That_girl Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 (edited) Say your ex was a total douchebag at the time that he left you.....and he hadn't contacted you in 6 months. You mourn the loss, think horrible things of him to rid your thoughts of him....and you finally begin to accept it, get over it, and move on. ALL OF THE SUDDEN, you get an email from him telling you how much he misses you, and thinks about you all the time. Naturally you realize that this is him just trying to massage his own ego because he has finally begun to wonder where the girl who thought she couldn't live without him had went. (I had always been the one chasing him, particularly after an argument) Your first thought is to IGNORE because you realize that nothing hurts more than silence. But then you start to second-guess yourself because you are not the type of person that finds it simple to hurt someone you once loved, even though they hurt you..... I have done alot of thinking about this, and I definitely wasn't perfect either. I hurt him many times throughout our relationship. In the end it was he who quit on me during one of the most difficult periods of my life. And the fact that he didn't apologize ONCE in that email definitely pisses me off. But...I still feel that one shouldn't "repay injustice with injustice" (Socrates lol)......Anyway, am I on to something here? Should I just send him a quick email back letting him know that I don't need my stuff back (he asked if I wanted it back) and that I sincerely do wish him well after all the hurt? I don't want to send an angry email.....I feel like that would give him too much leverage over me. But.....something?? Ignoring is so cold. Edited June 23, 2010 by That_girl
XKatieX Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 It all depends on whether YOU want him back? I mean did all the hurt he caused you eventually make you feel differently about him to the point, where you wouldn't want to take him back? You just gotta ask yourself how badly you want him back I guess. Did he say he wanted to work on things as well, or just that he misses you? Also 6 months is a pretty long time to have no contact with someone, and he is just now missing you? Something seems kinda off with that, unless he was just struggling to hold back all this time, but still..
teanoranges Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Yea, forget him. He lost his privileges of having you to comfort him the moment he walked out the door (or whatever happened) Its not your problem anymore. He knew the consequences. Now he has to deal with them. its life.
sedgwick Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I would give anything in the world for an email saying he thinks of me!!!!! My god, I'd sell my soul. But no, I never feel guilty for not contacting him. He destroyed me, he doesn't get any more of me.
Author That_girl Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 It all depends on whether YOU want him back? I mean did all the hurt he caused you eventually make you feel differently about him to the point, where you wouldn't want to take him back? You just gotta ask yourself how badly you want him back I guess. Did he say he wanted to work on things as well, or just that he misses you? Also 6 months is a pretty long time to have no contact with someone, and he is just now missing you? Something seems kinda off with that, unless he was just struggling to hold back all this time, but still.. I think he was just struggling, and he broke up with me....so I always assumed that he never wanted to speak to me (since he told me that). He didn't say that he wants to work on things. He claims that I'm the best thing he's ever had.....so his email is really confusing. It made me more angry than anything else. I have been asking myself if I ever COULD take him back....and I've decided that I can't. Too much pain has been inflicted, and we have tried so many times in the past. I could never trust him again knowing that he's really to bail on me when the going gets rough. I'm pissed off that he sent me this knowing how badly hurt I was after the breakup, I literally begged him the night that we broke up. When I think of all of this horrible stuff.....I feel like he doesnt even deserve a response at all. So I'm going to stick to my instincts, and the advice of those on this forum...and forget him.
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I have ALWAYS felt guilty if i've ignored the ex. I am simply not 'that sort of person' - i'm a people pleaser; if I ignore someone I feel rude and petty. To ignore someone goes against my nature; even my own MOTHER says I should reply to my ex, she doesn't understand the NC concept at all and doesn't think its necessary to excess. SO I would say: do what feels right for YOU; it is irrelevant what other people say is best for you if its not what you feel is right. In the real world, I think it IS possible to have contact with an ex, even if its just brief contact, but it all depends on what YOU think and feel. If you want your ex back, contact is not advisable, but even so I believe a polite or casual message back cannot do any harm. But this is something you need to think through; Are you over him? Do you want to be back with him? Do you want to be friends with him? Are you comfortable with just exchanging a casual message? Do you have any expectations from him? Do not contact him if you think a response will hinder or harm you in any way or if it will open the floodgates to expectations of something more. Only you can say for sure if in your situation some or any contact is right for you. I would not be deterred by those that say you should maintain hardcore NC as I strongly believe different situations call for different approaches - when moving on NC is important, but there are situations where people do need to speak either to clear the air or return belongings etc. Me and my ex spoke after the break-up to clear the air between us and that was right for me in my situation.
Author That_girl Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 It all depends on whether YOU want him back? I mean did all the hurt he caused you eventually make you feel differently about him to the point, where you wouldn't want to take him back? You just gotta ask yourself how badly you want him back I guess. Did he say he wanted to work on things as well, or just that he misses you? Also 6 months is a pretty long time to have no contact with someone, and he is just now missing you? Something seems kinda off with that, unless he was just struggling to hold back all this time, but still.. I think he was just struggling, and he broke up with me....so I always assumed that he never wanted to speak to me (since he told me that). He didn't say that he wants to work on things. He claims that I'm the best thing he's ever had.....so his email is really confusing. It made me more angry than anything else. I have been asking myself if I ever COULD take him back....and I've decided that I can't. Too much pain has been inflicted, and we have tried so many times in the past. I could never trust him again knowing that he's really to bail on me when the going gets rough. I'm pissed off that he sent me this knowing how badly hurt I was after the breakup, I literally begged him the night that we broke up. When I think of all of this horrible stuff.....I feel like he doesnt even deserve a response at all. So I'm going to stick to my instincts, and the advice of those on this forum...and forget him.
Recommended Posts