Girlfriend, Near breakup, And two kisses that should never have been

June 22, 2010

Right, so basically my girlfriend of the last 16months was out on saturday there was a chance she was gonna be able to meet me after work before having a night in with work friends, she became unavailable she told me I could still meet her but she was with her friend "Bob" whose her best friend from work. Its comman knowledge that Bob is extremely keen on my girlfriend and has on occasion lost his self control and tried to kiss her, invite her back to his place or simply grope her, this isnt the easiest of situations im sure you understand, but knowing that her night in with work people was taking place at Bobs house I decided it'd be best not intrude their afternoon drink and potentially put Bob in a bad mood for the whole evening ruining everyones evenings ... yes I am really that considerate.

So I didnt meet her, we still txt from probally only 500m away at different bars, she was then rather drunk at only 8:45pm, she likes to and ive never had a problem with that, hell if it wasnt for her being drunk once before we may never have got together ourselves. But thats not important, eventually she stops txting since shes out with people, some of her last msgs though were of her loving me, her loving me more than life, and im the best thing that ever happened to her.

Didnt speak to her till the next day, first thing I noticed though was 30minutes before awaking shed updated her facebook status to something on the lines of "everythings so messed up :|" i worried, i worried something had happened to her, or that she had done something to regret.

We txt a bit in work whilst I worried. She met me out of work and we chatted about her evening she told me how she got drunk ate loads of pizza with people, everyone else fell asleep and it was just her and Bob and they decided to get really high on a few different things. But I endevoured to show interest ... as you do, I eventually asked her what that post on facebook was about she explained some friends had had a big medical scare and it made perfect sense and put my mind to ease. That evening we hung out, we ended up making love and during she made me promise her that we would always be together, I want that so of course I jumped at an oppertunity to confirm this. We then went to eat dinner, by the time she finished hers mine was just done, she didnt sit and wait with me like I had done she just went straight upstairs. After eating I went to check on her, she was crying in the bathroom, she eventually came out and begged me let her go home she needed her own bed and she needed her friends. I said it was fine but while we waited if she wanted to talk, she said no, I asked if it was me, she said no, had I done something, again no. By this time I was starting to shake and get really scared, I went downstairs to organise a lift for her, she eventually came down whilst I was walking up and down the drive smoking trying not to break down out of fear, she came up and hugged me so tight, I tried to talk her but she wouldnt respond ... heres where it when truely down the toilet.

After a minute or so I told her I didnt want her to break up with me, she shook her head, I told her I loved her she told me not to it made things harder, after a bit of back and forth it became apparent she was trying to end it ... why? I asked myself just 24hours ago she loved me and I was her everything...what had happened. Had something happened at this gathering, she eventually led me aside and we sat and talked, we both cried, she feels shes lost touch with herself and she doesnt know what she wants anymore, she still loves me but shes just not sure she wants me. I asked her to let us try a break or stay together but just spend more time apart etc, she was hesitant never really giving a yes or a no. I then did that terrible thing everyone wants to do but never should, I asked if something happened between her and Bob, she said yes, in the brief moment she hesistated I broke down, she told me they kissed twice, nothing more, she failed to say whether it was simply two simple kisses, whether they were together or different times, or was it a case of them making out on two occasions, did other people see? We talked and talked and talked, so much of it is now an emotional blur to me, I told her there and then I could forgive her if she thought it was a mistake, she said she wasnt sure, she argued how could it be a mistake if it happened twice. I still forced upon her the fact that I would forgive her if she could forgive herself, and that I knew made it easier. I asked her if she felt for him, she said he's her best friend, and that had we not been together she probably would have taken an interest but she doesnt have one no. Eventually we calmed down a bit, and she said shed stay the night, she didnt want to "go home and cry and want to txt me and ring me and know ill be home alone crying". So she stayed, my mum took her upstairs away from me and spent 30minuts talking things out with her (I know she didnt tell my mum shed kissed Bob) I eventually joined them and we talked stuff out more, more rationally.

The very next day was wonderful, the weather was lovely we kissed, she told me she loves me ...admittidly I had to say it first, we had this amazing day just wandering round town laughing and joking, at times Id go quiet because Id get this mental flash of them kissing. It breaks my heart, it turns my stomach, Im a very lean guy and it kills my appetite. I truely do love her, and I genuinely think she loves me, we've agreed to cut down the amount of time we spend together so she can have some her time. Theres no certainty we'll make it through the next few weeks, but yesterday gave me such hope that we can rise above, but now shes gone, gone to work, where he'll be, on wednesday theyre going to his, on thursday their work lot will be out on the town, on friday theyll be once again at his (currently has a free house). And on saturday shes getting her new tattoo and shes asked me openly will I object if he and another work collegue go with her, Ive said no, I know this is her best friend, and right now she needs support and some of it cant come from me, its been easy to forgive her but its hell trying to get over this, now I wont see her till next sunday and sure we'll talk and txt but its not the same and im just worried that next sunday will be a more deadly repeat of this sunday.

Yes I realise this was long and im sorry to you all for rambling on but I just need some advice, how to deal with this how to trust her, how to let go my problems with Bob, I cant ask her to give up her best friend, I know if either of us asked we get dumped for asking her to choose. And I dont want her too. I know Im looking for you all to say itll be ok, and for me to believe it and that everything WILL be ok, but I need some hope, even if its embellished or fraudulant,

Thanks for you time all, and please any advise will be appreciated x

June 22, 2010

I cant ask her to give up her best friend

best friend? a guy that tries to jump her, and a guy she has messed around with, best friend? is that what its called these days?

I know if either of us asked we get dumped for asking her to choose. And I dont want her too. I know Im looking for you all to say itll be ok, and for me to believe it and that everything WILL be ok, but I need some hope, even if its embellished or fraudulant

sorry, I can't give you hope in a hopeless situation.

Now I'm not saying this to stab at you, just the plain truth of it...you are a lapdog for her. She is walking all over you and you are letting her.

You have to be out of you mind to think that asking her to cease a "friendship" with a guy, that she kissed and that makes passes at her all the time, is out of line.

As long as you have the mindset you do, and think that having a friendship with a guy that wants to bone her, and probably has, is something that shouldn't cease, then expect to be walked all over throughout your entire relationship.

And you are kidding yourself if you think all they did was kiss twice.

Edited June 22, 2010 by Dexter Morgan

June 22, 2010

best friend? a guy that tries to jump her, and a guy she has messed around with, best friend? is that what its called these days?

sorry, I can't give you hope in a hopeless situation.

Now I'm not saying this to stab at you, just the plain truth of it...you are a lapdog for her. She is walking all over you and you are letting her.

You have to be out of you mind to think that asking her to cease a "friendship" with a guy, that she kissed and that makes passes at her all the time, is out of line.

As long as you have the mindset you do, and think that having a friendship with a guy that wants to bone her, and probably has, is something that shouldn't cease, then expect to be walked all over throughout your entire relationship.

And you are kidding yourself if you think all they did was kiss twice.

^ What he said.

June 22, 2010

yes I am really that considerate.

I would say "spineless" is a little more accurate more than "considerate." So there is a guy who has tried to kiss her & grope your GF in the past, but yet she still remains "best friends" with him? Errr. I know that if I had a male friend and he tried to grope me even once (and especially when he knew I was in a relationship), I would be done with him!

If you had a female "best friend" who had feelings for you and who you kissed twice while in a supposedly committed relationship, do you think your GF would have the same reaction that you're having?

You are being a fool in this situation. I'm sorry, but you are. I doubt that they stopped at kissing, and my prediction is that in the next couple of weeks she'll cheat on you some more with him, and then dump you for him. I can't believe that after she kissed him she still thinks she should be able to hang out with him and be "best friends" with him... and you agree with her!! Come on, dude!

If your GF dumps you for not wanting her to be "friends" with the guy she cheated on you with, then good riddance to her! Hopefully, though, you will have some respect for yourself and dump her first.

June 23, 2010

Right, so basically my girlfriend of the last 16months was out on saturday there was a chance she was gonna be able to meet me after work before having a night in with work friends, she became unavailable she told me I could still meet her but she was with her friend "Bob" whose her best friend from work. Its comman knowledge that Bob is extremely keen on my girlfriend and has on occasion lost his self control and tried to kiss her, invite her back to his place or simply grope her, this isnt the easiest of situations im sure you understand, but knowing that her night in with work people was taking place at Bobs house I decided it'd be best not intrude their afternoon drink and potentially put Bob in a bad mood for the whole evening ruining everyones evenings ... yes I am really that considerate.

So I didnt meet her, we still txt from probally only 500m away at different bars, she was then rather drunk at only 8:45pm, she likes to and ive never had a problem with that, hell if it wasnt for her being drunk once before we may never have got together ourselves. But thats not important, eventually she stops txting since shes out with people, some of her last msgs though were of her loving me, her loving me more than life, and im the best thing that ever happened to her.

Didnt speak to her till the next day, first thing I noticed though was 30minutes before awaking shed updated her facebook status to something on the lines of "everythings so messed up :|" i worried, i worried something had happened to her, or that she had done something to regret.

We txt a bit in work whilst I worried. She met me out of work and we chatted about her evening she told me how she got drunk ate loads of pizza with people, everyone else fell asleep and it was just her and Bob and they decided to get really high on a few different things. But I endevoured to show interest ... as you do, I eventually asked her what that post on facebook was about she explained some friends had had a big medical scare and it made perfect sense and put my mind to ease. That evening we hung out, we ended up making love and during she made me promise her that we would always be together, I want that so of course I jumped at an oppertunity to confirm this. We then went to eat dinner, by the time she finished hers mine was just done, she didnt sit and wait with me like I had done she just went straight upstairs. After eating I went to check on her, she was crying in the bathroom, she eventually came out and begged me let her go home she needed her own bed and she needed her friends. I said it was fine but while we waited if she wanted to talk, she said no, I asked if it was me, she said no, had I done something, again no. By this time I was starting to shake and get really scared, I went downstairs to organise a lift for her, she eventually came down whilst I was walking up and down the drive smoking trying not to break down out of fear, she came up and hugged me so tight, I tried to talk her but she wouldnt respond ... heres where it when truely down the toilet.

After a minute or so I told her I didnt want her to break up with me, she shook her head, I told her I loved her she told me not to it made things harder, after a bit of back and forth it became apparent she was trying to end it ... why? I asked myself just 24hours ago she loved me and I was her everything...what had happened. Had something happened at this gathering, she eventually led me aside and we sat and talked, we both cried, she feels shes lost touch with herself and she doesnt know what she wants anymore, she still loves me but shes just not sure she wants me. I asked her to let us try a break or stay together but just spend more time apart etc, she was hesitant never really giving a yes or a no. I then did that terrible thing everyone wants to do but never should, I asked if something happened between her and Bob, she said yes, in the brief moment she hesistated I broke down, she told me they kissed twice, nothing more, she failed to say whether it was simply two simple kisses, whether they were together or different times, or was it a case of them making out on two occasions, did other people see? We talked and talked and talked, so much of it is now an emotional blur to me, I told her there and then I could forgive her if she thought it was a mistake, she said she wasnt sure, she argued how could it be a mistake if it happened twice. I still forced upon her the fact that I would forgive her if she could forgive herself, and that I knew made it easier. I asked her if she felt for him, she said he's her best friend, and that had we not been together she probably would have taken an interest but she doesnt have one no. Eventually we calmed down a bit, and she said shed stay the night, she didnt want to "go home and cry and want to txt me and ring me and know ill be home alone crying". So she stayed, my mum took her upstairs away from me and spent 30minuts talking things out with her (I know she didnt tell my mum shed kissed Bob) I eventually joined them and we talked stuff out more, more rationally.

The very next day was wonderful, the weather was lovely we kissed, she told me she loves me ...admittidly I had to say it first, we had this amazing day just wandering round town laughing and joking, at times Id go quiet because Id get this mental flash of them kissing. It breaks my heart, it turns my stomach, Im a very lean guy and it kills my appetite. I truely do love her, and I genuinely think she loves me, we've agreed to cut down the amount of time we spend together so she can have some her time. Theres no certainty we'll make it through the next few weeks, but yesterday gave me such hope that we can rise above, but now shes gone, gone to work, where he'll be, on wednesday theyre going to his, on thursday their work lot will be out on the town, on friday theyll be once again at his (currently has a free house). And on saturday shes getting her new tattoo and shes asked me openly will I object if he and another work collegue go with her, Ive said no, I know this is her best friend, and right now she needs support and some of it cant come from me, its been easy to forgive her but its hell trying to get over this, now I wont see her till next sunday and sure we'll talk and txt but its not the same and im just worried that next sunday will be a more deadly repeat of this sunday.

Yes I realise this was long and im sorry to you all for rambling on but I just need some advice, how to deal with this how to trust her, how to let go my problems with Bob, I cant ask her to give up her best friend, I know if either of us asked we get dumped for asking her to choose. And I dont want her too. I know Im looking for you all to say itll be ok, and for me to believe it and that everything WILL be ok, but I need some hope, even if its embellished or fraudulant,

Thanks for you time all, and please any advise will be appreciated x

She has to choose, between you or Bob. As long as Bob remains close to her, there is always a potential to take it to the next level, which had happened in a way when they kissed (maybe they had sex too?). She is a typical, cake-eater type, similar to those adulterers who wants both their spouse and lover. Bob is just her spare lover, disguised as a "best friend" (disgusting!!)

If you stay in this relationship, you will end up with a lot of anxiety, jealousy and self-esteem issues. Relationship and marriage takes work, commitment and sacrifice to build up. If she is not willing to commit to you and sacrifice, then she is not wothy of you. I am not suggesting for her to cut off her friendship completely, but she has to greatly reduce the frequency and duration of her contact with that guy. And no more best friend, just normal, simple friend.

If she cannot do that for you, my advice is to enjoy this relationship and the sex while you can, and start looking for a better partner. You don't have to feel committed to her, since she is not committed to you. Once you meet someone worthy of you, dump this 2-timer

June 23, 2010

So there is a guy who has tried to kiss her & grope your GF in the past, but yet she still remains "best friends" with him? Errr. I know that if I had a male friend and he tried to grope me even once (and especially when he knew I was in a relationship), I would be done with him!

I have to agree with this. If a friend of mine didn't respect my relationship, he would no longer be my friend. By keeping Bob around, your gf is condoning his behaviour.

Your gf needs to stop being friends with Bob. From your post it sounds like she works with him, so some contact is inevitable, but it should be limited to necessary work contact only. She can't be friends with him and remain in a relationship with you; she has to choose.

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Girlfriend, Near breakup, And two kisses that should never have been

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