Just friends? Is it possible immediately following a breakup?

[bananaboat11]

I'm sorry... if you have a mutual split and you didn't have a friendship before the relationship and you were intimate together is it really possible to have a friendship with him/her?

 

 

I'm leaning towards no. If you see this person naked and are intimate and still possess some attraction and/or romantic feelings for him/her... how the f can you expect to have a healthy friendship?

 

I hate some of my IRL friends sometimes...

[123BeachFan]

So long as one of the persons has a desire for the other (whether it's purely physical, or a longing to get back together), the friendship won't work.

 

Often times, a friendship arrangement is proposed by one of the parties in order to keep that option open (or in hopes of a FWB). Other times, the friendship arrangement is offered to reduce the guilt by person who did the breaking up (in their mind, it diminishes somewhat the severity of their decision).

 

But, no, I don't think it's possible. Not in my experiences any how.

[USMCHokie]

It's certainly possible, but I make it my own policy never to remain friends with failed dates. I have enough friends.

 

I knew it...it's not over...

[Circular]

Immediately? No. After a period of time when your indifferent to the attachment emotions, possibly. Friend dynamics are different than relationship dynamics, its a different role your trying to fill rather than the role of a partner/lover. We usually select friends based on different needs.

 

Usually "Maybe we can be friends" comes from the feeling of attachment and the sense of loss. So, being friends right away is more a way to extend the downward spiral and lessen the impact of loss rather than a true friendship.

 

Only way you can no for sure is to give it 6-9 moths of no, or very limited contact, then reassess at that point if it makes sense when you don't feel that attachment.

[carhill]

I'll report from time to time on my personal observations. Right now, after a year, stbx is still a Hoover. No semblance of balance. Not a friend. Possible? Sure. Neither of us has any *feelings*, but healthy friendships are formed on balance and mutual interest and care. There ain't none of that, pardon my poor English

 

If either party is still romantically emotionally attached, fugetabout friendship. Just don't go there. Like our resident Marine said, you got enough friends.

[bananaboat11]

It's certainly possible, but I make it my own policy never to remain friends with failed dates. I have enough friends.

 

I knew it...it's not over...

 

 

Oh... it's over.

 

She called me twice last night.

 

I didn't answer the first time.

 

the second time.. she couldn't lie straight.

 

I told her to give me a few days to think and to contact me soon.

 

I don't intend on responding.

 

Remember our deal about friday. If you see her in my friend's list.. I expect you to kick me in the nuts, KC.

[GrayClouds]

BB are you seeing a pattern:

 

2 month relationship = one year grieving

2 week relationship = 2 months break up

 

 

Is your addicted to drama really working?

[bananaboat11]

BB are you seeing a pattern:

 

2 month relationship = one year grieving

2 week relationship = 2 months break up

 

 

Is your addicted to drama really working?

 

 

One was 5 months. This was 2 months.

[Ilovecake]

People on here swear they are friends with their exs. I have a bit of a hard time believing that as I have yet to meet anyone in real life who has a true honest to goodness friendship with someone they were intimately involved with. After the feelings are gone I imagine being on good terms or being acquaintances is possible but a real friendship, where you talk about absolutely everything and hang out with the ex and his/her new partner is not really something I've ever run across.

 

I guess it depend on what you consider a friend.

[Ilovecake]

Friend dynamics are different than relationship dynamics

 

This is key.

[mickleb]

One was 5 months. This was 2 months.

 

Two weeks: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t233908/

 

Five months: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t216034/ (I counted 3 break ups, then there was the 'three month gift' and she broke up with you the next day and all of a sudden you were saying it was '4 and a half months'.)

 

Forgive us if we are confused, here.

 

x

[bananaboat11]

Two weeks: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t233908/

 

Five months: http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t216034/ (I counted 3 break ups, then there was the 'three month gift' and she broke up with you the next day and all of a sudden you were saying it was '4 and a half months'.)

 

Forgive us if we are confused, here.

 

x

 

we stayed together.

 

and nicole and me were together from beg of july till november

[GrayClouds]

One was 5 months. This was 2 months.

 

Ever hear of the expression "not seeing the forest for the trees" ?

Edited June 22, 2010 by GrayClouds

[mickleb]

we stayed together.

 

and nicole and me were together from beg of july till november

 

But still, Mr Banana Boat. That was two weeks ago.

 

Please don't tell me that 2+2=8! If that's true, I'm f*cked!

 

x

[bananaboat11]

But still, Mr Banana Boat. That was two weeks ago.

 

Please don't tell me that 2+2=8! If that's true, I'm f*cked!

 

x

 

We were dating exclusively prior to those 2 weeks as Boyfriend and girlfriend. And that was 2 weeks ago. It's the prior time + these 4 weeks I'm viewing.

[GrayClouds]

And yet again:

 

Ever hear of the expression "not seeing the forest for the trees" ?