silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 So, I just checked out the facebook page of a very close relative of mine. (Not my husband, a relative by blood). It's been 6 YEARS since the end of the affair between the OW and my H. S-I-X Y-E-A-R-S!!!!! There is NO reason she would have ANY contact with this particular relative. They live many many states apart, and I verified they have NO mutual friends. The ONLY way she could have had any knowledge of this person is through my husband and my facebook sites, as we both have this person in our friends lists. Guess who is friended..... What's worse - well not really worse - but frustrating - is that I cannot ask the relative about it without talking about the whole sordid and OVER mess. I can only rage here. Well, I also raged at my husband.... She is one screwed up woman is all I can say. Yes, I have now made EVERYTHING on my facebook site private, and so has my husband, but it seems this horse has already left the barn. :mad:
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Thanks - I've thought of just canceling my account altogether, but it's a method we use to keep in touch with other members of our rather far-flung family - so I really don't want to if I can avoid it. I know that part of the problem is my own in that I most assuredly was not careful enough about privacy settings - but facebook seems to change them so whimsically that it can be difficult to make sure you've got them set right (so I guess I don't want to take all the blame)... I guess I also just couldn't believe that it was still going to be a problem!!
Jilly Bean Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Or, maybe during the course of her affair, she was genuinely friendly with this relative. I wouldn't think most people randomly add people they don't know. It's most probable the relative and the OW have a relationship.
califnan Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 There's lots of randomness on there ... People with 800 more or less friends? Is there a possibility that she asked the relative to be a friend, the relative didn't know her, but put her on .. So then she thought it may be easier to keep track of your spouse on Facebook - if your spouse is a part of the relative's friends?
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Or, maybe during the course of her affair, she was genuinely friendly with this relative. I wouldn't think most people randomly add people they don't know. It's most probable the relative and the OW have a relationship. Nope - that's not possible. I happen to know this relative really really well. They were not aware of what occurred AT ALL - and they have NEVER met.
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 There's lots of randomness on there ... People with 800 more or less friends? Is there a possibility that she asked the relative to be a friend, the relative didn't know her, but put her on .. So then she thought it may be easier to keep track of your spouse on Facebook - if your spouse is a part of the relative's friends? Yes, I'm positive that's exactly what occurred. This relative has a habit of agreeing to "friend" requests. Both me and my H are facebook friends of this relative.
MorningCoffee Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 I believe you and your H's FB page can be set to "block" the OW. This will accomplish your goal - closing off that avenue of cyber-stalking - without having to talk to the clueless relative.
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Thanks - I'll check that out. And will do it I guess though that the truth is - what I was really upset about was that 6 years later she's still hung up... and I cannot block that. As blindsided says - she apparently has serious issues.
2sunny Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 i hate to say it - bit are you sure he hasn't had contact with her? also, IF she friended the relative - and the relative has even settings to allow viewing friend -of - friends... then she's been watching you both all along. i keep all my settings extremely tight and even used the setting for "unsearchable" if someone IS looking for me. the search engines show it as a contact even if someone googles your name - but this setting eliminates that. i think i'd want to know HOW she found the relative - does your H have any idea? did she know the relatives full name and where they lived? i'd definitely want tons more answers! ask hubby.
2sunny Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Yes, I'm positive that's exactly what occurred. This relative has a habit of agreeing to "friend" requests. Both me and my H are facebook friends of this relative. you are making assumptions... i'd want more evidence that H hasn't had any form of contact over the course of the six years. at times - contact starts back up when they know we've long ago let our guard down. believe me, i know, it's frustrating.
whichwayisup Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Both you and your H block the OW and she'll never see anything about you or your H on your relatives page. It'll be like you two don't exist.
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 you are making assumptions... i'd want more evidence that H hasn't had any form of contact over the course of the six years. at times - contact starts back up when they know we've long ago let our guard down. believe me, i know, it's frustrating. Well, really, no, I'm not making assumptions. I know - absolutely - that she has not had any form of contact with my hubby over the six years. Thanks for your consideration, though.
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Both you and your H block the OW and she'll never see anything about you or your H on your relatives page. It'll be like you two don't exist. Yeah, that's what we've done. It's really agravating, though. I am soooo fed up with her and her problems.
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 i hate to say it - bit are you sure he hasn't had contact with her? also, IF she friended the relative - and the relative has even settings to allow viewing friend -of - friends... then she's been watching you both all along. i keep all my settings extremely tight and even used the setting for "unsearchable" if someone IS looking for me. the search engines show it as a contact even if someone googles your name - but this setting eliminates that. i think i'd want to know HOW she found the relative - does your H have any idea? did she know the relatives full name and where they lived? i'd definitely want tons more answers! ask hubby. I'm pretty much positive that she found the relative by way of checking out my hubby and my sites. We had both let down our guard over time - and relaxed our vigilance - figuring that she was over it as much as we were - unfortunately, not the case. This relative, though a lovely person, is trusting to a really ridiculous degree. Anyway, the relative has a habit of friending anyone who asks...
PortuguesePrincess80 Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Why not simply send your relative a message on facebook.asking if they can kindly remove so and so from their friends list as they have caused your family a LOT of problems????
Spark1111 Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Or, silk....If living well is the best revenge, put up tons of happy pics and call it a day.:)
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Or, silk....If living well is the best revenge, put up tons of happy pics and call it a day.:) I like this. I don't actually want to DO anything (though we both did make our facebook sites very private). If I DO anything more than that - like writing the relative about it - then she has a reaction. In my opinion (and I suppose I could be wrong) in addition to wanting to keep track of us (most especially my H, of course) I think she wants a reaction. There are some happy pictures of us she has (almost undoubtedly) seen on our sites and our relative also has some posted. So, I/we're just going to let it go - but I was/am glad that I could vent here
Hazyhead Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Hi Silk. I might be way off with this, but aside from using it to try to keep tabs on the two of you, could she also be hoping that your husband check her out? Not that I'm saying he would want; but in her mind it could be similar to when you've broken up with someone and after a while you bump into them, made up that it was when you were looking your best. But, for her it holds more danger because she isn't over him. What's her picture like, by the way? I just don't think you've heard the last of this yet. Otherwise, why would she bother?
Jilly Bean Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Well, really, no, I'm not making assumptions. I know - absolutely - that she has not had any form of contact with my hubby over the six years. Thanks for your consideration, though. Curious. Did you know about his affair the moment it started? If not, then you have to concede this man is capable of deceiving you, and has a history of doing just that. I agree with Sunny. You just can't be sure. And relatives will cover for each other when having affairs. I'm not proud of it (though I'd do it again), but my cousin had an affair on his wife early in their marriage. Because he and I are close, and he is my blood, I definitely covered for him and never outted the affair. I know you'd like to think you know for sure, but sadly, when dealing with cheaters, you really can never tell what they're up to because of their proven ability to lie and deceive. But, since you're personally convinced of his renewed fidelity (which is all that counts and what you should go with), then just let it go and move on with your marriage, and forget about this woman. I'd just be careful about anything you post on the relatives page from now on... I think the way FB works is that if someone tags you in a pic, then a friend can look at ALL of your pics, even if they're not a friend nor allowed.
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Hi Silk. I might be way off with this, but aside from using it to try to keep tabs on the two of you, could she also be hoping that your husband check her out? Not that I'm saying he would want; but in her mind it could be similar to when you've broken up with someone and after a while you bump into them, made up that it was when you were looking your best. But, for her it holds more danger because she isn't over him. What's her picture like, by the way? I just don't think you've heard the last of this yet. Otherwise, why would she bother? Yeah - I can see that. It was a very nice picture of her. So, I could understand that possibly she was/is thinking that. It does kinda show how little she really knew/understood the man, though. My husband said one day that he wished we would run into her. He said everything would become crystal clear to her - beyond a doubt. I think he's deluded personally, as the letter he wrote her was pretty crystal clear and that was 4 years ago. I think that some people just believe what they want to believe. Period. And she's one of 'em. At least she doesn't come by the house anymore.....
TinaniT Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 my husband and my facebook sites, as we both have this person in our friends lists. Wait... Why??? And why would she friend the relative just to keep tabs on you if you've apparently kept a connection to her all this time anyhow?
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 Wait... Why??? And why would she friend the relative just to keep tabs on you if you've apparently kept a connection to her all this time anyhow? We didn't have the OW in our facebooks - we had the the relative.
TinaniT Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 We didn't have the OW in our facebooks - we had the the relative. Ohhhhhhhhh okay. I thought you were saying the OW was on your facebook page and found the relative that way (Friends can see other friends, but not strangers) at least I know that's how I have it set) That is less confusing.
Author silktricks Posted June 22, 2010 Author Posted June 22, 2010 (edited) Curious. Did you know about his affair the moment it started? If not, then you have to concede this man is capable of deceiving you, and has a history of doing just that. I agree with Sunny. You just can't be sure. And relatives will cover for each other when having affairs. I'm not proud of it (though I'd do it again), but my cousin had an affair on his wife early in their marriage. Because he and I are close, and he is my blood, I definitely covered for him and never outted the affair. . Since we were separated when he had his affair - it was not quite the same as with most people. Yes, I can be quite sure. And you don't know this relative, I do, and it's my relative, who is much closer to me than to my husband. No way - no how. Edited June 22, 2010 by silktricks
CrayonAngel Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 Why oh why is it never possible that the OW is just plum crazy? no..not possible on LS... Do we really need to plant ideas that your H could be in contact with her?? She trusts him and that says alot after an A. so let it go.. She friended the relative because she knew if she had a connection..she could look at YOU and your H's pictures!! and keep tabs!
Recommended Posts