littlelisa30 Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 I am trying to come to terms with how quickly my life has changed. Three weeks ago I had a husband who loved me, a life that I was perfectly happy with, plans to buy a new house, plans to go to the beach this summer for vacation, a 4th of July party to prepare for, my husband's birthday coming up next month, lots of outdoor summer activities of interests we share. Life was full and good and I was excited and looking forward to summer. Now I sit here alone (not really alone but I feel totally alone) and I have NOTHING to look forward to. I feel like I have this huge calender and it just filled with endless days of white blank pages. That my not-so-distant future is filled with nothingness. It is scary and I can't get out of this funk. The only thing I seem to enjoy doing is going through my stuff and throwing things away. Everything- clothes that I used to keep in case I wanted to wear them again, stuff my husband gave me, books I've read, things I used to collect. It feels good. It is soothing, sort of like I'm purging my old life. I feel more attractive now, the breakup diet caused me to lose eight pounds and I'm back to the weight I was when we got married. (I'd gotten a llittle too comfortable and wasn't exercising regularly so my pants were a little too tight) so I have that to feel good about. I've started exercising again (whenever I"m stressed I jump on the treadmill or hop on the exercise bike). I'm gone out with friends, reconnected with old friends, visited family etc. I've tried to go to alot of the places I think will be triggers for me( places we enjoyed together) so I can desensitize myself to them and they won't have an effect on me. So far I can now go to the grocery store, certain restaurants, the park etc without breaking down. But every time I think it is getting easier, I have a dream about him or I find something of his, or a memory of just a few weeks ago just hits me and I start crying. I should be dehydrated from all the tears i've shed! I don't even enjoy doing anything I used to (up until a few weeks ago I volunteered at an animal shelter and I used to love it (it is no kill) but now its just depressing seeing all those poor homeless animals. I can't take it. My husband and I used to love to go fishing and boating and camping. I can't do any of that anymore. It wouldn't be the same. We were supposed to go to a rodeo this weekend- I can't even go with friends. Afraid I might run into him there. His truck looks like about one in ten on the road. I see it everywhere (even when its not him) Drives me crazy. My stomach drops out from under me each time I glimpse what could be his truck. I have to fight the urge to contact him a million times a day. It seems I can go two days without hearing from him or having some type of contact then I get anxious. I miss him SO much. not the guy he is now but the guy I was in love with. I miss his body, my body physically ACHES for his. I fantasize about having sex with him. (because it was so GOOD). The thought of sleeping with anyone else just discusts me. I did a dumb thing and went on an online dating site (just to look) and I couldn't find ONE guy I was attracted to. Not one. My husband isn't a god in the looks department or anything but he was in shape, very tan, and had an adorable sexy smile. I feel like I will NEVER find anyone that makes me feel the way he used. That I will have chemistry with like I had with him. Becasue even after six years together, he could just touch my arm and it would send heat throughout my body. He could just have his hand on the button of his jeans or be unbuckling his belt (after work) and I'd want to jump on him. There is no one else in this world that I was closer to than him. I told him things I don't even tell my closest girlfriends. We could talk about anything. I know I am only thinking of the good things and there are bad ones as well and my mind is probably blocking those out. I know its only been two weeks but how does one move on? I know I HAVE to, have no choice in the matter. I just don't know how to stop crying.
Username37 Posted June 21, 2010 Posted June 21, 2010 Keep posting on this website. I got dumped 6 weeks ago and I'm feeling better because of all the kind responses and people at Love Shack. There's a topic on this board that's titled "post here instead of contacting your ex" and it REALLY helps. I got stuff off my chest and it helped me realize that my ex is a whore and all of that haha Good luck to you
BiAxident Posted June 22, 2010 Posted June 22, 2010 My dear, two weeks is not nearly enough time to recover emotionally from the loss of a husband. Above all else, to move on when honest emotion is involved requires time, lots of time. I'm sorry to hear that this has occured during summer, as it sounds like you really love the outdoors. I remember when I got dumped two years ago how much the Summer sucked, and now this Summer is posed to go the same way! But, to answer your question, try to focus on the man that he is now, not the man whom you fell in love with. That, and focus on yourself! Losing a little bit of weight probably felt great. Keep exercising even if you are happy with your weight, exercise for the neuro-chemical benefits of it, exercise because it can be a social activity. Consider engaging in other activities that will keep your brain busy and occupied. Can't go camping because it reminds you of him? Try reading a book in a park on a Sunny day, you'll still be outside, and the sunlight may make you feel better. Personally, playing an instrument helped a LOT. Perhaps painting or writting or learning an instrument is a good idea?
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