lynn650 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 (edited) So, I met this guy on a dating website. We have been talking for about a month and have great conversations---most of which seem to last all night! I'm really starting to like him and he seems to really like me as well. On Friday, he took me to a museum for a date. I was nervous because this was only the third time I've met with him in person and the longest amount of time I've spent with him (the first time we met for about an hour and the second time he just walked me to my after we both got out of our classes). I was a little shocked when he very confidently leaned over to kiss me after a couple of hours at the museum. I thought the kiss was very ill-timed. Where the hell did he get the idea it was OK to kiss me?? I was hesitant, but for some reason, kissed him back (perhaps to avoid an awkward moment---yeah, I know...no reason to scold me on the stupidity of that ). The kiss just felt compulsive and way too overly-confident. We had an amazing night and a couple of hours later, I let him kiss me again---this time I really wanted him to. It just felt right. I told him that I was a little uncomfortable with how fast this was going (I normally don't kiss on a first date!) and he was very sweet and told me that we wouldn't rush anything. The ball would be in my court. I have been played several times in my life and just got through a 3 year fiasco with a player. I really like this guy, but honestly, something about him screams "player." Perhaps it's the overly confident way he kissed me and how smooth I can tell he thinks he is! I don't want to write this guy off immediately as a player, but I also really don't want to put myself into the position of falling for a guy that is going to try and play me in the end. Being on the defensive, I noticed that he became fbook friends with a new girl today. So, I totally played "stalker" and checked to see if she was on this dating website--low and behold, she is. I know it's weird and slightly crazy of me to snoop like that, but I just want to be very aware of what I'm getting into. I can only assume he's been talking to her and plans on dating her, but who knows. We have talked about dating multiple people at once and he said that it wasn't for him--when he's dating someone, he wants to focus on that person. I know that it's not necessarily wrong for someone to date two people at once, but after the kiss and how much time we spend talking?? Hmmm...it just makes me slightly uncomfortable. My question is, does it seem like my gut is right about this guy being a player? I know that when determining whether or a not a guy is playing you, you have to give it time to see how long he's willing to put up with you holding out on sex (I intend on holding out until we're in a relationship--he knows this). But, I just don't want to invest more time and start liking this guy more if he's only going to hurt me. I just don't know if my gut is legit, or just going through a hangover from previous *******s. Just wanted to hear your thoughts... Edited June 23, 2010 by lynn650
Diezel Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 He is ON a dating website, of course he is going to go out with other women, just as he assumes that you are going out with other men at the same time. Nothing is written in stone, which means that he can go out with 100000 women while he takes you out as well. But of course, it means you can do the same, and believe me, he expects just as much. It doesn't mean he is a player, but you can't expect him to "act exclusive" when you're telling him to take things slow. A kiss and time spent, means nothing. I'm sorry if this is a revelation to you. But it's the truth. Why not just have FUN with this guy while it lasts, no matter how long it lasts? Just try to not become emotionally invested RIGHT AWAY.
jenifer1972 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 You should not spend hours talking to someone right off the bat. You need to progress very slowly, short interactions, casual dates in neutral settings, and NEVER forget you met him on a DATING site, and that is what he is ON IT FOR, TO DATE MULTIPLE WOMEN AT ONCE.
that girl Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 You're on a dating website, so it isn't surprising he is talking to other women. But it is a little sketchy that he just told you he only dates one woman at a time. That could mean seriously date, but it is a little iffy to me. I do kiss on the first date, but what really gets me about the kiss is that it seems like it happened in the museum without any encouragement from you. That's a little cocky. You do seem to like him a lot, so maybe the next time you see him (not online or over the phone) flat out ask how the online dating thing is going for him. If he says "You're the only person I've met" eject.
Eeyore79 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 The "multiple dating" thing seems more common in the US than it is in other countries, so it really depends where you're located. Personally I only date one person at a time, and I make my mind up about them before I even consider anyone else. So he isn't necessarily lying when he says he only dates one person at a time. I don't see why it's a big deal that he kissed you after you'd met three times. I think you should continue seeing him and see how it goes - maybe you're just being overly defensive and he really is a nice guy who likes you. You at least need to be open to the possibility that things might work out, otherwise you're closing yourself off and sabotaging the relationship before it even begins. Don't get your hopes up too soon, but equally don't shut him out because you're feeling defensive.
bekalee Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Hey Lynn, Your situation sounds alot like one of mine. I met a guy off POF and we talked for a a month on the phone, nearly every night all night, and then we met up. He was overly confident and smooth, telling me we could take things really slow etc, and I started having doubts about things. In the end after about 2 months, even though he told me we were in a relationship, he started seeing someone else. I was completely hurt and I should have trusted my gut feeling when I had it. I don't think that every confident guy is a player but I do think there are alot of people who will try to gain your trust because they think it's a challenge and fun. So just listen to your intuition because 9 times out of 10, you'll end up being right.
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