lovebubble Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 If anyone read my last thread, you know what (was) going on between my husband and I. Long story short, He's deployed in Afghanistan. I broke into his email and found out about 2 seperate Affairs.. One that he had while he was living with me, and one that he was currently having while deployed. I found out through an email that HE sent to his friend.. talking about the affair but, had no solid proof.. considering that he was telling me that it was all a lie.. that everything he said in the email was to look cool and fit in. Both of the women lied to me for HIM. They both told me nothing happened.. they both went along with his twisted and concocted stories.. lying about EVERYTHING. how they met.. how often they spoke.. ect.. and both females claimed to never have had sex with him. We began to work on us and one of the girls called me about 2 weeks later saying that '' I may want to know the absolute truth ''. She went on to tell me what I had suspected.. that her and my husband were chatting, while she was chatting with me and lying for him. The 2nd girl, I logged into his yahoo and spoke to her ' as him '.. and that's when I found out about that affair. There's another girl that I know of him hanging with but, she's saying that there was no sex.. obviously, at this point, I do not believe him. Also, he did not use protection with either of these women and told both of them that he loved them.. showed signs of jealousy, controlling issues, ect with them.. as he has done with me for the past 4 years. One main issue that I cannot get over is the fact that he had anal sex with the woman he was currently cheating with. Him and I never did that.. and he never expressed much of a desire to do it. Like I said in my last post, I am guilty of a lot of our marital issues. I kicked him out of our home constantly. I threw other men in his face constantly, although I never cheated on him. He told these women that he was not married, and/or that he was in a '' contract marriage ''. Now that I've found out, he's begging me back.. he told both of the woman that he'd no longer be having contact with them. He claims he is so sorry and wants to try again and wants us to change our marriage. Is there ANY chance to work this marriage out? We both want to.. but so much damage is done I don't think it's even possible. I don't know how I could ever be that '' house wife '' for him.. When I'm 23 years old, living in a bubble, and he's 23 living as if he's single. We had sex 4-5 times per week.. never noticed a difference in him or our sex life. Any Advice?
Author lovebubble Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 thank you hockey.. i guess that makes sense.. but wouldn't they want to know the truth from me? the same way i wanted to know the truth from them? i just don't get why they wouldn't want to know if he was really with me the whole time.. if he lived with me.. if we were infact having sex.. i dont know.. thank you for your advice
StarChick Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Hey lovebubble. They sound desperate to me. And if you haven't thought of it yet, please get tested for STDs. He obviously doesn't give a darn about your health, so you have to be proactive and do it for your own well-being.
Secure Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 thank you hockey.. i guess that makes sense.. but wouldn't they want to know the truth from me? the same way i wanted to know the truth from them? i just don't get why they wouldn't want to know if he was really with me the whole time.. if he lived with me.. if we were infact having sex.. i dont know.. thank you for your advice The ladies either did not care about what was going on in your house or felt they had no right to ask you any of those questions. They may not want the truth because it would prove he lied to them also.
SarahRose Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Read all the many many posts on here from the OW and you will see what is really going on. They are all boinking like rabbits and lie and say they are no longer having sex with their wives. Please get tested for STDs I don't think there is any hope for your marriage as apparently he just doesn't care. He feels entitled to cheat on you. You are very young. Cut your losses and move on.
Tayla Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 IT took a few reads and re-reads to grasp the reality. Neither are in the marriage but finding ways to escape it. Its that simple. Gain maturity, which is done by accepting responsibility in the demise of the marital vows. It took poor decisions to lead to poor behavior. Be enriched by this and move on. You are welcome to stay and endure more misery or you can accept the part you played , and do something other then these negative behaviors and antics. Its your choice, your life and your welcome to make mistakes. Consider this one of them.
Maggotface Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 You're so young now, I'd hate to see you spend 10+ more years with this man whom I'm pretty sure we all agree won't change, and realize you've waisted your life with him.
skylarblue Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I agree with other posters that you are young and have a lot valuable time ahead of you to either live happily or miserably. I don’t know how “far gone” your M is. I don’t know if it’s worth trying to save. That’s something that you have to sit down and seriously discuss with your H, but won’t have a chance of working (if possible) if both parties aren’t genuinely sincere and committed to the idea and work at it. Personally, your H seems like he’s incapable of being honest or faithful. And like you he is young and most likely still wants to sow his oats. On the surface, I think you should seriously consider getting out. I also agree that you should get a STDs test and keep in mind why you are there and if that’s the kind of game you want to play with your life. As far as your question about “why do women lie to the W for him”, personally, I would have lied to my MM’ s W because I felt a loyalty to him and wouldn’t have done/said anything to further get him into trouble. I didn’t need his W’s honesty because I didn’t care what was going on in their M. MM was not promising or promoting and I wasn’t interest in a future with him so I had no interest in determining “truths” with her. Unfortunately for him, I don’t feel that same loyalty anymore to protect him so if the W called I would now tell her truth. Good luck…
MizFit Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I'm not quite sure if you're asking for what our opinions are on the women in your situation specifically or why in general. I have no idea why an OW would lie to the W. From day 1 I told MM if she ever contacted me she'd get the truth, and she has in each exchange including voice, emails and texts. As far as the women in your situation...I don't know why they'd be lying...from your descriptions it seems quick and for some reason I can't take the relationships seriously, but I have no idea what the OW thought. If there were true feelings it was probably to get onside with him and show him they'd play ball. If it was casual they probably did it as a favor or so the A could continue as it had done. I really don't know and am sorry if I'm not quite grasping it all.
Scrybe Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Sorry....but this is bad. Dangerous, toxic and bad. You can do better. He can be better but it won't happen with you two together. Not only did he cheat and lie to you he cheated and lied to not only 1 OW but 2 and possibly more? Save yourself while you can. If anyone read my last thread, you know what (was) going on between my husband and I. Long story short, He's deployed in Afghanistan. I broke into his email and found out about 2 seperate Affairs.. One that he had while he was living with me, and one that he was currently having while deployed. I found out through an email that HE sent to his friend.. talking about the affair but, had no solid proof.. considering that he was telling me that it was all a lie.. that everything he said in the email was to look cool and fit in. Both of the women lied to me for HIM. They both told me nothing happened.. they both went along with his twisted and concocted stories.. lying about EVERYTHING. how they met.. how often they spoke.. ect.. and both females claimed to never have had sex with him. We began to work on us and one of the girls called me about 2 weeks later saying that '' I may want to know the absolute truth ''. She went on to tell me what I had suspected.. that her and my husband were chatting, while she was chatting with me and lying for him. The 2nd girl, I logged into his yahoo and spoke to her ' as him '.. and that's when I found out about that affair. There's another girl that I know of him hanging with but, she's saying that there was no sex.. obviously, at this point, I do not believe him. Also, he did not use protection with either of these women and told both of them that he loved them.. showed signs of jealousy, controlling issues, ect with them.. as he has done with me for the past 4 years. One main issue that I cannot get over is the fact that he had anal sex with the woman he was currently cheating with. Him and I never did that.. and he never expressed much of a desire to do it. Like I said in my last post, I am guilty of a lot of our marital issues. I kicked him out of our home constantly. I threw other men in his face constantly, although I never cheated on him. He told these women that he was not married, and/or that he was in a '' contract marriage ''. Now that I've found out, he's begging me back.. he told both of the woman that he'd no longer be having contact with them. He claims he is so sorry and wants to try again and wants us to change our marriage. Is there ANY chance to work this marriage out? We both want to.. but so much damage is done I don't think it's even possible. I don't know how I could ever be that '' house wife '' for him.. When I'm 23 years old, living in a bubble, and he's 23 living as if he's single. We had sex 4-5 times per week.. never noticed a difference in him or our sex life. Any Advice?
Recommended Posts