jte333 Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 My girlfriend has recently informed me that construction workers regularly use the female toilets on her floor at work. She even told me a story today of how one tried to barge into her cubicle. Naturally, I was very concerned, and told her that she really needs to raise the issue with a superior. She refuses to. Her reason? "I shouldn't have to". I told her "yes, you shouldn't have to, but it still doesn't get away from the fact that you should". She has a habit of disagreeing with everything I say, even when it is perfectly reasonable and sensible. Worse though, the conversation ended with her saying I was "sexist" and "only wanting to protect my 'property'". For me this is totally unfair. I am only advising her on how to decrease the risk of something unsavoury happening, and she is acting immature and calling me names. Am I unreasonable? Is there another way I could approach it? What is her problem, and do you have any general advice for the sitation? Many thanks.
Sivok Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 She may be exaggerating the degree to which they do this, and it sounds like she doesn't feel threatened at all by it. That being said, I can imagine why she might see you as overbearing with your demands. Don't say anything about it until she brings it up again, then just say something like 'their behavior is unsanitary and a possible safety hazard. If things become uncomfortable, you know what to do'. Don't suggest 'oh they may rape you' because that really does sound extreme and paranoid on your part.
CLC2008 Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 (edited) Suggesting that she may be "raped" does sound extreme, and a bit frightening. I am a female, and I would not feel comfortable with non-employees using the restrooms at my place of business. Our bathrooms are not shared with the public though and only employees have access to them with their own key. Edited June 22, 2010 by CLC2008
Art_Critic Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 To equate a construction worker with a rapist is just wrong on so many levels. WTF ? If the bathroom is labeled as a woman's bathroom then guys cannot use it.. So in that respect you are right that if she has an issue with the wrong sex using the bathroom then she can bring it up.. but more for privacy reasons not safety.. I can't for the life of me understand why you think she is going to be raped ? While there are rapists out there they don't just come bundled as construction workers.. Nothing wrong with being worried about your SO.. but if she isn't feeling threatened and you can't come up with any reason other than rape then you should listen to her.. General advice.. Let it go.. You mentioned floor so this is a building with people in it and sounds like there isn't a terrible amount of danger lurking around.
O'Malley Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Guys using the women's restroom if there are other ones accessible are creeps. Maybe not rapists, but rude. Obviously this is a problem she and her female coworkers should take to their superiors -- and apparently she feels she "shouldn't have to" and would rather just complain about it. She sounds more irritated than threatened, so the next time she brings up the issue, let the comments pass.
that girl Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I think the biggest problem is that you are treating your girlfriend like a bit of an idiot. Like the concept of rape is totally new to her and that you somehow know the construction workers better than her. You're not treating her as your equal, you're acting like her dad, and that is part of the problem.
harmfulsweetz Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 While I understand the whole 'they're using the wrong bathroom' and it can be quite uncomfortable or plain odd. If there are other available correct bathrooms available. If not, then, well what are they meant to do exactly? You are acting like her dad. She doesn't seem threatened by them, and she knows what she feels. I'm sure if she believed herself to be in danger, she would complain to someone about it.
Art_Critic Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 You're not treating her as your equal, you're acting like her dad, and that is part of the problem. That sums it up in a few words without all the fluff...
marsle85 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 I agree with your advice, but I also agree she should do something about it. She thinks differently, so she wasn't asking for your advice. Your comments are well intentioned, and realistic... but let her ask first.
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