My boyfriend's 6y/o niece pisses me off

[prettybaby]

I don't know what the deal is with that child, but she is sooo clingy with my boyfriend (her uncle). She's not like that with anybody else in the family. As soon as my boyfriend walks into the room, she's all over him and it's impossible to even speak to him until her parents take her and leave.

 

At one point, she actually went as far as pulling my hand out of his and squishing herself between us to monopolize the attention.

 

The parents are generally around, but it's like they're not even there. They never say anything to her and just let her do whatever.

 

When she's not exhausting us with her nonstop attention-grabbing antics, I actually think she's a sweet little girl and part of me really likes her. But I'm dreading our next family dinner (next Saturday), because I already know that instead of enjoying a nice meal and good conversations with people, me and my boyfriend will basically be babysitting his brother's kid, while the rest of the adults are having a good time. And by the time dinner is over, we'll be exhausted and we won't have had a chance to really talk to anyone there.

 

I guess I just have to put up with it. I don't really feel like I'm in a position to tell the mother to keep her child under control. None of the adults ever say anything about it, and my boyfriend just puts up with it. It's frustrating. I mean, I like her, but it's come to the point where I'm relieved when they tell us she won't be present.

 

I don't understand why she's like that with him. Any advice?

[TaraMaiden]

She has a crush on him.

 

When I was a little girl, from around the age of five, I had a crush on a gorgeous, tall, thin and lanky young Italian man whose name was Enrico Bellodi.

That's all I remember about him.

I don't even know how old he was, but I know I must have been a right royal painintheass.... I was always all over him, like a rash.

This went on for a year or two....

I don't remember when we stopped ever meeting his family, or why.... maybe we moved, or they did.... but I'm in my 50's now, and the memory of him, his face and my always being clingy, is still vivid.

It will pass.

It's just a childish little crush.

She's not a threat, (I know you know that) but your BF does need to say something, if you've turned into minder-sitters for her....

[Green]

I remeber when I was out to dinner with some family friends this little girl kept jumping in my lap and grabing my hand. Finaly the parents could tell I was a little uncomfortable so they called her over/ pulled her away and she screamed "BUT I LOVE HIM" haha so funny.

[that girl]

She feels a special bond to her cousin.

 

The way to handle it is to let the little girl monopolize your boyfriend at these family events. Use this as a chance to spend more time with his extended family. That might actually make him less exhasted because he won't have to feel like he has to juggle his attention between the two of you. It doesn't sound like he has a problem with it and if he does, it would be up to him to say something, it is his family after all.

[prettybaby]

Thanks guys. I can only hope she grows out of it FAST. Because if it wasn't for that, she's actually a great little girl and we click well. I feel like we'd get along super when she gets older. It's just right now, I'm popping aspirins before I go to family dinners because my headaches can't handle that crap.

[xxoo]

, me and my boyfriend will basically be babysitting his brother's kid,

 

. I don't really feel like I'm in a position to tell the mother to keep her child under control.

 

Is the father (his brother) at the dinner?

 

Why doesn't your boyfriend ask his brother (the father) to run some interference?

 

I ask because, when dealing with "inlaws"/family of your partner, it is generally better to have siblings deal with siblings (instead of involving partners). Things are generally better received that way.

 

I agree that she probably adores her uncle, and the attention he pays to her. That said, he can still set some limits--both with the child and with his brother. "Ok, that's enough now, sweetie. I'm going to talk with prettybaby now. Go ask your daddy to play with you."

 

Another thing--some "inlaw" advice in general: if you partner is not willing to stand up and deal with his family, you have a boyfriend problem, not an inlaw problem.

[Diezel]

Please don't tell me you feel threatened by a 6 year old.

If so, you and your boyfriend might have deeper issues than just a kid.

 

Anytime a kid does anything, take it with a grain of salt.

 

You should be more worried about 26 year old women.

[make me believe]

That sounds annoying. If it annoys your boyfriend, why doesn't he say something to his brother? He could pull him aside privately and say "hey, I don't know if you've noticed but Susie is super clingy to me whenever I see her. I love her, but I also want to socialize with the adults," and then hopefully her parents will keep a better eye on her. Alternatively, like thatgirl said, it could be a great opportunity for you to bond with his family alone!

[SadandConfusedWA]

To be honest, I sense that you almost feel threataned by her. You seem to have some big time possesivness issues when it comes to your BF.

[Citizen Erased]

To be honest, I sense that you almost feel threataned by her. You seem to have some big time possesivness issues when it comes to your BF.

 

^this^

 

My sis and I always adored our uncles. I don't think it's an uncommon occurence. She's hanging off him and not her parents because she sees them all the time, she is excited to see him.

[Shakz]

Ach, my neices won't leave me alone. The other day I went over to my sister's place and when it was time to leave they both grabbed hold of my legs and I scooted to the door wearing little girl muk-luks. I think it's because I give them gum.

[prettybaby]

Please don't tell me you feel threatened by a 6 year old.

If so, you and your boyfriend might have deeper issues than just a kid.

 

Anytime a kid does anything, take it with a grain of salt.

 

You should be more worried about 26 year old women.

lol no

 

To be honest, I sense that you almost feel threataned by her. You seem to have some big time possesivness issues when it comes to your BF.

And no.

 

I'm not that twisted. She's a 6 year old child for god's sake. She's a 6 year old child who hasn't been taught proper manners, which puts me in a bad situation because I'm in no position to do or say anything about it. It bothers my boyfriend too, but he agrees that it's awkward. There is no tactful way of telling a parent that they're not teaching their child good manners and that their kid's behavior bothers us.

 

I don't think much can be done about this. I guess I just needed to vent.

[xxoo]

There is no tactful way of telling a parent that they're not teaching their child good manners and that their kid's behavior bothers us.

 

Yes, you can tactfully tell them the latter. Your bf: "Hey, bro, we need a break over here. Here's your daughter."

 

As a parent, I trust that family members (esp aunts and uncles) are enjoying their time with my children, unless they speak up and say otherwise. Our brothers and sisters love horsing around with the kids, and often what looks like "annoying kid behavior" to me is "we're just having fun" behavior to the aunts and uncles. So I let it go, trusting the adult to be an adult and speak up if there is a problem.

[Lindsey]

I normally just browse and don't post but I felt compelled to sign on to post here.

 

As harsh as it sounds, I think you just need to grow up (I'm saying this in a very nice way). This girl feels a special bond with her uncle, there is nothing wrong with this. It could be worse, H and I get abused by his 8 year old nephew every Sunday while the parents sit back and do nothing. Last week H actually pushed the child away after the child choked H. SIL went off on my H about HIS actions!

 

If your boyfriend feels the same way, he can say something to his brother if he chooses. You didn't say how he felt, just how you felt. You also didn't say how long you have been together. This girl has probably known him a lot longer than you.

[prettybaby]

Yes, you can tactfully tell them the latter. Your bf: "Hey, bro, we need a break over here. Here's your daughter."

 

As a parent, I trust that family members (esp aunts and uncles) are enjoying their time with my children, unless they speak up and say otherwise. Our brothers and sisters love horsing around with the kids, and often what looks like "annoying kid behavior" to me is "we're just having fun" behavior to the aunts and uncles. So I let it go, trusting the adult to be an adult and speak up if there is a problem.

You may trust them for telling you this, but have they ever? Perhaps my boyfriend's brother and his wife are reasoning the same way you are, but since they are the parents, they're really just putting others in an awkward position. The wife talks like she's mother of the year, so I don't have the feeling that any type of remark like that will be welcome. Obviously, I could be wrong. But it's not a theory we're ready to put to the test, because if they take it the wrong way, we're in for some nice family drama.

[prettybaby]

I normally just browse and don't post but I felt compelled to sign on to post here.

 

As harsh as it sounds, I think you just need to grow up (I'm saying this in a very nice way). This girl feels a special bond with her uncle, there is nothing wrong with this. It could be worse, H and I get abused by his 8 year old nephew every Sunday while the parents sit back and do nothing. Last week H actually pushed the child away after the child choked H. SIL went off on my H about HIS actions!

 

If your boyfriend feels the same way, he can say something to his brother if he chooses. You didn't say how he felt, just how you felt. You also didn't say how long you have been together. This girl has probably known him a lot longer than you.

He's starting to find it annoying. I think it was okay when he was single, and since that was a while ago, she was a lot smaller then (I first met her when she was 4). It seems to get increasingly worse with time. She's spoiled rotten and has no sense of boundaries.

 

Now, I don't want to give the impression that we hate her. That's not the case at all. During her calmer moments, she's actually a great little girl. But the parents are doing a lousy job.

 

Him talking to his brother wouldn't make a big difference, because his brother seems to have handed off the discipline part to his wife (and we all know how that goes). And don't suggest we tell them he needs to play a bigger part, because then not only would we be criticzing the way they raise their kid, but also the whole dynamics of their family. We're not even gonna go there.

[xxoo]

You may trust them for telling you this, but have they ever? Perhaps my boyfriend's brother and his wife are reasoning the same way you are, but since they are the parents, they're really just putting others in an awkward position. The wife talks like she's mother of the year, so I don't have the feeling that any type of remark like that will be welcome. Obviously, I could be wrong. But it's not a theory we're ready to put to the test, because if they take it the wrong way, we're in for some nice family drama.

 

Usually the adult speaks up to my kid: "Ok, that's enough now. Prettybaby and I are going to take a break," and I reinforce it if the child persists. If I'm not right there to notice, sure, they'll walk the kid back and say something light like, "Handing off little guy because we're exhausted! :)"

 

Him talking to his brother wouldn't make a big difference, because his brother seems to have handed off the discipline part to his wife (and we all know how that goes). And don't suggest we tell them he needs to play a bigger part, because then not only would we be criticzing the way they raise their kid, but also the whole dynamics of their family. We're not even gonna go there.

 

You don't have to comment on their parenting at all. Just walk the child back to her dad, saying you're tagging out for a bit. Keep it light, no criticism. Repeat as necessary. Don't wait until you are full of resentment and ready to blow.

 

But, yes, this really needs to be between your bf and his brother. You and the mother need not be involved. If you need a break from her, walk away and talk to some other people while she plays with your bf.

[SadandConfusedWA]

I still don't get why you find it THAT annoying. I mean, she is only around him at family functions. It is not like she imposing on you all that often.

 

Why do you feel the need to monopolize his attention even at family functions? You have him all the other times. Why can't you just chat to someone else and let the little girl play with her uncle?

 

Also, he might be saying that it annoys him just to make you happy. I don't see what difference him being single and not being single should make on his relationship with his niece.

[make me believe]

I'm not sure why you think it's so unacceptable for your boyfriend to say something to his brother about this. I have two neices and when they go over the top with me, I just say to my sister "your kids are buggin!!" in a light way and she handles it. No hurt feelings, no drama, no big deal! It's not like the choice is either say nothing, or give the parents a long lecture about their parenting skills and their kid's manners.

[prettybaby]

I still don't get why you find it THAT annoying. I mean, she is only around him at family functions. It is not like she imposing on you all that often.

 

Why do you feel the need to monopolize his attention even at family functions? You have him all the other times. Why can't you just chat to someone else and let the little girl play with her uncle?

 

Also, he might be saying that it annoys him just to make you happy. I don't see what difference him being single and not being single should make on his relationship with his niece.

It's not just his attention, it's mine too. But he seems to be the triggering factor, and she does it slightly less with me than with him.

 

Family dinners generally go this way: we go to his parents house, dinner table is all set with name cards at each seat. Couples are seated next to each other, obviously, and then we're served a 3 course meal. She gets her seat too, but she generally ends up running around the whole time and squishing herself between us where she eventually ends up on his lap. She talks really loud and grabs our arms, and sometimes even our hair.

 

I would be glad to socialize with others if I could, but it's not an option when I'm stuck there during the entire dinner with a kid monopolizing my attention and his.

[prettybaby]

I'm not sure why you think it's so unacceptable for your boyfriend to say something to his brother about this. I have two neices and when they go over the top with me, I just say to my sister "your kids are buggin!!" in a light way and she handles it. No hurt feelings, no drama, no big deal! It's not like the choice is either say nothing, or give the parents a long lecture about their parenting skills and their kid's manners.

I hope you don't believe all siblings in the world have such a smooth relationship.

[that girl]

It's not just his attention, it's mine too. But he seems to be the triggering factor, and she does it slightly less with me than with him.

 

Family dinners generally go this way: we go to his parents house, dinner table is all set with name cards at each seat. Couples are seated next to each other, obviously, and then we're served a 3 course meal. She gets her seat too, but she generally ends up running around the whole time and squishing herself between us where she eventually ends up on his lap. She talks really loud and grabs our arms, and sometimes even our hair.

 

I would be glad to socialize with others if I could, but it's not an option when I'm stuck there during the entire dinner with a kid monopolizing my attention and his.

 

Relinquish your seat to her once she starts squeezing in. Something like "Sally, would you like my chair so you can sit next to Uncle John? I could go sit in your seat." That way you are out of the situation and she is likely to quiet down.

 

Really, it sounds like you are more annoyed than your boyfriend and that some of his annoyance probably comes from your feelings.

 

I have a relationship with the little kids in my family where I do tell them they are wrong, I don't really punish them, but it is very clear that they need to listen to that girl. But I also genuinely like little kids and enagage them. You don't seem to like little kids and your boyfriend doesn't have that relationship where he can tell them to stop and expect them to listen, so the least crazy making thing would be to little the little girl hang out with her uncle. It sounds like that might curb some of the acting out.

[Els]

She's a child. She rarely gets to see him. She just wants to spend some time with him. I don't see how this means she's 'out of control', etc. If she was screaming her head off and punching you all the time then I could see how you'd blame the lack of adult interference... but what she's doing is perfectly okay. Just, uh, deal with it like an adult?

[norajane]

If she grabbing arms and hair at the dinner table, that's inappropriate and her parents should be teaching her that. There is a time for play, and a formal dinner table with place cards isn't it.

 

If they aren't teaching her proper table manners, and your bf isn't saying anything, I don't know what you can do about it other than to follow that girl's suggestion and give her your seat.

 

That way, you can remove yourself from the situation, eat your dinner in peace, and have grown-up conversation. If it bugs your bf, then he can say something to his sister about it.

[threebyfate]

prettybaby, time for some assertiveness and disassociation training. If she does something that's not acceptable to you, you speak up. If she does something that solely affects your b/f, you learn to let it slide and let him handle it. Your b/f needs to decide on his own when enough is enough.