Pilona Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 So, I was journaling and I realized various things: 1. I have been dealing with the end of the relationship since the ex decided to stay with the other woman (yes I confirmed she is the OW through other means. Their thing started 2 weeks before he confessed the other ons's and seems to be already on the rocks). 2. I have not been dealing with the affair per se. We are simply not talking and I have no idea how else to deal with the infidelity aspect of it all. 3. Most stuff I find online is about repairing the marriage after the fact. I am not married and not at a point of patching things up. Do you guys have any suggestions, any books, articles, anything that helped you deal with the infidelity (regardless whether you stayed with your partner or not?), and with YOURSELF as the betrayed party? I have no interest in reading about how to patch things up. If someday sometime I have to make that decision, I will cross that bridge then. For now, I want to work on me, myself and I. Breakup books don't fully help bc, well, this was not really a breakup...more like a terrible implosion brought on by my ex's choices. Thanks for any suggestions and feedback. Pili
imagine Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Hi Pilona, I so wish that people would visit sites like marriage builders.com. They predictably show the pitfalls in marriage/relationships. Your past relationship sounds like that of a renter in the buyer, renter, freeloader relations. You may have thought that you were a buyer (and wanted permanency), but the relationship is two-way.
MizFit Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I'm not 100% sure what you're actually asking here. I am kind of assuming how to deal with the infidelity and leave the relationship? If that's the case...I guess my best advice is to do it. When I got the confirmation he'd cheated on me I left...it was difficult, but I did. I had a 3 year old and a demanding career so I had lots to focus on, but sometimes even that failed me. I remember one night I was hurting so much by what he did to me I cried and said 'I hate my life and I want to die'...at the top of the stairs came some little sobs. He was sitting there quietly after midnight listening to me cry. That was my catalyst to pull myself together. If I were you I don't think I could entertain the possibility of reconciling, but it's a personal choice. I hope I got the meaning of what you were asking and I hope you find all you're looking for.
Author Pilona Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Thanks for the responses! Imagine, I operated as a buyer and he swore he did too. In the end, he seemed more like a freeloader. That was part of what made all this so darn difficult. He duped me (yes he duped me because I set my boundaries, very clearly, from the beginning. he lied and lied) into thinking he was a buyer. Mizfit--That is EXACTLY what I mean. The relationship is over because I set my boundaries. I told him what I needed and he decided to stay with the other woman because she told him what he was doing was Ok (screwing other people on the side and masturbating compulsively). So that is that. The frustration is that all the stuff I find online is about rebuilding your relationship or talking with the partner extensively about what happened to heal and move on. I can't find much on how to deal and heal on my own, with me. How did YOU do it?
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