Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 You've seemed to really want to go on this trip the whole thread. I think you posted hoping people would say it is okay. Well, unfortunately I already committed to the trip before I started this thread...so yea, I admit I kind of have the idea that I'll be going in my head when I posted... But if you only know her from dating, odds are the weekend trip is a way of upping your relationship, not a just friends thing. And you keep talking about her disinterest, but you're not really interested. If you were, you would be saying "I really like this girl but I've been worried she wasn't that into me. She just invited me on a weekend trip, do you think she's really interested?" rather than just "She doesn't seem interested so I was going to end things." Regardless of how she feels, you're not that interested. Going on the trip is a passport to drama. End things. Hmmm, good point. At the end of the day, no matter what the reason, it's me that is losing interest...
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 Unless you are pretty sure you are both on the same page (and from reading this thread, it doesn't appear to be the case), I'd hold off on the weekend trip thing for now. Doesn't mean you have to stop seeing her, assuming the both of you still want to. Go, have a good time and maybe something will happen. However, invites with friends early on are usually a sure friend zone sign, unless you've gotten to know each other well enough and then she wants to introduce you of course. Well, I'm positive we're on the same page in that we're dating and not being friends. But looking on another person's thread, I think it's the lack of affection coming from her that's my beef...and that's where the incompatibility comes from...and I'm not sure whether she's naturally inaffectionate, or maybe just shy as she gets to know me, or is playing some sort of game with it, but she just doesn't show much, if any, affection unless I initiate some sort of affectionate gesture...and that's how I've been inferring unenthusiasm and disinterest from her...
deux ex machina Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Well, I'm positive we're on the same page in that we're dating and not being friends. But looking on another person's thread, I think it's the lack of affection coming from her that's my beef...and that's where the incompatibility comes from...and I'm not sure whether she's naturally inaffectionate, or maybe just shy as she gets to know me, or is playing some sort of game with it, but she just doesn't show much, if any, affection unless I initiate some sort of affectionate gesture...and that's how I've been inferring unenthusiasm and disinterest from her... That's what I meant by "on the same page" - I picked up on the fact that you are feeling there's a basic incompatibility, or some kind of imbalance that is giving you pause.
Jilly Bean Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 it's like she's interested but doesn't express it...and that has been turning me off from her... Sounds like you might be sending the same signals, Hokie. If she were more into you, do you think you'd be more into her? I just sense a stalemate...
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 If she were more into you, do you think you'd be more into her? I just sense a stalemate... Actually, yes. I started a thread a couple of days ago about this very topic...whether someone's interest in you affects your interest in them...and at first, I was very interested in her and tried to be affectionate, but she didn't quite reciprocate that same level of affection and enthusiasm, so it's been kind of downhill for a little while now...
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 That's what I meant by "on the same page" - I picked up on the fact that you are feeling there's a basic incompatibility, or some kind of imbalance that is giving you pause. Yea, and I'm not sure whether this is a fatal incompatibility...maybe I'm just delaying the inevitable by going on this trip...
Jilly Bean Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Actually, yes. I started a thread a couple of days ago about this very topic...whether someone's interest in you affects your interest in them...and at first, I was very interested in her and tried to be affectionate, but she didn't quite reciprocate that same level of affection and enthusiasm, so it's been kind of downhill for a little while now... So...maybe if you pull a game changer, things can turn around? What if you suddenly got very affectionate and expressive? Worth a shot?
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 So...maybe if you pull a game changer, things can turn around? What if you suddenly got very affectionate and expressive? Worth a shot? This is a good idea, and I normally HATE playing stupid games and tests like this, but I was even tempted to sit back and see if she'd ever initiate being affectionate and expressive instead of only reacting to me being affectionate...
Jilly Bean Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 This is a good idea, and I normally HATE playing stupid games and tests like this, but I was even tempted to sit back and see if she'd ever initiate being affectionate and expressive instead of only reacting to me being affectionate... Ooo - I just get the feeling she is somewhere in a parallel universe, saying the exact same thing. One of you needs to kick this up a notch, and well, I nominate you. lol
CLC2008 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 What Jilly suggested doesn't sound like it's supposed to be deceitful, but more so for the two of you to gauge whether or not there is a physical spark there. Because from everything you've posted, it doesn't sound like there is. Have the two of you even smoochie-pooed yet?
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 Ooo - I just get the feeling she is somewhere in a parallel universe, saying the exact same thing. One of you needs to kick this up a notch, and well, I nominate you. lol Damn. Good point.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 What Jilly suggested doesn't sound like it's supposed to be deceitful, but more so for the two of you to gauge whether or not there is a physical spark there. Because from everything you've posted, it doesn't sound like there is. Have the two of you even smoochie-pooed yet? Hahahah, yes, we've smoochie-pooed. We've even had extended smoochie-poo'ing. But it's more subtle things than that...regardless of whether we're going out or staying in, she just doesn't seem to care to get too close...and I have to close the gap every time...but when I do, she's responsive and will hold my hand or sit in closer or whatever it might be...
Jilly Bean Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I saw you molest her a bit at the beach (is this a beach vaca? lol). Playing in the water can be very enticing and flirty. Like, pick her up from the beach, throw her over your shoulder, march her down to the ocean, threaten to throw her in the water (but just gently place her feet in instead). Offer to lotion her up, then shower her with compliments about her body, bikini, how you have to lay down on your stomach now - lol. That kind of thing.
CLC2008 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I saw you molest her a bit at the beach (is this a beach vaca? lol). Playing in the water can be very enticing and flirty. Like, pick her up from the beach, throw her over your shoulder, march her down to the ocean, threaten to throw her in the water (but just gently place her feet in instead). Offer to lotion her up, then shower her with compliments about her body, bikini, how you have to lay down on your stomach now - lol. That kind of thing. Yes, that. I also think you may be comparing to your ex (i.e. how easy the connection was initially between you and your ex and how strong it was). If you're physically attracted to this lady, and want to see if things can be stepped up a notch, then you're going to have to take the reins yourself and she'll either reciprocate, or she won't.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 I saw you molest her a bit at the beach (is this a beach vaca? lol). Playing in the water can be very enticing and flirty. Like, pick her up from the beach, throw her over your shoulder, march her down to the ocean, threaten to throw her in the water (but just gently place her feet in instead). Offer to lotion her up, then shower her with compliments about her body, bikini, how you have to lay down on your stomach now - lol. That kind of thing. Thanks! I am going to do all of these things. :bunny: Yes, that. I also think you may be comparing to your ex (i.e. how easy the connection was initially between you and your ex and how strong it was). If you're physically attracted to this lady, and want to see if things can be stepped up a notch, then you're going to have to take the reins yourself and she'll either reciprocate, or she won't. Wow, I didn't even think about this, but you are very right...I guess I was used to things going from 0 to 60 in a Ferrari with her, and now when they aren't, I start second guessing everything... You're both so smart...
Crazy Magnet Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Hahahah, yes, we've smoochie-pooed. We've even had extended smoochie-poo'ing. But it's more subtle things than that...regardless of whether we're going out or staying in, she just doesn't seem to care to get too close...and I have to close the gap every time...but when I do, she's responsive and will hold my hand or sit in closer or whatever it might be... Extended smoochie-poo'ing. bwahahahaha :lmao::lmao: I am one of those girls who doesn't make initial affectionate advances towards the guy. I sort of wait and see what he does to gauge his level of comfort with snuggling, hugging, holding hands, etc. My experience tells me men all have different comfort levels, and going in too affectionate might freak some out. Who knows, maybe she thinks like me and wants to see what you're going to do. She also might be one of those women who aren't into affection. I have several friends who don't do the snugglie hand holding stuff.
Mimolicious Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Well are your bags packed already? Just go on the trip and listen to Jilly. Try not to overanalyze things so much. You never know, you can see her in a different light at this trip. This can probably help you make up your mind about how many chicks you are going to be "dating" at once.
Diezel Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 99% of problems would be solved if people just HAD FUN with a specific outcome in mind. That's why in the beginning, I told you to go. You SHOULD go, regardless of the situation and what outcome you think might happen... you SHOULD go to HAVE FUN. Everything else is secondary. That's why I don't get why people are saying you shouldn't go. Who DOESN'T like to go and enjoy the beach? Whatever happens besides that, is just an added bonus.
Recommended Posts