My boyfriend's 6y/o niece pisses me off

[Mr White]

Whatever the reasons for the behavior (that's a completely different issue), the parents must step in and reign in their damned child and teach her to behave like civilized person in the company of adults.

Edited June 23, 2010 by Mr White

[Adunaphel]

Relinquish your seat to her once she starts squeezing in. Something like "Sally, would you like my chair so you can sit next to Uncle John? I could go sit in your seat." That way you are out of the situation and she is likely to quiet down.

 

I love this advice.

 

And xxoo's.

Usually the adult speaks up to my kid: "Ok, that's enough now. Prettybaby and I are going to take a break," and I reinforce it if the child persists. If I'm not right there to notice, sure, they'll walk the kid back and say something light like, "Handing off little guy because we're exhausted! "

[make me believe]

I hope you don't believe all siblings in the world have such a smooth relationship.

 

You're right, I hadn't thought of that. Hmm. If he doesn't have the kind of relationship with his brother where he can say something light-hearted like that, then I agree with thatgirl. Offer her your seat, and maybe it will wake her parents up and they will be embarrassed. Have you spoken to your BF about this, btw? If you haven't told him how much it bugs you, maybe telling him would make him more likely to speak up about it. I can't believe that they let their kid crawl all over you guys during dinner, though! Yikes!

[Jilly Bean]

Squirt her with a water gun like I do when the cats act up.

[Bike_Ride]

I have two nieces that are clingy to me, but I like it. They are also 6 years old.

 

I think it's because I'm not a serious adult in their minds, but rather like them only taller. For instance I play with radio control stuff, cars planes, you name it. My place is like a toy store and I give them piggy back rides and stuff...normal stuff uncles do. Not to brag, but I'm a damn fun uncle lol and they know it so that is why they like me so much and go insane when I show up lol.

 

I'm afraid I'll have some sad eyes from them and get kicked in the foot if I ever show up with a GF lol I agree with the others that said let the little girl enjoy her uncle...I know it's annoying, but we all have to put up with stupid crap sometimes. Please don't think I am being condescending... I know what you mean.

[D-Lish]

Squirt her with a water gun like I do when the cats act up.

 

Oh my sweet Jaysus, I laughed out loud...

 

Getting back to being serious- SHE'S 6! She's a little girl that wants to hang out with her uncle. Why would a parent want to discipline their child for loving their uncle????

 

This is way more about you than the little girl or the parents!

 

SHE'S 6! Who cares if she wants to hang out with her uncle at a family function! She's not a romantic rival, she's a child!

[Diezel]

Squirt her with a water gun like I do when the cats act up.

 

This, and then hit the 6 year old kid on the snout with a rolled up newspaper.

[prettybaby]

She's not a romantic rival

Please, I never said she was This is so not about rivalry or jealousy of any kind. People here can be twisted.

 

Have you spoken to your BF about this, btw? If you haven't told him how much it bugs you, maybe telling him would make him more likely to speak up about it. I can't believe that they let their kid crawl all over you guys during dinner, though! Yikes!

 

We haven't discussed it in detail. I haven't really brought it up as an actual issue, because it's his niece, he cares about her, and I am in no position to throw any kind of negativity in that direction. It would be messed up. I did, however, casually mention in it once. It was pretty random; I said something jokingly like "yeah I know you hardly get any rest with her when we have family dinners". He picked up on it right away, and was like "omg I know, it's impossible for me to socialize with anyone when she's around, it sucks". I didn't really react, because I didn't want to add fuel to it. But it was enough for me to realize that I'm not the only one bothered by it. I mean, he cares a lot about her, but I can see he's just too nice and can't say no to her.

 

People here seem to think I'm some sort of child hating jealous psycho. Believe it or not, I have been extremely mellow about this so far and have let it slide. I am only sharing here what goes on in my mind, while I actually act relaxed and laid back when I'm there. So to those telling me to act like an adult: that's exactly what I have been doing all along. Don't go thinking I treat her like I'm some sort of witch. I'm nice to her, I tell her no when she needs to hear it, and that's that. She somehow seems to like me a lot, and clings to me as well (more than the rest of the family, but slightly less than my boyfriend).

 

And to those saying she hardly sees him: she sees him every few days.

[Mimolicious]

I understand what you are saying and I actually have mixed emotions about this.

 

The kid- she's that a kid! full of energy and pure love for her uncle. Kids are not exactly born prudent! Also, maybe her parents dont pay her any attention at all and you BF does. I don't think it is the kids fault, she doesn't know any better. Does she have any other kids around? Maybe you can have other kids over?

 

You- I hope that having kids is not in your near future. Kids are not exactly born the way we want them to be. Takes time, effort and dedication to implant manners and discipline to a child. If someone else's kid is wearing you thin, wait till you have your own! At least you get to wave the niece goodbye at the end of the get-together.

 

Your BF-I dont think he has an issue with his niece being so "clingy". You said that not all siblings in the world have a smooth relationship. Doesn't sound like they have a bad one either if they are over for a get together all the time.

 

Soon enough 6yr old will grow out of it. It happens...

[brainygirl]

I have to agree, when she starts climbing on you, stand up and go somewhere else. One of two things will happen, she will either follow you and complain that you left her, or she will stay where she was, torture your BF and you'll get some peace. (he could do the same if he wanted.)

 

If two invited adult guests to dinner are being put out of their seat because the child wont quit climbing on them, then the parents or the grandparent (gramma's have super powers) will probably step in.

 

My bigger question is this: Is she the only little child present? Is it a formal situation with nothing for a little kid or kids to do? Is she perhapse tired from not napping on a normal schedule or from a long car ride?

 

Has anyone considered that her acting like this isn't rudeness but a function of her development and that instead of making a six year old sit through a formal dinner and "be seen and not hear" that a more kid friendly setting would make everyone more comfortable? A picnic in the park allows the adults to chat while the kids swing on monkey bars, or have an older kiddo/younger adult relative/or adults take turns take the kids out side with some balls and toys (or bubbles) to run around and play.

 

As to the "neice pissed me off" you come off as possessive even though you claim you aren't.

[scatterd]

I see nothing wrong with this many children do this.My brother helped me raise my two girls and they did the same thing .his girl friend was good with both of them after a while they got use to her it happened less.They still are close spend time with the family and go with the flow.Be proud that your boyfriend bonds so well with her I would be proud to see how good he is with children.If you show attention she will love you to. Good luck

[mansquito]

Rather than saying anything to anybody about the kid, it may be a good idea to ask yourself whether your annoyance is really a product of inappropriate behavior on the kid's part, or instead stems from issues surrounding your insecurity, jealousy, and posessiveness when it comes to your boyfriend, his past relationships, and his family.

[2sure]

Yeah, she has a crush on him and with you in the picture she feels she wants to establish her territory. Funny but irritating I'm sure.

 

Continue to establish your own friendship with her and soon she will sit next to you instead.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

I agree with the posters that say you might be over reacting and would add that you are coming across as immature. I do get that she may be bothersome and her antics tiresome, but she's a kid and the only niece/ grandchild it seems.

 

Why not bring her a small gift that will encourage her to engage everyone. Maybe an autograph book or animal? Hand her you camera and make her the photographer for the evening. Take a few minutes to type up a scavenger hunt for her (maybe she must ask everyone there for silly items to complete her list, or maybe she must "ask" by pantomime not using words). Something THAT simple at each event will make YOU the hero rather than the jealous girlfriend and EVERYONE will be happier, including the 6 year old!

 

There are tons of possitive solutions to your problem that don't involve whining about the age appropriate actions of 6 year old girls. Good Luck.

[2sure]

She is 6. Buy her a shiny ring from the dollar store every time you visit her and she will ditch your BF.

[Mimolicious]

Rather than saying anything to anybody about the kid, it may be a good idea to ask yourself whether your annoyance is really a product of inappropriate behavior on the kid's part, or instead stems from issues surrounding your insecurity, jealousy, and posessiveness when it comes to your boyfriend, his past relationships, and his family.

 

 

YIKES! Wow! Yeah, there are def more issues than the 6y/o bouncing around. Seems like he has a lot of exgf's and they stick around the fam.

[IfWishesWereHorses]

YIKES! Wow! Yeah, there are def more issues than the 6y/o bouncing around. Seems like he has a lot of exgf's and they stick around the fam.

 

This kid doesn't have a chance with her. Her reaction makes a WHOLE lot more sense though!

[prettybaby]

This kid doesn't have a chance with her. Her reaction makes a WHOLE lot more sense though!

lol you have got to be kidding.

 

Why not bring her a small gift that will encourage her to engage everyone. Maybe an autograph book or animal? Hand her you camera and make her the photographer for the evening. Take a few minutes to type up a scavenger hunt for her (maybe she must ask everyone there for silly items to complete her list, or maybe she must "ask" by pantomime not using words).

She does have toys and books and whatnot. And at least one person always has something new for her to keep her entertained. We had dinner in the back yard once, and it was the same old story. She had plenty of space to run and to play (which she did), but constantly came back clinging at us. Her parents couldn't care less. She was handed a camera once, and spent the entire time clinging onto us, pulling our arms and hair to take "funny" pictures until we we'd had enough and told her to stop.

 

She has a brother who's only a couple of years older, and he's never been that way. Although I'd say his energy level is about the same as hers and he interacts with us about as much as she does, but he never pulled our clothes, or forced himself onto our knees, and he never screamed in our ears if we weren't paying attention for a second. Often times he'll actually start playing with her, until she decides it's time to get back to us.

 

Something THAT simple at each event will make YOU the hero rather than the jealous girlfriend and EVERYONE will be happier, including the 6 year old!

 

I'm sorry, I must have missed something. Where exactly does the "jealous" part come from?

 

You- I hope that having kids is not in your near future. Kids are not exactly born the way we want them to be. Takes time, effort and dedication to implant manners and discipline to a child. If someone else's kid is wearing you thin, wait till you have your own! At least you get to wave the niece goodbye at the end of the get-together.

I'm around small children quite often, I know what they're about and I deal just fine, thank you. I love how people assume someone isn't fit to have children just because one situation involving a kid is irritating If she was my child, I'd make sure she doesn't climb onto guests and monopolizes their attention constantly, instead of acting like nothing is happening so that I can get a break from my own kid and enjoy the evening selfishly.

[stillafool]

Prettybaby what about the idea to just let her spend time with her uncle at these family affairs and you use that time to bond with his family. I think that is the best solution to your problem. She does have a crush on her uncle and it is somewhat normal. Her parents don't say anything because they appreciate having a "break" from watching and entertaing her. I would just walk off and join the rest of the family and let her have her time with her uncle. It isn't that she is trying to cling to you she wants to cling to him and you just happen to be there too.

[LovieDove24]

My daughter is two. Sometimes she gets clingy with other people at parties and family functions and yes, I welcome the break. However, I assume (as the poster XXOO stated) that unless something is directly stated otherwise, that said relative is ENJOYING time with my child. After all they ARE family, they DO love each other and gosh darn it my daughter is cute! lol.

 

I don't think necessarily this daughter is spoiled or that her parents are bad at disciplining, I think they are enjoying their break and unaware of how to solve a problem that they do not know EXISTS. If you'd like to rectify said situation, "return" the child as often as necessary until her parents get the point. You can simply say "Here's _____, we're going outside to get fresh air." Next time it could be, "Here's _____, we're ready to hear about so-and-so's vacation." And the list goes on. Obviously this is a less direct approach than your bf just talking to his brother, but either way something needs to be SAID or DONE, otherwise this little girl's parents will continue to remain in the dark and enjoy their free time. Period.

[Bike_Ride]

She's not jealous of a six year old...come on

 

Simply annoyed that the six year old is between her and her BF from when they step in the door till they leave. Like THEY both have to keep watch of the kid while all the others are chatting and going on with what they want to do.

 

I can see this being annoying if they encounter this six year old often. Most likely just going to have to put up with it until the girl grows out of it, but calling this woman jealous makes me think..ERRRRR

[TaraMaiden]

If the father is completely hands off, then he's a jerk. But there's nothing anyone can say or do about that, but the mother.

 

If she has her hands full day to day, looking after the precocious and attention-seeking little thing, then it's probably a welcome respite, because if memory serves me well, even though as a mum you develop a network of fellow mums to chat with, the discussions are limited to the kids and the husband...

I've never been in a group of mums, with young children, where we've all sat around discussing the finer points of current events, scientific developments or the state of the economy, while the kids have been running around and creating havoc as kids do...

So as a mum, you go from a collective situation, to a singular one. Even with fellow mums, the situation doesn't change. You still have a young kid to watch, and your discussions stay basic.

 

Gatherings with family may well be a port of relief for her...

She can relax amongst people who care for her and her daughter, and she can release part of the responsibility.

Once upon a time, families were far more close knit, and living in and out of each others' homes all the time.

Time was when families shared all burdens, no matter what they were.

So in a way, she's relying on the family unity to share to bear the load.

Young children are time-consuming and exhausting.

While I truly do understand - and to an extent can equate with - the OP's frustration and irritation at this constant repetition of this behaviour, I can also understand from the mum's PoV what a momentary relief this is.

 

There is no maternal training.

There is no school for mums to go to.

Some people do not (in our own eyes) make good, reliable or commendable parents. Anyone can be a parent, but they have to go that extra mile to be a mother/father.

And going that extra mile, all the time, at times in isolation, is very, very burdensome.

I consider myself to be a very competent, relatively intelligent 'together' kind of person. I'm well-balanced, and I think I can hold my own in most situations.

 

But sometimes, the state of motherhood reduced me to tears of boredom, frustration and loneliness.

 

I love my children. I wouldn't change ever having had children, for the world.

But it's bloody hard work. It's a thankless task. And there will always be critics who frown upon your methodology and have something to criticise.

 

All I can tell the OP is to have a heart to heart with her BF and tell him exactly how she feels.

But to bear in mind that if the situation should eventually arise that you marry this man, and have children with him - you will almost certainly find yourself behaving in the same way, when you have a young child who is exuberant, voluble, and energetic.

There will be times when s/he will run to others for attention - and you will welcome the brief respite.

 

I wish you well, and I hope you can find a satisfactory conclusion. But treat this as a salutary lesson in the kind of mother you will have to be, if you don't want some other young couple, in the future, to think this about your child.....

[skydiveaddict]

my little niece does the same thing to me. It's just something they grow out of.

[Holding-On]

She's not jealous of a six year old...come on

 

Simply annoyed that the six year old is between her and her BF from when they step in the door till they leave. Like THEY both have to keep watch of the kid while all the others are chatting and going on with what they want to do.

 

I can see this being annoying if they encounter this six year old often. Most likely just going to have to put up with it until the girl grows out of it, but calling this woman jealous makes me think..ERRRRR

 

Thank you for saying this. I have been thinking the same!

 

I have children of my own. My youngest son is 6. He is quite a handful, he can pester you literally to death with questions. Sure it is the age and temperament of some six year olds but please, the parents are completely at fault. They are not helping their child. Six is definitely an age for learning that you are not the center of the universe and that some manners are expected of you. This is not a 2 year old and even then I would be backing up the OP in re-directing my child if I was the parent.

 

Prettybaby has been nothing but polite to all the posters on here with their preposterous accusations. I would not have been so polite if it were me.

 

Look, having a small person scream in your ear, bounce on your knees, push you and make demands on you non-stop is not fun. It does not mean the OP is a jealous woman because she doesn't like it! She came here to vent a bit and ask ADVICE.

[SadandConfusedWA]

If this is the daughter of your bf's ex twin sister then you could be having jealousy transference issues.