"He must be romantic..."

[counterman]

I was speaking to a friend of mine and she was talking about what she wanted in a guy. Basically, the gist of it was that he had to be "romantic".

 

She then when on to describe the things she would like him to do for her e.g. wait after her, surprise her with gifts, make her things, sing to her, go on walks in a romantic setting, write her poetry under a tree using her as inspiration and naming a star after her. Okay, I was kidding about the last two, but you know what I mean. All these things you see in movies, she wants.

 

I feel sorry for all those chaps that are after her (there have been quite a feel). How can they compete against that? She's implying that if a guy can't do all those things, they aren't worthy of her. She talks about settling if all else fails.

 

Girls, did you ever think like this? If so, when did you realise that most guys just don't do that, especially early on?

 

Guys, have ever tried to be romantic like that? If yes, what happened afterwards?

[Diezel]

Yeah, it works in the movies... NOT in RL.

It's nice, to a degree, but doing it all the time is usually not attractive to women. There will be those that tell you that it would be awesome to have a romantic man with them all the time... but they'd be lying.

 

Don't listen to what she says, measure her actions. The women that are into men like that, usually end up dating someone else.

[Morals]

I was speaking to a friend of mine and she was talking about what she wanted in a guy. Basically, the gist of it was that he had to be "romantic".

 

She then when on to describe the things she would like him to do for her e.g. wait after her, surprise her with gifts, make her things, sing to her, go on walks in a romantic setting, write her poetry under a tree using her as inspiration and naming a star after her. Okay, I was kidding about the last two, but you know what I mean. All these things you see in movies, she wants.

 

I feel sorry for all those chaps that are after her (there have been quite a feel). How can they compete against that? She's implying that if a guy can't do all those things, they aren't worthy of her. She talks about settling if all else fails.

 

Girls, did you ever think like this? If so, when did you realize that most guys just don't do that, especially early on?

 

Guys, have ever tried to be romantic like that? If yes, what happened afterwords?

 

Being romantic isn't necessarily anything that encompasses those activities. It's whatever moves the person that your seeing. I know this one girl who absolutely loves pictures of trees, yes trees. And not just any trees, ones that are in declining health (I.e. dead/dieing trees).

 

It sounds like to me she is creating unreal expectations. Whether intentional or unintentional, she is sabotaging herself by creating these romantic situations that she has seen in movies. True romanticism will happen naturally. Sure, the ones that happen naturally and the ones in the movies might sometimes coincide, but I wouldn't make that a requirement.

[Arbitrariness]

Commonly, girls are to romance, as guys are to sex. Both are more attractive in quality rather than quantity to the opposite sex. In my experience the odd romantic gesture seems to go down a treat, but like Morals mentioned, the girl will dictate the gesture.

[Els]

Funny, IME it's precisely early on that guys make silly (but touching!) romantic gestures. It is certainly correct that it's impractical for it to go on ALL the time though... but it usually doesn't anyway, even the most in-love of guys usually gets tired.

 

I completely agree that romance depends on individual personalities and relationship, and should not include a checklist of things one needs to do to be considered 'romantic'.

[Sivok]

I did the chocolate covered strawberry delivery surprise and random letters thing. Timing is everything really. I feel it really is a necessity on a guy's part to do this stuff every now and then to keep her hooked, just don't overdue it.

[Confusedalways]

I like a guy who is thoughtful, not necessarily romantic. Chocolate and flowers are nice but certainly not creative. But if a guy remember I liked (insert obscure, random fact about me) and inserted that into something we did or whatever, I like that.

 

Being romantic isn't necessarily anything that encompasses those activities. It's whatever moves the person that your seeing. I know this one girl who absolutely loves pictures of trees, yes trees. And not just any trees, ones that are in declining health (I.e. dead/dieing trees).

 

So yeah, things like this .

[Els]

I like a guy who is thoughtful, not necessarily romantic. Chocolate and flowers are nice but certainly not creative. But if a guy remember I liked (insert obscure, random fact about me) and inserted that into something we did or whatever, I like that.

 

Hehe, that brings back memories of an ex who was HORRIBLE at anything conventionally defined as romantic. However, he did precisely this! I have a lazy left eye, and I noticed he always booked cinema tickets on the left side of the screen (I have a much wider and better optical range on my right, so it's easier for me to see - although I never told him this, only about the lazy eye). When I slyly asked him why, he seemed quite surprised and then mentioned this! I was pretty touched.

[Ruby Slippers]

My best boyfriends have been the romantics. They loved doing sweet, sexy things to make me happy, and enjoyed when I did the same. Some men are like this. IMO, they are the very best.

[counterman]

Yeah, it works in the movies... NOT in RL.

It's nice, to a degree, but doing it all the time is usually not attractive to women. There will be those that tell you that it would be awesome to have a romantic man with them all the time... but they'd be lying.

 

Don't listen to what she says, measure her actions. The women that are into men like that, usually end up dating someone else.

 

I agree, I don't think it would be attractive if it happened all the time. It wouldn't be special, plus it would be tiring. A lot of them say that but end up dating guys that aren't close to that.

 

Being romantic isn't necessarily anything that encompasses those activities. It's whatever moves the person that your seeing. I know this one girl who absolutely loves pictures of trees, yes trees. And not just any trees, ones that are in declining health (I.e. dead/dieing trees).

 

It sounds like to me she is creating unreal expectations. Whether intentional or unintentional, she is sabotaging herself by creating these romantic situations that she has seen in movies. True romanticism will happen naturally. Sure, the ones that happen naturally and the ones in the movies might sometimes coincide, but I wouldn't make that a requirement.

 

Thing is she has never been in a relationship and I think this whole perception of what a guy should be is part of the reason. There have been plenty of guys after her but they haven't been at that level, and that's expected.

 

But I agree, it is what moves the person.

 

Commonly, girls are to romance, as guys are to sex. Both are more attractive in quality rather than quantity to the opposite sex. In my experience the odd romantic gesture seems to go down a treat, but like Morals mentioned, the girl will dictate the gesture.

 

Once in a while it will be nice to spring something up. I guess it doesn't have to be as extravagant or far-fetched as some movie portrays.

 

Funny, IME it's precisely early on that guys make silly (but touching!) romantic gestures. It is certainly correct that it's impractical for it to go on ALL the time though... but it usually doesn't anyway, even the most in-love of guys usually gets tired.

 

I completely agree that romance depends on individual personalities and relationship, and should not include a checklist of things one needs to do to be considered 'romantic'.

 

I have noticed that! A lot of my friends seem to want to "woo" the girl with gestures, even after the girl has said she was not interested. Trust me, they were all expensive albeit sweet gestures. Though, I don't think they should go all out all the time. If she is interested, she's interested. That's what I think anyways.

 

I like that, how romance is based on personality too, rather than just activities and the like.

 

I did the chocolate covered strawberry delivery surprise and random letters thing. Timing is everything really. I feel it really is a necessity on a guy's part to do this stuff every now and then to keep her hooked, just don't overdue it.

 

Overdoing it is a killer. I see so many people taken for granted when they overdo it.

 

I like a guy who is thoughtful, not necessarily romantic. Chocolate and flowers are nice but certainly not creative. But if a guy remember I liked (insert obscure, random fact about me) and inserted that into something we did or whatever, I like that.

 

That is great and it would show that he listens. But, if he did do that, would you do something in return?

 

I mean, it would be kind of crude to expect something after a nice gesture. Though, I know of many guys who seek the approval of their partners with constant gestures that they end up feeling drained because they're not getting any appreciation. In my experience, I don't believe in constantly trying to please her with supposed romantic gestures. Enough to keep her wanting more but not all the time.

 

Hehe, that brings back memories of an ex who was HORRIBLE at anything conventionally defined as romantic. However, he did precisely this! I have a lazy left eye, and I noticed he always booked cinema tickets on the left side of the screen (I have a much wider and better optical range on my right, so it's easier for me to see - although I never told him this, only about the lazy eye). When I slyly asked him why, he seemed quite surprised and then mentioned this! I was pretty touched.

 

That's so sweet!

 

My best boyfriends have been the romantics. They loved doing sweet, sexy things to make me happy, and enjoyed when I did the same. Some men are like this. IMO, they are the very best.

 

Would you say they're like this all the time though?

 

My friend was considering dating this guy who really REALLY likes her but she refers to it as giving him a chance. She has initially shown disinterest and continues to show it, however, is reconsidering since she has gone use to having him around (as a friend). Knowing what she wants... and what she expects, this guy stands no chance.

 

I do not think he has to head over heels to impress her or be "romantic". It is so unrealistic.

[threebyfate]

She then when on to describe the things she would like him to do for her e.g. wait after her, surprise her with gifts, make her things, sing to her, go on walks in a romantic setting, write her poetry under a tree using her as inspiration and naming a star after her. Okay, I was kidding about the last two, but you know what I mean. All these things you see in movies, she wants.

Some of those "things" that she wants would be too much for me.

 

I feel sorry for all those chaps that are after her (there have been quite a feel). How can they compete against that? She's implying that if a guy can't do all those things, they aren't worthy of her. She talks about settling if all else fails.

She's young with her head full of fluffiness. She'll get there and realize that some of this will turn her off.

Girls, did you ever think like this? If so, when did you realise that most guys just don't do that, especially early on?

I'm too old to be called a girl but my husband is a romantic to a right degree, at least for me. For certain he's more romantic than I am which brings it out in me.

Guys, have ever tried to be romantic like that? If yes, what happened afterwards?

I'll answer from a woman's perspective. I married him.

[Morals]

My best boyfriends have been the romantics. They loved doing sweet, sexy things to make me happy, and enjoyed when I did the same. Some men are like this. IMO, they are the very best.

 

However, you're referencing your boyfriend(s) in the past tense. Which means despite their best romantic gestures, whether good or not, are no longer in the picture. Thus in the long term meant nothing. Unless I misread your post...

[redmelon]

Hehe, that brings back memories of an ex who was HORRIBLE at anything conventionally defined as romantic. However, he did precisely this! I have a lazy left eye, and I noticed he always booked cinema tickets on the left side of the screen (I have a much wider and better optical range on my right, so it's easier for me to see - although I never told him this, only about the lazy eye). When I slyly asked him why, he seemed quite surprised and then mentioned this! I was pretty touched.

 

 

That is so amazing. I would MUCH prefer something like that to chocolates or flowers.

[that girl]

She's young and idealistic, of course she has big dreams about romance.

 

Guys tend to make the mistake of thinking that they can woo a girl who isn't interested (or one who has already dumped them) with grand romantic gestures. This almost never works.

 

But thoughtful and romantic gestures are a big way to say you care.

 

I don't know why you are assuming women who like romantic gestures are selfish. I've noticed the girls who like romantic gestures the most are also the most giving. It is the girl who wants a guy to just spend a lot of money (rather than be thoughtful and make an effort with or without money) who tends to be more selfish.

[Stung]

I like a guy who is thoughtful, not necessarily romantic. Chocolate and flowers are nice but certainly not creative. But if a guy remember I liked (insert obscure, random fact about me) and inserted that into something we did or whatever, I like that.

 

 

Yes, but that is what I think of as romance, personally. Some surprise token or gesture that lets me know I have been on his mind--me, the individual, with my quirks and personal history.

 

I love it when my husband gives/makes me something with a nod to one of our private jokes, or to one of my personal interests or hobbies.

Chocolates, hot house red roses, IMO these would be rote, impersonal gestures that show he doesn't know me very well.

 

I do the same for him--although I must admit I don't think he sees it the same way.

[Stung]

She's young and idealistic, of course she has big dreams about romance.

 

Guys tend to make the mistake of thinking that they can woo a girl who isn't interested (or one who has already dumped them) with grand romantic gestures. This almost never works.

 

But thoughtful and romantic gestures are a big way to say you care.

 

I don't know why you are assuming women who like romantic gestures are selfish. I've noticed the girls who like romantic gestures the most are also the most giving. It is the girl who wants a guy to just spend a lot of money (rather than be thoughtful and make an effort with or without money) who tends to be more selfish.

 

Agreed completely.

[Woggle]

A man should only do these things if he knows a woman will appreciate it and knows that she will give it return. If you can answer yes to these two then go all out but if she keeps giving you the cold shoulder no matter how romantic you are then move on.

[JohnnyDrama]

What constitutes being romantic? Furthermore is it more important to be thoughtful than romantic?

[redmelon]

What constitutes being romantic? Furthermore is it more important to be thoughtful than romantic?

 

 

Romance IS Thoughtful

[Ruby Slippers]

However, you're referencing your boyfriend(s) in the past tense. Which means despite their best romantic gestures, whether good or not, are no longer in the picture. Thus in the long term meant nothing. Unless I misread your post...

The reasons I ended those relationships had nothing to do with romance. I ended them for other reasons.

 

And they didn't mean nothing to me. They meant a lot to me and always will.

Edited June 23, 2010 by Ruby Slippers

[threebyfate]

Romance IS Thoughtful

Yes, this is exactly it. It's not the stuff they give you. It's the consideration behind it. It's not the service they do for you. It's the thought and caring behind why they want to do things for you.

 

During my last trimester of pregnancy, my husband used to carry me in and out of the house, when we went anywhere. While I was confined to bed rest due to problems with the pregnancy, I could have walked the short distances that he did this. But he wanted to do this to show how much he cared about both our baby and myself. That to me is romance.

[bolase]

I think romantic things just are. Romance is giving someone more than they expect and doing it with a smile or at least enthusiasm, and it is personal, you know then or want to get to know them. Like leaving notes when you can't hang with them, flowers, calling them things in another language that feel to awkward to say out loud in your own, going on a picnic and bringing whatever floats their boat, saying thank you in your own ways like taking a picture and printing it out, and maybe telling them get ready wearing x, bring x, then pick them up and go do whatever you have planned. Getting people out of their comfort zone, ie if theyre early sleepers, wake them up at midnight nd go take nighttime photos, or if they like sleeping in, kidnap them up for a sunrise swim.

 

im a chick and have had these things done for me..they were all awesome.

 

Mostly, i think "romantic guy" means someone who will pursue you and pursue you until they get you, because they want to be with you.

 

I had a guy take me on a 'romatic date', mentioning how romantic the setting (vineyard) was to me at the time, even though it was totally over the top and kind of offputting to me. Instead of wanting to talk to me, he got that and the dinner part done and then when we went walking, he didnt try to make me laugh or listen to me or flirt, just tried to have sex - funny thing is, i hadn't felt any romance from the start of the date. I just knew he wasn't that type of guy, and later proved to be a total flake. If he had been, I probably would have made love to him then and there.

 

So you either are or aren't romantic - it's to do with confidence in yourself and in what you want, in respecting a woman and in listening so you can make your time 'personal' not some stupid idea of 'romance' !!

[Ruby Slippers]

Mostly, i think "romantic guy" means someone who will pursue you and pursue you until they get you, because they want to be with you.

Yes. And keep romancing you, never getting to that crappy taking-you-for-granted point.

[aerogurl87]

I was speaking to a friend of mine and she was talking about what she wanted in a guy. Basically, the gist of it was that he had to be "romantic".

 

She then when on to describe the things she would like him to do for her e.g. wait after her, surprise her with gifts, make her things, sing to her, go on walks in a romantic setting, write her poetry under a tree using her as inspiration and naming a star after her. Okay, I was kidding about the last two, but you know what I mean. All these things you see in movies, she wants.

 

I feel sorry for all those chaps that are after her (there have been quite a feel). How can they compete against that? She's implying that if a guy can't do all those things, they aren't worthy of her. She talks about settling if all else fails.

 

Girls, did you ever think like this? If so, when did you realise that most guys just don't do that, especially early on?

 

Guys, have ever tried to be romantic like that? If yes, what happened afterwards?

 

I think I got lucky because my boyfriend is a romantic. He likes to take romantic moonlit strolls around his neighbourhood with me. Randomly surprise me with gifts if he has the money to do so. Text me little "thinking of you"s or "I love you"s thoughout the day and everytime we go somewhere he makes sure he holds my hand and kisses me before we get out the car. And the other day I found out we both do this thing where we look at the moon and think of one another and how it somehow makes us feel closer together (we're in a LDR). Every moment I'm with him I feel like my life is a movie, hehe. So it's not impossible to find a guy like that, but I can tell you that your average joe isn't gonna act that way.

[USMCHokie]

I posted this in TBF's other romance thread, but this one seems to be a little more hoppin'...

 

For me, romance is making someone feel that he or she is the most important thing to you at that moment in time...making him or her feel uniquely special to you and appreciated above all else...