wanted to chat with him about us seeing each other. I said that I do like him and I like to spend time with him but I feel him distant and that there is a lack of affection. I specifically mentioned that I felt that he only approached me when he wants to have sex and that I dont just want to be a piece of ass to him. I said that I dont feel good and at the moment I dont see things going anywhere. HE SAID - oh well its only been 3 weeks and I am naturally that invested into anything, I dont put much thought into things and if something was to ever happen between us it will just happen, its only been 3 weeks and right now we are only having fun and being casual nothing else. Then he said that he does try to be intimate with me and it it seems like its all sexual its beucase its still the very beginning and he has alot of sexual energy going on and we arejust exploring that side, that if something else was to happen that will come with time. He called me negative for bringing such a topic up this early on and said that ALOT has to happen for him to seriously date someone and that me bringing up this topic is something that he didnt like. He said he is not emotionally invetsed in me yet, which I agreed to, becuase I am not either and repeated that all I want if I go out with someone is to feel more enthusiasm and affection Ei a hug coming form that person. He said that if I decide to not be with him, he is ok with it because he doesnt put a lot of thought into anything. So I said ok thats my answer there. And he said oh ok im fine then goodnight. Honey, he is using you for sex. No question. Stop having sex with him immediately.
New Jersey 44 Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 My take is you can so much better. Drop him. If a women told me directly that she wanted more affection, I'd enthusiastically want to give her kiss her, hug her, hold her hands, etc. He doesn't seem to care. stace79 gets it, he wants sex only.
norajane Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 He said that if I decide to not be with him, he is ok with it because he doesnt put a lot of thought into anything. So I said ok thats my answer there. And he said oh ok im fine then goodnight. Good for you. Ending this was the right thing to do based on all that he said. There is better out there for you, and now you are free to find it!
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