Author Lonestar Posted June 23, 2010 Author Posted June 23, 2010 I can't beleive how much wellbelieveit over does it. But I subscribe to the idea that hubby has a HUGE character flaw, one that negates his so called good qualities. Could I take that slapping silly? Sounds kinky:love: Sure, Gold Pile. I'll slap you silly anytime
jnsac23 Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 I know what the heck. We are here to help each other out and give advise that's all.
Art_Critic Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Hey Lonestar... I figured you could use a Dove Dark Chocolate.. here...take one ***Hugz***
whichwayisup Posted June 24, 2010 Posted June 24, 2010 Because she stated he's been pathologically lying to her for at least the past four years and her response up to now anyway has been to forgive him. Also cheating, etc. However he is a "good provider" and I'm sure has provided other benefits and therefore she has not previously had the impetus to make any real changes. However now it sounds like she's about ready to leave this co-dependent, dysfunctional relationship, which is the only solution. Individual therapy will help her do this, but it requires a major change in her own behavior pattern and thought process. This is reflected by the way lonestar describes her h despite his pathological lying: as a "good" husband and father. That's impossible. By definition someone who constantly lies to his wife/mother of his children for four years, causing her untold distress, is not "good." Therapy will help lonestar to deal with this cognitive dissonance: she did in fact not marry a "good" man, she married a "bad" man with some aspects that made it possible for her to justify staying in the relationship. That still does not make a bad man into a good man. In fact, pathological liars such as her h almost invariably have a lot worse skeletons in their closet then she is possibly aware of. Things he has done that are so bad/evil that he has compartmentalized successfully and kept from her, but would horrify her if she knew about them. There are some clues such as her suspicion that he has been cheating on her. Pathological liars do not change, and cannot be changed. There is absolutely nothing she can do to change his behavior at this time. All she can do is leave. Pathological lying is either an inherent personality characteristic, or a coping mechanism developed very early on in someone's life. Part of her hesitation in making necessary changes is no doubt, real fear of her h's reaction should she stay and attempt to impose consequences. Lonestar's h is a sociopath. Maybe he is superficially charming, many sociopaths are. Maybe there was a sexual attraction, ditto. We know he's a "good provider" so kaching. She has to leave. Her h is dangerous. W..T..F.. You've filled in the gaps without knowing the players behind the scenes and put your own personal spin on this. Assuming and making accusations..
Author Lonestar Posted June 24, 2010 Author Posted June 24, 2010 Thanks WWIU, Art, jnsac, and Gold Pile. This is kind of typical of LS anyway. There's always someone hanging around that fuels the fire, causes more pain. and thinks their view is the only view. I should have known better to make my problem public on the board and PMed you guys instead. I wasn't expecting to have my every word picked apart and twisted around. Guess wellbelieveit gets some joy out of it. I've read his/her/its other posts on LS and it seems there's a little bit of an anger problem there. Guess we know who's on my sh*tlist now I may laugh but once I stop my legs from wobbling over my current problem, I'll have some kicking around to do
Author Lonestar Posted June 25, 2010 Author Posted June 25, 2010 The fact that you would waste any time attacking me rather than focusing on the issues you are posting about is part of your problem. Have a nice life. Were you looking in the mirror when you typed that?
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