USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 So a girl I've been seeing for the past three weeks or so just invited me to the beach this weekend for 3+ days with one of her friends...yet I've never spent the night with her...and I'm kind of doubtful as to how interested she actually is in me based on how she's been acting...it almost feels like a "friends trip" to me...but still, would it be too soon for a trip like this with someone you've only been dating for 3 weeks? As a quick note, I went on a 7-day cruise with my ex one month into dating her...but I knew her from before...so it wasn't as weird...and we had already spent nights together... So is this a bad idea...?
Diezel Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 It's a friend's trip, but what do you have to lose? Who knows, maybe you meet her friend and the friend is even better than the girl you are "dating"? I'd say, go anyway, but with the least amount of emotional investment possible.
that girl Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 So you haven't slept together? Are you seeing other people? If so, does she know? To me, going away on a group trip suggests serious interest. Like she'd be upset to find out she isn't the only one she is seeing. But then it is only three weeks......
reservoirdog1 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I can't see a downside to you going with her and her friend. Worst case scenario, things don't move further with this girl than they have. Which they certainly won't anyway if you don't go. Plus you get a weekend at the beach out of it, with two girls. A few drinks in the evening, inhibitions drop like stones, and... Bob's your uncle.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 So you haven't slept together? No. Are you seeing other people? If so, does she know? Yes. No. (I know this is bad...but it never came up in conversation... ) To me, going away on a group trip suggests serious interest. Like she'd be upset to find out she isn't the only one she is seeing. But then it is only three weeks...... And around the month point is where you kind of know whether it's going to work out or not...and I was pretty sure it wasn't going to work out...just judging from her acting very ambivalent and almost disinterested...and then she plays this card on me which came out of nowhere...it's like she's interested but doesn't express it...and that has been turning me off from her...
that girl Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Say no and end it. First, for all your talk about her lack of interest, you don't seem interested. Second, it isn't really fair to go away with her when you're still seeing other people and she doesn't know. If it is just a friends thing, she'll interject when you say you don't see this going anywhere.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 Say no and end it. First, for all your talk about her lack of interest, you don't seem interested. Second, it isn't really fair to go away with her when you're still seeing other people and she doesn't know. If it is just a friends thing, she'll interject when you say you don't see this going anywhere. You might be right...and I'm only losing interest because she has yet to express much interest in me...not much physical chemistry between us...and I'm not sure whether she's really really holding back or just has a really reserved personality... But then again, the trip could also be a good chance to see whether it could go anywhere...
Ruby Slippers Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 That sounds really fast to me. You sound very hesitant, and that makes sense, given that you barely know this person.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 That sounds really fast to me. You sound very hesitant, and that makes sense, given that you barely know this person. Agreed. But I think this trip invitation was more a matter circumstance than anything else...I told her that I had wanted to go to the beach sometime this summer, and she happened to be planning a trip to meet her friend this weekend, so she invited me... But at the same time, I'm not really sure why I'm hesitant...I'm not afraid we'd have a bad time or anything...or afraid that this would automatically create a commitment...in a way, this would be a good way to gauge whether it'd work out between us... But that_girl brings up a good point about me going on a trip with someone while I'm still seeing other people...
xRJ85x Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 So a girl I've been seeing for the past three weeks or so just invited me to the beach this weekend for 3+ days with one of her friends...yet I've never spent the night with her...and I'm kind of doubtful as to how interested she actually is in me based on how she's been acting...it almost feels like a "friends trip" to me...but still, would it be too soon for a trip like this with someone you've only been dating for 3 weeks? As a quick note, I went on a 7-day cruise with my ex one month into dating her...but I knew her from before...so it wasn't as weird...and we had already spent nights together... So is this a bad idea...? How has she been acting? I think it's great for someone you've been dating for 3 weeks. If the relationship is supposed to go any further, you gotta spend the night with her at some point. This is a low-tension way to go into that. Plus, I don't know if this other friend of hers is someone you've met before, but if not then she wants to introduce you to her friends, which is another big plus.
Confusedalways Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 My feelings would definitely be hurt if I brought a guy on a trip and then found out he was seeing other girls. This is why there's no trips without an exclusivity talk for this girl right here
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 How has she been acting? I think it's great for someone you've been dating for 3 weeks. If the relationship is supposed to go any further, you gotta spend the night with her at some point. This is a low-tension way to go into that. Plus, I don't know if this other friend of hers is someone you've met before, but if not then she wants to introduce you to her friends, which is another big plus. Well, she's already introduced me to a bunch of her friends at a cookout she had last weekend, and they all seemed to like me. I think the word to best describe how she acts is: unenthusiastic...
Confusedalways Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Well, she's already introduced me to a bunch of her friends at a cookout she had last weekend, and they all seemed to like me. I think the word to best describe how she acts is: unenthusiastic... Lame. Find a girl who IS enthusiastic, you have so much to offer!!
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 My feelings would definitely be hurt if I brought a guy on a trip and then found out he was seeing other girls. This is why there's no trips without an exclusivity talk for this girl right here Mmmm...you're right...well, I'm pretty sure I'm going to end things with the other girl this week, and I had actually planned on ending things with both of them...but then this trip came up...so I wasn't sure what to do... But you're right, no trip unless exclusive...dating sucks sometimes...
Star Gazer Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 My ex and I started going skiing every weekend (either 2 days or 3 days) just 2 or 3 weeks into becoming an official couple. Seemed perfectly normal and natural at the time. But in retrospect, I'm wondering if we moved too fast from the very beginning...
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 Lame. Find a girl who IS enthusiastic, you have so much to offer!! Thanks! I was just hoping that this trip would give her a chance to be not so lame...maybe she was just holding back before or something...who knows...
Confusedalways Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Mmmm...you're right...well, I'm pretty sure I'm going to end things with the other girl this week, and I had actually planned on ending things with both of them...but then this trip came up...so I wasn't sure what to do... But you're right, no trip unless exclusive...dating sucks sometimes... I wouldn't... it seems like you're really grasping at straws. If you don't/didn't like her, a short getaway probably won't help the sitch. And yes dating sucks almost ALL the time, haha
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 I wouldn't... it seems like you're really grasping at straws. If you don't/didn't like her, a short getaway probably won't help the sitch. And yes dating sucks almost ALL the time, haha I really feel like I am...just trying to find any way for this to work out I guess...and that's definitely not what you want to be doing this early on... I miss my ex...it was so much easier with her...boo...
Confusedalways Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I really feel like I am...just trying to find any way for this to work out I guess...and that's definitely not what you want to be doing this early on... I miss my ex...it was so much easier with her...boo... Nooo. You want to be having fun and enjoying the time with someone, NOT hoping something will evolve out of nothing! Ambivalence never ends well. Especially when you get into the 'well I guess s/he's okay..." I could put up with X,Y,Z. You don't need to be doing that kind of thing when you've known her for such a short period of time.
Author USMCHokie Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 Nooo. You want to be having fun and enjoying the time with someone, NOT hoping something will evolve out of nothing! Ambivalence never ends well. Especially when you get into the 'well I guess s/he's okay..." I could put up with X,Y,Z. You don't need to be doing that kind of thing when you've known her for such a short period of time. This stood out...and I've kind of assumed that going on this trip with her meant that I had to commit...but could this trip simply be just that, a trip to the beach in the summer...? I mean, there has been no sexual activity so far, so there isn't necessarily an expectation of it. So could I just view it as having fun at the beach and enjoying my time out there with her, regardless of whether it turns into a relationship or we decide it's best to go our separate ways...? And I totally agree with your view on ambivalence, which is why it has been bugging me so much with her...
xRJ85x Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 (edited) Well, she's already introduced me to a bunch of her friends at a cookout she had last weekend, and they all seemed to like me. I think the word to best describe how she acts is: unenthusiastic... That's a big plus with her friends. Unenthusiastic seems interesting...I could take that as either she's going through a tough time right now and is kinda down, she could just be shy around you, or she's just not really that fun of a girl in general. You should find out which one it is, and decide if you're still into her after that. There was a girl I really liked in my final year of college. But I seemed very unintentionally unenthusiastic around her because I was having the most stressful time of my life. People say you will try your hardest and always go out of your way for someone you really like. Looking back on that, I know its not true at all. Which is why I give some the benefit of the doubt. Edited June 23, 2010 by xRJ85x
that girl Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 This stood out...and I've kind of assumed that going on this trip with her meant that I had to commit...but could this trip simply be just that, a trip to the beach in the summer...? I mean, there has been no sexual activity so far, so there isn't necessarily an expectation of it. So could I just view it as having fun at the beach and enjoying my time out there with her, regardless of whether it turns into a relationship or we decide it's best to go our separate ways...? You've seemed to really want to go on this trip the whole thread. I think you posted hoping people would say it is okay. But if you only know her from dating, odds are the weekend trip is a way of upping your relationship, not a just friends thing. And you keep talking about her disinterest, but you're not really interested. If you were, you would be saying "I really like this girl but I've been worried she wasn't that into me. She just invited me on a weekend trip, do you think she's really interested?" rather than just "She doesn't seem interested so I was going to end things." Regardless of how she feels, you're not that interested. Going on the trip is a passport to drama. End things.
deux ex machina Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 (edited) Unless you are pretty sure you are both on the same page (and from reading this thread, it doesn't appear to be the case), I'd hold off on the weekend trip thing for now. Doesn't mean you have to stop seeing her, assuming the both of you still want to. Edited June 23, 2010 by deux ex machina
Engadget Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Go, have a good time and maybe something will happen. However, invites with friends early on are usually a sure friend zone sign, unless you've gotten to know each other well enough and then she wants to introduce you of course.
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