Nukulus Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Hey guys I was wondering what the opinion was on contact in a new relationship... I feel that this is in an interesting subject with all of the taboo about playing games (i.e. don't want to appear too interested while still showing that you are interested, being aloof, etc). Now I understand that this will vary depending on the relationship in question I would still like other peoples input. For myself I'll reference my current situation. I've been talking with the girl I'm currently seeing for probably a month and a half now. After the first week things hit a snafu when she was torn between myself and her ex. Since then however things have been great, and as of last week I would say we are involved. So to the contact part...using last week as an example we would generally text throughout the morning and handful of times, and then either see each other in the evening or have a semi-long conversation on the phone. Now I am coming from a long line of failure because of what I believe as being too available so I'm a bit weary about this level of contact initially, as I feel that she might get bored lol. So I'd like to hear what others have experienced in the infancy stages of a relationship. I've heard some say no contact except to set up the next date, while I think in my current case I may be on the other end of the spectrum. So what about you all? Lots of contact? No games, (i.e. you enjoy talking with each other so you don't worry about being aloof or too interested)? Looking forward to peoples opinions!
that girl Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 If she is reciprocating (ie responding the texts/calls quickly and initating a good amount), you are creating problems. In this case, the dumbest thing you could do is intentionally dial back the contact out of fear. Then she starts thinking "Maybe he doesn't like me that much, maybe he's a player." And then she starts pulling back trying not to get too invested and before you know it, she's gone. If on the other hand, you're doing 99% of the texting/calling and you're the only one suggesting dates, dial it back a little. Frankly, I think "too avaliable" is an excuse men use like how women use "he's just afraid of committment." In general, if someone really likes you, they are hard to scare off. That doesn't mean you should start talking about how you want to marry her on the fourth date or stand outside her window with a boombox, it means that frequently calls and dates are mostly only going to push away people who are lukewarm (assuming you are able to read signals and aren't say, calling her during work hours when she's explained that isn't good for her).
JohnnyDrama Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 In my situation been talking for 3-4 weeks been going out for 2. She usually always initiates the conversations whether it's by bbm or phone. We usually discuss what days work well and go from there. The only time I started a convo was Sunday evening making sure we were still on for Monday at lunch. In fact we have a running joke I have called her twice with no answer and she says I should leave messages and start a relationship with her voice mail. :laugh:
Author Nukulus Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 Ahh you misunderstand me... Yes I am concerned she may get bored, but I'm not dialing anything back. I'm just going with the flow. I was really just looking to read about other peoples experiences. Because everyone deals with it in the beginning of the relationships. Also about being "too available" as an excuse or whatever... how would you explains some women's behavior in that regard. I know I've experienced times when a girl is interested and I barely acknowledge her, then I find out she's interested and show some interest in return and after a week or so of that she starts blowing cold. I in turn forget about her then a couple weeks later after ignoring her she crops up again? I feel that some girls enjoy the chase just as much as men do, if they find out they have the guy in the bag then they lose interest because the chase isn't there anymore. Just my opinion of course.
make me believe Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I know I've experienced times when a girl is interested and I barely acknowledge her, then I find out she's interested and show some interest in return and after a week or so of that she starts blowing cold. I in turn forget about her then a couple weeks later after ignoring her she crops up again? I feel that some girls enjoy the chase just as much as men do, if they find out they have the guy in the bag then they lose interest because the chase isn't there anymore. Just my opinion of course. That's game playing, and is a good way to weed out girls you shouldn't be with. Don't even bother wasting your time on somebody like that. In your current situation, as long as you are both happy with the amount of contact, then it's all good! When I met my current boyfriend we had about the same amount of contact. Texting all day and then talking or seeing each other at night. (Usually talking on the phone though, because we work opposite work schedules so only saw each other 1-2x per week at that time.) I did wonder if it was "too much" at times, but we were both happy with it and excited to talk/text/see each other, so it worked for us.
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