by his Behaviour!!

[MathsTeacher]

Hi Everyone I am not so much looking for advice here but for opinion on a situation that is driving me mad.

 

I was seeing a man for about 3 months, we were not a couple but we were exclusive...however I am not 100% sure he knew I wasnt seeing anybody else.

 

We spent 3 - 4 nights together for the first 5 weeks and became very close; we met each others families, went away for few days, had sleep overs basically behaved like a couple. After that work commitments meant we could see each other as mush so it went to 1 - 2 nights a week but we were in constant contact 2 to 3 times a day vie text, calling or facebook chat. I would say 80% of all dates, communication etc was initiated by him.

 

We were both very open with other and he spoke about how he was a bit mixed up - he had a bad breakup 7 months before he met me were he walked away from everything they had built up together and spent 6 months living in one room in a house share. Just as we met he started to rent his own place which he was making his own.

 

As a result of the split he lost a lot of friends so as we met he was spending anytime with hos family and his best friend who is a 40 year old woman (we are both 27). He did tell me that he and this woman very nearly became a couple shortly after he split with hos girlfriend but nothing came of it, however he has continued to spend time with her (to be honest I have never had any reason to be concerned about her whilst he was seeing me). His only other friends are a group of married couples who he had only seen twice in 3 months and both times I was with him.

 

So a month ago we were texting and he said he had a really bad day and it was to long to text. I texted back that he could call if he wanted and if not I would let him chill out and speak to him the day after. He didnt respond and then I didnt hear from him for 4 days. I had sent a few messages in the mean time asking if he was ok and then left a voicemail - he replied apologising for lack of contact and said we would speak soona s he was having a bad time at work. I was reasonable about this and said sorry for bugging him and that I was just worried about him etc. I left him for nearly a week with no contact then sent a message saying I hoped he was ok and things were getting sorted and that if he felt upto to it I had a week off work if he wanted to meet up - I didnt get a response. I then left it another week and sent him an email asking what was going on - I wasnt arsey but was straight to the point. He didnt respond for a week and then he responded telling me he had gone off on a holiday (he had posted this on facebook about an hour earlier so i already knew!) to see the 40 yearolds god children - he was friendly with them but I dont know if he went with his friend. Told me not to worry about him and then asked how I was. I ignored this as it was late on when i read the message. He then spent an hour talking with my sister on facebook chat the next day and messaged me to tell me he had spoken to her and asked how my family were.

 

I responded at this point, politley answeres his questions but didnt continue the conversation as I was quite annoyed with him. I didnt hear anything forom him for a week and then had to ask for some things I had left at his house, I texted and asked him to drop them in my porch - he responded staright away with 'of course I will. How are you? xxxx' I said I was ok and asked if he was ready to explain his dissappearing act (maybe should have) to which repsonded staright away again with 'Nope I just needed to get away xxx' So I basically just said that he could have just told me but I was glad he was ok. He didnt respond and then sent me a silly joke through an hour later.

 

Fast forward to Sat and he droped my stuff off. I texted him thanks and he again tried to start a conversation with me, I was feeling brave and just asked out right if we were going to be seeing each other again. He responded with 'Well we sure havnt seen each other for a while I know that much. So how was your week? xxx' I just responded by telling him he hasnt answered my question which he ignored!!

 

I am just so confused by his behaviour, if he is not into me then fair enough but why the hell keep tryimg to talk to me and why dissappear mid conversation??? Despite his behaviour he is a decent guy and I know he wouldnt deliberatley hurt anybody.....I am not even sure what I want from him but he has really gotten under my skin and am just so confused by it all.

 

I came out of a long term relationship a year ago and was with the guy from being 17 so I really dont have any experience with guys what so ever!!

 

Any insights would be greatly appreciated, feel free to be as blunt as you want to

[marsle85]

You have signaled that you're concerned/interested.

 

You have shown this interest.

 

Any further contact will seem desperate and unappealing to him.

 

Leave it be. He WILL come back to you if he wants to.

 

When he initiates contact/swings by- be polite, sweet, sexy... but let him do the majority of the work.

 

Sucks, but at this point, you have to protect yourself.