kickintheaz Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 me emailed on sunday: I am swallowing my own pride here, diresepcting the space you want and probably setting back the good things I have built in my own life in recent months but I have to reach out and say this one last time. I am so very sorry E I made the worst mistake of my life breaking up with you and then pushing you away towards the end of the year/start of this year. I hate what I did and that I couldn't find everything in me back then that I know I have now, and I'm asking you to forgive me. Even after all this time that has passed and God knows where you are in your life E, but I would dearly love another chance, and would do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to prove to you that I am sincere and honest, as I want you back in my life for good. I still believe you are not just the one I want to be with for the rest of my life, you are the one I cannot be without..... Would you ever consider having me back so I can try again, and love you as you deserve? N she emailed today: Hi N, Not sure what to say to email below and its come as a surprise to read it after all this time. I think we both know that it would never work out between us, we tried and tried and tried..... and tried and it just wasn't meant to be. I have put it all in the past now, water under the bridge... as you said yourself. Was I sad it didn't work.... of course Yes.... I think I would be as cold as ice if I didn't feel that way, but thats the way it works out sometimes and we have to move on. I don't want to drag up things that happened between us or who did what etc., alot of time has passed and I'm sure both of us have moved on in our lives and I think we should let sleeping dogs lie.. pardon the pun as I still have a loopy doggie on my hands! I'm sorry I didn't wish you a happy birthday, I did toy with the idea of contacting you but didn't think it was fair. But I do hope you had a lovely day and were spoiled. I do hope you are keeping well and [dogs name] is doing good. E Where there is a beginning there is an end... this is my ending...
Ronni_W Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Hugs, kick. It's obviously not the response you had hoped for, but I do hope it will help to bring closure. Both emails sound very kind, compassionate and respectful. Best of luck with your healing/recovery and moving forward.
supersub Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 me emailed on sunday: I am swallowing my own pride here, diresepcting the space you want and probably setting back the good things I have built in my own life in recent months but I have to reach out and say this one last time. I am so very sorry E I made the worst mistake of my life breaking up with you and then pushing you away towards the end of the year/start of this year. I hate what I did and that I couldn't find everything in me back then that I know I have now, and I'm asking you to forgive me. Even after all this time that has passed and God knows where you are in your life E, but I would dearly love another chance, and would do whatever it takes, for as long as it takes, to prove to you that I am sincere and honest, as I want you back in my life for good. I still believe you are not just the one I want to be with for the rest of my life, you are the one I cannot be without..... Would you ever consider having me back so I can try again, and love you as you deserve? N she emailed today: Hi N, Not sure what to say to email below and its come as a surprise to read it after all this time. I think we both know that it would never work out between us, we tried and tried and tried..... and tried and it just wasn't meant to be. I have put it all in the past now, water under the bridge... as you said yourself. Was I sad it didn't work.... of course Yes.... I think I would be as cold as ice if I didn't feel that way, but thats the way it works out sometimes and we have to move on. I don't want to drag up things that happened between us or who did what etc., alot of time has passed and I'm sure both of us have moved on in our lives and I think we should let sleeping dogs lie.. pardon the pun as I still have a loopy doggie on my hands! I'm sorry I didn't wish you a happy birthday, I did toy with the idea of contacting you but didn't think it was fair. But I do hope you had a lovely day and were spoiled. I do hope you are keeping well and [dogs name] is doing good. E Where there is a beginning there is an end... this is my ending... Kick, Sorry man, but I have to say this. Just a few weeks ago you were moving on Son! Why did you do this to yourself? This is not closure mate, this is you asking for a second chance and her saying no. How are you feeling after her response? Be honest. Sup
AlwaysConflicted Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 How much time passed between your breakup and the email? She sounds like you've been brokenup for 6 months to a year.
BiAxident Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Sorry to read all of that man, it really sucks and we here know how you feel. Perhaps you can take some solace in the fact that 2nd chances DO happen. After my ex broke up with me, she started dating another guy like 2 weeks later, eventually moving in with him. It didn't work out, and she gave me another chance. As for what I DID with that chance, that is another matter altogether. But, if you did get as many chances as she alluded to with the "we tried again and again and again", maybe it simply wasn't meant to be?
Author kickintheaz Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Hey all, thanks for responses... sorry, I thought I'd clarified at the top (obviously lost some text along the way).. this is what closure can look like, esp to me after all I went through.. Ronni: absolutely, as you'll see from next answers, its been a while.... BUT its the most mature response I received from her since the break up (and probably since I met the girl 4.5 years ago!) Conflicted: I'll go with your q next.. we were together 3.5 years, I dumped her in march 09, (commitment issues) spent til mar 10 trying to reconcile (yes yes yes, 6 months 'friends' + 6 months clingy and needy!).. last few months NC... BiAx: thanks, what she is referring to is that during our 3.5 years, there was infidelity, I got a 2nd chance, took about 3 goes to sort it out mind you and we continued on for another year until I got cold feet, freaked out about all the baby talk (all her friends were having babies) figured I didn't want that and dumped her... so yes, I got the elusive 2nd chance after fking her over and then I went and blew it, what I've been looking for here is 3rd chance... She is also referring to the fact that after I asked her back in oct to reconsider, we went nc, then not nc, this continued for months, each time we made contact as 'friends' she saw it as a chance for her to rekindle her feelings (she just forgot to tell me and all she saw was whiny needy kick!) Sup: Absolutely.. I WAS moving on, I had forgiven her, I had forgiven me and I had forgiven me for judging her, I wasn't sad over her, I didn't wake up crying over her, I didn't even make an effort to 'casually' drive through somewhere that I knew she'd be... I have been having a wonderful life, dating, getting out, seeing friends, spending time doing what I want to do when I want to do it.. so why do this?? hmmm... well we've been a while at nc and the intense emotion about her has become water under the bridge, BUT whilst I have been dating in the last few months, I met several women I would kill to be with now, and yet I have pushed them away each time.. why? well because of hope of course (isn't that what keeps us here?!), regardless what happened with ex in the times leading upto that, I still, in the back of my head had that thought 'what if she comes back'.. it doesn't go away over night, esp after investing so much time in trying to get her back... and to be honest, I didn't want to let someone get close to me on the off chance that ex MIGHT come back.. I had a great weekend leading up to the email, and I thought ya know what.. fck it.. here I am, good looking guy, dating quite a bit (but in a natural, it all just kinda happening to me sort of way), having a wonderful time, plenty of girls who are interested (not blowing my own vuvezula!) great friends, good job, car, house, dog, confidence is back and is in 90% full force, self esteem is about 10000 times better than it was 6 months ago and yet, there is that thought in the back of my head... 'what if' So I sent it, in fairness, I didn't agonise over it, I didn't tell anyone i was doing it, it just felt ok to send it... if ya don't ask ya don't receive.. and to be honest I expected her to play the ignorance card once again and not reply... imagine my shock and surprise at getting her answer... I read it once, twice, three times, I felt a lump in my throat, I felt a tightening in my chest, I felt a tear creep into my eye.. NOBODY likes rejection... even those of us who have suffered it in bucketfuls... I was in work at the time, I calmy walked outside to my car for a smoke, and yep I weeped... why sad? well, it IS an ending for me. I never had such a clear, mature, responsible, no b/s, no accusations answer, just the girl I used to love telling me she has placed it all in her past and moved on. Did I get the validation I wanted? in a way.. I can tell she WAS saddened by the whole sorry mess, I can see she does not want to dredge up memories of the infidelity, the drunken jealous calls, the stupidty I carried on with, cos its all behind her. I weeped, because for 4 1/2 years I loved this girl, I hurt this girl, I cared for this girl, in all that time my waking thought was her and her alone... I weeped because I was rejected, because I felt hurt, because what I HOPED for didn't come true... and I weeped because its upto her to find her own happiness and it will be someone else who will share that happiness with her, I weeped because when I reread it again I knew, in my heart, I can never talk to this girl again. I would rather remember her as the woman (whom I realised too late) I loved unconditionally, that I wanted to marry, that I wanted to build a future with.... I do not want to see her, on occasion, and be reminded of the hurt and anguish I caused me and her in learning that lesson... I replied, because I actually didn't expect her to write, I thanked her, I wished her luck for the future and all the happiness the woman deserves, I did disagree on the point she makes about us both knowing it wouldn't work, as I would hardly ask if I thought that was the case!!! I acknowledged again the good things she did for me and thanked her, again, for letting me into her life as I sit here now, I'm not sad, I weeped earlier, I let it out and then I did what I always do, I remember my darkest days last november and I have sworn never to go back there. So I put the hurt, and the tears, and the pain in the chest back into its little box and I got out of the car and walked away... Sup, it hurt, I acknowledged that hurt and I went back into work and carried on with my life... I'm doing good here now... I can finally, utterly and totally remove that hope (though it'll probably still take time) but I know the next time a girl starts to get under my skin, I won't need to look over my emotional shoulder to be reminded of ex.. she has been in my life and she is not now and I know that even after time and distance (which people claim help someone to realise what they lost) has gone between us, she went the other way and has put us into her past.. Sometimes, just sometimes, one needs to keep plugging away to see, rightly or wrongly. I have chosen every course of action I have taken in this the most traumatic break up of my 33 years and I can tell you, the lessons I have learned fill several pages.. so to argue against your point, this is my closure.. she has said No, after time away from it all, she has said no, in a grown up mature manner, she has said no in a way that I finally believe, she has said no and I must accept and respect that answer, and I will, because I respect this woman and all she did for me and my family and friends. She said no, so I must turn that around and 'wards'... :-D and yep, this is probably long winded, but a lot of what i type here is what i feel now and I just need to get it down somewhere and out of my system (since I told no one of this exchange) plus, there may be times I'll need to pop back here and read my journey (please god don't let it be if I fck up the next relationship! lol! thanks guys for taking time to post... appreciate all comments... kick
supersub Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Well I guess if this helps you long term to close the book I'm happy for you. Hope you are happy too mate. Take it easy okay? Sup.
Heatemyheart89 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 My ex said the same sort of thing to me.basicasly said that's it never again.at least now you can move on best of luck
Username37 Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 I did the same with my ex Sent her a letter saying I'm sorry, second chance? and I offered her time to think it over. Called the next day and just said no. She moved on quickly. I don't have the false hope anymore so I can move on. And so far, I'm doing okay. Not 100 percent yet though. Good luck to you
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