Els Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 All I'm saying is I respect a woman who doesn't want to pounce on me day one, and I'll respect her more if she waits a little while. Shows there's something more there than just sex. Ah. By that logic, and also by your requirement for equality - do you not think she should be respecting YOU less because you didn't wait for sex either? Takes two to tango... and if both are 100% equal there should be nothing less respectful about a woman who has sex on day one, compared to a man who has sex on day one, no? Link to post Share on other sites
TheBigQuestion Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 He should have paid. He should not have asked if you wanted to contribute anything. He had nothing to loose and everything to gain by having dinner with you, and he screwed it up. Remember, this is a sign of things to come. He might be cheap, he might be self centered, he might be inconsiderate towards your feelings. Don't find out the hard way exactly what it is. He had nothing to lose? Right. I suppose the time, energy, and (in many cases) money that a man has to use in dating is absolutely nothing to lose on a person who might not care to see him again. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Are you planning to get married? . He's talked about it, but I don't know if I really want to - again. I just want him. We're past the age of white dresses and tuxedos and girly fantasies. *scratches head and wonders what this discourse has to do with men always having to pull out their wallets on the first date* Link to post Share on other sites
Engadget Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Ah. By that logic, and also by your requirement for equality - do you not think she should be respecting YOU less because you didn't wait for sex either? Takes two to tango... and if both are 100% equal there should be nothing less respectful about a woman who has sex on day one, compared to a man who has sex on day one, no? Exactly, but as stated in the thread I was talking about it, I didn't push it. I just eventually gave in because she wouldn't let the issue drop. I don't push for sex on the first date ever. Get back on topic, this isn't about me. Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Exactly, but as stated in the thread I was talking about it, I didn't push it. I just eventually gave in because she wouldn't let the issue drop. I don't push for sex on the first date ever. Get back on topic, this isn't about me. But you MUST be focused on (as I seem to be by one poster) because you don't advocate for the man always paying. Link to post Share on other sites
TheBigQuestion Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 *scratches head and wonders what this discourse has to do with men always having to pull out their wallets on the first date* She's probably just trying to put you down in some way for having a different opinion than her. Link to post Share on other sites
SteveC80 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 He had nothing to lose? Right. I suppose the time, energy, and (in many cases) money that a man has to use in dating is absolutely nothing to lose on a person who might not care to see him again. lol at u thinking women actually look at both sides its all about ME ME ME Link to post Share on other sites
donnamaybe Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 She's probably just trying to put you down in some way for having a different opinion than her. DING DING DING!!!!! I think we have a WINNUHHHH!!!!!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Women want exact equality as they should, however many want to be treated like a princess who is swept off her feet, paid for, pursued, etc. Women want guys to still make the first move, approach them first, ask for their number, call them, etc. This **** has got to go, it's obnoxious. You want equality? ACT EQUAL! Oh, okay, cool. I'll stop shaving my legs and underarms, stop wearing make-up and perfume, swear like a sailor and run my mouth off whenever I feel like it, argue with whoever I want over politics whenever I feel like it, judge men based on their appearance and number of sexual partners, disrespect men who make a move on me too fast or who make it clear they're willing to jump in the sack after 10 minutes of meeting someone, make sure absolutely all housework is divided 50-50, write my partner a bill for 50% of my birth control pill costs, absolutely require 50% of all sexual acts to be performed on me, demand he contribute exactly as much to household expenses as I am, insist on making 50% of all decisions, and refuse to move to another place for his career unless he's making at least exactly twice as much as I do. And that's not even touching on all the sh-t he'd have to do for us to be equal when I get pregnant. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I WILL NEVER EVER EVER UNDERSTAND WOMEN WHO SAY THEY ARE INDEPENDANT AND LIBERATED AND STILL THINK IT'S THE GUY WHO HAS TO PAY... What the F is this???? women!!!!! are you that dependant on men... still.. If you have a good job.. then YOU should be just as entitled to pay for the date as the guy is... gosh I just can't believe women sometimes.. Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Good on him for making the date fair. All of the "man should pay", "one opportunity to impress you" claims just smack of superiority and juvenile entitlement issues. Are you not equals? Is your time more valuable than his? Are you doing him a favour by going out with him? I wrote my post before I started the thread.. then I came upon this post.. WELL SAID ENEMA!!!! I also can't stand women who claim they want to be equal .. then expect men to put them on a pedestal.. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Oh, okay, cool. I'll stop shaving my legs and underarms, stop wearing make-up and perfume, swear like a sailor and run my mouth off whenever I feel like it, argue with whoever I want over politics whenever I feel like it, judge men based on their appearance and number of sexual partners, disrespect men who make a move on me too fast or who make it clear they're willing to jump in the sack after 10 minutes of meeting someone, make sure absolutely all housework is divided 50-50, write my partner a bill for 50% of my birth control pill costs, absolutely require 50% of all sexual acts to be performed on me, demand he contribute exactly as much to household expenses as I am, insist on making 50% of all decisions, and refuse to move to another place for his career unless he's making at least exactly twice as much as I do. And that's not even touching on all the sh-t he'd have to do for us to be equal when I get pregnant. I heard there was an invention that allowed the man to feel pain equal to that which his wife was feeling at the moment in labour... Link to post Share on other sites
Lizzie60 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I didn't read the whole thread.. but I think most people missed the fact that it was a 'first meeting' from an online dating site.. this is NOT a date.. they never met.. If I was a guy I would NEVER pay for the whole meal.. first I would never go for a dinner.. I would go for a coffee. I think that in this case, the woman could have said.. 'I don't mind.. I'll pay for the next dinner' or something like that.. but to expect a guy to pay for your 'company' is a little over the top.. who do you (women in general) think you are.. ??? Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I heard there was an invention that allowed the man to feel pain equal to that which his wife was feeling at the moment in labour... Oh good lord. You'd think that accidentally breaking his hand by squeezing it too hard during the process would be enough pain and suffering for the guy. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Giving birth is beside the point since it does not hinder a woman's ability to earn money. Women these days for the most part are earning just as much in and many cases more than men so there is no excuse for them to demand a man pay for everything as if they are some kind of child. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Giving birth is beside the point since it does not hinder a woman's ability to earn money. NOT true most of the time. Women these days for the most part are earning just as much in and many cases more than men so there is no excuse for them to demand a man pay for everything as if they are some kind of child. The point here is equality, Woggle. The point is about people who expect equality in some ways but don't mind 'disparity' in other ways. A man is completely capable of spending as much time as a woman does on his appearance... but usually he does not. Should a woman require him to spend an equal amount of time on appearance? A man is also completely capable of caring for a baby and doing housework as much as a woman, but often he does not either. Should the woman insist that he wake up on 50% of all nights to feed the baby? Link to post Share on other sites
A O Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 So my question is...besides the awkwardness of it, is this something I should be concerned about? Not if you're a believer of good communication. I've heard so many times that the guy should pay on the first date. If you believe that a woman's place in the home/kitchen and all that other old school thinking then yes, you have every right to believe that a man pays, to expect this and to be disappointed if it does not happen. . Link to post Share on other sites
sweetjasmine Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Giving birth is beside the point since it does not hinder a woman's ability to earn money. Um, yes, it does, in many cases. Not everyone gets paid maternity leave. In my field, we had a lecturer give birth (with complications, ending in a Caesarian), and the chair of the department had the balls to yell at her for not returning to work after a week. And her husband is working at another university in a neighboring state, so he's not even around during the week, so they have to pay for constant childcare so she can shoulder a workload that's three times heavier than that of a tenured professor. If she were to temporarily leave her crappy lecturer position, not only would they be in serious financial trouble, but she'd be flushing her career down the toilet because when it comes time to apply for another position, she'll be competing with people who have been in overdrive, publishing and teaching like crazy, while she's been caring for her infant. This sort of thing is actually a huge problem in academia that people refuse to address. They gloss over it by saying men and women are equal, now, so women can compete for jobs, too. Which is true, if they don't have any children. Female academics who try to start a family and have to take time off are completely screwed, but male academics who start a family do fine. Anyway, the whole birth thing had nothing to do with the question of paying for the first date. It was part of a light-hearted exchange. Loosen up a little, jeez. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I do agree that there needs to be a better work and personal life balance in America for both men and women but that is beside the point. What many men take issue with is the spoiled princess mentality which acts like a man has to pay money for a woman to grace him with her presence. I thought people dated because they liked each other and not for a free meal. Link to post Share on other sites
Woggle Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 If you believe that a woman's place in the home/kitchen and all that other old school thinking then yes, you have every right to believe that a man pays, to expect this and to be disappointed if it does not happen. . Very true. If woman want to go back to traditional gender roles then men should by all means live up to their end but since women wanted to change things in the 70s then we should have equality. Women wanted this world and are now mad that they have it. Link to post Share on other sites
BubbleFreak Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 Tonight I went out with a guy I met online...it was our first meeting. I'm 28, he's 27...both have good jobs. We had dinner and drinks and the date went really well. When the bill came he grabbed it and we kept talking for a few minutes. And then asked me how I wanted to deal with the bill. He basically asked if I wanted to chip in or if he should cover it. It was a little awkward so I said I would chip in. So we both paid for ourselves. So my question is...besides the awkwardness of it, is this something I should be concerned about? I've heard so many times that the guy should pay on the first date. What do you all think about this? He seemed like a really nice guy and was definitely nervous, so I don't know if that played into it. But I know he wants to see me again and is already making plans. Thoughts? I haven't read what others have said, since this is such a long thread, but here are my thoughts on your post... I think it can be difficult for a man to know how to please a particular woman when he hasn't known her for very long. One woman might like the car door opened for her whereas another might think he is being patronising. So, him simply asking you about the bill may not be a deliberate show of cheapness. If he told you the bill would be split or that you would be paying, that would be a different story. I think you should get to know him a bit more. Link to post Share on other sites
aerogurl87 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 If you believe that a woman's place in the home/kitchen and all that other old school thinking then yes, you have every right to believe that a man pays, to expect this and to be disappointed if it does not happen. . Hmm well I guess I have the right to expect my boyfriend to pay when we go out to dinner and the movies then. Link to post Share on other sites
EYECANDY000 Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 I think it goes both ways. I think it was a little tacky of him to ask to chip in considering the fact that you didnt offer, but also why pay for a meal for a girl he may never see again.. i myself, ask if they would like for me to leave the tip or pay half. I never just assume that the guy will pick up the bill Link to post Share on other sites
Tres Posted June 23, 2010 Share Posted June 23, 2010 It depends on your values. If you have traditional values, you might ask him about his values on the matter, and then, you decide if you are OK with it. If you want only a short-term sexual relationship with him, you might even not bother with the details and just get what you want from him. Link to post Share on other sites
Diezel Posted June 24, 2010 Share Posted June 24, 2010 I think some of the responses in this thread are HIGHLY laughable. A lot of speculation based on pure situational analysis. I asked the OP a question which could bear a whole different light on this situation. Obviously, the OP probably has a life to live and has yet to answer... But I love how a lot of people have just jumped to overall conclusions with minimal information. He asked her out. He asked how to deal with the bill. That's basically all the information you know and it's NOT enough to launch a judgment onto this guy's lap. What would be your view had he had asked her out to coffee and she said: NO, I want to have dinner. Would you still have the same opinion as to whether he HAS to pay or not? Link to post Share on other sites
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