lucid768 Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Got out of a 3 yr relationship a few months ago and just starting to get back into the dating scene. I have a lot of self doubt about being 35 and single even though I live in a larger city. The failure from past relationship still kind of smarts. But do women look down on men in this age range who have never married? Are we "red flags" based on still being single?
Crazy Magnet Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Nope. No red flags for me either. I would ask how many long relationships you had and why they didn't result in marriage. Three years is a looooong time, so I'd want to know what the deal was with that. I would also ask you if marriage is something you are interested in. Otherwise, you sound so much like my BF that I wonder if you ARE my BF! haha (You aren't....right?!?) His last relationship was 3 years, he's 35. ha! Clearly it wasn't a red flag for me.
jamal Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Honestly, Once you hit 35/36 your chances at marriage start to diminish if you have never been married before. There are tonnes of studies that were done to support this assertion. Women might not readily admit it but at a subconscious level there is a thing that turns them off when it comes to older bachelors. I guess most assume that you are a permanent bachelor with no hopes of ever marrying or committing. Also, the fact that most women around your age already have more baggage than JFK does not make the game easier. Lots of men and women at that age already have x-spouse, alimony, support, and custody issues. Will you be able or willing to put up with that baggage. Your other alternative will be younger women in their 20s. However, if it is just dating you should be able to get dates. The research I quoted was based on marriage and not dating.
Chicago_Guy Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Honestly, Once you hit 35/36 your chances at marriage start to diminish if you have never been married before. There are tonnes of studies that were done to support this assertion. Women might not readily admit it but at a subconscious level there is a thing that turns them off when it comes to older bachelors. I guess most assume that you are a permanent bachelor with no hopes of ever marrying or committing. Also, the fact that most women around your age already have more baggage than JFK does not make the game easier. Lots of men and women at that age already have x-spouse, alimony, support, and custody issues. Will you be able or willing to put up with that baggage. Your other alternative will be younger women in their 20s. However, if it is just dating you should be able to get dates. The research I quoted was based on marriage and not dating. The OP mentioned that he is in a large city, so he should be fine. This is especially true if he is a working professional who spent many years during his 20s in school. Most of my male lawyer friends who are in their 30s are not yet married because it is very difficult to find a suitable woman when you are starting out your career and are working all of the time. I assume the same is true of professionals in certain other professions such as doctors. If the OP has stayed in shape he can definitely get women in their late 20s and he'll probably prefer those women.
Crazy Magnet Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Do women require the man to have a certain amount of relationship experience in this age range? I don't think there is any particular requirement, but I'd expect a guy to have some type of long term relationship by that age. Otherwise I'd probably think he was too picky or something. The OP mentioned that he is in a large city, so he should be fine. This is especially true if he is a working professional who spent many years during his 20s in school. Most of my male lawyer friends who are in their 30s are not yet married because it is very difficult to find a suitable woman when you are starting out your career and are working all of the time. I assume the same is true of professionals in certain other professions such as doctors. If the OP has stayed in shape he can definitely get women in their late 20s and he'll probably prefer those women. He shouldn't have any problem dating down to 27 or 28 for sure. He could go for 25/26 but I'm not sure the maturity level would be there. By 28 or so I was more willing to date someone 35-37 than younger men. Most seemed to have it together a bit more and know what they wanted out of life.
Ruby Slippers Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Got out of a 3 yr relationship a few months ago and just starting to get back into the dating scene. I have a lot of self doubt about being 35 and single even though I live in a larger city. The failure from past relationship still kind of smarts. But do women look down on men in this age range who have never married? Are we "red flags" based on still being single? Nope. I'm 33 and single, and you are in my ideal age range for a man -- probably around my age up to about 37. The fact that you got out of a three-year relationship just a few months ago would be of more concern, but probably not a deal breaker.
jamal Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 (edited) The OP mentioned that he is in a large city, so he should be fine. This is especially true if he is a working professional who spent many years during his 20s in school. Most of my male lawyer friends who are in their 30s are not yet married because it is very difficult to find a suitable woman when you are starting out your career and are working all of the time. I assume the same is true of professionals in certain other professions such as doctors. If the OP has stayed in shape he can definitely get women in their late 20s and he'll probably prefer those women. What percentage of the population consists of lawyers, investment bankers, and doctors? I doubt that it even comes to 5%. Now factor in that some people who go to law school are mature students who have already worked and have a partner already and you will see the dating pool diminish even further. I for one went back to professional school with a wife and kid at home. Shaking off that perpetual bachelor image is not that easy. I am talking relative to divorced men your age. I guess it is an evolutionary thing but women love a man who is desired by other females. Nothing says I am a catch like I have been married. At 35 the OP shouldn't be too worried but at least he should be on the look out for the fast approaching 40. BTW, as a guy, I would never marry a woman who is over 35 and never been married. Not to be judgmental but if she was that good how come no dude snatched her up. Forget the BS about career development - you can still be married and pursue a career. Edited June 22, 2010 by jamal
alphamale Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 But do women look down on men in this age range who have never married? Are we "red flags" based on still being single? it really depends on how good looking you are and how much money you make....good looking dudes in a high tax bracket can get chicks at any age.
Left in a Lurch Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I don't think there is any particular requirement, but I'd expect a guy to have some type of long term relationship by that age. Otherwise I'd probably think he was too picky or something. Here's what I don't get, you'd think he was too picky but he chose to be with you. Why wouldn't you feel like someone that was too picky looked at you as being special enough and be flattered?
Stung Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 My now-husband was 35 and never married when we met, I didn't think anything of it. Marrying later is quite common in the circles I tend to move in, I am far more surprised when I hear of a couple marrying in their early 20s. Now, if a man has reached his mid to late thirties with zero relationship experience, that's potentially a red flag, IMO.
kassy Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I have no idea why anyone would want to date someone divorced over someone who hasn't been married...all the extra baggage and I'm sorry 35 just isn't old for a guy at all... assuming you are a professional, and mix in professional circles then I would have thought it wouldn't be a problem at all
PJKino Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Here's what I don't get, you'd think he was too picky but he chose to be with you. Why wouldn't you feel like someone that was too picky looked at you as being special enough and be flattered? I think its more beause she may feel hes not that desirable to women if he hasnt been in a ltr by that age...Thats important to women
FindingE Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I certainly wouldn't think anything of it, especially if I knew there had been previous long term relationships. I got married at 32, my hubs was 37, first time for both of us.
Crazy Magnet Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Here's what I don't get, you'd think he was too picky but he chose to be with you. Why wouldn't you feel like someone that was too picky looked at you as being special enough and be flattered? If he had a bunch of short term relationships that he ended, then I would assume he was too picky. I wouldn't want to invest several months in someone who had a history of backing out all the time. I wouldn't be flattered. I would assume I'm the next girl on his "not good enough" list. I bring this up as a friend of mine found herself on just such a list. The guy was 37, never married, never in a long term relationship because no woman was ever his "ideal" and he wasn't settling for anything less than that. Or at least that's what he told her when he broke up with her after 6 months of "non-exclusive" dating (meaning they were together 5 out of 7 nights a week, but he wouldn't commit.). If he had a bunch of short term relationships that the women had ended, yep, I'd probably start to wonder what on earth was wrong with him. It's probably not fair, but if no woman could put up with him for more than a few months that is a huge red flag for me.
deebeechrisyo Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 This thread is a great example of why it's neccessary to either not bring up your past relationships, or lie. Women will mercilessly judge you regarding your past. It's ok to evade the question, in the same way as it's ok to evade the fact that one is a virgin. Women aren't going to be able to sense how many LTR's you have been in. No sense in handicapping yourself by saying "I'm 35 and I haven't been in any LTR's". For the record, I don't think it's strange if an older man or woman hasn't been in an LTR. Especially not a man, since our society puts men at a disadvantage in the dating world. It's not uncommon to see men watch from the sidelines in their 20's, to become quite the ladies' man once he hits his early 30's. I would be much more weary of a person who has been in multiple failed LTR's. That usually brings along a ton of emotional baggage, and a general jaded sense of the dating world.
PJKino Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 If he had a bunch of short term relationships that he ended, then I would assume he was too picky. I wouldn't want to invest several months in someone who had a history of backing out all the time. I wouldn't be flattered. I would assume I'm the next girl on his "not good enough" list. I bring this up as a friend of mine found herself on just such a list. The guy was 37, never married, never in a long term relationship because no woman was ever his "ideal" and he wasn't settling for anything less than that. Or at least that's what he told her when he broke up with her after 6 months of "non-exclusive" dating (meaning they were together 5 out of 7 nights a week, but he wouldn't commit.). If he had a bunch of short term relationships that the women had ended, yep, I'd probably start to wonder what on earth was wrong with him. It's probably not fair, but if no woman could put up with him for more than a few months that is a huge red flag for me. What about if he had no ltr because he was a late bloomer who was shy with women for awhile?
primer Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 As a woman that never married, I would prefer a man like you. You have no baggage, you probably know what you want, and you are probably more financially secure. I never married because I never dated a man I wanted to marry. I don't think that is a flaw.
Crazy Magnet Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 What about if he had no ltr because he was a late bloomer who was shy with women for awhile? That would probably be ok as long as he was honest about why he had never dated before. My only concern is that he would have unrealistic expectations about relationships and at this point in life I don't want to be a "practice" girlfriend. The fact that the OP has at least had 1 LTR would be better for me, but I wouldn't count someone out just because they had never dated. I'd probably take things slower though in terms of commitment, etc. and have many discussions about relationship expectations.
Left in a Lurch Posted June 25, 2010 Posted June 25, 2010 If he had a bunch of short term relationships that he ended, then I would assume he was too picky. I wouldn't want to invest several months in someone who had a history of backing out all the time. I wouldn't be flattered. I would assume I'm the next girl on his "not good enough" list. I bring this up as a friend of mine found herself on just such a list. The guy was 37, never married, never in a long term relationship because no woman was ever his "ideal" and he wasn't settling for anything less than that. Or at least that's what he told her when he broke up with her after 6 months of "non-exclusive" dating (meaning they were together 5 out of 7 nights a week, but he wouldn't commit.). If he had a bunch of short term relationships that the women had ended, yep, I'd probably start to wonder what on earth was wrong with him. It's probably not fair, but if no woman could put up with him for more than a few months that is a huge red flag for me. I find my short term relationships are more that if something isn't working I don't stick around dating them for 3 years and bitch and moan to all my friends all the time. Most guys I know were in long term relationships at one time or another where everyone around was sick of them constantly fighting but the guys were too afraid to be alone to do the smart thing and end it. Kind of weak if you ask me.
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