Lakeside_runner Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Let's put it that way - it's been established that you ladies do not like guys who are whiners, have a very 'soft look'. As I recall, most of you prefer a manly look - kind of an appearance of a strong and confident leader. The question is - is there something as a 'too tense'-look? The reason I am asking is, I have been told on several occasions by ladies that I come off as very intimidating in initial encounters. Friends tell me that I usually have this "I'm gonna break your spine"-look when I walk the hallways of our math department. Other people tell me that whenever they watch my Aikido, my face screams "I'm gonna eat you alive!". Now I am a very kind-hearted man, and the appearance has nothing to do what I think and what my actions are. I don't consider this as a problem or anything. I'm just curious what your (ladies) thoughts on that matter are?
norajane Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 If you stand around with your arms crossed like in your av, you do not look approachable. And if that comes across in social settings, yeah, there are women who might not want to get near you. It gives the stay-away impression, like you don't want to talk, and would be irritated if you were bothered. We're not looking for a fight, or a guy who looks for fights! We like guys with a sense of humor, and that's not apparent in your manner. At least based on your av, and what your colleagues/friends have said to you. Smiling probably changes your appearance considerably, so make sure you do plenty of that when you see or are talking to a woman you like.
Mr White Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Well, I'm not a woman, but I've got similar issue - the stern look and the intimidating demeanor, and it usually does not result in much flirting/success with the femininas. But, I never cared much about that, and certainly not now - my gf likes the sternness (but then again, she's more feminine than most.) So, I don't know. In general, as far as the mainstream goes, the intimidating vibe is a mixed blessing. Based on my experience, while it certainly won't make you the life of the party, relationships and friendships that get past that are usually more authentic. I guess it won't hurt'ya to try to be softer, but don't overdo it because it may look ridiculous. Imagine Robert DeNiro or Charles Bronson being all giggly, polite and entertaining . also, pierce bronsnan sucks.
ADF Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 You should wear an aikido shirt before you approach them. When they wince at what they percieve as your aggression, reassure them by pointing to your shirt and saying, No, look, I take aikido. It is the most useless martial art in the world."
Author Lakeside_runner Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 It gives the stay-away impression, like you don't want to talk, and would be irritated if you were bothered. We're not looking for a fight, or a guy who looks for fights! Yeah... see - I'm not that guy... Smiling probably changes your appearance considerably, so make sure you do plenty of that when you see or are talking to a woman you like. I am that guy once you get to know me...
Author Lakeside_runner Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Well, I'm not a woman, but I've got similar issue - the stern look and the intimidating demeanor, and it usually does not result in much flirting/success with the femininas. But, I never cared much about that, and certainly not now - my gf likes the sternness (but then again, she's more feminine than most.) So, I don't know. In general, as far as the mainstream goes, the intimidating vibe is a mixed blessing. Based on my experience, while it certainly won't make you the life of the party, relationships and friendships that get past that are usually more authentic. I guess it won't hurt'ya to try to be softer, but don't overdo it because it may look ridiculous. Imagine Robert DeNiro or Charles Bronson being all giggly, polite and entertaining . also, pierce bronsnan sucks. In terms of Bond-actors I'd be more of a Daniel Craig than anything... (talking only about behavioral patterns).
DadofTwoGirls Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Pee Wee Herman smiles all the time and laughs at himself:mad:
Author Lakeside_runner Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 You should wear an aikido shirt before you approach them. When they wince at what they percieve as your aggression, reassure them by pointing to your shirt and saying, No, look, I take aikido. It is the most useless martial art in the world." Yeah... my Aikido T-shirt says "GO AHEAD, GRAB MY WRIST!" on the front... and... let's not get into the discussion about the usefulness of different martial arts. These are always pointless All of the arts have their pros and cons... and all of them are equally useful/useless...
tincanman99 Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Women used to ask me all the time, whats wrong and why arent you smiling. I never realized that I wasnt smiling at all. You have to learn to retrain yourself to smile and show open body language, than you will be approachable and appear friendly.
Confusedalways Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I really like guys that give off a tough exterior but with me are all warm and fuzzy but anyway, I think initially it can be intimidating. Whenever I see these tense looking men I always want to tell them a joke . The problem is I don't know any jokes and I don't want to get beat up, so I don't do that. Some guys who give off that look really are jerks, so I don't like to leave it up to chance.
ADF Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Yeah... my Aikido T-shirt says "GO AHEAD, GRAB MY WRIST!" on the front... and... let's not get into the discussion about the usefulness of different martial arts. These are always pointless All of the arts have their pros and cons... and all of them are equally useful/useless... Yes, and isn't that amazing? Every martial art ever developed, by anyone in the world, at every time, in every place, under every set of cricumstances, is EXACTLY as good (or bad) as every other! It's a miracle, really.
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