donnamaybe Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 $10,000? Even if you went on 40 first dates plus 20 second dates, that is $150 a date, way more than a first date should cost. I don't think that was the actual point.
Engadget Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I know, huh?! Hypocrisy. Women make no sense, that's why! A woman with a 6 figure job would probably expect to have her date pay, which is idiotic.
Jilly Bean Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 He's a loser, and I wouldn't go out with him again. If a man is tight with his wallet, he'll also be stingy in other areas.
marsle85 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 OP, they're wrong. This sets a precedent for the rest of the relationship! Don't do it! I'd say to go out with him one more time, if he pays... give him a chance. IF not, BYE.
VertexSquared Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I pay for a vast majority of the meals I have with my girlfriend -- sometimes she'll even pick the place and I'll still pay (which I admit does bug me sometimes). I don't mind paying but I wouldn't mind if she picked it up once in a while.
donnamaybe Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Women make no sense, that's why! A woman with a 6 figure job would probably expect to have her date pay, which is idiotic. Hey, don't lump us all into the same self absorbed, over-entitled group.
Els Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I find it funny how most of the male posters advocating 'complete equality' in bill-splitting are also usually the ones proclaiming the 'men are visual, live with it' battlecry the most loudly. Where do you think your visual pleasure comes from? The sky? I'm sure it costs 'completely equal' for a woman to appear visually pleasing on a date, and takes a 'completely equal' amount of time as well. Roflmao. The next time a girl encounters a guy who doesn't pay on the first date, I think she might want to show up on the next date with her hair unstyled, no makeup, baggy tee and jeans, and sneakers. Then things will be truly equal.
donnamaybe Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 The next time a girl encounters a guy who doesn't pay on the first date, I think she might want to show up on the next date with her hair unstyled, no makeup, baggy tee and jeans, and sneakers. Then things will be truly equal. Is that how guys show up on dates for you? Sans makeup, of course.
Els Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Is that how guys show up on dates for you? Sans makeup, of course. Pretty much how I see at least 50% of the guys my age show up on dates. My guys are special cause they actually don't mind ME showing up on dates like that, except my tees aren't usually baggy. Even if a guy were to wear a shirt and slacks, dress shoes, and mousse/gel his hair, it still takes a helluva lot less time, effort, and money than a woman getting all dolled up, as I'm sure you'd agree. And men's formal shoes beat heels/pumps anytime.
donnamaybe Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Pretty much how I see at least 50% of the guys my age show up on dates. Now, see, THAT would make me not want a second date MUCH more than someone who wanted to split a bill. Not that you have to show up in a $1,000 suit, but a little effort please.
MyNameIsJane Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I havent read all the replies - but here are my two cents... I have never been a girl who thinks the guy MUST pay for things... despite the beliefs of ALL my friends, who believe the guy should ALWAYS pay - not only the first date, but every single time he even suggests going out. "He asked you to get dinner. He pays." I just dont feel the same. However, I also hate dating with a passion - the awkwardness of the bill just adds to it. I think if he was willing to pay the whole thing, he should have just done it - instead of asking you if you want to chip in. He left you no choice but to say that you would chip in.... otherwise YOU would look like the douche.. Maybe he was just nervous - and didn't realize he set the scenario up for a lose/lose situation (either you look rude for not chipping in or he looks rude for letting you.)
VertexSquared Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I only feel anxiety over the concept sometimes because I am entirely on my own at a young age living in the most expensive city in the nation. Going to a nice restaurant here means popping anywhere from $50-$120 on a single meal, depending on where I go. I can't afford to dine out like that every day, but I never cringe or make any indication that I am anything but happy to grab the bill. I also make it a point not to let her see how much it cost. I pay for meals generally because it's the gentlemanly thing to do. It'd be nice if she picked up the tab (which she's done about two times so far) but I'm not going to complain if she doesn't. Any time I start to internally flinch at how much I may be spending on food, I just keep in mind that my girlfriend is more than happy to swallow even though she isn't necessarily crazy about it. I also have to keep in mind that she is intelligent and fun to be with. If I have to pay for dinners to help keep someone like that happy and willing to stick around, then I have no problem with it. XD Yes, relationships do have a certain degree of give-and-take -- but it should not be so tit-for-tat, which will just drive any rational being crazy. Women have enough of their own expectations to deal with, and so do men.
flying Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I don't necessarily agree that the man always has to pay on the first date, but I do think it's extremely tacky to invite someone out and then ASK them to pony up for the bill. If the person being asked out offers, then great. But if I invited someone out on a date (I'm a woman) I would not ask him to fork it over to pay for his half, or for the whole thing, for that matter. Bleh, rude. Nor would I expect guests at a party to deposit money in a jar on the way out of my house. That said, the way the OP described all this going down sounds like the guy was just clueless and awkward, not necessarily a cheapskate. I'm not sure it's an automatic dealbreaker; if it were me and I'd had a good time otherwise I'd give the guy a second chance and see how it goes.
Crazy Magnet Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 To pay or not to pay, that is the question. If the guy pays, then in my mind I think he considers the date successful, if he splits the check with me I think he's not feeling anything or considers me a friend. I would give him another chance if you felt chemistry and see what happens on the second date.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 If a man is willing to treat you like a queen are you willing to treat him like a king? If the answer is yes then I can support this but for too many women the answer would be no. Yes. In fact, I have no interest in being in a relationship where we don't treat each like this. I'd rather be alone and treat myself great than be in a blah relationship where I'm treated in a lukewarm way.
Woggle Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Yes. In fact, I have no interest in being in a relationship where we don't treat each like this. I'd rather be alone and treat myself great than be in a blah relationship where I'm treated in a lukewarm way. As long as you believe it goes both ways. Too many men believe they entitled to this even if they treat a man like garbage.
Mimolicious Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I say go out with him one more time "accidententionally" leave your wallet at home. When the bill comes see how he handles it. If he keeps up with this nonsense... DELETE! NEXT! (unless you are always willing to treat yourself). Me personally, he will never see my a$$ ever again. I take that you are a bit young, you'll learn. For the time being play the "left my wallet" card a few times. LOL!
someotherguy Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I say go out with him one more time "accidententionally" leave your wallet at home. When the bill comes see how he handles it. If he keeps up with this nonsense... DELETE! NEXT! (unless you are always willing to treat yourself). Me personally, he will never see my a$$ ever again. I take that you are a bit young, you'll learn. For the time being play the "left my wallet" card a few times. LOL! This is great advice, let him know immediately what kind of gold digger you are, so he can move on to a woman that deserves him!
flying Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Yeah how about them apples? Your prior LT bf turned you on, he had sexual value to you, therefore you paid, he didn't. Now that wasn't fair to you, he should have contributed. But apparently he didn't have to for you to be his gf. Maybe instead of going out with "nice" guys and expecting them to pick up the tab you should just send a bill to your ex for his share of all the dinners he didn't chip in for? Er...I think you're totally reading stuff into what she wrote. She said the deal with her ex got old really fast. And my reading of the "really nice guy" thing is that she liked him and found him attractive. I think so many of the guys on here get caught up in the "women don't like nice guys" meme that they become paranoid. I don't think it applies here.
donnamaybe Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 This is great advice, let him know immediately what kind of gold digger you are, so he can move on to a woman that deserves him! Tell us how you REALLY feel. Back when men were the only ones with money, of course it was obvious that men always paid on dates. News flash, ladies. Things aren't that way anymore. It's 2010. We have our own money, and sometimes we have MORE than the guy.
TheBigQuestion Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 This is great advice, let him know immediately what kind of gold digger you are, so he can move on to a woman that deserves him! My thoughts exactly. A woman doesn't need to go after a rich guy to display gold-digger behavior. Any woman who feels entitled to a man spending money on her on the first date, a time where they hardly know each other and may never even see each other past that date or a second date, is guilty of having a gold-digger mentality. With that said, I WILL pay for both of us on the first date if the circumstances are right. And also, the guy in the OP could've worded that question better. I've done it in the past and had no problems. On top of that, I also agree that "dating" as it is originally conceived pretty much sucks. Whenever I like a girl and I know the girl likes me somewhat, whenever we hang out or interact I prefer it to not have as much of a date atmosphere as possible.
Engadget Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I say go out with him one more time "accidententionally" leave your wallet at home. When the bill comes see how he handles it. If he keeps up with this nonsense... DELETE! NEXT! (unless you are always willing to treat yourself). Me personally, he will never see my a$$ ever again. I take that you are a bit young, you'll learn. For the time being play the "left my wallet" card a few times. LOL! Get with the times lady.
torranceshipman Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Yes, the guy should pay. No, I would not go out with him again. He has a golden opportunity to impress you, and he doesn't? No way. While I am also a believer in guys paying, it sounds very much to me like the guy went with his instinct - to pay - then wondered if he should respect your identity as an independent woman who might not want to be paid for - so felt like he was respecting your choices by asking what you preferred. I actually really like his approach (to be fair some women do get shirty and want to go dutch). I wasn't there so can't say for sure what his motives were but if the above is true, I really like the sound of the guy.
Adunaphel Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 sadintexas and torranceshipman's post make sense. It sounds like he would have been happy to pay but had doubts about whether you'd be confortable with it. What about giving him a second chance and perhaps hinting at the fact that you have no issues with men treating you to dinner? Did he look shy/unconfortable?
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