nothappyjan Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Im 24 and im my first proper r/ship ever. Its been about 3 months with this guy and hes the only guy whos ever made a r/ship official. I dont know what it is, but lately ive been having doubts and really hes a good guy but small things that bug me now are making me panic about how resentful i'd feel in the future. Sometimes i think its because ive never got to the stage where people start being themselves and relaxing a bit from the dating stage. He seems pretty certain of us having a future together we are booking a trip to europe together over Christmas for 6 weeks with another couple he knows and hes making plans for our house etc. The things that bug me are pretty small i.e his obsession with sport and ive noticed he does like to get his own way about things and he doesnt show me enough physical affection outside of the bedroom. So far thats pretty much the only faults that annoy me and when i hear how bad some guys are I feel like i should be grateful. So my question is......am i expecting too much, has anyone ever been with a partner where there was no big issues that ever caused trouble, its tricky because neither of us have any r/ship experience?
Author nothappyjan Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 (edited) It makes me wish i had previous experience, i think i would be able to judge how successful a r/ship is if i had something to compare it too! Edited June 23, 2010 by nothappyjan
Diezel Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 You're just sailing previously uncharted waters. Would you rather he spend every waking second with you, writing you poetry and watching sad, romantic movies with you? Your qualms about him are minor. As long as he is showing to you that he is into you, the rest means nothing. You HAVE to expect him to have hobbies and other interests that AREN'T solely you. Of course, this doesn't give him a free pass to just simply watch the World Cup while you're on top riding him cowgirl style... but you do need to give him some space and lee-way. A lot of men aren't affectionate outside of the bedroom, but it doesn't meant that what they feel for you is any less than a guy who is constantly trying to hold your hand.
make me believe Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Hmm. I am an extremely affectionate person with my partner, so being with a guy who didn't show me enough affection outside of the bedroom would probably be a dealbreaker for me. Is physical affection one of the 5 love languages? If so, it's probably mine. I disagree with Diezel. I don't think that your concerns are minor. Can you give an example of how he always likes to get his own way? That one could be big. And if you NEED physical affection the way I do, that could also mean you two are incompatible. I think it's smart of you to be thinking about these things! You are right that "small" things like this can lead to big resentments in the future if your needs aren't being met. hes making plans for our house etc Three months into your first relationship ever?! Woah. I think you need to put the breaks on that kind of talk until you're absolutely sure you want to be with this guy!!
Author nothappyjan Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 If im out i dont expect over the top affection but its even just when we are home on the couch. I probably wouldnt mind so much if when we had to sit on the couch and watch sports for hours if i at least got some cuddles out of it, but he is just not a touchy feely person like i am with him. Unless of course he wants a blowjob on the couch at half time. In terms of the own way. We tend to be at his house and i feel like i travel way more than he does and we end up going out where he wants to go and spending free time in the way that he wants too. Even the trip to europe he keeps changing plans every time i think we have organised something. See i let him have heaps of free time so i feel like when he does spend time with me I should have some time dedicated just to me. I will only stay over one night a week generally so I feel that him watching random sporting events which he knows i have no interest in could be saved just a little bit for the other 6 nights he doesn't spend with me.
make me believe Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 This relationship seems really unbalanced. You're making all the effort, and then when you do see him all he wants to do is sit on the couch watching sports! Can you picture the rest of your life sitting on a couch watching sports you don't care about, and not even receiving a few cuddles in the meantime?
counterman Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Those sporting events could be sacrificed to spend some quality time with you, if he did care about you enough. It's a compromise, you know? My last relationship failed because my ex wasn't willing to compromise. I gave up watching some of my sports to spend more time with her but she wanted to keep everything going in her life. So, I sort of got squeezed out. You should get your way sometimes and he should too, it should be a balance. Compromise is a beautiful thing.
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