Hazyhead Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 (edited) Letting go of an affair as a single AP you must be aware that there are many changes ahead. Like any relationship, I guess. There will generally be at least one thing in that relationship that makes you go 'But...' as you have to accept it will no longer be on offer to you. It might be money. It could be companionship. It could be the fun. Whatever... One of major things I miss is the sex. God, the sex. The the loss of satisfaction of a physical need. I know that this is par for the course but I do occasionally think, what if I never have it like that again? It almost (ALMOST!) tempts me to the point of ringing xMM and saying, 'Ok, a once a week meeting in which no-one is to find out'. As if. My point is, has anybody had that extreme sexual intensity with more than one partner? (Y'know, seperately ) Furthermore, what aspects of the loss of a relationship do you suffer the most from? And, does anybody have any suggestions for how to get over these losses. Edited June 22, 2010 by Hazyhead
Just a stone's throw Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 No... sadly but am marking and will be reading this thread to see what kind of replies you get!! Hugs, Hazy! JAST
jennie-jennie Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Letting go of an affair as a single AP you must be aware that there are many changes ahead. Like any relationship, I guess. There will generally be at least one thing in that relationship that makes you go 'But...' as you have to accept it will no longer be on offer to you. It might be money. It could be companionship. It could be the fun. Whatever... One of major things I miss is the sex. God, the sex. The the loss of satisfaction of a physical need. I know that this is par for the course but I do occasionally think, what if I never have it like that again? It almost (ALMOST!) tempts me to the point of ringing xMM and saying, 'Ok, a once a week meeting in which no-one is to find out'. As if. My point is, has anybody had that extreme sexual intensity with more than one partner? (Y'know, seperately ) Furthermore, what aspects of the loss of a relationship do you suffer the most from? And, does anybody have any suggestions for how to get over these losses. Yes, I have had "that extreme sexual intensity with more than one partner".
skywriter Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 No, I haven't had the sexual intensity that was experienced with the MM, ever. I wonder if it was the secrecy , the fact that it was wrong, that made it what it was. The part of the aspect of that specific relationship that I suffer the loss of the most. Is the part that I knew I could never experience actually. Just what I really wanted it to be, legitimate, not hidden, something I could be proud of.
LostMe Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I have. I've always had that mind-numbing intense passion at the early stages of any relationship, it's the way I am. Obviously xMM awakened this in me after so many years, and more so with the whole forbidden element thrown in too. Then he cut it off before it had a chance to fade out which has made it hard to forget/move on. But I am under no illusion that it would've done eventually!
Author Hazyhead Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Thanks guys. Skylar, I think you're right; the forbidden nature is part of the excitement. It's illicit and thrilling. I'm struggling to write fully at this moment but just wanted to add that it's more than just the excitement and intensity; it was that he matched me exactly. I'm aware that over time it probably would fade somewhat or become less full on, as my relationships have done inherent past, but what thrilled me especially is that we were turned on by the same things and wanting to push the same boundaries. The relationship was more than sex but that's the gap I'm feeling now. I think it might be my longest abstaince!
jj33 Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I couldnt say that the sex itself was the great highlight of what was good about my relationship with xMM. It was the intimacy that we shared. It wasnt that the sex wasnt good but he wasnt "the best" so assuming at some point I do manage to have sex again, I am not worried about it not being as good. If it wasnt the relationshp wouldnt last long.
OWoman Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 My point is, has anybody had that extreme sexual intensity with more than one partner? (Y'know, seperately ) Yes. If it's not there, they're not a partner but a ONS. I don't waste my time on mediocre.
Silly_Girl Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Ah, this made me chuckle. I've always acknowledged my own physical needs. I am very sad to say it's one of the (many) reasons I stayed with my ex too long, it was too easy to make up I craved the intimacy from him that he withheld at other times, and he craved the physical side so we often would not even be speaking to one another, but actually had good sex. With xMM he's not had a sex life for about 14 years now. So it wasn't at all mind-blowing at first. But the intimacy but always wonderful. But over time we grew together and it was another way we connected, the fantasies, the plans, the romantic sex, and the 'filth'. I genuinely couldn't have asked for more. I've not felt like that before. It was another of the strands that ran through our everyday contact with each other, like friendship, humour, love, etc. I have had that thought too HH, about booking a slot and immediately realised that within 30 seconds of 'the deed' I'd be booing my eyes out and spoil the whole thing. But yes, I've had wistful moments.
Confused4Now Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 For me it wasn't even the sex....Sex was good and I can see the excitement about meeting at hotels and stuff but mine was almost total emotional. Now my exW was all sex and no emotional. Maybe that's why she never left her H....she did say he was a sex addict. I probably gave her the emotional piece she was looking for. So I have to find a person with the right balance...
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 After many years, I realized that the 'intensity' was just my perception of hurried, furtive, urgent sex. It takes a while for perception to change. If you continue to think of xMM as 'the most intense' then he will continue to be and all other lovers will pale in comparison. Eventually you will get to the point where your emotions/perceptions surrounding the actual act will dwindle, and you'll begin to see that your emotions were actually the most intense part of it, and the sex was just... sex. Until you get to that point though, it will be like trying to find a second bit of gold in an endless pile of dull rocks.
Silly_Girl Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 My xMM used to come and stay every other weekend for 2/3 nights, so we never really had what I'd always thought of as the stereotypical 'affair sex'. Feel like I've missed out now
Confused4Now Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 After many years, I realized that the 'intensity' was just my perception of hurried, furtive, urgent sex. It takes a while for perception to change. If you continue to think of xMM as 'the most intense' then he will continue to be and all other lovers will pale in comparison. Eventually you will get to the point where your emotions/perceptions surrounding the actual act will dwindle, and you'll begin to see that your emotions were actually the most intense part of it, and the sex was just... sex. Until you get to that point though, it will be like trying to find a second bit of gold in an endless pile of dull rocks.hahahahahaaha...omg that is brilliant!!!! Trust me when I say you are so right about this....
silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Yes, I have had "that extreme sexual intensity with more than one partner". As have I
MizFit Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I've had 2 partners that were out of this world lovers and it all boils down to the 'complete package'. I loved them both (one current, but easier to keep in 1 tense) heart and soul...the sex was fabulous, but the closer we were the better the sex was and the better the sex was the closer we were. It was like a set of stilts...moving together they were great fun and something extra special...one alone would have been a stick. My MM is one of those men and I'm like another poster...when we've had a quickie it's been from desiring that type of sex, but since we spend days together there's none of the urgency found in other relationships. I would miss the sex, but I'd miss HIM as a whole more.
bee55 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 an extreme sexual intensity is not recommended it depend to your self you should mind for other thing to minimize your physically needed sex is not every thing in our life we should control the instinct, because if you leave it with out control , you will be commanded by it, so you should mind for good moment with great fun i advice you to think about other traditional, visit other places at the hole world, try to make a relation with more lovely people (just as friend) i have one more idea for you try to make group of friends and you should arrange a journey with this group all this thing will take your mind out of sex and make you very happy
lilagirl Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 For me, I have always tried to find that mind blowing passion and connection, and never could. With MM it was always there...I attribute this to the emotions associated with all of it. They are intense, and powerful, making the desire, lust, and ultimately sexual intimacy more powerful than I could have dreamed up. I don`t think its the A and the secrecy... but hey... I have no idea... I`ll report back once I figure that out...
White Flower Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 For me, I have always tried to find that mind blowing passion and connection, and never could. With MM it was always there...I attribute this to the emotions associated with all of it. They are intense, and powerful, making the desire, lust, and ultimately sexual intimacy more powerful than I could have dreamed up. I don`t think its the A and the secrecy... but hey... I have no idea... I`ll report back once I figure that out... Secrecy and illicitness do not turn me on at all. Maybe it was fun the first time, bow that I've BTDT it ain't no bag o' potato chips if you know what I mean. It is the emotional bonding, the unexplainable chemistry, the mind-blowing intimacy that make sex earth-shattering. I found that with MM and don't know if it is achievable twice in a lifetime.
jj33 Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 More than one partner. Yes. Yes Yes (and yes separately ) If you (the plural you) had extreme sexuality with only one partner and it was the MM then isnt it possible that the relationship awakened something in you and that its just the begining of a whole new phase? Then you REALLY have something to look forward to next time you meet someone that you have real chemistry with (or even not but someone with talent;)).
Author Hazyhead Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 Isn't it odd that for a lot of us it's the A partner with whom we've had the strongest sexual connection (and maybe other connections too)? I've always had quite a high libido, but moved from one long term relationship to the next for the last 15 years (I'm 32) but the relationship I had with xMM was the first in which I've thought, 'Oh my God! This is what it's supposed to be like!' I'm liking the suggestion that he may just have wakened me and I'll move to use that experience in my next relationship(s). Don't get me wrong, there are so many facets to that relationship that I miss, but the urge just gets me sometimes (like yesterday) and for the first time in my adult life I have no one to release it for me. It'll do me good, I guess: being alone for a while. I have no desire to have a proper relationship right now but, Goddamnit, the need is not something that's not so easy to shake!
Silly_Girl Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Isn't it odd that for a lot of us it's the A partner with whom we've had the strongest sexual connection (and maybe other connections too)? I've always had quite a high libido, but moved from one long term relationship to the next for the last 15 years (I'm 32) but the relationship I had with xMM was the first in which I've thought, 'Oh my God! This is what it's supposed to be like!' I'm liking the suggestion that he may just have wakened me and I'll move to use that experience in my next relationship(s). Don't get me wrong, there are so many facets to that relationship that I miss, but the urge just gets me sometimes (like yesterday) and for the first time in my adult life I have no one to release it for me. It'll do me good, I guess: being alone for a while. I have no desire to have a proper relationship right now but, Goddamnit, the need is not something that's not so easy to shake! HH, how funny! I am completely the same, apart from a 6 month temp split, I've 'pretty much' gone from one to another. The thought of any guy other than xMM fills me with dread. But that's a good thing as it'll stop me falling in to anything. But yeah, there's those urges to ring him and say 'hey, how 'bout it?'.
Author Hazyhead Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 HH, how funny! I am completely the same, apart from a 6 month temp split, I've 'pretty much' gone from one to another. The thought of any guy other than xMM fills me with dread. But that's a good thing as it'll stop me falling in to anything. But yeah, there's those urges to ring him and say 'hey, how 'bout it?'. Totally... hmm... what are the chances they'd be willing to provide that service...
wheelwright Posted June 23, 2010 Posted June 23, 2010 Secrecy and illicitness do not turn me on at all. Maybe it was fun the first time, bow that I've BTDT it ain't no bag o' potato chips if you know what I mean. It is the emotional bonding, the unexplainable chemistry, the mind-blowing intimacy that make sex earth-shattering. I found that with MM and don't know if it is achievable twice in a lifetime. Thanks for saying how I feel. We felt. Sex is always bland compared. I wouldn't have known what you meant two years ago. I don't think I will get it again. Which makes getting over a whole new phenomenon.
Author Hazyhead Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 It makes me kinda sad that there are this many of us that don't think we will have that chemistry again. I am going to go with the philosophy that I now know what I want. The fact that it's not necessarily him that I miss but the way he made me feel makes me think it's totally possible for somebody else to do the same. And, hell, if experience makes us richer then it might be even better. That, I look forward to.
MorningCoffee Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 It makes me kinda sad that there are this many of us that don't think we will have that chemistry again. I am going to go with the philosophy that I now know what I want. The fact that it's not necessarily him that I miss but the way he made me feel makes me think it's totally possible for somebody else to do the same. And, hell, if experience makes us richer then it might be even better. That, I look forward to. This positive approach (bolded) is certainly more appealing than pessimism. I would offer, too, an oberservation I came across -- that the good feelings we experience with our most fulfilling partner(s) do not originate from the partner, but are in fact our own and arise from within us. From that idea, I concluded OK, as one is not likely ever to run out of a supply of emotions to feel, I know that feeling those wonderful feelings again is entirely possible even without that particular person. Meeting the right new partner to share with is just a matter of time and circumstance.
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