SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Relinquish your seat to her once she starts squeezing in. Something like "Sally, would you like my chair so you can sit next to Uncle John? I could go sit in your seat." That way you are out of the situation and she is likely to quiet down. Really, it sounds like you are more annoyed than your boyfriend and that some of his annoyance probably comes from your feelings. I have a relationship with the little kids in my family where I do tell them they are wrong, I don't really punish them, but it is very clear that they need to listen to that girl. But I also genuinely like little kids and enagage them. You don't seem to like little kids and your boyfriend doesn't have that relationship where he can tell them to stop and expect them to listen, so the least crazy making thing would be to little the little girl hang out with her uncle. It sounds like that might curb some of the acting out. Why on earth should PB have to give up her seat next to her partner just because the childs parents dont know how to control there kid? really Just from what ive read here this goes way beyond "oh she just loves her uncle deal with it don't be jealous" I doubt PB is jealous of a 6 year old she just wants her and her bf to be able to interact and enjoy the party at some point during the night like the rest of the family whats wrong with that? Sounds like open communication isent an option sadly the brother pawns parental responsibility onto the mom who then thinks every body is just dieing to be mauled by her kids 24/7 because there so wonderful and cute! Kids are great don't get me wrong but they have to be taut respect and boundaries when there young. Nothing wrong with PBs partner playing with his niece but he shouldn't have to be her personal baby sitter thu the hole party! PB there may be no answer to this if you feel that they just don't get the hint and confronting them directly will start ww3 in the family maybe you and your partner might refrain from going to the parties that you know in advance she will be at. I know it sounds mean but it seams the parents are ok with letting you two be the free daycare so every one else can enjoy the party and thats just not right. Far as him spending time with her he can heck you both could take her out on separate occasions times when you wouldn't mind giving her your undivided attention im sure she would love a day out with her uncle.
Bike_Ride Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 To get a little crude, I compare PB's situation like that of having a damn dog that just won't let up or stop jumping on you and the dumb owner who will not tell the dog to stop bothering you. 6 year olds are cute and stuff, but in PB's situation they are not cute and become annoying and the girl's parents ought to be wise enough to tell the girl to let up a little and come sit with mum and dad. People that say PB is being jealous obviously have never spent time with really young kids. I have and I know what I am talking about. They can be as annoying as they are cute. Luckily my nieces are more cute than annoying, but they have their moments when they get to much for me. Like wanting to stay behind at my house when mum wants to leave. I'm not the baby-sitting type.
White Dove Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I believe most who have responded have had the experience of hanging out with little kids, apart from giving birth to them. Is the kid your bf's SIL's (the twins) kid?
gypsy_nicky Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 your bf's 6 y/o niece is a c#ck-blocker I don't think its jealousy but more of an annoyance
Art_Critic Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 (edited) And by the time dinner is over, we'll be exhausted and we won't have had a chance to really talk to anyone there. When she's not exhausting us with her nonstop attention-grabbing antics, Aren't you and your BF trying to get pregnant and become parents ? If you become a parent then your whole life will revolve around a child looking for attention... Pretty Baby.. Nothing wrong with getting your adult time, the child is his niece but that only goes so far when the child parents are around.. Getting adult time should be easier since you guys aren't the parents.. What does your BF feel about this ? or you could go full on with the child and become the best future Aunt/Uncle and wear her out first before dinner When my Son is around my Brother he wears him out playing with him.. by the time dinner rolls around he is no longer wound up after he spent 30-60 mins with his Uncle.. Edited June 25, 2010 by Art_Critic
Author prettybaby Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 If this is the daughter of your bf's ex twin sister then you could be having jealousy transference issues. Hey Freud, the jealousy thing is getting old. Far as him spending time with her he can heck you both could take her out on separate occasions times when you wouldn't mind giving her your undivided attention im sure she would love a day out with her uncle. We've been alone with her and her brother on a few occasions, and we actually had a blast then. But the setting was different: we were out going to places, and there were no other adults around. I'm not sure why, she goes less crazy when it's just us with no other adults in sight. Those were fun times, and I'd rather just go to places with her than have her harrass us at the dinner table. The problem is that escaping family dinners is no option, and I wouldn't want to bail out either just because of that. It just wouldn't be fair. It's a tricky situation. Like I said, the mother is quite vocal about how good her parenting skills are, and criticism is not exactly welcome. Not even the slightest hint of us wanting a break from her kid. The father: forget it. We actually did bring her back to her mother once, but she stayed about 5 seconds until she ran back to us while the mother completely ignored it. She's 6, not 2. If she doesn't want to stay next to her mother and that her mother doesn't reinforce it, she's just not gonna stay. There are a few small children on my side of the family. And while they're full of energy and play a lot too, they know to stay calm at the dinner table. Kids generally love my boyfriend, he's really great with them. But I've never seen any child harrass him like she does. Our next family dinner is coming up tomorrow. I'm not gonna stress about it now, we'll see how it goes. *sigh*
SadandConfusedWA Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I am pretty sure that if your bf wasn't engaged to a twin sister of her mother, you would be far less annoyed. Whetever you want to admit it or not.
Author prettybaby Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 I am pretty sure that if your bf wasn't engaged to a twin sister of her mother, you would be far less annoyed. Whetever you want to admit it or not. If it had been the same situation with someone else's child, then everyone would focus on the actual actions and facts. But now because she happens to be the daughter of the twin sister, then my reaction is automatically labeled as some twisted transferred jealousy thing? Please In case you haven't noticed that part of my post, I'll just copy and paste it again: We've been alone with her and her brother on a few occasions, and we actually had a blast then. But the setting was different: we were out going to places, and there were no other adults around. I'm not sure why, she goes less crazy when it's just us with no other adults in sight. Those were fun times, and I'd rather just go to places with her than have her harrass us at the dinner table. So let's stop with the psychoanalysis bs. The issue here is plain and simple: she's annoying at family dinners.
Diezel Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 If it had been the same situation with someone else's child, then everyone would focus on the actual actions and facts. But now because she happens to be the daughter of the twin sister, then my reaction is automatically labeled as some twisted transferred jealousy thing? Please In case you haven't noticed that part of my post, I'll just copy and paste it again: We've been alone with her and her brother on a few occasions, and we actually had a blast then. But the setting was different: we were out going to places, and there were no other adults around. I'm not sure why, she goes less crazy when it's just us with no other adults in sight. Those were fun times, and I'd rather just go to places with her than have her harrass us at the dinner table. So let's stop with the psychoanalysis bs. The issue here is plain and simple: she's annoying at family dinners. Translation: A lot of people weren't giving me the support I was expecting, and since everyone seems to be ratting on me because she is just a 6 year old, I will just repeat the OP and disregard everything said. It's not psychoanalysis. You have issues with a KID. Not a grown-up. Not a teenager. Not a friend. Not his ex. A KID.
White Dove Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Translation: A lot of people weren't giving me the support I was expecting, and since everyone seems to be ratting on me because she is just a 6 year old, I will just repeat the OP and disregard everything said. It's not psychoanalysis. You have issues with a KID. Not a grown-up. Not a teenager. Not a friend. Not his ex. A KID. My thoughts exactly.
Author prettybaby Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 Translation: A lot of people weren't giving me the support I was expecting, and since everyone seems to be ratting on me because she is just a 6 year old, I will just repeat the OP and disregard everything said. lol No. I don't mind people not agreeing with me, as long as it sticks to the actual issue I'm discussing here. Trying to find some twisted link with something old and completely off topic, which I clearly said had nothing to with it, and still trying to force it into this thread, is uncalled for. The child's aunt is not a factor in the child's behavior. Other adults who were present numerous times have mentioned how over the top her clinginess is. But of course, they don't really mind since they're not the ones being harrassed by the kid. I'm open to different opinions and points of view. That's what this forum is about. But if you think you're onto something, and I say "sorry, no, it has nothing to do with", then trying to insist that I'm not admitting it isn't going to lead to any productive advice. It has nothing to do with her aunt. What else do you want me to say? You claim it does, I assure you it doesn't. I think we've both established our point now. Going in circles isn't going to make a difference. At the end of the day, you're free to believe what you want. It doesn't affect me. You have issues with a KID. Not a grown-up. Not a teenager. Not a friend. Not his ex. A KID. Yeah, she's kid. That's what this thread is about.
Art_Critic Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Time has a way of changing Kids.. Next year she will be 7 and not so clingy and kid like... I think instead of trying to change a perfectly fine child you should just sit back and let time fix this for you.. The child will not be this way forever and why would you want to try and change her ? She is who she is...today..
Author prettybaby Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 (edited) Time has a way of changing Kids.. Next year she will be 7 and not so clingy and kid like... I think instead of trying to change a perfectly fine child you should just sit back and let time fix this for you.. The child will not be this way forever and why would you want to try and change her ? She is who she is...today.. Well, to be honest AC, I'm worried it's going to get worse. I mean, I realize it will stop sooner or later, but I've known her since she was 4 and it's been getting worse each time. Some kids don't grow out of it until they're 10 or 11, sometimes even 12. So the perspective of dealing with an increasingly worsening situation for the next 6 years, worries me a little. Edited June 25, 2010 by prettybaby
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 The issue is that the KID is annoying YOU at FAMILY dinners. The fact is that SHE is family and you are not. Why not leave the family dinners to the family if one of them annoys you. Otherwise I offered solutions for occupying her time which you ignored. YOU could have a nice talk with her grandmother and ruin your chances at ever becoming part of the family, because I promise you she'll feel the same way as the majority of posters here.
Author prettybaby Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 The issue is that the KID is annoying YOU at FAMILY dinners. The fact is that SHE is family and you are not. Why not leave the family dinners to the family if one of them annoys you. Otherwise I offered solutions for occupying her time which you ignored. YOU could have a nice talk with her grandmother and ruin your chances at ever becoming part of the family, because I promise you she'll feel the same way as the majority of posters here. I haven't ignored you. Nobody on this forum quotes and responds to every single reply posted under a thread. I wasn't aware I was expected to. Her grandmother feels the same way, and I didn't even ask her. She spontaneously talked to me once and confided that she didn't want to say anything to the parents because she knows them well enough to realize that mentioning something could blow up in her face. And she doesn't want to risk it. She empathizes with us and tries her best to keep the child entertained during dinners, but she admits it only works a short while until she's back at us. If I wanted to ruin my chances of being part of the family, I would follow your advice and stay out of family dinners. See how unlogical that advice is?
SarahRose Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Just don't go over there anymore. Invite his parents over without the brat.
Holding-On Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I haven't ignored you. Nobody on this forum quotes and responds to every single reply posted under a thread. I wasn't aware I was expected to. Her grandmother feels the same way, and I didn't even ask her. She spontaneously talked to me once and confided that she didn't want to say anything to the parents because she knows them well enough to realize that mentioning something could blow up in her face. And she doesn't want to risk it. She empathizes with us and tries her best to keep the child entertained during dinners, but she admits it only works a short while until she's back at us. If I wanted to ruin my chances of being part of the family, I would follow your advice and stay out of family dinners. See how unlogical that advice is? PB, I don't see how the majority of the posters feel anything of the sort as has been suggested. You have been unflinchingly polite and I applaud you. Maybe time for the ignore button? 6 year olds are much more capable than these people are suggesting. You say that you and your BF take her places. Is it possible for the two of you to talk to her about proper behavior at supper parties when you are alone with her? Then when you are at the supper party you simply need to re-iterate with "remember how we talked about respecting people's space/letting BF finish his conversations with other people first/talking softly". My six year old needs a lot of help to understand how his actions affect other people. My husband and I use a lot of "I" language and we discuss how it would make him feel if the situation was reversed. Usually he can tell us and get the "aha" moment. Really it should not be too much for a six year old to understand not to pull hair, push or scream in peoples' ears. My "psychoanalysis" is that she is normally ignored in large groups/with her parents and she acts up to ensure that it won't happen at the parties (where everyone is trapped by being too polite).
Kamille Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 (edited) I love kids and, as a general rule, kids love me. I've found that the best way to handle too much adoration is to play with the kid for a while and then calmly explain: "All right sweetie, I want some grown up time talking with your mom and dad now. I'll spend some time with them and then come (do an activity that the kid likes) with you in 30 minutes". then suggest an activity that they can do on their own while they wait for their "turn". Start chatting with the adults, Repeat the indication once if necessary. Kids have always responded well to this. They understand structure. Perhaps you could suggest your bf do something similar (if the situation really does bother him)? The thing to keep in mind here is that the 6 year old is not in charge here. Your bf is. Edited June 25, 2010 by Kamille
SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I love kids and, as a general rule, kids love me. I've found that the best way to handle too much adoration is to play with the kid for a while and then calmly explain: "All right sweetie, I want some grown up time talking with your mom and dad now. I'll spend some time with them and then come (do an activity that the kid likes) with you in 30 minutes". then suggest an activity that they can do on their own while they wait for their "turn". Start chatting with the adults, Repeat the indication once if necessary. Kids have always responded well to this. They understand structure. Perhaps you could suggest your bf do something similar (if the situation really does bother him)? The thing to keep in mind here is that the 6 year old is not in charge here. Your bf is. Thats actualy not a half bad idea how about your bf brings her a coloring book something she likes. And asks her to color a few pictures for him may just buy you guys some grown up time? And also the parents may notice the act of desperation and wake up a bit or at the very least may be a bit embarrassed it came to that never know This says it all. The kid is annoying as heck and her parents don't do anything about it. I don't think this deal will work for this kid. It's not PB's job to make deals with someone elses kid....the parents have to teach there kid themselves. Yes I agree ideally the parents would do their job a bit better in this situation but sadly there not and PB doesn't want to start ww3 its a tough situation
Mimolicious Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 I'm around small children quite often, I know what they're about and I deal just fine, thank you. I love how people assume someone isn't fit to have children just because one situation involving a kid is irritating If she was my child, I'd make sure she doesn't climb onto guests and monopolizes their attention constantly, instead of acting like nothing is happening so that I can get a break from my own kid and enjoy the evening selfishly. Like I said, kids are not exactly a PC. It takes a lot of effort to mold kids. You may be lucky and give birth to a perfect calm child from the get but that is not guaranteed. Not even identical twins are alike. Every child is different. One can be hyperactive and another can be very passive. You wont know till you cross that bridge. I do get what you are saying. If her parents are as careless as you are making them sound, maybe this little girl is lacking extracurricular activities. Keeping a child busy keeps them focus and in their own environment. Does anyone take out a coloring book and crayons while a party is going on??? She's not going straighten out by people just nagging about her being annoying. Someone else posted links to past threads of yours that kinda raise an eyebrow on other issues going on in your R, maybe the niece is just the icing. I'm just saying...
Author prettybaby Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 Like I said, kids are not exactly a PC. It takes a lot of effort to mold kids. You may be lucky and give birth to a perfect calm child from the get but that is not guaranteed. Not even identical twins are alike. Every child is different. One can be hyperactive and another can be very passive. You wont know till you cross that bridge. I do get what you are saying. If her parents are as careless as you are making them sound, maybe this little girl is lacking extracurricular activities. Keeping a child busy keeps them focus and in their own environment. Does anyone take out a coloring book and crayons while a party is going on??? She's not going straighten out by people just nagging about her being annoying. Someone else posted links to past threads of yours that kinda raise an eyebrow on other issues going on in your R, maybe the niece is just the icing. I'm just saying... Thanks for just saying. But no. And yes, she has coloring books with her each time.
SpanksTheMonkey Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Thanks for just saying. But no. And yes, she has coloring books with her each time. Your really under the magnifying glass here PB don't let it get to you! Theres nothing wrong with wanting grown up time. Yea she has the books but dose your bf interact with them make it a special thing for her to color him something if that makes sense? From my experience kids like to be made to feel like there doing something important especially for a favorite person.
Mimolicious Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Can she have hypertension issues? Do they give her too much candy? LOL! I mean, you'd be surprised! Sucks to be you (that you have to deal with it) but she'll grow out of it. Eventually adults become 'boring" to kids growing into their tweens. Someone should find a way to say something to the parents. Put it this way, one day a non-family guest is going to just shout-it out. I know I would have said something already. Another thing, is this little girl around adult'ish convos? I am afraid what she can listen to.
Mimolicious Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 Coloring books don't always work lol. My sister used to run day-care in her home for a few kids at a time and I've seen A super NES system with Mario on it and the kids are still wanting to kick my feet and get into everything. Like seeing the same episode of your favorite cartoon everyday, you'll get sick of it. Kids are no different. They get bored quicker... it's NOT PB's responsibility to make sure this girl is entertained while at a family visit. Play a game with the kid or or help her tie her shoes and stuff, but this constand hounding and jumping around pulling hair.....no sir....I'd be tempted to drop-kick the little git lol. Hope you don't make it to the 5pm news.
Author prettybaby Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 Thanks everyone. Yeah, we interact with her as advised. My boyfriend often has her on his knees with a coloring book and they color stuff together. This is often interrupted by her pulling my arm and wanting me to pick which color to do next or something random like that. And last time, I spent most of the time filling out her little Barbie address book with her. I'm not saying she's screaming and acting crazy 100% of the time, but when she's actually somewhat calm it's when we are doing those things. And as a previous poster mentioned, keeping her busy is a job on its own and keeps us from interacting with others. Honestly, I wouldn't mind if it was our child. But she's not, and I feel like it's not fair for us to miss out during family dinners because of someone else's child. I mean, I wouldn't mind if it was once in a while. But it's NONSTOP from the second we get there, until dinner is over ... every single time. Interesting you mention candy, because she's actually not allowed any by her mother. Her grandma tries to keep her entertained, but she seems to find her grandma a bit boring (poor grandma). Her brother isn't having much luck either, but he sticks with us since other adults are busy. No worries about the topics being discussed. From what I was able to overhear, it's always general stuff - nothing that a child can't hear.
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