nihilanth100 Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I'm going through it, that feeling of grief so powerful its shaken the very foundation on which I live on. I have been reading, reading EVERYTHING, it's who I am, I do the research, find the answers wrong or right and make up my own choices by combing everything I find and everything I feel for myself. This is different, there is no set answer, everything is dynamic and while people have been giving me advice, they always end it with: "You have to ultimately trust in yourself to make the right decision". So I have, and day by day I am gaining my sight back where I was blinded before by the pain. So here is my story... I met my girlfriend of 1 year 4 months through a mutual friend and we hit it off, after about 2 weeks we began going out. This was the first real girlfriend I have had and first for everything: sex, love, heartache, experiences, the list is long. We fell in love. Where did things go wrong? Of course I had that feeling like we were perfect, like we weren't going to be like "other couples" that broke up for stupid stuff, but here I am living that truth. We were together all the time, it was work, school, girlfriend. There was little time apart and I began to resent that. I began pushing her away. I was cold and mean, emotionally. But I would get through it and feel good again, my love for her always prevailed. But I still took her for granted, didn't fully congratulate her on her accomplishments where she would be ecstatic about mine, didn't show her the love I felt, and it was because I think now, that I had no time for myself. I was losing myself and pushed her away because of it. Now she started to feel it and her feelings waned. She started her new job and met new people, the void was being filled. She met a new guy and wouldn't stop talking about how awesome these new people were. She began hiding the fact that she was going out and drinking and smoking with them. Then she went to the "awesome guys" house when she said she'd be home all day doing chores. This breach in trust tore me apart. We talked about it and she said she never had feelings for them just that they were fun. I'm not stupid. I can see through the facade. She decided that she had no feelings for me but loved me still and didn't know if she could get that sparkle in her eye that she had before when she saw me. I told her that I was changing (she did see how I was trying to change things) but still didn't want to be hurt. So still being in love with her I realized that the best thing was for us to break up, because if you love something you let it go... So while it was a mutual break up... she really broke up with me. I feel I did the right thing though. So here I am, 4 days laters, living through the grief. Its devastating and amazing at the same time. But I don't know where to go from here... The day after we broke up I needed final closure, we met up, it was completely neutral. I told here straight up: I love you, I was willing to change, but I need to move on, I won't call or text you, this is it, this is my fight to keep what I love so much, I won't beg. I admitted where I had gone wrong in the relationship and made it a point to tell her it was both our failures not just mine, but I didn't do it in a malicious way mind you, it was straight up admitting our wrong doings. I said if that sparkle came back, give me a call, but I hope I don't move on before it does or it won't matter. NC for 3 days and here I am writing this to help cope. I feel im doing a tremendous job since I feel im a very strong person. I don't feel sick anymore, in fact like I said before im seeing things more clearly everyday. Im starting to realise I may not even want her to text back or see her again, I feel so violated by the breach in trust that I should just move on anyways... I can feel parts of the anger stage creeping in me but I just bust my ass in the gym to relieve it. So what do I do if she calls or texts? Where do I go from here? I am starting to realize also that this milestone in my life is going to change me forever and for the better. I'm already going back to the gym where I had let myself get "comfortable" with her before. I am reconnecting with friends, keeping them close and really looking inside myself. Final words: This love thing is worth the pain. I would go through this incredible pain a million times before giving up love entirely.
Author nihilanth100 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 No thoughts on this? Its hard not to check her facebook. I found out the hard way when I read an update that said "gooood times" with the new dude "liking" it. I thought how can she not be hurt by this but is having fun? I stopped though and have still been focusing on myself: gym, new job starting monday, rebuilding friendships and talking with friends. Much easier each day...
GrayClouds Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 No thoughts on this? Its hard not to check her facebook. I found out the hard way when I read an update that said "gooood times" with the new dude "liking" it. I thought how can she not be hurt by this but is having fun? I stopped though and have still been focusing on myself: gym, new job starting monday, rebuilding friendships and talking with friends. Much easier each day... Be proud, it may be the loss of your first love but your handling it very well. It may not feel like it but you doing most of the right things. Now stop cyber stalking FB and your gold. For more support read the following: The No Contact Guide So you want a second chance? Good luck and sorry for your loss.
Author nihilanth100 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 Thanks for the quick response! I have read those thoroughly and they are a great read. It seems so counter-productive to go NC if wanting a second chance, but I can see why it would work, at least in ultimately healing myself. I talked with a friend for two and a half hours today about my first real relationship and told her how my experiences can help her since shes going through nearly the exact same thing right now. Feels good to see her better and it helped me further see things.
GrayClouds Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Thanks for the quick response! I have read those thoroughly and they are a great read. It seems so counter-productive to go NC if wanting a second chance, but I can see why it would work, at least in ultimately healing myself. I talked with a friend for two and a half hours today about my first real relationship and told her how my experiences can help her since shes going through nearly the exact same thing right now. Feels good to see her better and it helped me further see things. Just remember to be kind to yourself, keep working on making yourself a good as you can be, allow yourself to feel the hurt and then move on. Read the follow for some more ideas: http://blog.beliefnet.com/beyondblue/2009/02/12-ways-to-mend-a-broken-heart.html
ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 That's all you can do...focus on yourself and let time do it's thing. It's great and horrible all at the same time, but it's a simple solution, thankfully. And I can relate! My first bf and first in everything (had first kiss then three months later lost virginity, can you imagine?) broke up with me, and I'm still working through it, but I know I can do it. I'm stronger than that, and so are you.
Author nihilanth100 Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 Thanks friends. I teared up when I read that link, thanks for that . Ive never been emotional, always strong, but constantly im reading to just let it go, and I have been trying not to hold it back. About to go jogging to better myself. Thanks for the help so far, I feel better knowing people are reading and helping.
ahashakeheartbreak Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Yay! You sound like a great person and I commend you for how mature you seem.
Sonolumino Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Good for you nihilanth100. I'm sure there were faults on both sides, and that's why it didn't ultimately work out. The odds are stacked heavily against the first relationship succeeding, as both people normally reach maturation milestones at different times. I'm glad you're dealing with things well, and I've been hurt that way too, especially when there's another guy in the mix. It's a horrible feeling, but you will get through it. Stay strong and focused on yourself. Good luck and keep posting
GrayClouds Posted July 23, 2010 Posted July 23, 2010 Thanks friends. I teared up when I read that link, thanks for that . Ive never been emotional, always strong, but constantly im reading to just let it go, and I have been trying not to hold it back. About to go jogging to better myself. Thanks for the help so far, I feel better knowing people are reading and helping. Strong is facing your emotions, weakness is ignoring or at worst running from them. Until we know that we can handle all that they give us we really can not be confidence of our strengths. I compliment you on having the courage.
Author nihilanth100 Posted July 24, 2010 Author Posted July 24, 2010 Blast from the past! Thanks for the replies, I am doing much better now. My new job is great, ive been consistent with the gym and started playing basketball, and ive been having a good time. I havn't started dating or anything yet because I am still working on myself, but I am definitely checking out my options.
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