martin1 Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Hi folks, A bit of background info on me, 29 Male who only lost his virginity at 28 and has never been in a reletionship of any kind before (sad i know) I have known this woman online for 4 years, she is happily married with a 1yr old daughter. Over the last few months our reletionship has changed dramiticly, the normal talk of hows you and little un turned into full on flirty and very sexual discriptive messages. From the offset she allways said this is fun and never wanted it to seem anything else or for it to hurt me. Having swapped intimate photos and multiple phone sex calls, i decided to go and meet her on the other side of the country and she accepted without thinking. The weekend approached and i was really nervious and the daily chats turned into hourly contact but more and more discriptive. We met had such a great time together, went the cinema like a couple hugged and kissed openly and then had the most fun I have ever had in my life back at the hotel room and i know she enjoyed it. Since then things were weird, but soon after we were both chatty again with eachother and back to how we were before the flirting occured. She says that she wants to visit me in a few months and im being honest i cannot wait for it, I am not the worlds greatest looking guy and can never find a match like this woman. I dont know how to react, im acting weird but she is still interested in me but not at the discriptive message sort of way shes more like hi and chatty about things she knows I cannot reply in any sexual way about. I am confused and dont want to loose her as a friend or as an affair but I feel I was doing stupid things like sending her random texts for a reply, looking at websites for gifts, suggesting concerts to get away for and excuse for meeting. It is so weird, she is not the normal type of woman i would go for, shes bigger, more open about her problems (we all have them), has a kid and is married but I want to hear how her day has gone, whats happend, can I help in any way and its driving me mad to why I am having these feelings and why not with someone else. So its has been 5 days since I have not made contact and it's killing me doing so, to the point of I'm afraid to admit, but I am getting depressed. We played an online game together (how we met) and shes allways online but thats where all my other frends are (both online and real). Shes allways on voice comunications and I have no escape now and it so feels like i have no one. I cannot talk to any of my friends about it but need to let it all out and i want it all so bad. I know she is married and will never go for me as I'm a looser and dont deserve her but I close my eyes I see her, I dream about her and want the best for her and that is without me in her life, but I want her I dont care about her baggage I have never been in love like this and cannot let go easy. She chats to other men online and it drives me so crazy that I am not getting her attencion. Im a mess and have no escape. I've gone out, got new clothes, been around other mates and instead of going after girls I sulked about and wound myself up more with the beer not helping. I am late into work, early leaving work, i know im overweight so im not eating much and I know a damb right pain to talk to but I feel that whats the point, no one has shown me feelings like this and I dont think anyone ever will again I hope posting this here can help me someway see that indeed im doing somthing wrong and hopefully give me advise with how to move on ... thanks
Circular Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 First, deeeeepppp breath. You're going through a lot right now and your brain chemicals have kicked in full-force. You need to remember that she's a MW and you're a single OM and that comes with some not normal relationship things. First, I'd say if you can get out of it go no contact and move on. It's very hard but in the long run will save you heaps load of pain and whats called the 'rollercoaster' which is what you're on right now. My interpretations: Since then things were weird, but soon after we were both chatty again with eachother and back to how we were before the flirting occured. She says that she wants to visit me in a few months and im being honest i cannot wait for it, I am not the worlds greatest looking guy and can never find a match like this woman. She most likely is dealing with guilt. You've both upped the ante on the relationship and what was 'fantasy' is now real. That reality triggers a lot of guilt (I went through this with my xMW) and her instincts are going to weigh over to self and child preservation. It is so weird, she is not the normal type of woman i would go for, shes bigger, more open about her problems (we all have them), has a kid and is married but I want to hear how her day has gone, whats happend, can I help in any way and its driving me mad to why I am having these feelings and why not with someone else. So its has been 5 days since I have not made contact and it's killing me doing so, to the point of I'm afraid to admit, but I am getting depressed. We played an online game together (how we met) and shes allways online but thats where all my other frends are (both online and real). Shes allways on voice comunications and I have no escape now and it so feels like i have no one. I cannot talk to any of my friends about it but need to let it all out and i want it all so bad. I know she is married and will never go for me as I'm a looser and dont deserve her but I close my eyes I see her, I dream about her and want the best for her and that is without me in her life, but I want her I dont care about her baggage I have never been in love like this and cannot let go easy. She chats to other men online and it drives me so crazy that I am not getting her attencion. Im a mess and have no escape. This is the down side of all those chemicals. It sucks because they create all these irrational thoughts and your projecting on her like she's a single woman when she's not. She's probably in a relationship where she's bored and wants to have conversations and meet people and have fun and then you came along and struck a chord with her. Thing is, she's married, probably full of guilt right now and you need to take a few steps back. Add that your a guy and your natural instinct is to chase, she's pulling back, and *boom* its kicking you into over-drive. My xMW did something similar, I was baffled but I let it ride out and tried not to get panicky about it. She told me months later that she was racked with guilt and thought her world might implode and that would really mess up her kids lives. (Which is true, it would), which is why were not together anymore. My advice is get out of it if you can, go no-contact, stick to it, it sucks but is the right thing to do. Otherwise, the way you feel now is going to be a regular occurrence and you'll be posting here all the time.
pureinheart Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Hard to top these responses:), so I'll just send hugs (((((((Martin))))))...there will be another...
Author martin1 Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 I took a very big step last night that felt such a horrible thing to do, I left the online game we played and deleted it from my computer. I called a few mates and going out tonight, out with my sister the next with the dogs, and meeting some friends on Saturday to try and help me be normal again. All I want to do now is to ask how she feels and make sure shes OK, should I do this? I do want to tell her I left the game not only because of her contact that I do want, but also it was not healthy for me, I more or less was addicted on there and I deserve a better life but can I leave the relationship open, is that a good idea where we can still chat every once in a while? Are you planning on meeting up with her again? No, but if you ask me in ten minutes time the answer allways changes My advice is get out of it if you can, go no-contact, stick to it, it sucks but is the right thing to do. Otherwise, the way you feel now is going to be a regular occurrence and you'll be posting here all the time. Circular, friend what you wrote above I can never thank you enough for. I never thought before meeting her that this would happen and I would feel so down about it all. Hard to top these responses:), so I'll just send hugs (((((((Martin))))))...there will be another... Thank you I cannot explain how it feels to be able to post what has happend and to get open responses from people that want to help. M
Author martin1 Posted June 26, 2010 Author Posted June 26, 2010 Well its over and I know its over, I broke the NC and talked with my MW. I had asked if she was coming to visit and she said yes but as friends, i asked fwb? she said just friends She expained that before the event I was a big fantasy and now it's all changed and I'm not what she wanted and the reality didnt beat the fantasy, I feel deverstated to be told that. I know she had a good time with me as you cannot fake the things and emotions that i experienced with her but I continued the path of self destruction and asked why me and what can I do to ever find a woman (depressed much), she was silent for ages, so I asked what things are even good aboutme, she said that I have got a great sense of humor and is very generous and kind.... (so in other words nothing) I hate myself for them three things as they dont help when you first try meet a person. She then said I should loose some weight as it didn't help me.... I know im a bit overweight but now i see it more. Shes a user, I found out shes going camping next month on the sole purpose to hook up with anyone and she took delight in letting me know this, teasing she was in a wet t-shirt comp, she also said that im no way near her first and her first was the worst and she felt so bad after that so she wanted to tell me these things to help (how on earth has it helped), I hate myself and went to see my GP yesterday and now have to take anti depressents to stop me from thinking the truth about me. Sorry folks another sad ending for someone who was only looking for a partner and would have done anything to get there. Should i let the group of friends know and see if they can help or do you think this would only make things worse for everyone as they still know her but I know now that others from the group have sent pictures too and from... M
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