IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Silk, if the relative and OW both have a lot of friends it could well be because they play these games like Farmville and Maffia wars where the more members who play that game increases your success. Its possible, if that is so that she never even knew, or is this someone she may have met before?
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Why oh why is it never possible that the OW is just plum crazy? no..not possible on LS... Do we really need to plant ideas that your H could be in contact with her?? She trusts him and that says alot after an A. so let it go.. She friended the relative because she knew if she had a connection..she could look at YOU and your H's pictures!! and keep tabs! Thanks, CA. It's funny, because you'd think there would be a little bit of assumption that I really do know my husband better than they do... but I think some people find it very important to defend the OW at all cost - and as a corollary "accuse" the BS of being stupid and the MM of being sneaky. Anyway - Could he have an affair again? Yes it could happen - I am sure that it won't - but it could. However - would he get involved again with this particular woman? There is zero possibility.
bittersweet memories Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Yes, I'm positive that's exactly what occurred. This relative has a habit of agreeing to "friend" requests. Both me and my H are facebook friends of this relative. If your husband has his FB set in private, there is no way this OW will have any access to his FB or what he has been up too. Unless he has it set on Friends of Friends could see his profile. Double check!
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Silk, if the relative and OW both have a lot of friends it could well be because they play these games like Farmville and Maffia wars where the more members who play that game increases your success. Its possible, if that is so that she never even knew, or is this someone she may have met before? Well, I got a little sneaky, too and checked out their friend lists. There are no matches. (I think I said that in my first post). There's pretty much zero possibility they've ever met in real life. They live in vastly different areas, different interests in life, different occupations, etc. I'd like to think it's just happenstance - and maybe it is. Doubtful, though.
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 If your husband has his FB set in private, there is no way this OW will have any access to his FB or what he has been up too. Unless he has it set on Friends of Friends could see his profile. Double check! We've done that now. We did (formerly) both have ours set to friends of friends...
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Silk, do they play any of the same games? Does your relative play any games? I added a friend of my sisters for a game and dies when she asked me how I knew the person. There are forum where you can request to be added. Do they both have large numbers of friends?
Jilly Bean Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Since we were separated when he had his affair - it was not quite the same as with most people. If you were separated, then I don't think their relationship would classify as an affair, right? I'm sounding all Ross Geller here - lol, but if you were apart, then I imagine you were both free to date. So, not sure why you even call her the OW and their relationship an affair.
CrayonAngel Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Silk, my point exactly. You know that you can't live your life thinking he is going to have another affair because that is just not living now is it? I admire you for that. ladies and gentleman...lets stop taking up for a complete stranger who slept with silk's H...that is what OW/OM forum is for...right? We all know about facebook stalking...it happens everyday.
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 If you were separated, then I don't think their relationship would classify as an affair, right? I'm sounding all Ross Geller here - lol, but if you were apart, then I imagine you were both free to date. So, not sure why you even call her the OW and their relationship an affair. I can't imagine that you're really all that interested... other than to imply that I'm somehow in the wrong in how I either do or did feel. If I told ALL of the details it would be TMI, but the long and short of it - she didn't know we were separated. She was an OW. We were married - our agreement was that neither of us were going to see other people. He broke the agreement unilaterally. I'm not exactly sure how or why this has anything at all to do with her apparently trying to keep tabs on him/me 6 years after it was over.
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Silk, do they play any of the same games? Does your relative play any games? I added a friend of my sisters for a game and dies when she asked me how I knew the person. There are forum where you can request to be added. Do they both have large numbers of friends? My relative has tons of friends, hundreds - the OW not so many - it was less than 25. I honestly don't know anything about games. I'll ask my relative if they play. Thanks for this - I hope it is just a game thing.
Jilly Bean Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I'm not exactly sure how or why this has anything at all to do with her apparently trying to keep tabs on him/me 6 years after it was over. It has a lot to do with it, actually. I think it's inappropriate for an OW to be stalking a former MM after it's over. But, if they merely dated, then there is nothing wrong with maintaining a distant acquaintance. I'm sure you're friendly with old loves, even if they are married, right? I know I am. I would just ask your relative to defriend her. Then she won't be able to see what you're up to, if that is even the bent here.
Snowflower Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Wow SK, so sorry you had to find this. I guess this is why they say affairs are the gift that keeps on giving. I don't have a lot of advice for you...I'm not the FB type and neither is my husband but hey, FB stalking happens a lot. It's definitely a troubling situation. It COULD be coincidence but more than likely not. Can you poke around on the relative's page to maybe find the connection? Maybe the connection was made between the xOW and your relative through a FB group or game? What does your H say about this? How does he feel? I agree that you know him and your situation best and it is most annoying when posters come out and openly accuse you/him of not knowing all the facts. But, what are his thoughts about the whole thing? Can he figure out the connection?
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 What does your H say about this? How does he feel? I agree that you know him and your situation best and it is most annoying when posters come out and openly accuse you/him of not knowing all the facts. But, what are his thoughts about the whole thing? Can he figure out the connection? Truly, I've never like facebook, but have we have accounts, as I said for easy family communications. My H is royally po'd. He figures (as do I) that she's probably been checking out our facebook pages on occasion - and probably requesting "friending" from some of our friends (I know that I get requests on occasion from people I don't know, but turn them down) - she just got lucky that one said yes.
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 But, if they merely dated, then there is nothing wrong with maintaining a distant acquaintance. I'm sure you're friendly with old loves, even if they are married, right? I know I am. . Jilly - this might be you - it's not me and it's not my husband, and to be totally honest, it's not anyone I know. Just for one more piece of information, since you seem so bent on this - she did want to remain friends with him - he said no. She wouldn't take the no and continued to harass him and me for an additional 2 years. We finally had to threaten her with police intervention. She has thrown rocks and eggs at our vehicles, sent my husband "I still love you cards" years later, etc. If you still want to maintain that this is undoubtedly an understandable situation, then please, just do it in your own head, because I'm done with the explanations. OK??
Snowflower Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Truly, I've never like facebook, but have we have accounts, as I said for easy family communications. My H is royally po'd. He figures (as do I) that she's probably been checking out our facebook pages on occasion - and probably requesting "friending" from some of our friends (I know that I get requests on occasion from people I don't know, but turn them down) - she just got lucky that one said yes. Thanks for 'splainin'! Well, good luck with it all. Just keep your settings private and the issue should resolve itself. Consider any other social networking accounts you might have (LinkedIn, MySpace, Twitter, etc) and take precautions on those sites, as well. She sounds nutty. Just be vigilant but hopefully this will go away.
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Thanks for 'splainin'! Well, good luck with it all. Just keep your settings private and the issue should resolve itself. Consider any other social networking accounts you might have (LinkedIn, MySpace, Twitter, etc) and take precautions on those sites, as well. She sounds nutty. Just be vigilant but hopefully this will go away. Thanks - just facebook - that's bad enough!! I appreciate the thoughts. I was fairly astonished that this happened, and REALLY upset about it for awhile, but now I'm pretty much over the upset. Like Spark said - good happy pictures of us. I think I'll send my relative a truckload!!!
MizFit Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 My exHs W, who was his OW 20 years ago, evidently checks mine out via one of her sisters account. I haven't figured out why, but that's fine...as far as my MM and his W...no interest in it. I'm not even sure what they have it set for, so not a clue if I could...we have several common friends as well. I agree with the poster who said FB is a nightmare to keep your privacy settings consistent because they are always changing things. I also had a situation recently where someone I had blocked (mini stalker) change the email on his account and opened him right up to be able to normal...that didn't impress me.
Fight4Me Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 silktricks, I understand this is no laughing matter, but I couldn't help but chuckle how you have a "real live one" on your hands, especially after the scenario you described just a couple of posts ago. The first thing that came to mind was Fez's crazy gf from That 70's Show. What I'd be really curious about is when your relative befriended her. If it was recently, then that's just beyond creepy, but hopefully it was a while ago and the OW (and yes, she IS one) abandoned her own account when she didn't see your marriage imploding before her eyes on the WWW. By the way, as a general rule, I always assume that people have fake accounts, so I keep my settings extremely locked up tight because my friends and family on there may not be so vigilant themselves. Take care and keep safe. Maybe even let your relative know that the person in question has displayed disturbing behavior and that she would be wise to delete and block her to be on the safe side. No reason to explain how that behavior came about, but if she's that loose of a cannon, you don't want her having access to anyone you know. If she inquires, you could just say that you can't say more as it would compromise a friend's privacy on the matter. Since your fWH is your friend, then it's entirely truthful.
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 silktricks, I understand this is no laughing matter, but I couldn't help but chuckle how you have a "real live one" on your hands, especially after the scenario you described just a couple of posts ago. The first thing that came to mind was Fez's crazy gf from That 70's Show. What I'd be really curious about is when your relative befriended her. If it was recently, then that's just beyond creepy, but hopefully it was a while ago and the OW (and yes, she IS one) abandoned her own account when she didn't see your marriage imploding before her eyes on the WWW. By the way, as a general rule, I always assume that people have fake accounts, so I keep my settings extremely locked up tight because my friends and family on there may not be so vigilant themselves. Take care and keep safe. Maybe even let your relative know that the person in question has displayed disturbing behavior and that she would be wise to delete and block her to be on the safe side. No reason to explain how that behavior came about, but if she's that loose of a cannon, you don't want her having access to anyone you know. If she inquires, you could just say that you can't say more as it would compromise a friend's privacy on the matter. Since your fWH is your friend, then it's entirely truthful. It is beyond creepy - as it was just last week... Good point about the fake accounts, and from here on out my settings will be locked down (at least until facebook changes the default again - I've got to admit that site is beginning to p*ss me off.. ) And I do like your idea of saying something simple to my relative. I'll talk it over with my hubby and see what he thinks.
Adunaphel Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I am sorry that you have to deal with this facebook issues, I know I'd be very upset. I really like the advice of telling something to your relative. You could ask who she is and once your relative confirms that she is no actual friend proceed to explain that she had a crush on your H or something similar (enough information to justify the request of deleting her from his contacts but not enough to make the relative curious to the point he might ask former OW something).
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